Prithi smiled widely at the camera, and in her smoothest TV host voice said, "Welcome to the first — and hopefully last — season of So You Want to Marry a Princess, where we'll try to find a spouse for Princess Naomi. I'm your host, Prithi. If I look familiar, you probably know me as the host of the National Baking Contest, which is decidedly not romantic or even romance-adjacent. More about that later. But first, I'd like to introduce the woman who needs no introduction, so why am I wasting my time? Princess Naomi!"

Seated next to her, the princess gave the viewers a more demure smile. "Thanks, Prithi. I'm happy to be here."

"As far as I know, this is the first reality dating-style competition to win a princess' hand, but competitions to select a spouse are fairly common in your family."

"That's right. The heir — in this case my older sister — usually has a diplomatic marriage arranged, with the goal of making an important alliance. The younger siblings' marriages are arranged for the entertainment of the people. Quests are common, but I don't fancy making the decision by sending my suitors away. I want to interact with them, so a dating competition felt like the best approach for me."

"Your great aunt chose her spouse through a spelling bee, or so I've heard."

Naomi laughed. "Yes, Aunt Lusinda was deeply upset about the spelling error on her birth certificate, and it became something of an obsession."

Prithi toned down the smile, adopting her more serious voice. "Tell us what you're looking for in a spouse."

"It really comes down to a combination of the qualities I want in a best friend plus a romantic spark. There needs to be chemistry."

Prithi raised a brow. "As I recall, chemistry was a subject you struggled with in school."

A look of annoyance flashed across Naomi's face. "I wasn't the only one who failed chemistry."

"Oh, and we've hit the first royal dig at me. That brings us back to the question viewers have been asking ever since this competition was announced: why am I hosting a dating show? The fact is, the princess and I met in school ages ago. How long has it been, Naomi?"

"Since I was young enough to think that Prithi and pretty were the coolest, most original rhyme in the history of poetry."

"And our producers are telling me that officially qualifies as knowing each other forever. Now, tell us how your suitors were selected."

"My mother, my father, and my older sister each selected four people they thought I would like. We also contacted two of the major dating apps, and they used their algorithms to select who they believe are the best candidates."

"Didn't you get to choose anyone?"

"I chose you."

"And I'm glad to be along as you make this momentous life decision. Let the games begin!"

The cameras stopped recording and Naomi walked away.

Prithi followed her. "What's with the failing chemistry comment? I aced every science course I took."

"You didn't recognize chemistry when it was happening right in front of you," Naomi snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

Naomi shook her head. "Never mind."

###

For the first piece of the competition all of the suitors took a ballroom dancing lesson. Then Naomi arrived with an entourage of friends and royals for a formal dance.

Prithi cringed as she watched suitors flop around like dead fish. No one fell over, although there was one close call, but there was no connection, no feeling. Finally she yelled, "Enough, already! I haven't seen such a sorry display of awkwardness since I was a tween at my first school dance." She shoved away the suitor who still held Naomi's hand. "Like this," she said. Prithi pulled Naomi into the proper dance hold, took a few steps, and then dipped Naomi, looking deeply into her eyes.

Those amazing, rich brown eyes. Eyes you could get lost in.

A wolf whistle sounded from somewhere on the dance floor.

Prithi pulled Naomi back up and glared at the suitors. "In the name of all that's holy, put some romance into it. I'm just the host, and I'm outshining the lot of you."

###

The viewers loved it, with the most liked comments saying that Naomi had more chemistry with the host than with any of the suitors.

Prithi listened in shock as the producers instructed her to play up that angle. "But we were just fooling around," she objected. "It wasn't real."

One of the producers shook her head at Prithi. "Of course it isn't real. We call it reality television, but what people want is fantasy. They're tuning in for entertainment, for engaging banter, for chemistry that makes them need a cold shower. That's what you gave them, and that's what will keep them tuning in. Eventually the suitors should create their own sparks with Naomi, but in the meantime we need you to fill the gap."

And the producers were right. Naomi had never been someone who immediately opened up to people, but eventually the sparks emerged. After the first three episodes there was visible chemistry with several suitors.

It annoyed Prithi beyond all reason, and she tried to argue herself out of it. The whole point was for Naomi to find chemistry with the remaining suitors. That meant the competition was succeeding. That meant Naomi would find love and be happy. That's what Prithi wanted for her old friend, right?

But late at night, when Prithi tossed and turned in her bed, she thought back to Naomi's accusation about failing chemistry. Had there been chemistry between them at school, chemistry that Prithi had failed to notice?

###

Prithi, Naomi, and the three remaining suitors sat on artfully staged benches. It looked like they were in an idyllic park, rather than an indoor studio.

Derek was a cuddly teddy bear of a man, a schoolteacher with a gleam of mischief in his eyes and a smile for everyone. Viewers adored him. Half wanted to marry him, and the other half wanted to adopt him.

Adeola was a former model who now worked at a foundation that supported trans youth. The most beautiful of the suitors, she was sophisticated while also being highly relatable, and viewers loved the stories she told about pranking her younger brothers.

Hazel, who'd chosen the name because they believed their large hazel eyes were their best feature, was the smartest of the bunch. They were finishing a PhD in astrophysics, and had an endless supply of dirty jokes that were constantly being bleeped out. Hazel had been the first suitor for whom a fan site had been created, devoted to filling in the blanks in the bleeped jokes.

According to the producers, Naomi had made her choice, and Prithi still had no idea who it was.

"And here we are, at the end of our journey," Prithi said. She could do the host smile and smooth voice on autopilot. "Naomi, you said you wanted to buck tradition and announce your decision to the full group, rather than talking to each suitor one-on-one. We're all eagerly awaiting your decision, and we all know what that means."

"Yes," Naomi confirmed. "I'm going to ramble on about how wonderful each of you are and make the viewers suffer a little longer."

It amazed Prithi how happy and relaxed the suitors looked. She'd expected them to be a bundle of nerves. Had they been into the champagne already?

"Derek," Naomi said, "you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Before we were even halfway through the competition, I knew that you were deeply in love, with the kind of devotion that could never be shaken."

Derek put his hands over his heart. "It's true," he agreed.

Naomi turned her attention to the next suitor. "Adeola, you're so insightful that it's almost scary. Only a handful of episodes in, you pulled me aside and said you could tell I'd already made my decision. I honestly didn't think I had. I believed I was leaning in one direction but that I was still open to being swayed. But you were right, not just about the state of my heart, but also about who I'd given my heart to. The fact that you never told anyone proves you are the true, lifelong friend I hoped to find."

"BFFs," Adeola said.

"And Hazel, I don't know how I would have managed the stress of this competition without you. You have a gift for putting me at ease, and I can't think of anything more delightful than spending the night stargazing with you. The truth is, you were one of my favorites from the beginning. But then I realized that you were falling for Derek."

"Harder and faster than a shooting star," Hazel confirmed.

Prithi's eyes widened. Was this turning into a love triangle? Or was Naomi going to propose a throuple?

"I kept you and Derek in the competition for the sheer joy of watching you fall in love with each other. It inspired me to follow my own heart, even if it meant going in an unexpected direction." Naomi held her hand out to Adeola. "Are you ready?"

"Take it away, sweetheart." Adeola handed Naomi a set of rings, and then pressed a button on her phone.

The song "Pretty Woman" filled the air, a song Prithi had heard many, many times as a teenager. Naomi loved that song, playing it on repeat while they studied.

Naomi walked over to Prithi, and then kneeled in front of her. "Prithi, I told you from day one that you were the one I chose. Will you marry me?"

Prithi lost all of her professional TV host poise. With tears streaming down her face she said, "Yes, damn it. Give me that ring! I am going to show you chemistry like you won't believe. I aced chemistry!"

"Took you long enough." Naomi stood up and kissed her bride.