Memories

Serena's pov ♤

Dear diary,

November 18th, 1985

It's been a few weeks since I've found out Matt now goes to the same school as me. Luckily I haven't seen him at all. I've continued seeing the schools counselor, and I think that to some degree it's helping. I'm not sure how much, but I've been able to open up to her which is nice.

She's been helping me deal with everything. And from that I've actually been able to live life a little bit more. I found my old sewing machine from when I was younger. So I started making this dress for Dani to wear, though I'm not sure when it'll be finished. Definitely not in time for homecoming though.

I think about calling Iris sometimes. Though I think I'd do more harm than good to her. I can't help but feel that I make things worse for her. Every time I show up everyone else around me starts to fall. So I've really just been by myself to stop that. Because like why should I make everyone else's life worse just by being in it? I don't know I guess that's just been where my heads at. I don't want to ruin others lives just because mine sucks.

I just feel like every time I re-enter someone's life...I bring back bad memories for them. Which I guess I'm mostly talking about Iris. I don't know it just seems like every time I want to see her again, I fuck everything up with her. I really wish we were us at a different time. And I know the reason I always leave her confused is because I'm so terrified of my dad, and what would happen if he found out about us. Which I know really isn't an excuse because I could stop all of it from happening if I just stayed away.

But there's something about her, you know? Something I can't help but always come back. Which oddly really sucks for her. And I guess it sucks for me too because I really do l̶o̶v̶e̶ like her. I shouldn't have written in pen...hopefully she never sees this. I gotta go give Iris her birthday present now.

Well I guess I'll come back to this later. Actually we'll see if I even remember to come back or not.

Love -
Serena

——————

I took the notebook and slid it under my bed before getting up and heading over to my draws. I pulled out a long skirt that had a pattern on it, then some pantyhose's, and a red sweater to go with it. Todays pretty chilly outside. I go over my hair with a straightener and apply some makeup before grabbing the bag that had all things I bought her in it. I got her Pop Rocks, Bottle Caps, Ring Pops, and tickets to The Smiths 1986 concert. I know how much she loves them and has been wanting to see them for the longest time. I bought her a few other small things and made a scrap book page of us at the beach earlier this year.

At the top of the page, in bright teal letters, it said 'Summer of '85" and then had photos we had taken over the time we spent together. And then just a mix tape of a few songs that remind me of her.

I checked making sure everything was in there before heading downstairs. My brother and his wife had to decide to come down for the week so they're sitting in the living room. Well Catherine is sitting down while Charlie goes back and forth from the kitchen getting her everything she wants.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asks taking a break from going back into the living room.

"It's Iris' birthday so I'm dropping off a gift to her," I tell him as he stands there looking out of breath. "You ok?"

"I'm great!" he sarcastically replied with a smile on his face. "I swear she asks for something new every five seconds," he says making chocolate milk for her.

"Well she is growing a whole other human in her uterus. Which I bet you is extremely painful," I remind him jokingly.

"Yeah I guess you're right. Well have fun," he says before running off to the living room. I throw my shoes one before heading out the door to my car. The wind is cold which makes me want to get into my car even faster than I am.

Right as I get in I turn on the heat and set the bag in the passengers seat. I pulled on my seatbelt before pulling out of the driveway. I turned on the radio as I made the drive to her house. I couldn't help but feel anxious, and I don't know why. It's not weird for me to come over and see her, but maybe it is now after everything that went down?

The drive wasn't very long as I got there in under 25 minutes. I parked in the road right outside her house and saw balloons at the front of their porch. I walked through the screened in porch up to her door, then knocking on it and waiting for someone to answer.

It didn't take long for someone to come and open the door. When it was opened her mom was standing there, "Serena! Sorry for having you wait so long you're probably cold!" she told me rushing me inside. I let out a small laugh before seeing the home filled with her family and Robin, Dani, and the girl that was here last time.

I saw Iris out of the corner of my eye so I made my
way over to her. "Hi, can I talk to you?" I asked her in a quiet voice. She agreed and we went back to her room making sure no one saw as it's a rule she must stay out of her room on her birthday.

"So what'd you wanna talk about?" she asked sitting down on her bed.

"Well not really talk, but I brought you a gift and wanted to see you open it before I have to leave," I say handing her the large gift bag.

"You're not staying?" she asked looking up at me with a sad tone.

"I can't. I don't wanna ruin your big day," I tell her truthfully and she just looks up at my with concern. "See I'm already worrying you so just open the gift," I say with a chipper tone excited for her to see what I got.

"Fine, fine," she says with a small laugh taking the gift from my hands.

"Save the card for last," I tell her as she looks through everything I got her. She thanks me about 100 times for the stuff she had seen beside the card.

And then it was time for the big present. She picked up the card from the bottom and carefully opened and it wasn't long before she was jumping up to give me a hug. "Holy shit! Holy shit!" she practicality yelled at me while bouncing up and down and hugging me. "Thank you so much!" she said squeezing me tighter. "You're literally the best person ever Serena," she said stepping back from me and smiling down at the tickets.

"I knew you'd love it. And you can use the second ticket for whoever you want," I tell her with a smile on my face just happy she's happy.

"You're kidding? You're going with me," she told me moving her eyes from the tickets to me. "God I love you so much," she said in a hushed tone, but it was loud enough that I heard. Once she realized what she said her eyes shot up to mine with panic setting in. "Shit Im sorry I didn't mean to say that...it just kinda slipped out," she tells me picking at her nail polish.

"So you don't?" I ask a little confused. "Cause I still have feelings for you," I tell her but mentally I'm upset with myself because I know in the end it'll never work out.

"You do?" she asks surprised.

"Yes of course? I thought it was kinda obvious...I don't think I'll ever get over you. You don't know the effect you have on people," I tell her.

"Can I kiss you?" she asks quiet. I turn to her door locking it to make sure no one walks in like that other time. I nod my head as she steps closing placing her lips on mine. I can taste the apple juice she had been drinking earlier and her hair smells of flowers.

I rest my hand against her cheek as she places one of her hands on the back of waist. And for once everything in the world is nice and has color to it again. We stay like this for a while. But we know we must go back to everyone else. Iris is the first to let go and as she does I see the smile across her lips and the one growing across mine as well.

"Well I'll see you later," I tell her before unlocking the door.

"I really like you Serena," she tells me again.

"I love you too," I say reminding her of what she had said earlier. And it's true, I really do love her. It's nothing like I've ever felt before. When I'm with her everything and everyone just disappears.

a/n:

i missed them ok....

anyways have a great day/night/afternoon!!! love uu <3

- a