2015

I had just graduated high school and now I'm on my way to college. Completely unprepared. No one told me how stressful and hard college would be. So, a semester in and I did whatever any sane person would do. I dabbled with drugs. Now I know addiction runs in my family, but hey if I really need it, one time won't hurt.

Kyle. A staple in my college career. He was going for education and now in 2020, he's a porn star. That's besides the point. A drug dealer with a lot of smarts. I would even call him a genius truthfully. He always knew what he was doing. He would always get his payment somehow.

So, let me take you to the first moment I ever thought about taking drugs.

Kyle and I were hanging out at the bus stop at like two am. I was sitting on the bench and he was leaning against the inside window. We were just talking. I told him I was so so stressed. I didn't know what I was doing or even if I wanted to be doing whatever it was I was doing. I said I needed to be focused and stress free with more energy.

"Ever try crystal meth?" He asked.

I gave him a weird look, "I don't think I'll ever try that."

He pulled an orange pill bottle out of his pocket and tossed it to me, "first bottle's free."

"What is this?"

"Adderall or as we like to call it, Addy."

I didn't really think anything of it, just went back to my dorm. Where my roommate was passed out and I went right onto my laptop.

Next few days went by and I swear to God I was having a mental breakdown. I couldn't keep up. I didn't know what I was doing. I needed help. So, I turned to the bottle, something I use to do a lot. I just stared at these pills for an hour before deciding to take one. I couldn't tell you when it kicked in, but that first high, I felt incredible. Impossible. So much strength and focus and ideas. And everything just came to me. Everything felt like I was in control. Me. I felt sane for once. No pressure, no fears, nothing bad. Just focus and happiness for once. I didn't want it to end. I finished all my homework and some future homework that night. I still had energy so I took a shower, then went for a jog at ten pm in fall weather, in shorts.

But then the high ended. And felt like shit. No energy, back at square one but worse. I told myself I would never take drugs before class, but that day I felt so bad and wanted that feeling of high again. I took one pill before English 1. I was bouncing off the walls, answering every question that anyone had to ask. The professor knew something was up, but didn't bother to ask. I bet he didn't care.

That night, still full of energy, my English class was at night, I saw the crew. Kyle, Tanner, Andy, Jake, background character number one and two. Truthfully I never remembered their names. Tanner and I hated each other, it's funny now, but back then no way. Andy and I didn't really have a relationship and Jake and I hooked up with occasionally. We had a fight club to relieve stress. So, yeah just beat the shit out of each other. I actually broke Jake's nose so badly that mommy and daddy had to buy him a new nose. Oh by the way, these guys except Kyle are all rich kids and in high school at this time. 

That's where I'm going to end it. Everyone I ever talked to knew something was up but again never said anything. I think these guys cared, but hey I was enjoying my life for once. Why ruin it?