TW: self harm(?)

-Come on darling, open the door, let me in. -I heard Janek's voice behind the door of the bathroom, I always forget that he has my house's keys. I don't want him to see me like this, not now.

"Won't you forget me now
Just for an hour or two
I don't want that image of me
Burned into your memory"

-Luna please I promise it's gonna be fine, just let me in, let me help you.

"It won't happen again, I swear
I've heard it before, you see
I wanna see what you preach turn into reality
What else can I do or tell you
To make you believe?"

Jan started to knock the door again, harder than before, I just look at the floor, feeling more tears falling down my eyes, my breath fails and my heart starts to beat faster. I don't find any solution than scratch my arms and legs with my nails til I feel pain. I promised myself not to cut but I can't help myself for scratching my skin, it's not that much, right?

"Won't you forget me now
Just for an hour or two
Let me destroy myself
It's not like it's something new"

-LUNA OPEN THE DOOR NOW PLEASE. -Jan starts to yell with nothing but worry coming out of his throat, why does he think he can help? He doesn't even know me, if he sees me as I really am he would run way, as everyone did, people always pretend that they care about you but at the first second you ask for help they end turning around or even backstabbing you.

"You know, I just tried to help
That's what you tell yourself
But the truth is way easier than this
You don't like to see my tears"

I start to feel my skin burn and when I look at it I see red lines, it wasn't bleeding but there were some marks, I started to feel stupid, I'm overreacting about it, these aren't something important, and if jan comes in and sees them he'll think that I'm trying to get attention.
I got lost in my thoughts til I hear Jan again

"Feel the heat on my brain
Tell me, does it feel the same to you?
Tell me, is it as hot outside?
'Cause I haven't left my head in a while now
I cannot be the only one who boils their mind
With guilt and shame for things no one knows they've done"

-Luna, angel, please, just let me in, I promise I won't judge you for anything, you should know that u don't have to feel scared with me. -I don't know what did his voice to me, but my body acted by itself and unlocked the door, letting him open it, I couldn't hide from him anymore.
He opened the door and ran to me, kneeling in front of me, I couldn't hold myself anymore, I just broke right infront of him. Jan stayed for a few seconds without doing anything, just watching my scratched body, but he went back to earth and hugged me tightly, stroking my hair and caressing my arms.

"I don't think I can escape the pain
I guess I need a break
From all these thoughts in my head
Would it help if I bled?
Sweat and tears turning red"

After some minutes of silence, just listening to each other's heartbeats and breathing, I heard his voice in a soft tone
-Darling, please promise me that you'll tell me when you feel like this.

-You won't like me like this, im not the person you know.

-Luna, I'll stay by your side every time you need to, and even if you don't want me, I'll come to hug you and tell how much I love you, and how amazing you are in all the ways possible. I don't care if you aren't how you show to the world, I don't want you to pretend with me, I wanna meet the real you, with all her problems, and I want to help you to solve them. -I can't love him more than this, he's the best soul alive.

"And if I gave up halfway
By my side, would you stay?
Would you love me anyway
Even if I won't be the same?"

-I just don't know what is happening with me. On the last months it's been so hard to me to smile, to laugh, to feel happy, I don't know how to explain it, like, sometimes when I hang out with my friends, I feel like a compromise to laugh, it's only with you or Sunny that I do laugh, like, genuine. Am I making myself clear? -I started to get trouble with the words, Jan just gave me a comfort smile, grabbing my hand- like, I feel empty, people don't know me anymore, like, it's so hard to me just to be happy, I can't even smile without forcing it, know what I mean? -Jan caressed my cheek and hugged me again, tears kept falling.

"Won't you remember me
By the smile that you once ignored?
The one that I couldn't withhold
That now is so rare to see
I hope by the time we meet
It won't be so hard to tell
If the smile that I greet you with
Is the same as the one you know"

-Luna, if you let me, I promise I will help you, idk how, but I'll give my best to see you smile again. I love you, no matter what. If u need a break I'll help you trough it.

"I need a break from all these thoughts in my head
Would it help if I bled?
Sweat and tears turning red
And if I gave up halfway
By my side, would you stay?
Would you love me anyway
Even if I won't be the same?"

-Thank you janka, you're the best person I've ever met, I'm sorry for pulling you into my mess. -He just stared at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, resting his head on mine.

-It's fine, it's not like you weren't a mess before. -He joked, I punched his shoulder, resting my head on it.

"I need a break from all these thoughts in my head
Would it help if I bled?
Sweat and tears turning red
And if I gave up halfway
By my side, would you stay?
Would you love me anyway
Even if I won't be the same?"

-idiot, I love you.

-I know, I love you more. Maybe you should stay at home next week, I'll bring you all my notes from classes. Also I have an excuse to come to your house without begging my mother.

-You know that my mom is coming back next week right?

-So what? She loves me, just look at me. -He put his hands on his chin and blinked many times.

-ofc she does, just look at those eyes. -I hugged him, he's by my side, someone wants to stay and help... maybe it's gonna be better.

Hi, oh it's been a while <3
I don't know when did this came to my mind but I felt kinda relieved writing it.
Last year I used to scratch my skin til it bleed, but I never cut, bc I felt scared of it. I know it might sound stupid but that's how I felt. I'm sorry if I sound disrespectful with people that actually did cut, but that's how I managed my mental health at that moment, so I didn't want to write about something that I didn't know. I don't know if I'm explaining myself right, but anyways. Hope you guys can feel this shoot, it meant a lot to me bc this song means a lot to me.
Remember that request are always open, bye<3