I wake up with a pounding headache. I have no idea what happened last night but by the looks of it me and Brendon had some fun. Brendon is still fast asleep in bed. I get up because I need to get rid of this headache. I trip over our pile of close on the floor. I should probably clean this up so brendon doesn't do the same thing. I grab our close and bring them to the hamper. I hear something fall out of Brendon's pockets I look on the ground and see a pill. What did- I dig through Brendon's pocket and find more pills. What are these? I count nine pills. I set our clothes in the hamper then walk out into the kitchen. I set the pills on the counter. I grab out the bottle of ibuprofen. I compare
the pills. They look nothing alike. I get some water and swallow the ibuprofen.

I wait about ten minutes for Brendon to wake up. When he walks out into the kitchen he greets me but I ignore him, "What are these?" I ask Brendon. "I-I don't know. I don't remember what happened last night," he stutters. I can tell he's lying just by looking at him. "Did you take something last night?" I ask. "I don't know," he straight up lies to me. "Why are you lying to me? I will look up these pills if I have to," I threaten. "No!" Brendon runs for the pile of pills on the counter. I try to get to them but I'm only able to get one pill. "What are you a drug addict now?" I ask him. "I'm not a drug addict! I didn't take any of these and I don't know how I got them. Now can you give that back so I can get rid of them," Brendon begs. "No I want to find out what it is first and then I'll get rid of it.

"For christ sake Dallon why don't you trust me?" Brendon asks. Oh my god does he seriously think I'm that stupid. "Because you're fucking lying!" I shout. Brendon runs to the bedroom slamming the door shut. I run after him but he locked me out. "Bren don't do this!" I beg. I hear nothing for the next fifteen minutes. I decide to Google the pill. I type in the numbers on the pill into the search bar. I'm shocked at what pops up. Why does he have laxatives?  I hear the toilet flush from outside the bedroom. "Brendon open the goddamn door!" I yell. He opens it up. "I flushed the pills," he says. Has he not figured out that I can tell when he's lying.

"Did you take all those pills?" I ask. "Did you not just hear me say I flushed them?" He says defensively. "No you didn't! Why are you taking laxatives?" Then suddenly a light bulb goes on in my head, "Are you taking these to lose weight?" Brendon looks down at his feet. "Why?" I lift his head so that he's looking at me, "You're perfect the way you are." "I'm not! I'm disgusting! You don't want to admit it because you're scared I'll start starving myself again!" Brendon yells at me. "You know that's not true. I thought you were recovered," I say. "I've never been recovered! You think this is something I can get over but it's not! I'm broken! I've been broken!" He yells at me. "But you've been eating," I say. "I've been throwing it up! I don't remember the last thing I've kept down!" Brendon starts crying. He falls to the floor covering his face. I hold him in my arms. After he starts calming down I ask him, "Did you take all those pills?" "I'm sorry," he apologizes. "What am I gonna do with you?" I ask. Brendon starts laughing. I'm not sure whether it's a sad or happy laugh, I'm just glad he's not screaming or crying.

"Well I don't want you to make yourself throw up but if you don't you're gonna be shitting all day," I tell Brendon. He squeezes his eyes shut. "I know," he says looking up at me, "Can you just stay out here? I don't want you to see me do it." I nod my head. Brendon leaves for about five minutes. All I hear is running water. How am I so stupid. This is the second time he's gotten away with eating disorder behaviors around me. I just thought since he was eating he was recovered. I'm the worst boyfriend ever.

Brendon comes out into the living room. "I think I should start going to therapy again," he says, "I actually found this group online. They run their meetings in a church just a couple blocks away from here. It's not like the one we went to though. This one is kind of like alcoholics anonymous but for people with eating disorders. They have meetings every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday." I try to see if he's lying but I don't sense it. "That sounds great. So there's one tonight?" I ask. Brendon nods. "I could drive you there on my way to the store," I tell him. "What are you going to the store for?" Brendon asks. "It's a surprise," I say. "Okay," Brendon half smirks. I mean at least he's attempting to change the mood and I'm happy about that.

After binge watching Lucifer on Netflix all day and ordering room service around lunch and dinner, yes I made sure Brendon didn't use the bathroom after we ate, it's time to take him to his meeting. We take the elevator down to the lobby. Luckily we didn't run into Awsten. I'm still unsure about that kid. We head straight for the exit. "Race ya to the car!" Brendon says. He obviously got the head start and makes it there first. He climbs in to the passenger seat. I get in the drivers seat. I type in the name of the church into google maps on my phone. Then I start up the car and we make our way through this new city that we're trying to get used to.

I pull up to the church Brendon climbs out of the car he walks over to my side of the car, I roll down the window. "Stay safe my love," I say. He hides his face because he's blushing. "I will," he says. He leans down and presses his lips to mine. It's a short kiss but it meant alot to me. This will be our first time away from each other since the move and that kiss just let me know that he was gonna be okay without me. Brendon then turns and walks away. I hate to see him go but I love to watch him leave.

I start up the car and punch in the store name into google maps. It's about a five minute drive away but knowing L.A.s traffic it will probably take much longer. I drive through the traffic patiently until I reach the store. The pet store. I think right now what Brendon really needs is a new friend in this big city. I walk straight towards the dogs I look around at all the dogs. I think I should get him one he can hold. Most of the dogs were pretty big until I came across a black and white Boston terrier. She's perfect. I get one of the employees to grab her for me. We go to the check out. I decide on the name Penny Lane just because Brendon always says that if he ever gets a pet he would name it that. I also buy a cage, dog food, a collar, a leash, a food and water dish, treats, a dog bed, and some dog toys. Brendon is definitely going to be excited. After what happened this morning this should definitely cheer him up.