So this is the montage part of becoming a vampire. In the movie, there would be some insanely catchy pop song that would serve to tie together the series of wacky incidents with me and Claude. The reality was a little more mundane and one step at a time.

Claude wanted to take baby steps, and he actually started making a list, but I was full of the sort of nervous energy that bad decisions are made of, and couldn't sit still for the life of me. I kept peeking out the window, not really listening to Claude, but knowing that whatever he was saying was really important.

It was an overcast day, the kind that you get during the screwed up days of late Winter in Toronto, where Spring wasn't so much a season as a moment of relaxation that all of the snow had finally melted and was definitely maybe not coming back this time. Maybe. It might be a full two months before Summer blasted its heat at us, anxious to make up for all of the lost time, or it might be just a single week, but there were two things you could be absolutely sure of: when it rained, it was going to suck, and you were going to be glad it wasn't snow anymore.

It was one of the days where the weather hadn't quite decided to soak all of us and was in fact teasing the rain with the occasional gust of wind that shook the trees in the front courtyard like it had every intention of ripping off the limbs, and the thick, heavy grey clouds that were definitely waiting to make sure that nobody had bothered to bring an umbrella along. It wasn't malevolent weather, just really sulky weather. The kind of weather that hid the sun behind a perpetual blanket of cloud and suck.

I could still hear Louise's screams in the back of my head and somewhere I was entertaining a fucked up fantasy of mastering my vampire powers like a badass and going to rescue her with Claude tagging along as my sidekick this one time.

The big problem was that apart from burning in the sun and healing fast, I didn't seem to actually have any proper powers to test out.

I had opened the apartment door and was slowly making my way outside, sure that I was going to burst into flames at any second.

"You haven't listened to a word I've been saying," Claude said from somewhere behind me. It wasn't even a question. He already knew how my brain was working. "You know, about taking it slow and figuring out what we're dealing with here?"

"I'll tell you what I'm dealing with," I said, still fascinated by the lack of burning skin. There was a slight tingle, but nothing more, nothing out of the ordinary. "Indirect daylight seems to be okay... so far."

"We've definitely ruled in direct sunlight, so I hope you don't have any plans for the beach."

"Oh man, summer is going to suck so hard," I suddenly realized. "My mom was trying to get me to go back to Barbados to see my Dad this summer."

"Have you called your mom yet dude?" Claude reminded me. "She's kinda really worried about you."

"What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Nothing you idiot. You're just supposed to call her."

"I'll call her, I promise," I grumbled, and stepped out further into the muted light of the overcast day. Suck it vampire legends!

A thought occurred to me and I turned back to Claude.

"I think I might be able to fly."

***

"This is a bad idea," Claude said.

"Yes it is, but fortune favours the bold, man!"

"Fortune is a sadist. Your currently unbroken bones favour you taking a few baby steps to begin with. The smaller the steps, the better."

"I've got the fast healing thing man! I got this covered!"

"Are you serious or are you telling me what you want on your tombstone?"

"Yes!"

"Which one?"

"BOTH! I'm going to do it!"

"You really shouldn't!"

"I'm doing it!"

"So... I notice you're still here..."

"I'm doing a countdown in my head. I'm still at twenty!"

"I really don't think we should be trusting things we read on the internet dude! Especially about vampires!"

"If I can fly, it's going to be so awesome!"

"And if you can't fly, it's just going to hurt!"

"You only live once!"

"Or twice according to you!"

Fuck it. I ran for the edge, going full tilt and then I was sailing off the edge of the roof, daring gravity to grab hold of me in all of my defiance and for a moment, just a moment, I was invincible and I could do anything in the world.

The one thing I couldn't do, however, was fly.

Damn you internet.

***

Dr Mendelssohn wasn't impressed at all with my lack of flying ability. She was even less impressed with the broken leg I had sustained from jumping off the roof.

I had bounced off the side of the building facing the alley I had failed to fly over and had somehow managed to push myself back with enough force to hit the opposite wall, before falling haplessly in a decidedly downward direction. If I had been a cartoon character I would have pin-balled from wall to wall all the way down and staggered away with stars and birds circling my head. Since I clearly wasn't a cartoon, I managed to first break my fall and then my right leg when I landed awkwardly and with great force.

"I told him it wasn't a good idea," Claude said, and she just glared at him as she examined my leg. She had already discarded of the makeshift splint Claude had made from a piece of metal, shoelaces, and his belt and her examination was not gentle in any way.

"Just shoot him next time," she hissed at Claude. "Much easier to deal with than this mess."

"He might have a concussion as well..." Claude said awkwardly.

Dr Mendelssohn just shook her head and took a deep breath.

"I wouldn't worry about that one so much," she said. "The bleeding on your brain should have stopped quickly. Once the bruising heals it might actually make you smarter Mister Diego... but I wouldn't hold out much hope for that."

Well, that was a disappointment, but I was in too much pain from my leg to care.

"I thought I was supposed to heal quickly!" I yelped. Ow! Pain!

"That's the problem, Mister Diego," Dr Mendelssohn snapped. "You heal quickly, but if the bones aren't set, then they heal broken. They don't magically straighten themselves. That's my job."

Dr Mendelssohn suddenly did something painful to my leg and I spent the next two minutes, or maybe it was an eternity, trying desperately not to scream. Finally, she was done and I dared to look down at my abused leg, wondering if I should tell her about the other parts of me that were in pain.

"You didn't have to make it hurt so much, " I managed to gasp.

"I have to make sure you never want to come back here," she said, still not smiling. "Jump off another building and you will see the true meaning of pain, are we clear?"

I gave her the thumbs up, then grimaced at the itching in my leg. Something was going on down there and it hurt like hell.

"The nurse is going to fit you with a boot, but you need to stay off the leg for at least another twenty-four hours. You snapped the tibia and the fibula, and the only reason you aren't screaming right now is because you're a vampire, so please don't do this again."

"Thanks, Doctor," Claude said.

"Instead of experimenting, get him to talk to his mentor," Dr Mendelssohn said to Claude. "It will save a lot of pain in the future, okay?"

"She isn't around—"

Dr Mendelssohn interpreted my forlorn look perfectly.

"No Mister Diego: I will not be your mentor. I've got enough fuck-ups in my life at this point and you sir, are a complete mess."

Dr Mendelssohn pulled back the curtain and motioned for a nurse to take my chart.

"And get a haircut. Hair doesn't heal from burning."

*******************

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