wooyoung san

later that afternoon, when they had all exited the cooling water, refreshed and pushing each other around, it was time to meet back with the staff to find out their rooms as well as do a head count to make sure no one had run off.

wooyoung walked a few feet behind him, muttering under his breath as he attempted to wring the water out of his soaked shirt, attracting gaping stares to his bare torso and the salty droplets cascading down it.

san just rolled his eyes with a playful smile, walking shoulder to shoulder with hyunjin, both of them casually striding topless , their shirts around their necks like towels as they allowed themselves to relish in the lessening sunlight.

jeongin walked beside hyunjin, desperately trying to evade the boy who was trying to get him wet, intending to remain dry.

"is anyone missing?" asked a teacher, peering round all their faces.

a chorus of 'no's' sounded after briefly scouting the gathered students, as everyone appeared to be present.

"good." the woman sighed, hands on her hips. "this may cause ruckus, so everyone please shut up while i read out the rooms."

everyone quieted down, hands clasped in anticipation as they gazed up at her expectantly. reading from a clipboard, the teacher adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat, reading out the first room.

"room 1; kang yeosang, park seonghwa and lee seoho." san covered his mouth to muffle a laugh, his friend's jaw dropping to the floor as he began to protest but was shushed by minho who he seemed to have a mutual agreement with.

a few more rooms were read out with no one of significance to san, and he played with the hem of hyunjin's sweater that the boy conveniently slipped on to cover himself up.

"room 4; jung wooyoung, lee felix and shin hoseok." his ears perked up at he mention of his boyfriend's name, his hands stilling when he heard the rest of the names.

quickly checking for their reactions, san bit his lip as wooyoung flexed a muscle in his jaw and crossed his arms, felix oppositely widening his eyes with worry. wonho remained indifferent, looking mildly annoyed at the mention of his real name, simply shrugging and throwing a lingering stare on wooyoung that turned san's stomach.

"room 5; lee minho, song mingi and lee keonhee." the first two boys just exchanged a brief grateful glance, the last in question receiving a sympathetic pat from seoho.

"room 6; hwang hyunjin, jung yunho, and.." a wavering stare at jeongin, calculating where the boy originally planned for that room would go. "yang jeongin."

more names were read out, the dread only growing in san's stomach as the name of each person he could tolerate slowly disappeared until there were barely any left.

and finally, "room 11; choi san, seo changbin and chae hyungwon"

the dread crept over him like an icy chill, numbing his brain. in that frozen state his mind offered him only one thought. hyungwon.

there was no avoiding him. san was like an ignorant lamb being herded into a truck for the slaughter house, only the lamb didn't know where it was going, and he did.

his knees weakened, memories of that night flashing in his mind, quickening his unsteady breath and drowning reality away, like he was drunk again.

images resurfaced in his memory, as well as sensations of unwelcome dirty touches on his skin, causing san to shudder and swallow his nausea. like any good nightmare, it didn't matter where he ran, because the memories kept coming all the same.

the thoughts were accelerating within his head. he wanted them to slow so he could breathe but they wouldn't. san's breaths came in gasps and he felt like he would black out, his heart hammering inside his chest like it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin.

just as the room began spinning and he was all but ready to fall to his knees and crumple in a foetal position, his hands over his ears and hugging himself as small as he could so long as he could disappear, there was a hand in his own.

wooyoung.

just as soon as it had begun, the panic attack resided, his breathing slowing steadily as he became more aware of reality and who brought him back to it.

the boy beside him stood defensively, protecting him with the subtle angle of his body, stroking san's wrist reassuringly, the callouses of his thumb drawing even circles over his cool skin.

as if the other was his oxygen supply, san managed to exhale heavily, leaning on wooyoung for support and gratefully clinging to his arm, terrified his anchor might be taken away.

"it's okay." wooyoung murmured quietly in his ear, his breath hushed and warm against the shell. "shh. we'll figure something out. i won't let you stay in a room with that asshole."

san blinked vigorously, hanging onto the soothing words as the rest of the noises around them came clear once more. no one seemed to have noticed his state nor how quickly wooyoung appeared at his side, all too busy complaining about their arrangements or trying to swap rooms with others.

"that's that. no complaining, let's all go put our things down before we have a bonfire on the beach with some dinner." the teacher announced, gesturing for everyone to follow her.

wooyoung didn't leave san's side, grasping his hand tightly while his face took on a hard mask of stony intimidation towards anyone looking their way, shooting daggers at a smirking hyungwon as if daring him to try walk their way.

thankfully, the pink haired male seemed to smart enough to steer clear of the pair, instead chatting up another dark haired boy who must've been seo changbin. but the shorter kept subtly pushing him away, unwilling to get to know the infamous boy he'd landed up in a room with.

"it's okay." wooyoung repeated softly, his quiet fuming anger probably caused by the reminder of what he'd walked in on and prevented all those weeks ago.

the words were perhaps an assurance to him as well, a reminder that it was in fact, okay, and san was no longer in danger.

in the hostel, they were all told to leave their belongings in the main lounge, the teacher stating they could find their rooms after dinner.

that extended the gap before san would have to face hyungwon again, but also increased his wariness as that just gave more time for something to go wrong.

···

"try not to think about it." hyunjin advised him, keeping san company after wooyoung reluctantly left him to fetch them both food.

"so many people have switched rooms. there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to," his friend went on, rubbing his hands together in front of the flames, "especially with a boyfriend willing to fight."

"i don't want him to fight anyone." san stuck his lower lip out, raising big eyes and speaking for the first time in a while.

the two were huddled in front of the bonfire, perhaps too close, but at least escaping the attention and company of everyone else who were too busy eating, laughing and enjoying themselves on the beach.

his gaze fell on the crackling sticks, watching little sparks jump about on the charred wood, the dancing orange flames stark against the inky blackness of night upon the star-lit beach, illuminated by the moonlight.

"the universe really hates me." san sighed glumly, glittering fire reflecting in his unblinking dark eyes.

"don't be like that," hyunjin nudged him playfully, drawing an arm around his shoulders. "if that were true you wouldn't have me."

"lucky me." san rolled his eyes, but nestled against the other's shoulder to hide his smile.

on the other side of the fire, jeongin was sitting alone, staring deeply into the flames without seeming to notice or mind his solitude, a stony expression darkening his young features.

shadows cast over jeongin by the bonfire, rippling over his unchanging face and creating an approachable aura around the boy that was very un-jeongin like.

"go talk to him." san finally stated, noticing hyunjin had been staring at the boy for quite some time. "he looks sad."

the boy next to him let loose a wistful sigh, transfixed by the younger. "no, he just looks beautiful."

"okay, that's it, lover boy." san grumbled, scooching out of hyunjin's grasp and pushing him in jeongin's direction. "i can't stand your pining anymore. go."

since he didn't really have a choice, hyunjin finally obliged, shuffling over awkwardly before sitting down next to the startled younger and stretching his legs out comfortably to hide his nervousness.

san flashed him a thumbs up, smiling to himself when his two friends tried to start a conversation with the other at the same time and ended up blushing messes.

"playing matchmaker?" wooyoung questioned, hand on his shoulder to steady san who jumped in surprise at his sudden appearance.

he handed him the chicken skewers, sitting down behind san and pulling him into his lap.

san relaxed when he felt his back pressed gently against wooyoung's clothed torso, letting loose a sound of satisfaction when the chicken touched his mouth.

the lilac haired male wound his arms loosely around san's middle, back hugging him as he slid his chin onto the raven haired's shoulder smoothly, fitting into the space perfectly.

they watched the clueless pair opposite them simultaneously, each thinking very different things neither of them could guess.

san offered the other some of the juicy chicken, waving the skewer by his mouth and gesturing for the other to open it.

as soon as wooyoung finished chewing, san grinned and mumbled, "indirect kiss."

his boyfriend breathed a short laugh that tickled san's neck, causing goosebumps to appear along his spine at the sensation.

his arms tightened slightly around him, as if desperate not to let go. "i hated it." wooyoung began quietly.

"hated what?" san replied, tilting his head to rest on the other's purple locks.

"seeing you like that. knowing exactly what was going through your mind and- remembering that day and how i should've saved you sooner. i hated that i was the only one who could help you in that moment, which meant that you probably suffered alone so many times with no one to bring you back." his heart clenched at the words.

"i want to be there for you. always." wooyoung finished, san unknowing of the tears welling in the other's eyes.

"and all i want is for you to be there for me always, too."

the shorter pressed a short kiss to the top of his shoulder, unspoken words between them heard loud enough for san to be satisfied that there was time enough to truly speak them.

and yes, maybe it was true that these lovingly exchanged words might seem very far away sooner than the two could imagine, forgotten and replaced by old lies brought to light, twisted and discarded by hurt and betrayal -

but for now they could remain ignorant and believe that the other meant exactly what he said, and only fall deeper in what as teenagers who knew little of the word, believed to be, well, love.

(although in spite of all they had been through neither of them were brave enough to say it just yet.)

-

i hate this chapter because i had to rewrite it after wattpad deleted it 2 weeks ago and i'm not sure if it even makes sense-

sorry for the wait bbs, i'm done with excuses, i'm still ill but well enough to make use of my time off school by writing new chaps.

buckle in your seatbelts because this is probably the second to last chapter before everything goes to shit :)

ilyilyilyily

xxx