It seems so weird to me going to Eurovision. I've been obsessed with that festival for years, and now, being able to represent my country feels unreal, when I heard my name I couldn't help but burst into tears and close my eyes, letting my mind fly. When I came back to reality I noticed that I was between Jann's arms. I started to feel bad for him, he looked so sad even tho he was trying to cover it with a huge smile, I knew he needed a hug too, so I also wrapped my arms and hugged him tightly.

—Don't let this ruin your magic, you've won the televoting! People loves you! You're so much more than this, I'm so sorry —I whispered in the quietest way I could, I drew circles on his back, we kept like that for some seconds, I heard his voice quieter than mine.

—Thank you, don't be sorry, you deserve it —we broke the hug after he left a kiss on my hair.

The hosters asked me to perform my song once again and I had to say yes. The rest of the artists stepped on the corner, I smiled at Jan, he was such a nice boy, and I felt so guilty for turning off his smile today.

The first seconds of "White Glove" were heard on the studio, I started to sing and my soul left my body, I couldn't believe that I was going to represent Poland at the fucking Eurovision Song Contest. The song was going pretty well, I could whine the others dancing at the back, so I went to them and grabbed each hand and took all of them to the middle one by one, there was just one person left, Jann.

In the moment I approached him he started to shake his head saying no, I insisted by shaking my hand extended to him, after some seconds of us locking eyes, he smiled and grabbed my hand, but when I started to walk to give him a moment to shine, he walked faster and walked me to the middle, to spin me and do a reverence.

The festival was over. We all were in our dressing rooms when I had the hunch to go to check Jan's mood. You may be asking ¿why am I so worried about him? Easy, when we knew we were going to be rivals on the festival, we started to talk, and somehow we became kind of friends, he was always so cute and polite with everyone, once we talked about why did we signed up for the selection for eurovision and he told me that his fans asked him to, so I imagine he is feeling like he disappointed them, and I wanted him to know that he didn't.

I said bye to my management team, we were supposed to go partying to celebrate, but I told them I was so tired and they totally got it, I didn't mean to lie but I felt helping my friend more important now.

After some minutes of overthinking I finally got into Jan's dressing room, I knocked three times and after literally 10 seconds the door was open. I felt devastated as I saw Janek's face, his eyes were puffy and his face looked like he just dried it.

—hi —was the only thing he said.

—hi —I answered shortly—. I was wondering if you wanted to join me for a movie night? I know we had one last weekend but I want to spend this moment with you...

He thought for some seconds but said yes and asked me to get in the dressing room so he can grab his things, Marta and Anna were there too, the duo congratulated me and smiled, I congratulated them back and smiled with them.

We kept talking about random things until I felt Jan's touch on my shoulder.

—Let's go.

Shrek started some 50 minutes ago. Janek's head was peacefully resting on my chest while I caressed his long hair. I could hear him whispering the lines of the movie, and I could just smile at that.

—You can say it out loud if you want, janku.

—Nah, it's fine, I don't want to yell.

I knew he was sad, and I hated being part of the reason, so I just got up and paused the movie.

—Jan Rozmanowski, don't be like this. You are way more than this festival you know?

—It's easy to say it when you won.

It broke my heart, was he mad at me? I was feeling so guilty already and it made me feel like the worst friend of the world.

—Are you mad at me?

His eyes filled with tears and he just pulled me into a hug.

—No, I'm sorry, it's just that I- I don't even know what am I feeling but don't think I'm mad at you cause it's the last feeling I'm having —He started to tear up and all I could do was hug him back and tighter.

—I don't. I'm sorry, dear.

He kept whining as I caressed his hair and face. After some minutes I grabbed his face and made him look at my eyes.

—Listen, I know that you feel disappointed, but I swear that you are the most talented and beautiful person I've ever met. This is just the begging of your career and I promise that you'll get all what you deserve, cause you're such an amazing person with the purest heart of all Europe —he giggled and I wiped out his tears.

—You know that I love you, right? I'm so sorry, you just won the festival and are going to represent Poland at the fucking eurovision, your biggest dream, and I'm here making you comfort me, we should be partying instead of watching my favorite movie.

—Being here with you is the best way to celebrate my victory, I don't want to party when I can be here on my room with you and your dumb movie obsession —he took one hand to his heart pretending being offended but couldn't handle his acting for over than 6 seconds, laughing together.

—Oh Hanna, you did not called Shrek a dumb movie —Jan said before attacking me with tickles.

—Janek! Stop! I'm sorry I'm sorry, Shrek is the best movie I've seen —he stopped and stepped back with a satisfied smile.

—Good girl —if I have to be honest, those words sent a shiver all around my body.

After that, we just went back to our cuddling session but instead of watching Shrek, we had a long, deep conversation about my excitement and fears for Eurovision, and for the first time since the end of the festival, I saw him with a natural smile, and that friend energy we used to have started to disappear. And that was the exact moment I understood that he was my real win, who knows? Maybe the future holds something more than friendship for us.

hi, oh it's been a while <3
Ok I'm back, I just wanted to post this today to talk about tu bije serce europy 2023 and to express how proud I am of Jan for all his achievements since, exactly a year ago (I know that February 26 was yesterday but I've been pretty busy). I'm quite sure that I'll post a second part of this one, so lmk what do you think!
Remember that request are always open, you just have to write it on the request post when you start reading the book.
Love ya! Bye.
mic xx