Frank stayed there on the floor with Gerard until his sobs had ebbed enough to allow him to breathe properly; he never stopped stroking Gerard's hair or murmuring soft words of encouragement into his ear, and finally, Gerard managed to force back the last dredges of his ill-timed panic attack.

"You okay baby?" Frank asked when he noticed the fact that Gerard's tears had stopped.

"Yeah...I'm so sorry, I feel so stupid," Gerard choked out, curling up against Frank's side in an attempt to hide his face from Frank's prying gaze.

"Gee...you aren't stupid, and you know that." Frank cooed, brushing Gerard's hair back from his forehead so he could get a better glimpse of his red eyes.

"I am...fuck - I ruined your talk with your mom," Gerard choked out, sitting up slightly so he could wipe his eyes with a shaking hand.

"No you didn't, and even if you had...I don't care. I just wish you had told me you were feeling this way, I don't want you to have to suffer through these attacks alone," Frank chastised Gerard softly, helping him brush away a few tears he had missed.

"I didn't think I was going to have one, I just - I can't think about you dying without feeling like I'm the one who is, and even the thought of you talking with your mom set me off..." Gerard admitted softly.

"Oh love...I'm so sorry - I hate this, and I hate the fact that I'm hurting you, even if I'm not meaning to, but it's going to be okay - you will be okay."

"I don't - I can't...Frank, I can't lose you. I'm not ready, I will never be ready, but this is too soon, and I don't know what to do," Gerard wailed softly.

Frank worried his lower lip in-between his teeth, trying to find the right words to comfort Gerard, but they continued to elude him. Frank had mostly come to terms with his condition, and the fact that he was dying wasn't nearly as terrifying to think of as it had been the first time he had heard the diagnosis, but he couldn't help but feel guilty for what it was doing to Gerard.

Because in a way, Frank felt like he had it easy, even though he was the one with the brain tumor, because in the end, Frank would go somewhere else; he wasn't sure where, but he chose to believe that it would be somewhere he would be happy and free of pain.

But Gerard wouldn't, Gerard would be stuck here, forced to live on without Frank, and that just didn't seem fair at all. Frank remembered how much Elena's death had hurt Gerard, and he didn't want to cause him to feel those same emotions, but there was nothing he could do besides help Gerard believe that he could carry on without him.

Frank was worried though, worried that Gerard would give up once he was gone, worried that Gerard wouldn't have anyone there with him to stop him from slipping back into old habits, and Frank was trying to think of a plan to make sure that Gerard was watched over when he could no longer do it.

When Frank had met Gerard, he had been pretty fucked up, and even though he had come leaps and bounds since then, Frank was terrified that his death would be the catalyst that would bring Gerard's old demons back to haunt him.

Frank shuddered slightly when he remembered the old Gerard, because it wasn't a pleasant thing to think about. Even though Frank had still loved Gerard, even then, he hated the way Gerard was drunk more often than not, and he still remembered the bile that had risen in his throat the first time he had seen Gerard's scarred arms.

Frank understood that Gerard battled with his mind constantly, but he hadn't back then, and it had broken his heart that when he learned that Gerard resorted to these things just to escape himself for a short time. Frank was shocked when he finally discovered Gerard's secret, but he wasn't repulsed, and he made it his mission to help Gerard love himself as much as Frank loved him.

According to Mikey, Gerard had been even worse before he had met Frank, and in the younger Way's opinion, Gerard had started kicking all of his bad habits once Frank had came into his life, even though Gerard had never specifically told him that.

But whatever the case, Gerard had transformed from the person Frank had first met two years ago, and Frank had to agree with Mikey when he said that their relationship had a lot to do with Gerard's recovery. Frank never wanted Gerard to go back to what he had been, but now that he was being taken out of the equation, he didn't know what to do.

Frank felt guilty, even though he knew that was ridiculous; it wasn't like he had asked for this to happen, but still - if Gerard didn't care for him so much, Frank's death wouldn't hurt him, and Frank almost wished he had never met Gerard if their relationship was causing him this much pain.

But no...Frank was the one being stupid now, because if Mikey was right - which Frank was almost certain he was, Gerard had obviously been hurting before he had met Frank, and it was because of Frank that he had managed to drag himself out of the dark hole he had previously been trapped in.

It didn't matter anyway, because Frank couldn't change the past; all he could do was try and help Gerard accept what was coming, and he had to start now, before it was too late.

"I know baby, and I'm so sorry - if I could stay with you, you know I would, but right now, I need you okay? I need you out there with me, because I can't do this without you, and I don't want to," Frank finally spoke up after sorting out his thoughts, and he had to stifle a sigh of relief when Gerard finally met his gaze.

"I don't know why you want me with you...I'm such a mess, I should be the one comforting you right now," Gerard whispered morosely.

"But you have baby, all week you have been taking care of me, and now it was my turn to look out for you. We are in this together okay, and I need you - yes, but that doesn't mean you don't need me too."

"I just feel weak, and you shouldn't have to worry about me right now." Gerard hung his head again, but Frank wasn't letting him avoid his eyes so easily, so he pushed his chin back up with two of his fingers so Gerard was forced to look at him.

"Gee...you aren't weak - at all, you are the strongest person I know, but that doesn't mean you can't break every now and then, and when that happens, I want you to tell me so I can help - okay?" Frank tried to make his words firm, because he couldn't let Gerard bottle up his emotions until they reached this point, that was how these attacks happened in the first place.

As long as Frank could, he was going to support Gerard, and he refused to let him hide his own fears and worries away just because of Frank's condition; that was unfair, and not what Frank wanted at all, and he had to make sure that Gerard understood that.

"I - okay...I will," Gerard finally agreed, causing a small smile to break out across Frank's face.

"Thank you love."

"I should be saying that...I would still be on the floor if it wasn't for you," Gerard mumbled before pressing a soft kiss to Frank's cheek.

"I could tell from the look on your face before you took off that you weren't okay, so don't even think about lying to me in the future," Frank giggled quietly, and he was rewarded with a small smile from Gerard.

"I won't, and I really am sorry. I just freaked out when you started talking to your mom, but I think I am okay now." Gerard proved his words by standing up slowly, lifting Frank to his feet once he had regained his own footing.

"I understand - I do, but I want you to be there with me. It will be easier to tell her with you by my side. Can you sit with me Gee?" Frank asked nervously, because even though he didn't want to cause Gerard any more distress, he really did need Gerard right now, and Gerard also needed this; he had to get used to the idea of Frank dying if he was ever going to be able to move on after his death.

"If that's what you want." Gerard's eyes darted back and forth nervously, but when Frank clasped his hand with Gerard's, he visibly calmed, much to Frank's relief.

"It is."

"Well, let's go then. I have wasted enough of your time with your mom, and I don't want to stay too long in case your dad comes back soon," Gerard sighed out, following Frank back down the hallway slowly.

"Stop it Gee - you are never a waste of my time, of my anything, and I don't want you to think that way," Frank stated firmly.

"I - okay," Gerard gulped audibly, and even though Frank knew he didn't believe him yet, Gerard was right, and they couldn't risk being here much longer, so Frank stayed silent. He could confront Gerard about his words later on when they were safe at home.

When they reentered the living room, Frank's mother graced them with a small smile, and Frank was relieved when she didn't inquire about Gerard's prolonged absence. Frank hadn't told her anything when he had taken off after Gerard besides saying that he had to check on him, but his mother was never one to pry. Frank didn't mind explaining Gerard's panic attacks to her, but he knew it would embarrass Gerard, and he was grateful that she hadn't asked for his boyfriend's sake.

"So where did I leave off," Frank asked his mother, pulling Gerard onto the couch next to him when he sat down, keeping their hands connected the entire time.

Gerard's body was tense, but he didn't seem like he was about to bolt, and as Frank leaned into Gerard's side, he felt some of Gerard's nervous energy dissipate slightly. Frank had faith that Gerard could do this, and he was truly grateful that he had managed to sit through this with him, because it really was easier to talk about his condition with Gerard's comforting presence pressed up against his skin.

As Frank explained his diagnosis to his mother, Gerard stayed silent the entire time, the only sign Frank had that he was listening was when he would squeeze Frank's hand occasionally, but he was still here, and that was all that mattered to Frank.

"So I don't have much time left...and I just wanted to say goodbye," Frank wrapped up his tale with a soft sniffle, trying to read his mother's expression, which had stayed mostly blank so far.

"I - I don't even know what to say," Frank's mother whispered.

"I know...it's a lot to take in," Frank responded, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he spoke.

"Well I have been meaning to tell you that I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you in this home, and I am glad you left when you did. You deserve some happiness Frank..." Frank's mother choked out quietly.

"Thank you mom, and I am happy - Gerard makes me happy, and I forgive you." Frank used his free hand to clasp one of his mother's, and she brought their conjoined palms up to his lips before pressing a soft kiss to them.

"Thank you for taking care of him Gerard..." She turned her gaze to Gerard, who jumped slightly once he realized he was being addressed.

"You are welcome, and I promise I will be there until the end. I love him..." Gerard trailed off awkwardly, but Frank's mother was smiling at his words.

"I know I haven't been a very good mother, and it is too late to start now, but I want to try and be there for you, so could I visit sometime...at your place?" Frank's mother asked warily.

"Of course, I would love that actually." Frank's heart swelled when he heard that his mother actually wanted to spend some more time with him, because even though he knew she loved him in a way, he wasn't sure how she would react to all of this, and he had assumed she would simply wash her hands of him now that he was dying.

"Thank you, and if you boys need money - or anything really, just let me know, and I will find a way to get it. I will make sure your father doesn't find out about it, and I want to help in any way I can."

"Just seeing you will be enough, but I will let you know if anything comes up," Frank answered, because he honestly hadn't even considered the cost of his hospital visits at all, even though he really should have. He knew Gerard had a decent amount of money stored away, but he made a mental reminder to ask him if he had enough to continue to pay for his treatments.

"Well, as much as I don't want you to, you should go. Your father could be back any time now." Frank's mother glanced out the window warily as she spoke.

"You are right, but you will come see me soon right?" Frank asked as he stood up in preparation to leave.

"Of course baby, I will phone you as soon as I have a free moment...and Frank - you know I love you right?"

"Yeah mom, and I love you too." Frank pulled his mother into a brief hug, enjoying the feeling of her arms around him, because he couldn't remember the last time she had embraced him, and he had truly missed this.

And even though Frank didn't want to die, he was gratefully that this tragic event has brought him and his mother closer than they had been in years, and when Frank glanced back to see Gerard smiling fondly at them, he couldn't help but feel lucky to be surrounded by the people he loved, and his approaching death really didn't seem that important for the first time since he had learned about it.

I'm so proud of myself, I managed to update two stories tonight.

Speaking of stories, I started a new book called This Is Our Second Skin, and it's a Frerard drag queen AU, so it would be cool if you guys would check it out, even though I think everyone reading this story already has.

Well I am exhausted because somehow it is 5am already, so I am off to bed.

((((sleepy vibes))))

<3 starr