Gerard was floating, suspended in a world of his own making, a land which consisted of soft planes of darkness that kept him safe, preventing him from feeling the pain his body was currently in, cocooning him away from reality for a short time.

But his hideaway wasn't perfect, and snippets of what was truly happening around him bled through; random images flashed before his eyes, his body on a stretcher, Mikey's tear stained face, white hospital walls, but they were gone as quickly as they came, and Gerard found it easy to simply ignore them, turning his back on whatever was occurring for just a little while longer.

The sounds were harder to block out though, and he was constantly assaulted with chunks of conversation, usually revolving around him, but Gerard didn't want to listen, he didn't want to hear Mikey's soft cries, or the doctor murmuring to himself as he worked. Gerard just wanted silence, peace, oblivion, but it didn't appear that he was going to get his wish.

Sinking down further into the blackness that was surrounding him, Gerard found that everything became slightly more muted the deeper he went, the outside word slipped away as he descended, so he concentrated as hard as he could, trying to bury himself in his dreamland until nothing could touch him. Gerard was tired - so very tired, and he just wanted to rest, was that too much to ask?

Apparently it was, because another voice reached Gerard's ears just when he had successfully eliminated the noise of the hospital, but this time, Gerard welcomed the intrusion, because this was the one person that Gerard would never turn away.

Gerard didn't even bother to question how Frank was here, because Gerard didn't even know where here was; his best guess was that he was in some sort of medical induced coma which had trapped him within his own thoughts, so in a way, it made sense that he would be seeing Frank, because the only place that Frank was still alive was in his memories.

"Hey baby," Frank smiled, his presence seeming to light up the suffocating darkness, and even though Gerard had been enjoying the sensation of being trapped in the void only seconds before, he found himself drawn to Frank's light, and he began moving closer to him without any conscious thought.

"Frankie," Gerard sighed happily, his head falling to rest on Frank's shoulder, and much to his relief, he didn't pass through him; Frank was solid, Frank was real, at least for now.

Gerard had so many things he wanted to say, so many questions to ask, but for some reason, uttering that one word had exhausted him. Speaking seemed to be a difficult task in this place, as well as moving, and Gerard was more than content to simply sit here and enjoy the feeling of being pressed against Frank's small body.

Frank's arm instantly encircled Gerard's waist, holding him close, and Gerard had almost forgotten how much he missed this, the contact, the smell of Frank, fuck - everything about him, but even though Gerard felt as if he should be weeping with joy at the fact that Frank was back, or babbling, or hysterical, or something, he wasn't for some reason.

Everything felt muted in this place, especially emotions, as if the calming darkness was leaking into Gerard's heart, soothing the internal pain that Gerard had been living with for the past few months, and even though his lack of reaction to Frank's appearance was a bit worrisome, he didn't want to fret about it right now, not when everything was finally perfect for once.

"Where am I Frankie?" Gerard asked after a few minutes of silence, his curiosity eventually overwhelming the part of his mind that didn't give two shits about what was happening to him.

"You are in-between life and death, a sort of holding place until you decide one way or the other," Frank replied, his arms tightening around Gerard minutely as he spoke.

"Huh," Gerard grunted, his brain trying to process this newfound information. "How long have I been here?"

"Not long, but I'm not sure exactly, maybe a day?" Frank shrugged noncommittally, shifting Gerard's head from his shoulder in the process, but Gerard didn't mind, he simply laid down in Frank's lap instead, his eyes threatening to close as Frank began running his fingers through his hair.

"I want to stay here with you," Gerard mumbled sleepily, because he did, more than anything. This is what he had wanted to happen when he had decided to end it all, and now he was with Frank again, so even if he was trapped in a world of eternal darkness, it was still the best place to be as long as Frank was there.

"I know baby, but you can't...that's why I'm here, you have to choose soon, this place isn't permanent," Frank explained, his fingers never faltering in their constant movement through Gerard's dark locks. Gerard was suddenly struck by how their positions had reversed, because it always used to be Gerard who did this to Frank, but now it was the other way around, and Gerard was truly enjoying being comforted by Frank.

"How do I make my decision?" Gerard finally spoke up, because as much as he wanted to stay here for the rest of his life, he only desired that if Frank was with him, and he somehow knew that Frank couldn't stay here with him for much longer.

"It's simple really - if you want to stay alive, you wake up, but if you don't snap yourself out of this soon, then you die." Frank's voice cracked at the end, causing Gerard to sit up slightly so he could get a better look at Frank's face.

"Don't cry Frankie...please?" Gerard begged when he caught sight of Frank's watery eyes.

"I'm won't...I'm okay, I just don't want you to die Gerard, but I can feel how much you want it, and it hurts," Frank sniffled softly.

"I never meant to cause you pain Frank, I just want to be with you," Gerard choked out, his own tears threatening to spill over as Frank buried his face in Gerard's chest, his body trembling slightly as he tried to hold back his sobs.

"I know, but like I said before, this isn't the way...if you die right now, I won't be able to follow you, but if you keep fighting, if you stay alive, I'll be with you every step of the way, and I want to watch you grow old Gerard, I want to see you achieve your dreams, and fall in love again, and in the end, I'll get you back, but it all comes down to you now...I can't make up your mind for you," Frank whispered, his words coming out muffled because of the way he was still pressed against Gerard.

Gerard couldn't respond at first; Frank's pleading had him struck speechless, because even though he wanted to assure Frank that he could do what he wanted, the thought of tackling all of those tasks without Frank left a bitter taste in his mouth, and even if he somehow got everything he wanted out of life, it wouldn't matter to him, because he wouldn't have Frank to share them with.

But on the other hand, the only point of his death had been to join Frank, and if Frank was telling the truth, and he wasn't there when he died, Gerard would have nothing once again; he would have hurt Mikey, and his parents, all for a desperate bid that failed in the end, so as much as Gerard cringed to think of waking up and facing the consequences of his actions, he couldn't bear to disappoint Frank, and if worst came to worst, Gerard could always change his mind later, but if he chose death, there would be no second chances, no opportunity to back out of what might have been a hastily made decision.

"I - okay Frank, I want to wake up," Gerard sighed heavily, the area surrounding them instantly growing brighter as he spoke.

"Really?" Frank choked out, his head lifting up from its position against Gerard's t-shirt, a hopeful expression erasing Frank's previous tears.

"I - I do, and I'll try harder Frank, for you," Gerard promised, even though he wasn't sure how successful he would be once he could no longer physically see Frank watching over him, if he even was, because this could still all be a product of his imagination after all.

"You can do it Gerard, I know you can, and you won't be alone." Frank was beginning to fade away once again, just like before, but Gerard refused to relinquish his hold on him just yet.

"Will I ever see you again?" Gerard asked shakily, his throat closing up with suppressed sobs as the feeling of Frank's body against his own became more insubstantial with every passing moment.

"Hopefully, I don't know for sure, but if you look hard enough, you will find me, maybe not physically, but I will always be by your side," Frank smiled, a genuine smile that Gerard hadn't seen grace Frank's lips in far too long.

"Kiss me," Gerard begged, desperate to feel Frank's lips against his one last time.

Frank complied instantly, surging upward so he could connect his and Gerard's mouths in a passionate kiss, their lips moving against each other with a sense of familiarity, even though it had been months since Gerard had last experienced this, but kissing Frank was something he would never forget, no matter how much time had passed.

"I love you," Frank mumbled against Gerard's mouth.

"I love you too," Gerard gasped out, a few tears dripping down his cheeks as they continued to kiss, and Gerard honestly wasn't sure if they were his or Frank's, but it didn't matter.

"Wake up now baby, I'll see you soon," Frank whispered as they pulled apart, his forehead resting against Gerard's gently, but Gerard could barely feel the pressure of Frank's skin on his, he could hardly see Frank anymore; he was transparent now, the ever increasing light shining straight through his body, and Gerard could hear the real world again, loud and clear, and he knew he only had seconds left before he was separated from the love of his life once again.

Gerard wanted to say something, he needed to tell Frank how much he meant to him, and how much he would miss him, but from the look in his eyes, Frank already knew, so instead, Gerard pressed their lips together one last time, sighing into Frank's mouth happily as they melded together, trying his best to memorize this feeling, to immortalize it so he could carry it with him into the world of the living.

All of a sudden, Frank was gone, and Gerard fell forward into thin air, but before he had a chance to cry, or scream, or beg for Frank to come back, his body was dragged upward into the source of the brilliant light that was now surrounding him, so Gerard simply closed his eyes, surrendering himself to whatever was about to happen, because that was what Frank wanted, and Gerard couldn't fail him again.

---------------------------------------------

Gerard forced his eyes to open, squinting against the bright light that assaulted his corneas, and once his vision finally cleared, he wasn't surprised to find himself ensconced in a hospital bed, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't just the smallest bit disappointed that he had indeed woken up.

No matter what he had told Frank, Gerard wasn't sure he was ready for this, and a large part of him had been hoping that he had been too far gone to save, that he would die anyway, no matter what choice he made, but apparently, that wasn't the case, and now Gerard was back in the real world, the ever present ache in his heart returning the instant he realized he was alone once again.

Gerard breathed in deeply, trying to bury the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm him, because the last thing he wanted to do was cry right now; he honestly didn't think he could handle any more pain, and his burning stomach and torn up throat was quite enough for him right now.

"Gerard...you awake?" A familiar voice asked quietly, and even though Gerard had been expecting to see Mikey when he turned his head, it was Pete who was standing in the doorway with a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah...hey," Gerard exhaled shakily, shifting his position on the bed slightly so he was angled in Pete's direction.

"God - you scared the shit out of us," Pete chuckled weakly as he crossed the room, sitting down in one of the chairs littered around the small area.

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, fuck - I'm just glad that Mikey called when he did," Pete sighed, running his hands through his hair absentmindedly, which Gerard had learned was a nervous habit of his.

"Where is Mikey?" Gerard questioned, his eyes glancing around for any sign of his little brother.

"Fast asleep in the waiting room, they wouldn't let us come back here while they were pumping your stomach, and I didn't have the heart to wake him just yet," Pete explained, a minuscule smile crossing his face when he said Mikey's name.

"Oh...how mad is he, you can be honest." Gerard braced himself for the worst, because if he was in Mikey's position, he knew he would be furious.

"He's not angry with you Gerard...well - not really, he's just scared, and confused. We thought you were doing better, it's been almost three months now since Frank died, but then you go and do this...we just don't understand why."

"I just - fuck Pete, it's hard to explain, but imagine if Mikey died, try and pretend you knew that every day you would wake up, and he wasn't going to be there, and everything you once looked forward to was erased from the world. Everyone says that time makes things better, but each second without Frank is killing me...I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially not Mikey, but this isn't living, I'm fading away each day, and I - I just wanted to see him again," Gerard trailed off with a sniffle, his eyes watering as he tried his best to paint a picture that Pete could comprehend.

"Honestly, I don't want to know what it would be like to live without Mikey, but I know it would hurt - fuck - it would hurt a hell of a lot." Pete paused for a moment to compose himself, and Gerard realized that his words had affected Pete more than he expected them to. "I guess I understand why you would want to give up on living, and I couldn't promise you that I wouldn't feel the same way if I lost Mikey, but as much as I hate sounding like a hypocrite, we need you Gerard, especially Mikey. He's been worried sick about you lately, he pretty much had a full blown panic attack on the way down here, and even if you don't want to live anymore, Mikey needs you to...and I do, and your parents do - fuck, Frank does too. We all love you Gerard, and we just want to be there for you, but you have to let us in."

"I know, and...I want to try. I - I saw Frank when I was unconscious, or I think I did - I'm not sure, but either way, he said pretty much the same thing. I'm just scared, and I don't know how to deal with this heaviness inside of me...I need help Pete," Gerard choked out, his stomach twisting uncomfortably as he bared his inner thoughts to Pete, who only a few months ago had simply been Mikey's annoying boyfriend, but now he was so much more than that, he was someone who cared, he was a friend, and Gerard needed as many of those as he could get right now.

"And we want to help you, let us take you back to New York, you don't even have to sell your house, Mikey explained how much it means to you, and we can come back here on weekends and stuff, but I don't think you should be living there alone right now, and the doctor said you need to be under supervision for a while..."

"Yeah...okay, I will go with you, I'm tired of being alone," Gerard agreed, even though he wasn't completely sure if he was ready to be surrounded by other people just yet, but the instant the words left his mouth, the every present tightness in his chest loosened a small fraction - not all the way, just enough to show Gerard that he had made the right decision, and maybe if he kept fighting to survive, it would eventually dissipate completely.

"Thank god - okay, I'm going to go wake up Mikey now, he is going to be so happy to hear that you are coming back with us, don't move okay?"

"I don't think I could even if I wanted to," Gerard laughed softly, holding up his arms that were connected to numerous machines, doing his best to ignore the way he could feel a needle imbedded in his flesh.

"Right - okay, I'll be right back," Pete grinned as he headed for the door, almost tripping over his own feet in his hurry to get to Mikey.

Gerard rolled onto his back as soon as Pete was gone, taking a moment to compose himself before Pete returned with Mikey, because Gerard knew that he was about to be faced with an emotional reunion, and as much as he wanted to see his brother, a part of him wished that he could put this off for a little bit longer.

"Are you happy Frank...I'm trying this time, I really am," Gerard mumbled into thin air, his body shaking slightly as he began to comprehend what he had gotten himself into.

As much as Gerard knew he needed help, he also despised it, because having Mikey watch over him like a worried mother wasn't going to erase the pain of Frank's death, and what would happen when Gerard slipped up again, how would Mikey react, how long would it take before his own brother gave up on him as well?

"I'm so proud of you baby," a soft voice reached Gerard's ears, causing him to bolt upright quickly, his body twinging in pain at the unexpected motion, but the discomfort was worth it when he caught sight of Frank standing beside the one window in the room, his lips twisted upward in a smile and his eyes sparkling with joy.

But before Gerard could do or say anything else, the door was flung open, drawing Gerard's gaze away from Frank for a split second as Mikey bounded into the room, and even though his eyes immediately snapped back to where Frank had been only moments before, he was gone.

"Gee, oh thank fuck - you are okay," Mikey cried as he pulled Gerard into a loving embrace.

"Yeah - I think I might be," Gerard whispered softly, because although he knew he had a long battle ahead of him, Gerard had finally found some hope, and even if he had simply been imagining Frank once again, just the slim possibility that Frank was watching over him made Gerard want to try and be okay, because Gerard would want the same thing for Frank if it had been him who had died.

And as Mikey continued to hug him fiercely, with Pete gazing down at them with a happy smile on his face, Gerard swore he felt another pair of arms around him besides Mikey's, and for the first time in ages, Gerard didn't feel quite so lost, because he wasn't alone after all, and maybe if he let his loved ones in, he could finally begin to heal.

God, this turned out so cheesy, and I sort of hate it, but I have wasted too much time trying to edit this chapter, so I give up.

So yeah - this was the last official chapter of this book, but there will be an epilogue that will be posted some time tomorrow hopefully, so keep an eye out for that.

Chapter dedicated to MyFallOutAtTheD1sco

((((cheesy vibes))))

<3 starr