side note: alternating POVS and long chap

wooyoung san

a smile displayed on his pretty features, san skipped carelessly through the corridors in search of jeongin, humming a little tune to himself.

since waking up encircled in wooyoung's arms, his bare chest pressed against the smooth skin of his back, he'd been lighter on his feet, the smile coming more easily to his face.

one thing he hadn't explained to his boyfriend was the words he had spoken before their night; about not knowing whether or not he was a virgin.

now, you may be thinking, 'san, what kind of a person doesn't know if they're a virgin?'

or, 'how can you not know?'

but let's be clear here when he says it wasn't his fault. he couldn't remember because of that one night so long ago that was an inky blur, too much alcohol and a spiked drink combined with his own carelessness.

okay, so maybe it was kind of his fault, but he san didn't choose to have a stranger slip something into the already cheap and dodgy drink he had.

he didn't want to wake up naked in a a bed he didn't recognise, alone with a pounding head and no recollection of any events past taking his tenth sip.

but that all happened long enough ago for him to accept that he lived in a shitty world with perverted shitty people, and was able to move on well enough.

not to mention he was pretty positive that wooyoung was good enough in bed to account for anything san may or may not have encountered in the past.

"jeongin!" he called out in a singsong voice, still searching for his younger friend.

sighing when he received no answer, san pulled out his phone and kept walking, eyes on the screen and not looking where he was going.

unfortunately karma retaliated quickly, and he bumped into someone on his way.

looking up momentarily, he apologised sincerely and stepped to the side, but the person kept their head down, continuing in their way and not paying any attention to him nor his apology.

rude. he scoffed internally, eyes following the haunched figure as they hastily made their exit.

shrugging, san kept walking, but when he looked back down at his phone, there was a gleaming notification poised illicitly for him to see, begging to be opened.

1 unread message
open?

the number was unknown, and not one he had seen before. curiously, san slowed his pace, examining the screen forebodingly for a moment.

yes no

sceptical of what he was about to a see, he unknowingly held his breath as the message loaded.

[video attached]
✔️sent 10:19am

jeongin

the small tawny haired male bit his nails apprehensively, eyes darting around his phone screen guiltily, still regretting most of his previous unthought out ignorant actions.

if he could take them back, jeongin probably would.

the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt san, an important friend to him who he was eternally grateful for.

yet the hurting the of the poor clueless boy was sort of inevitable. no matter what jeongin did, actions would have to come to light one way or the other.

he had to believe that. jeongin held onto that mindset as tightly as he could, because without that nagging belief, everything would be his fault.

and if everything was his fault, then he would be solely responsible for screwing up a relationship, as well as breaking san's heart and on top of that probably losing hyunjin in the process.

but jeongin didn't feel anything remotely close to sympathy for wooyoung.

the boy was a manipulative liar, and jeongin firmly believed that if he truly loved san, he would have told him the truth ages ago.

when they met again for the first time, preferably. instead, jeongin had to watch, appalled, as events played out exactly to wooyoung's liking.

with san falling head over heels for him, and the culprit keeping his mouth zipped throughout mutilating his new victim's friendships and acting like he was the only thing san needed in his life. toxic, if you asked jeongin. (of course, the younger didn't know half of what was really going on between the two, but you had to understand where he was coming from.)

however, something indescribable tugged at his heart strings. as much as he hated the older male, no part of jeongin wanted that video sent to san.

of course, it was too late for that now. but if he could there in time, to explain-

he had to find san.

what became then was a race, a race to find the boy who no one had the heart to hurt, first.

jeongin sprinted out of the bunker that everyone called a room, phone in hand and blindly rushing out into the halls, no longer caring about avoiding the bombs that were everyone else. he decided he may as well risk his neck (not literally) if it meant he could save san the pain it would cause him to learn the truth in that way.

maybe he hadn't opened the video. god, jeongin hoped he hadn't. if he could just get there fast enough-

maybe the truth could come out more gently, instead of as cruelly as the sender intended it to be.

out of air, jeongin paused coincidently next to the bathroom san had just run into, hands on his knees as he closed his eyes for a moment and tried to cool the burning of his lungs, his breaths coming out in short ragged bursts.

while he caught his breath, a door slammed somewhere on the inside that made jeongin jump, and he peered hesitantly into the previously cream walled male lavatory, now dirtied by careless unkept teenagers.

san

the trembling boy put down the toilet seat and sat atop it distraughtly, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face in them to muffle his sobs.

san's chest racked with how silent tears, but the salty water wouldn't stop.

they ran ceaselessly, like a river down his cheeks, spilling relentlessly despite his best efforts to make it stop.

he had endured more than his fair share of pain in life, and should be accustomed to such events, so he hated himself extensively for being so weak, stupidly helpless, such an immature crybaby.

he could almost laugh at his own idiocy. the idea that someone would be truthful and open with him? hilarious. that someone could love him? utterly ludicrous. and how dare he stoop even lower, and believe that anyone would want someone as damaged and undesirable as himself? pathetic.

stupid him for not listening to his friends. he should have.

fuck him and his stupid feelings for falling in love.

before he could do something really spontaneously idiotically painful to himself, a soft voice sounded on the other side of the door.

"san? are you in there?

it was jeongin.

san's shoulders sagged in relief at a familiar friendly appearance, but drew his knees tighter toward himself in hopes of not being discovered.

but he desperately needed a friend right now.

"...no." he let out feebly, voice cracking as he sniffled a little.

wiping his eyes with his sweater paws, san did his best to dry tear stained cheeks, unprepared for his younger friend to see him so vulnerable.

"oh god," jeongin let out quietly, realisation lacing his voice. "are you okay?"

"why wouldn't i be?" san laughed halfheartedly, the words sounding just as unbelievable as they were.

"you've seen it, then." came the defeated reply.

the words registered with san slowly, and before jeongin could curse himself for what he just said, it was realisations turn to hit san like some kind of war cannon, reverberating through his body and piercing what was left of his soul. and he stopped crying.

"you know?" he answered after a moment, voice hard and now quivering with anger. "you knew?"

"wait, san-" the younger pleaded, facepalming his filterless mouth. he had one job, and he ruined it.

"please leave." san managed, shutting his eyes very tightly in hopes that it was all a terrible nightmare. please, i'm begging you. can i wake up now?

but it wasn't a dream. it was all real. and upon not hearing jeongin's footsteps, something in san just broke, and he couldn't take being lied to any more.

"LEAVE!" he repeated more forcefully, the word solid and bouncing off the bathroom walls, penetrating his aching head and shocking the two who heard it.

"o-okay," jeongin murmured almost inaudible. "i'll get hyunjin."

san didn't bother replying. he just closed his eyes and waited.

"san?" a pause. "i'm sorry."

the door could be heard shutting gently as jeongin made his exit.

so am i. san thought bitterly with a small, short laugh that was more of a choke.

wooyoung

the boy was losing his mind, unable to find neither san nor jeongin, no clarification of the situation as yet.

san had been the one in the dark for so long, but now those lights switched on, and instead pushed wooyoung into a dreadful blackness.

he himself had no idea what the exact contents of the video were, all he knew was when and where it had been taken. and the consequences of not telling san sooner.

hyunjin, similarly oblivious to what in hell was going on, remained by wooyoung's panicked side, wordlessly following around his friend who aimlessly searched for someone who didn't want to be found.

"are you going to tell me what's going on?" the other ventured, wooyoung not halting his fast pace.

"i fucked up." he explained as honestly as he could, time not being on his side.

before his friend could ask how, the two were met with a teary jeongin, hiccuping defeatedly and also somewhat in a rush.

"jeongin?" hyunjin questioned, grabbing the youngest's shoulders to stop them from colliding.

the smaller boy shook his head, pointing down the hall. "he's in the bathroom." his voice cracked. "h-he won't speak to me."

hyunjin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, torn between who to go to, but wooyoung was already moving, his heart desperate to lead him to the boy it yearned for.

"san!?" he let out shakily, voice an octave too high.

in answer, a cubicle door was pushed open abruptly, the train wreck of a boy stepping out to meet his fate.

done with breaking apart, san met wooyoung's unceasingly darting eyes with hard emotionless ones, jaw set.

wooyoung's breaking was only just beginning, though, the first trigger being san's red, swollen eyes and tearstained cheeks, his fists clenched, phone held in one tightly and his raven hair a scruffy mess.

"do you know what this is?" san commanded, gesturing sharply to the phone with a jerk of his head.

hesitating, wooyoung took a step forward, hand reaching out instinctively to brush the other's wet cheek gently.

san didn't push him away, but what wooyoung mistook for an indication of welcoming was really the allowing of one last bittersweet touch he selfishly wanted to savour.

"maybe i can refresh your memory." san went on, each word dripping with venom, bite after bite into wooyoung's heart as it's pieces began to fall.

wooyoung attempted a weak shake of his head, pointless in the end as san confidently whipped out the phone and grabbed wooyoung's hand, placing it in his outstretched palm.

as if wooyoung the puppet and san the puppeteer pulling his strings, the taller opened the most recent text message received and forced the helpless boy to look at it.

"play it." san irked, fighting back a fresh bout of tears.

one singular drop trickled from wooyoung's eye, however, and dripped onto the screen as he obeyed silently.

he knew what was coming, yet couldn't tear his gaze away from the unravelling picture beginning to move.

within the low quality footage could be seen a careless teenage boy, devastatingly familiar as he laughed obnoxiously, his bright lilac hair tussling in a breeze.

the grainy face smirked, and spoke meaningless words to those around him.

"i don't believe in love," the younger version of himself recited. "all i believe in is a good fuck. i don't mind pretending about the feelings and shit, but in the end all that matters is their body."

and it got worse. two boys, clearly a couple, rather young at the time and arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, exchanged a look before saying, "we know that. you're probably not even capable of loving someone. but while you're here, drunk and high off your ass, we want you to prove it. joong, you're filming, right? good, he won't remember much of this. go spike that cute green haired guy's drink,"

the present wooyoung with faded purple hair and more than a change of heart couldn't breathe. couldn't look at san.

"and fuck him real good. don't call him back in the morning. leave. and if you see him again... pretend you don't know him."

"deal." fuzzy pixilated iphone6 wooyoung snarled. "he's a nobody anyway. good for nothing twink. he's nothing to me."

and the video cut, the screen now black.

as soon as it ended, wooyoung felt a few more tears spring from his closed eyes. and san, having gone through the torture of hearing it all again, glared unsympathetically at the speechless male defiantly, thrusting his chin out in demand of explanation.

"i-" wooyoung struggled for words, anything, anything to explain, anything to fix this- and found nothing.

"at least i know who took my virginity, huh?" he cut in impatiently, voice trembling again. "maybe i was nothing to you." san stepped aside, bumping wooyoung as he went, who was frozen.

he wanted to move, to stop him, to scream out- but for some he couldn't  breathe, couldn't think-

"but you sure were something to me." he finished sadly, and left.

it was too late. wooyoung was too late, and the only movement he made was to fall to his knees, as he felt his heart give in, and shatter.

and it was all his fault.

-
oh my my my

(you either thought of bts or troye sivan and i'm the latter kind of person.)

also stream face by woosung or istg i'll never update again

(edit: when i wrote this face was just released but dumb WIFI- and ofc i'll update but tHE rOsE aRE sOMe oF mY uLts aND DAMN MY BIAS SNAPPED)

xxx