My journey feels odd as I walk to the metro, a strange emptiness overwhelming me. For some reason I miss Justin's dark cloud of self-deprecating humor. I miss him walking next to me, staring at the ground but everyone in a while, looking up at me with those stormy eyes that can somehow ease my mind. That somehow makes this mess a little better.

Instead, all I get is a cold sense of someone watching me, someone blaming me. Your fault, your fault, your fault.

Trying my best to force those unnerving thoughts away, I march down the steps into the metro station, seeing Justin sitting on a bench in front of a train. Justin has his knees against his chest, staring out at the gross maroon tiles. As if he somehow senses my presence in the thinning sea of people, he turns his head towards me, eyes shadowed in the dim lighting. I bound over to him, relief at no longer in solitude overwhelming me. I grab his wrist to pull him off the bench. "Hey."

He yelps, pushing my embrace away and clutching his hand. He glares at me, eyes watery. I hadn't squeezed that hard, had I? I push away the thoughts, clearing my mind until pleasantly blank. I've been pushing my thoughts further and further away lately.

Justin walks towards the metro that just stopped in front of us, the metal creaking like a sinking boat.

I follow him as he wanders down the aisle, inspecting each plastic bench warily. He finally deems one worthy and sits down, leaning against the window. I watch him watch the darkness as the metro begins to zoom down the path, lights flickering. After a while, he looks at me, grey eyes searching my face. He stares at me for a long time before looking away, tugging at his hair. He does that a lot. I find myself watching the way he scratches at his arm, going between pulling at his sleeve to his curls. Strange. "How's Griffin?" I ask, trying to make conversation.

He flinches, hands pausing on his forearm. Justin begins jiggling his leg, bouncing up and down. Up and down. "He's uhm, he's doing well. Satisfied."

He rubs at his arm again. Dark circles shadow his eyes, his lips pursed as he blinks rapidly. Why the hell would he say satisfied?

I try to run the possible reason why he would choose such wording, I come up empty over and over again. I guess that's what makes him an enigma. You don't solve a puzzle after you pick up a piece, you have to find where it goes first. Unfortunately, I never know what to do with that piece.

I take a stab in the dark, "Wanna come over today? My mom might actually make food for once," I laugh weakly. It'll probably be another frozen lasagna, "and we haven't hung out in forever."

He nods, eyes darting up and down the aisles, thinking for a minute. His hand scratches at his arm a little faster now. "Uhm... Okay. Yeah. Yeah that's good."

"Sweet," I grin at him, unable to look away from his pale features.

His lips chapped, dehydrated, he looks as if he hasn't eaten in a while. Still, he has nice, full lips. I find myself staring at them. I try to pull my eyes away. I can't.

Justin frowns at me, "What are you doing?"

I jump, "Nothing. Just thinking about the good old days. Playing video games in your basement and stuff."

His eyes light up for a brief moment but the spark dies just as quickly as it appeared. "Yeah well, those days are gone. We've got the rest of our lives to worry about. And uhm, college. We have college to think about. And... the future in general. If it's, you know, worth all the hype."

My heart does a little double take at the word college. Another person to bring it up. I half expect him to launch into how disappointed it is that I still have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. I sigh, rubbing my face. Part of me thinks I'll be stuck trying to work out the mystery of Justin Ivanov for the rest of my life.

I don't know if that's such a bad thing...

I hear someone walking along the aisle and glance up, thoughts drifting away again. Griffin stalks up like a prowling lion, glaring at me before hugging Justin. "Hey babe," he says to Justin who groans at the pet name.

"Hey, Griffin," he says, tugging a lock of his hair.

Griffin pushes me to the side, squishing himself between Justin and me. The bastard. He laughs, kissing Justin who struggles to pull away. "Please don't do that in public. I uhm, thought I asked you that before."

Chuckling, Griffin pulls away, looking me up and down, icy eyes narrowing.

I frown, crossing my arms. I was trying to have a conversation. The metro comes to a halt, one stop before the school. "I was in the middle of a conversation," I say, "could you, I don't know, leave?"

"He's my boyfriend," Griffin says, cracking his knuckles, "I could ask you to do the same. I have every right to see what he's up too. With you. With anyone."

"Are you that paranoid?" I raise a single eyebrow. That always annoys Justin and it seems to do the trick on Griffin.

He opens his mouth to retort just as the metro comes to a stop. Justin jumps up, jacket sleeve flying up, revealing red and irritated skin. I catch a glimpse of scabbing cuts and instantly know what he did, even as he runs towards the door, slipping on his shoes and almost falls into an old lady. I follow Justin before Griffin can get in my way, catching him before he gets a face full of pink cardigan, the smell of mothballs, and those ancient candies that only the people above the age of seventy eat. "What did you do?" I hold him up by the wrist.

Justin squeaks, pulling his arm away, "Nothing. Can't any of you just leave me alone? I'm not a child. Just, just go away, okay? I don't need you judging me all the time!"

With that he ducks out of my arms and runs out of the door, lost in the crowd of commuters. With people in every direction. Gone again, he leaves me with the constant image of her gnawing away at my head. Griffin appears next to me, looking after where his boyfriend ran. "This is your fault."

"How?" I glower down at him.

"You annoyed him." Griffin says matter-of-factly.

"I really don't think I did. You just had to stick your big face in his business didn't you? Couldn't leave him alone? You messed everything up."

"No you did."

"How?" I say again, adjusting my blazer and walking out into the street.

The greasy little worm follows me. "Because he's my boyfriend. He's mine, not yours."

"He doesn't belong to anyone. You don't know anything about him, you just saw another pretty face. You don't know what you got into, just end it before someone gets hurt."

I walk up the stone stairs to the school, wishing Griffin would slip and fall on the slick steps. Maybe crack his head and have to go to the hospital. Or even better, the morgue.

Unfortunately, he doesn't, like the annoying pest he is. "No. You stay away from him."

"I don't think I will, actually." I walk away from him at that, his arrogant smirk sickening me. Grimacing, I spot a glimpse of copper curls and black clothes, watching Justin duck into the school building. I walk into the halls at a brisk pace, finding my locker. I open it and grab a book half heartedly, ready for an hour of pure boredom in "music appreciation." Someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn around, hoping it's Justin. Reid grins at me, multicolored hair sticking up in odd directions. "Sup dude."

"Hey," I sigh leaning against the wooden locker.

"Why so glum, chum?" she giggles.

"Tired. Griffin keeps pissing me off." Maybe Reid can make sense of all these muddled, ugh, feelings stirring around. I don't like emotions.

"Why?"

"Because he's an ass! He keeps trying to steal Justin from me and gets all in my face about it and then Justin freaks out and runs of and everyone is unhappy because Fiergang has to stick his nose in places it doesn't belong. Everything was fine before he showed up!"

"You're jealous?"

"What?" my brain takes a moment to reboot and process her words, "I am not jealous. That's gay and weird and no. Just no. Don't go there."

"It doesn't have to be in a gay way," she elaborates, "like in the economy. A country with no free market has a black market so people can buy bread instead of getting it from the government. But since the risk is so high in a black market, it raises prices. But the government's all out of bread because the central planners didn't plan for that. So those without the free market are envious of those who have thirty different bread brands to choose from, all competing for the best price and the best formula."

"I don't understand." I never understand Reid but if I keep her talking I can walk away without her noticing. She notices and follows me.

"Competition in the market place is the best. Because every company is competing for the best price, the best product. For whom? The consumer! You and me. Or Justin in this case."

"So I just need to give Justin a reason to pick me, in a not gay way, over Griffin...Thanks Reid!"

She opens her mouth to respond but never finishes her sentence. The warning bell rings and a massive scramble to get to class breaks out. Reid gets lost in the masses just as Justin did moments before.

Trying to gather my confused thoughts, I start heading towards my first class, the dreaded music appreciation. The whole time while the teacher rants about her favorite period of classical music (seriously, it's all classical, why they feel the need to divide it into a million different "time" periods just to confuse people is immoral), I can't stop thinking about Justin.

Walsh uses him as a personal punching bag and Griffin does nothing to stop him. Griffin has him on a leash just long enough to keep Justin good and terrified so Fiergang can swoop in like a night in shining armor. He controls Justin with fear. Like the tyrants of old, he reigns with an iron fist. If he keeps Justin scared, he'll never leave Griffin, even though he doesn't deserve such an amazing person like Justin.

How am I better? Well that's obvious: I'm better in every way. This consumerism thing is great. 

Justin already has to deal with enough monsters in his life, ones hiding in his very own shadow. He doesn't need another one.

All I know is I can't keep going on this way. I have a best friend shaped hole in my life that only Justin can fit. He's the only one who can make this empty sort of numbness go away.

The only person that understands. Because even as I see his sisters face in the corner of my eye, I can only imagine what Justin sees. How much worse it must be for him.

The feeling doesn't go away as I walk from class to class, going through each one with the bare minimum of attention. When school finally ends, I run to find Justin. I have to. Today, I need my best friend back, Griffin can have him some other time. Or better yet, never.

But Griffin isn't with Justin when I run out into the courtyard. Rodrick has Justin pinned against the bricks of the old building, hand squeezing his neck tightly. "Hey!" I shout,  pushing through the thinning crowd. My blood starts boiling in my ears. No one gets to touch him!

Rodrick turns his head around, baring his teeth in an almost wolf-like manner. It doesn't faze me and I draw closer. "Let him go."

Justin stares through me with wide and red eyes, mouth hanging as he hyperventilates. He doesn't seem to be looking at me though, gaze blank. Rodrick smirks, "We were just having a little conversation. No need to get worked up."

"Let him go," I repeat, "can't you see he's having a panic attack? He needs space right now."

Rodrick snorts, "You need to stop meddling in things that don't concern you."

"This does concern me, Walsh, so let him go. We both know you can't take me in a fight so be smart."

Rodrick lets go at that and Justin falls to the ground, breathing so loud it pierces through the murmurs of the crowd. Rodrick disappears, probably off to find Griffin like a dog runs to its owner. I don't have time to think about that, however, the sound of Justin's hyperventilating calling me back to reality. I duck down, putting my hands on his cheeks only to have him jerk away. "No!" he shouts, falling onto his side. "No, no, no, no."

"Justin!" I don't let him have his pity party, grabbing his face so he has to look at me. He's starting to come back from the attack otherwise he wouldn't let me near him, but I can see his eyes light with acknowledgement, "calm down. I'm here for you. I'm here for you now."

And I have no intent of ever leaving.

And if Griffin Fiergang has a problem with that, he can go fuck himself.

——
Hello!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and got to know Benny Boy a little bit better. You like him so far?

I've always found it harder to write from Ben's perspective so any feedback is welcome!

Have a lovely today and don't forget to tell me what you thought about it!