Chapter 29

Carmen had returned to her room and taken a very long and hot shower to cover her tears. She hadn't expected to see Will, but she had hoped to be able to find out where he was, and now she knew. She should be glad at how the entire situation had worked out in the end. The meddling women, Laura included, had saved her a lot of embarrassment.

At least this way it had looked as if she hadn't necessarily been there for him. If she had gone to all of the trouble to track him down he would have known the truth. That she had fallen for him. It was probably something he was used to so he would recognize the signs, and a woman tracking him down when he didn't want to be found screamed desperate.

She had never been desperate for a man, and she wasn't going to start now. Wrapping herself in the hotel bathrobe, she fell on the bed and fell into a fitful sleep. She dreamed that she kept screaming at Will to turn around and see her but he wouldn't because he couldn't hear her.

When she awoke she was crying and there was a knocking on her door. Looking at the clock she saw it was after ten, which meant that it was probably Laura or Davis checking on her. She wiped her tears as best she could before opening the door, leaving the slide lock in place for protection.

Her eyes grew wide when she saw Will peering down at her through the small opening.

"You've been crying Carmen, why?"

She shook her head in denial, and Will gave her a tender smile. "May I come in?"

She thought about it for a moment, weighing all of the consequences, before she nodded and closed the door before opening it wide so he could enter. She turned her back to him and wiped her face once more then tightened the belt on her robe.

"Why are you crying?" he asked again as he closed the door behind him. His concern only made her want to cry more.

"I had a bad dream, that's all," she assured him as she motioned for the table and chairs that were as far away from the bed as she could get. He followed her lead and took a chair, waiting to sit until after she had.

"What was the dream about?"

"It doesn't matter."

"If it made you cry it matters," he insisted.

"I don't remember."

"Yes, you do, please tell me." His eyes wandered over her face. A gentle Will was so hard to resist.

"Why did you leave?" she asked softly.

He didn't get mad at her dumb question, she knew it was dumb as soon as she asked it. He seemed to understand it though, where it was coming from.

"The obvious answer is because you told me to and you're a stubborn woman. If I hadn't of left you would have."

"What's the less obvious answer."

"Because if I had stayed I would have hurt you." There was so much pain in his eyes, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him it was alright, but she couldn't. Not yet. This was the first time that they were talking honestly and they needed to have the discussion.

"Because you would have left eventually." She nodded. Everyone left eventually.

"No-" His voice broke on the word and he had to clear his throat. "I would have destroyed you because I wouldn't have been able to leave."

Carmen felt her heart start to pound at his words. It wasn't quite a declaration of love but it was close. She licked her lips and he followed the movement with his eyes as the silence between them grew heavy.

"What was your dream about Carmen?" he asked once more.

"You."

He waited patiently for her to continue. "You're all I seem to dream about. Sometimes they're happy dreams, sometimes they're sad." She shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"This one was sad?"

She nodded and started to cry once more. "I was yelling at you but you couldn't hear me or wouldn't hear me."

"What were you yelling at me about, did I leave the toilet seat up or something?"

Carmen smiled half-heartedly at his joke. "No, I was trying to get you to see the real me, not the person you think I am."

"I do see the real you Carmen. You're beautiful, strong, and kind, but since you think I don't, why don't you tell me what I'm not seeing."

She shook her head, he would be disgusted.

"I've shared with you Carmen. Do you know how hard it was for me to share how much y – your photo has meant to me. I've never told anyone that story, no one. I never could."

Carmen took a deep breath that was shaky. He was right, she owed him that much. She stood up, tightening the belt on her robe once more before she began to pace while collecting her thoughts, and once the words started coming she couldn't stop them.

She told him about her early childhood and how she was lucky to have survived it, and as she got older things only got worse. Her mother would bring her 'friends' home, and as she started to mature they started to notice, and her mother started to get jealous, until she started to get greedy. It had been a constant fight to keep her innocence. Eventually, she had to give it up for safety. She had chosen the biggest and toughest guy on the block, told herself she loved him so that she could live with herself, and used him as protection, knowing he had been using her for his own reasons. This had set a pattern in her life that she had been unable to escape until she was independent enough not to need a man.

She had found a man to protect her from her mother's friends, she had found a man to take her in when she was living on the streets, and she had found a man who had promised her fame and wealth. They had each served their purpose and when she was done with them she walked away without a backward glance.

"I'm no different?" Will insisted. The words stung but she understood why he had said them. "You only needed me to keep you safe from danger. I did that, so you can let me go Carmen."

She shook her head emphatically, knowing she couldn't. The tears were coming fast and furious now and she couldn't keep up with them so she kept her back to him. "No," she choked on the word through her tears.

"How do you know Carmen? Tell me how I'm different?" His hands were suddenly on her shoulders as he spun her around.

"Because none of them have ever made me cry before. In fact, I never cried before I met you." She sobbed and he pulled her into his arms holding her close and it was like coming home.

She stopped crying and buried her face in his chest inhaling his scent as she took deep shaky breaths. "I get it Will. I know you don't want me, I'm used goods, but I want you so much it hurts."

She felt him tremble and he pushed her away from him. "I can't do this Carmen. I still think of you as I did before, you're an amazing woman. I respect what you had to do to survive. I get it, believe me, if you knew half of the stuff I had to do to survive you wouldn't doubt it." He moved towards the door.

He was going to leave she was going to lose her chance.

"Please." The simple word made him stop in his tracks. "Just one night Will. What's one night? I get it, you don't want long term but one night isn't long term. It's only one night, one memory to keep us warm on lonely nights."

She had always promised herself she would never beg anyone for anything. Ashamed of herself, she turned away from him waiting for him to leave. She wouldn't ask again. She closed her eyes waiting to hear the door close. When she didn't hear anything, she turned to look at him and he looked almost desperate.

"Dammit! I should be the one begging you." He moved towards her and took her in his arms, kissing her hard as she fell against him. Eventually, he pushed her away and shook her a little. "I'm not worth it Carmen. I'm not worth the tears."

Carmen felt his lips on hers again and silently disagreed as she was swept into his arms once more.

When his shirt came off she ran her hands over his scarred back and felt him freeze. She felt him pulling away from her and she walked behind him looking at the damage that was done to his flesh. They looked like long jagged knife marks, as if someone had tried to peel his flesh off in strips. She had seen enough knife wounds to know what one looked like. She let her fingers trace the hurt flesh and her lips followed her fingers, as if she could kiss the pain away.

It didn't matter, none of it mattered as long as they were in each other's arms. She knew it, but she had to convince him of it. He pulled away once more and he turned to look at her, she felt his walls go backup.

"I have a knife wound; would you like to see it?" She would pull page out of his book and try to lighten the mood a little. Try to win him back anyway she could.

She watched his jaw tense, as if he was going to deny that her knife wound could possibly compare to his. She unbelted her robe and dropped it, watching his look change from pure stubbornness, to shock, to appreciation, and then to desire as his eyes raked over her body.

"Look, it's little compared to yours." She held up her finger where the knife wound was, but his eyes didn't leave her body. "You're not paying attention Will."

"I'm paying attention to the important bits." He ground out, still angry.

"Fine, I'll show you later." She moved back into his arms.

"Has anyone told you that you don't fight fair Honey?"

Her heart swelled at the nick name.

"Yes, I never fight fair when I want to win as badly as I do right now."

"You didn't win Honey, I did, and I'm finally going to get my taste. I promised I would."

Her only response was to kiss him.

*******

When she woke up she was alone in her bed, and he was gone, and there was no note or explanation. She had said only one night, but how could he actually leave after a night like the one they had shared? He was supposed to know better, but she wasn't sad, she was mad. Mad enough to start planning her revenge.

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