The house was quiet. It felt almost empty. Strangely so after all the chaos that had ensued only minutes before. Those minutes felt like an eternity. They could only be described as unbearable. Everyone in the house had dispersed to bed once we got it all settled. It's like they disappeared. I needed some air. I took my shirt off and tossed it on my bed so I could breathe. I felt claustrophobic and unjustly liberated at the same time.

I walked through the house, securing every door and double checking all was locked up, just in case. I flipped the backyard light on and opened the patio door to step out for some air. I don't know if I held out hope for a breeze or the security of the empty night as opposed to the emptiness I felt inside that full house.

No sooner than stepping out and feeling the summer heat on my bare chest, did the porch light reveal that the night was not empty. There she was. She stood up from the bench she had been waiting on. She was in the exact spot I had left her that day, the first time my stepmom had called me in to look for my dad.

She didn't move. She just let her eyes meet mine. It hurt to see her, but it was excruciating not to be next to her. I ran as fast as I could to her, and her arms were immediately around me. I don't think I can recall ever crying past being a kid or the day I started to in front of Lynn, but I was instantly sobbing onto July's shoulder. Physical tears of mine began soaking the collar of her blouse. 

"He didn't even know how to get home! He didn't know where he was! He didn't even know me!!!" I sobbed so hard I was shaking, and I held her so close, I was afraid I had squeezed her too tight at one point.

She didn't break. She didn't waver, and she never asked to come up for air from me. She just anchored herself, the palms of her small hands pressed firmly on the skin of my back, holding me in return. She let me sob uncontrollably like a child.

"July."

I whispered her name,  turning my wet lips toward her ear and staining her cheek with my tears.

"July."

I repeated it as if it were mine to say over and over. A little sound came from deep within her. An almost inaudible moan of relief or satisfaction. I pulled her body up to mine, cradling the side of her face into my neck as she rose to the tip of her toes to reach me. We stood there, breathing together, into each other for the longest moment.

Then I separated us. I wiped my face with my hand, and I looked back at her. I reached for her hand, and she gave it to me. I walked us to the drive and pulled my keys from my pocket. I opened the passenger side of my Mustang for her, and in what felt like record speed, we were down the driveway, flying through the streets. I switched gears to go faster, and she didn't seem to mind. She just rode beside me, letting me get it all out as we tore down the open road.

I had no way of knowing what was next with my dad. It was inconceivable to think about anything with me that didn't involve him. There was already talk of us having to move. My grandfather was coming down to lay down the law, not knowing the full extent of what was happening. I actually felt terrible for the ruthless man to that end. All I knew was that I couldn't think about any of that anymore tonight.

I just wanted to be out on the road. With her.

I could smell her in my car the way I did the first time she rode with me, and it got to me just as it had before, and just as it did anytime I stood too close to her. She showed up for me tonight like she was mine. She couldn't have known how much that would mean to me. It was brave. This wasn't the first time she had impressed me with her bravery.

I looked down at the speedometer for the first time since we hit the road and allowed my car to do what it was made to do. I was going too fast. I slowed into the next deep curve on the two-lane highway we flew down, but I knew it may have been too fast for her. I looked over at July to see if she was okay. She looked spectacular just sitting in my passenger seat. She was so beautiful I didn't cut my eyes from her and back to the road as quick as I should have.

I felt her hand reach out and squeeze my bicep tightly. "ADRIAN!" She screamed, looking toward the front of the car.

I turned and immediately hit the brakes. We stopped abruptly, my arm across her body, protecting her from the dash. Just as soon as we stopped, a deer walked out from the side of the road, almost slowly, as if time were suspended. Another one followed as the first one went through the bright beam of my headlights.

The first one turned and looked back at me, its eyes shimmering in the car lights the way it had the first time and in my dreams after. There were two this time, watching us as we watched them pass. Just like the one I'd seen that time before, maybe it was even the same doe, these two didn't know to be afraid of us. It was majestic.

At that moment, I didn't care what was happening to me or us, and I didn't care if she wanted that damn lifeguard instead of me... I pulled her face to mine, and my lips were on hers. Her mouth opened for mine immediately, and she kissed me passionately back. I slid my car into park as I pushed my tongue through her lips to find hers. It was as if we were racing towards each other, and I wanted to consume her.

Her lips were soft even though she was kissing me back harder than she ever had before. She smelled and tasted delicious, and I wasn't going to be able to get over what that did to me. I craved it. Ignoring that I was parked in the middle of the road, we must have bypassed heavy breathing and gone straight to panting. I just know we hadn't stopped kissing, and after I leaned in, pulling her as close to me as the car would allow, I didn't want to. She ran her fingers through my hair while our lips stayed connected, and all I wanted was to feel the sensation of her touch all over.

Something ignited when we came together and were in each other's arms like this... undeniably, it was an experience like none I'd ever known. There was so much between us that hadn't been said. So much we had neglected, but I couldn't deny the immediacy I felt when she was right next to me, or how she responded to my touch. I had to believe we had made some sort of an investment in each other both physically and emotionally. I knew I had.

Up until this situation with my dad, I had always known the biggest obstacle between July and me was not being able to handle how much I wanted her.

I did not realize that I would never be prepared for how much I needed her after that night. I had no right to ask anything of her. It would have been selfish to even suggest. I didn't know what the next day would look like in my life much less the next couple of months. Not to mention senior year, locking down college. All of that was still suppose to happen, or would it not with my dad? That's how much I didn't know, but I had to ask her. I had to know from her. 

I pulled back from the embrace I held her in. I released her completely, and I watched her face drop away from mine. It was almost painful to look at her. She seemed in fight or flight mode herself, not knowing what I was going to say. I hated not touching her when we were this close, even for a few seconds. 

"July-- I need to..." I hesitated when she turned to the passenger side window to look away from me. I can't imagine what she thought I was going to say, but I understood.

"Are you with me?"

She instantly turned back to me with eyes widened and a rush of color to her cheeks. I couldn't get a read on her expression before she was pressed against me, burying her face into my neck. I felt her hot tears roll down my skin, and then I heard the her voice say what I wasn't likely to forget.

"You have to ask?"

I sat in only my second course of the day, trying desperately to focus. It had been the longest week of my life with a new professor, an extended reading list, interning at non equity auditions I stupidly still attempted to make. This wasn't Jr. College anymore. I was about to fall asleep in my chair when I heard a sound coming from my purse I had never heard before. I pulled my Nokia out, thinking I may have set an alarm on my phone by accident. I fumbled to figure out what the alert was while a few eyes near me shot annoyed glances my way.

I had gotten the sound turned off when I noticed a written message across the screen.

SMS_TEXT MESSAGING 775 248-9002

Hey...

I had no idea what it was much less who it was from. I waited until class was released, and turned to a girl gathering her books next to me to ask if she knew what it was.

"Oh, yeah. So it looks like someone sent you a text message. I guess you don't have their number saved so it's showing up with their entire number across the top. That will go away once you find out who it is and save their number in your phone. You can put their name or whatever."

"Oh."

"Let me see it again. Yup, I don't have one like yours, but yours sucks. You're going to have to hit your number keys for letters multiple times to get to the letter you want in order to type a word."

"Is that bad?"

"No, it's just a bitch and takes longer to write a message, which is supper frustrating when your pissed and fighting with someone. It usually comes out as gibberish in that case." She handed me my phone back and I stared at the message wondering who it could be from as I thanked her.

"Don't worry, they say we're going to be able to send pictures soon, and let's hope they are worth a thousand words!" She smiled back at me as she walked briskly out into campus. I headed out of the classroom and slumped into a chair in the hallway to attempt my first text message to God knows who.

It took me forever to type each key multiple times to form each word. Then I looked at the finished product before hitting send, and felt like I was in a Sy fy thriller or horror movie.

SMS_TEXT MESSAGING

Who is this?

The sound was still turned off from when I silenced it in class, but I watched as a little email looking envelope for an icon popped across the screen with three dots indicating I press the home key to open it.

SMS_TEXT MESSAGING 775 248 9002

It's me.

At that moment, I had no one in my life that could be identified through that sentiment alone, yet I knew exactly who it was.

SMS_TEXT MESSAGING 775 248 9002

I got your number from Lynn. I hope that's okay.

SMS_TEXT MESSAGING

I guess there's not much I can do about it now.

I raced through the settings to determine how to save his name to the number.

ADRIAN:

How are you?

I rolled my eyes as I read the last one. Were we seriously making small talk via messaging from two thousand miles away? Two people who had never spoken on the phone or even emailed. We had email for the last three years, why didn't that strike his fancy? It was a hell of a lot easier than typing one key three times to get each letter of a word out. What did he want?

ADRIAN:

NYC, huh? You made it to the Big Apple.

ME:

That's what my address says.

ADRIAN:

SMART ASS.

There was a long pause, and I had no idea what to write or if I should. Maybe he was just sending a salutation on his new toy, like how you nod and tell someone "Happy Holidays." Maybe he was just letting me know that after all these years, he finally got my number. I looked down before I got antsy enough to put my phone back in my purse and head to my next class late. And then I saw the notification envelope again...

ADRIAN:

July...

And that was it. An hour and a half went by in my Art in non-Western Civ class, and nothing more. Again, maybe I was supposed to respond to that. Although I didn't know it at the time, I had bigger fish to fry than what to say back to Adrian via typing on the tiny screen of our own version of a portable chat room. Technology was wild.

I wasn't prepared for the fact that the little SMS_TEXT MESSAGE-ING envelope popping up on my phone would not only make me late to class more than that day but open up a whole new level of Adrian occupying my thoughts on the regular. Something two thousand miles had failed to stifle. 

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