Frank bandaged up Gerard's arm with shaking hands, ignoring his quiet mutters about how he could do it himself, because Frank had to do this small thing. He had been too late to stop Gerard from hurting himself, so the least he could do was fix him up, especially since it had most likely been his fault that Gerard had been feeling this way.

Frank felt like such a fucking idiot for not noticing Gerard's distress sooner, because even though he obviously knew Gerard was upset about his condition, he had no idea that he was this broken up inside, but he should have been expecting this - he should have been able to stop Gerard. It didn't matter that he was sick, or asleep - Frank still felt like a failure who had abandoned Gerard when he needed him most.

Gerard hadn't even tried to wake him up - no, he had turned to Mikey instead, and even though Frank was glad that he had reached out to someone, he was slightly hurt that he hadn't been Gerard's first choice, and it had taken Mikey's phone call for him to even be aware of the dangerous situation Gerard was in.

Fighting back tears, Frank finished cleaning Gerard's wounds, wrapping a stretch of gauze around them so he wouldn't bleed all over the sheets. Gerard's cuts were deep, deeper than they had been in quite some time, and Frank's stomach was churning violently as he tied off Gerard's bandage.

There was a hundred things Frank wanted to say to Gerard, but he couldn't seem to pick one out of his brain and force it past his tongue, and he was almost positive that he wouldn't be able to form words without bursting into tears or screaming obscenities, so instead, he held out his hand to Gerard, helping him off the cold tile floor before leading him back into the bedroom.

Frank stripped off his bloodstained shirt angrily, not wanting to look at the reminder of what had just occurred in the bathroom without his knowledge, tossing it into the corner without even attempting to hit the laundry basket. Gerard sent Frank an apologetic look before taking off his own shirt, which had a few splotches of crimson on it as well, but instead of remaining bare chested like Frank had, he rummaged around in the closet for a bit, returning with a long sleeved sweater to cover up what he had just done.

"Frank - I'm sorry," Gerard murmured once he was finished changing, his gazed fixed down at his feet instead of at Frank.

"I know...just -" Frank trailed off as a sob caught in his throat, and he had to physically swallow it back down before he broke completely.

This just hurt so fucking much, and Frank didn't know what he could possibly do to help Gerard when he was the source of his sorrow. Frank's presence was slowly poisoning Gerard, and what he had just done was proof of it, because if Frank wasn't here, Gerard wouldn't have hurt himself, at least, that was how it seemed to Frank.

"Frank...please don't cry," Gerard begged, but it was too late, and tears began to stream down Frank's cheeks as he lost the internal war he was waging with himself. "I'm so sorry, and I hate that I made you upset, but I'm just a fuck up...and I - I'm so scared, and I'm trying to be strong for you, but it's hard..." Gerard whimpered.

"Fucking hell Gee...you aren't a fuck up, and I'm not even crying because of what you did, even though I hate it - don't get me wrong, but I don't understand why you didn't fucking wake me up," Frank snapped, even though he knew raising his voice wasn't going to help anything, but Frank was hurting, not to mention sick and tired, and he lost control of his temper before he could stop himself.

Gerard visibly flinched at Frank's harsh tone, which only succeeded in making Frank feel like the world's shitiest boyfriend, but it was too late to take back his actions, and Frank's frustration at himself only caused him to cry that much harder.

"Frank...please lay down, you are still sick, you need your rest," Gerard forced Frank to get into bed, and when he tried to retreat, Frank clutched onto his hand with all of his strength, pulling Gerard against the mattress roughly.

"Don't go - you promised," Frank choked out, throwing his arm over Gerard's torso as if that would prevent him from leaving.

"If that's what you want," Gerard sighed, his body stiff and uncomfortable under Frank's.

"So...are you going to answer my question?" Frank asked after a few minutes of awkward silence had passed, and he had finally gotten his sobs under control.

"Hmm?" Gerard hummed quietly, and Frank had to suppress a sigh of exasperation.

"The last time this happened, you swore you would let me know whenever you felt like hurting yourself again...but you didn't, and I want to know why." Frank sat up so he could see Gerard better, crossing his arms stubbornly when Gerard began glancing around the room, as if he was looking for something to distract Frank from the current conversation.

"Frank...can we talk about this in the morning - you still have a fever, and I really don't want to make it worse," Gerard argued, his hand reaching for the thermometer before Frank trapped it under his palm.

"Talking isn't going to make my temperature rise, and I'm already feeling better - so how about this, I will try and fall back asleep if you give me an answer, because fuck knows I'm not going to get any rest until I know."

"I - it's not that I didn't want to Frank," Gerard sighed, and Frank settled back down against the pillow with a satisfied grunt now that Gerard had finally given in, "but you were sick, and I just couldn't...I thought I was okay, and I tried not to do it - I called Mikey, but that made it worse, because I had to explain about your...tumor, and - fuck Frank, I'm sorry," Gerard apologized again, and Frank was really getting tired of hearing those two words, because they meant nothing now.

"Gerard, I don't care if I'm asleep, or on my fucking death bed, but you promised you would come to me, and my condition doesn't change that - okay?" Frank smiled, expecting Gerard to return his expression, and maybe agree with Frank before pulling him into his arms, but pretty much the complete opposite happened.

"Really Frank - it doesn't change anything, because it really fucking does okay. Do you know how pathetic it makes me feel that I need to wake up my dying boyfriend because I'm so messed up, I can't even handle a fucking fever without doing something like this - I can't even stand myself right now, and I have no idea how you can," Gerard scoffed in disgust, and for some reason, Gerard's reaction set off a fuse in Frank's mind, and before Frank could think about what he was saying, his mouth was spitting out words without his brain's consent.

"God Gerard - did you even think about how I would feel when I found out, because I would, you know I would. You think you are pathetic - well, at least I would turn to you if I was feeling that way, at least I trust you enough to let you in, but apparently I'm such a terrible boyfriend, you have to hide all this shit away from me, because I can't handle it. You don't give a shit about my feelings, or that I have fucking nightmares about walking in on you, sprawled out on the floor and bleeding from the wrist do you, and instead of coming to me when you fucking promised you would, you leave me here - clueless and scared. What if you cut too deep, what if I didn't wake up when Mikey called me - oh that's right - you don't care," Frank spat out, a second round of tears filling his eyes, but he used his anger to burn them away.

When Frank glanced up at Gerard, his broken expression caused a physical spike of agony to erupt in Frank's chest. Frank knew he was only making this situation worse with his irrational fury, but he was terrified of what could have happened to Gerard if Frank hadn't managed to stop him before he got carried away, and Frank's method of dealing with that was to get pissed off, and even though he regretted the way his sentiments were coming out, he still meant every word of it.

"You know that's not true Frank..." Gerard whimpered quietly, and even though Frank knew he should really shut up and try to make this right before he broke something that couldn't be repaired, now that he had started this tirade, he couldn't stop.

"Then prove it Gerard - fucking prove to me that you love me, that you can actually turn to me when you need help, because that's what boyfriends are supposed to do. I want to be there for you, I want to help you, but when you shut me out like this, I feel like I mean less than nothing to you."

"And what the hell am I supposed to do when you die Frank - who am I going to have to help me then? Maybe I was trying to figure out how to deal with this on my own, because pretty fucking soon, I'm going to have to, so excuse me for thinking about my boyfriend's needs before my own, because that is what boyfriends are supposed to do," Gerard snapped back, and Frank knew this argument was rapidly spiraling out of control, but they were both hurting, and angry, and Gerard was right when he said they should talk about this in the morning, but Frank had been too damn stubborn to listen, and he wasn't going to back down now.

"Well I'm not dead yet, but you might be if you keep this up - fuck, I'm so pissed at you right now. One second you won't even talk about my condition, and the next you are throwing it back in my face. I know I'm toxic, and it's fucking killing me that you hurt yourself because of that, but that's no reason to not come to me while I'm still here," Frank cried, tears starting to fall again as he spoke.

"Well maybe I feel like I deserve this pain Frank, because it's basically my fault you are like this. I knew about your headaches for ages, but did I do anything about it - no, because I'm a fucking idiot."

"God - you are fucking kidding me right?" Frank threw his hands up in the air in frustration, causing Gerard to flinch violently. "Oh - you think I'm going to hit you - fucking hell Gerard, I'm not, I never would, I just can't believe you right now."

"I'm done with this," Gerard choked out, and even though Frank was still furious with Gerard, hearing those words caused Frank's heart to stop beating for a moment until Gerard spoke again. "Open your mouth," Gerard demanded.

"What?" Frank stammered out, his head too busy trying to figure out if Gerard was breaking up with him or not to process what he meant.

"Open your fucking mouth so I can take your fucking temperature," Gerard growled.

"Why do you care, aren't you leaving?" Frank pouted, trying to maintain a brave face so he could conceal his rising panic.

"Yes I am, because you need your rest, and I answered your question, so you are going to fucking get it, and that's not going to happen if I stay here right now."

"Are you coming back?" Frank mumbled around the thermometer Gerard had just shoved in his mouth warily.

"Yes Frank...I just need to cool off okay?" Gerard sighed, and even though Frank didn't want him to go, he knew that this was probably for the best.

"Okay...but you won't -"

"I'm not going to do anything stupid Frank," Gerard cut Frank off before he could finish his sentence.

The thermometer beeped just then, breaking the awkward tension in the room, and after examining it for a second, Gerard set it down on the nightstand before standing up and heading out of the room without a backward glance.

Before Frank had a chance to process the fact that Gerard had left, he was suddenly back, and Frank's heart jumped into his throat when he caught sight of Gerard. Even though he had only been gone for barely a minute, Frank had missed him already, and he was two seconds away from apologizing for everything, but Gerard beat him too it, just not in the way he wanted.

"Here - drink this." And it was only then that Frank noticed what Gerard held in his hand, which was a capful of what Frank could only assume to by NyQuil, which meant that he hadn't come back to Frank, he was just giving him some medicine before he left.

Frank opened his mouth to say something, to apologize maybe, or to beg Gerard to stay, but his tongue weighed heavy in his mouth, and he couldn't force the words out, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"Thanks..." is what came out instead, and as soon as Frank had taken the medicine, Gerard was gone, and even though he had promised he would come back, Frank wasn't sure how trustworthy Gerard's word was anymore.

Now that Frank's anger had diminished from its previous inferno into a fluttering spark that was quickly dying out, Frank realized how fucking stupid he had been, and honestly, he had no idea why he had said all of those things, or what had possessed him to continue to goad Gerard when it was obvious that he was sorry, but Frank had never been good with confrontations, and his exhaustion, and terror for Gerard, and his overall frustration with his situation had reached a head all at once, and everything Frank had been stuffing deep inside himself had exploded out of him in a torrent of hateful words.

Frank knew he needed to fix this, because Gerard had a bad habit of overthinking everything, just like Frank had the bad habit of overreacting, and putting those two things together could never create a good outcome, but after everything that had been said, maybe they did need some time alone to think about things before they hurt each other even more.

And even though Frank hated sleeping without Gerard, and he ached to chase after him and beg him to come back, the medicine was already kicking in, and Frank found himself drifting off while bitter tears trailed down his cheeks in a never ending torrent.

Well this chapter got really off track from the original one, but I sort of like how this turned out much better.

So yeah - unexpected drama happened, so maybe leave a comment or a vote, because I love those almost as much as I love you guys.

((((angsty vibes))))

<3 starr