I was still in Bucky's arms as we stood in the lift. We both stayed silent, well I was leaning on Bucky in the Avenger tower lift. To be honest the silence disturbed me.

"Could you put me down please?" I looked into Bucky's blue eyes.

"Sure." He gently set me down.

I stood by his side, well this was weird. "Let's not talk about this." I didn't even turn to speak to him. I didn't need the awkward tension. "The kiss, the chase; hopefully Becky will forget about the whole incident."

"Alright," was all he said.

More silence.

"It was a good idea by the way," I whispered.

"What was?" Bucky turned round to face me.

"The room and the kiss," I explained, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"What happened to let's not talk about the kiss?" Bucky raised his eyebrow at me, tilting his head.

"Ummm..." I shrugged.

"Let me guess..." Bucky coughed. "It's complicated," he said in a high pitched voice with a dodgy British accent.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Very."

"Let me know if you want to unravel the complicated things, doll." Bucky politely smiled at me before turning back around.

I too felt myself smiling. What the hell was this guy doing to me?

"What are we gonna tell 'em?" Bucky swung forward on the balls of his feet.

"Aren't you the older, wiser person?" I asked, walking to stand next to him. "So therefore you're responsible."

"You can look after yourself." Bucky looked at me, his expression unreadable.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"I just tagged along for the adrenaline," Bucky smirked at me.

"Mmmmhmmm," I tapped the foot of my right leg. My metal leg.

"You're going to have to tell them about your leg," Bucky looked down at it. "It's going to come out sooner or later."

"Hey guys, just a little conversation starter: HYDRA made me the winter soldier mark two," I raised my eyebrows at him. "I know you don't trust me now, and want to put me in a cage, and will probably do tests on me like they did-"

"They'll try to help you, Zoe," Bucky's tone was soft as mine grew harsher.

"I don't need help, not theirs, not anyone's, especially not yours." No! What was I saying? Too soon were the words out of my mouth doing more damage than any weapon. I didn't cover my mouth instead I stood frozen, shocked by my own words.

The words hung in the air before Bucky spoke "I'm sorry." He didn't look at me, instead he kept his eyes trained on the lift doors.

I laughed - it was a harsh, forced sound. "What for? You're not the one having their memories come back in shards from dreams and reminders." It was me that was being the bitch. Shutting him out again.

"Ummm..." His cheeks went slightly red. He had been through what I was going through right now - he had had to piece himself back together. Diaries in his backpack just like the diaries in my backpack - quick and easy to grab if I needed to move again, run again.

"I'm the one who should apologise, I'm just... A bitch." I looked away, embarrassed. "You can't do anything about what happened. It's happened, it's in the past. Let's just get on with the future, like you said..." There were so many things I wanted to say, to do - so many unspoken words that lingered on my lips that couldn't say: I don't deserve your love, you don't deserve to be dragged down with me.

"I'm also sorry for what I'm about to do," Bucky took a deep breath.

"What?" I asked, tensing as I looked to Bucky.

Bucky's right hand wound it's way round my waist. "This," Bucky's lips were on mine before I could do anything about it.

I sighed his name onto his lips. I couldn't love him. I couldn't love anyone. Not after what had happened to me. I'd only end up bringing them down with me in my desperate search for happiness. But for now I could just play along, I wasn't a heart breaker. Or was I? No, I was just in denial. Our lips moved slowly, in synch, perfection. Why was he kissing me now? After all I'd done? I was just going to hurt him, drag him down with me. I couldn't let this carry on. I couldn't do this to him.

Bucky's eyes shone with tears as his hands left my body. I'd just slapped him. He'd already said sorry for nothing. I'd hurt him again, I had to apologise again."I'm sorry, I just..." I felt my voice crack. "Can't. I really can't." I stepped away from him as the lift door opened.

"Zoe." Becky rolled towards me, watching me warily as I hobbled.

"Hey," I shrugged. "I'm sorry about-"

"Forget it," she laughed, picking up some crutches from the floor. "I understand that some of us need to live life on the edge."

"Thanks," I mumbled as she handed me some crutches, what can I say? My sister knew me too well.

"So, are you two... Together?" Sharon asked, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Come on we need to know," Becky chimed in.

"She's my best friend so if you break her heart, I will attempt to kill you," Sharon said a smile playing at her lips.

"Trust me, I'm not the heart breaker," Bucky answered. Why did I get the feeling that was aimed at me? I deserved it.

I stood silent. Well this was awkward.

"What's wrong with you?" Sharon asked, gaze landing on me.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"What's your ans-"

"No, myself and James are not together," I snapped, my crutches cold against my arms. I was pretty sure it wasn't my crutches that were cold. It was my heart. I swung past him. Past Bucky. I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I couldn't see his wounded expression at my words. I needed to make it clear I wasn't interested. I didn't have feelings for him. I didn't get butterflies when I looked into his eyes. Or that's what I was trying to persuade myself at this precise moment in time. I wasn't in love with James Buchanan Barnes.

Silently Bucky left the room. No. I played him. I'd broken him. Someone who had tried to fix me. I'd pushed him away, like everyone else. Maybes I was just destined to be alone. I deserved-

"You twit!" I looked startled at Becky. "I'm not going to die knowing you turned down the best thing in your life! Go after him!"

"Why? He doesn't deserve me, my baggage, my problems - he can do better, much better."

"Two broken souls can make a whole, Zo. Now go after him!"

The eyes of the remaining Avengers who were awake watched me as I followed Bucky. I didn't care anymore. I loved him, and it was about time I told him, not worry about trying to protect him. Bucky knew what he was in for and he still tried to get close to me. I couldn't hurt anymore people, the twit that I was. I had to fix things, for Becky.

I stood in the doorway of his room as Bucky chucked random clothes into a suitcase. His backpack next to it on the bed. "What are you doing?" My voice was meek and it shook.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving." Bucky quickly looked at me before looking back at his clothes - a mess in his case, no order or structure.

I stepped forward. "Why are you leaving?"

"Because I don't want to be here anymore." He shut the suitcase, resting his palms flat against the top of it. "I know when I'm not wanted."

I walked into the room, shutting the door. Tossing the crutches to the side, I stood beside him. "But I want you here."

"Oh really? I can't even tell the lies from the truth with you anymore. Don't you have somewhere to be?" Bucky snapped, still not looking at me.

"No I don't have anywhere to go. I'm alone. And you're not going anywhere." I shoved him to the side and sat on top of his suitcase. "I won't let you. If anyone's leaving here tonight it'll be me, you were here first. I've only been here nearly a week. Say the words and I'm gone, James."

"Move." Bucky clenched and unclenched his fists. His blue glare scared me, it was as if the winter soldier was glaring down at me right now.

"No, Barnes." I crossed my arms. I was a winter soldier too.

"Please, Zoe," Bucky sighed, his gaze softened.

"No." I would be just as stubborn.

He lunged for me, chucking me over his shoulder. "Yes." He picked up his suitcase and backpack, heading for the door.

"Put me down!" I hit him on the back.

"No."

"Where are we going?" I asked, ceasing my attack.

"Somewhere." Bucky's voice was monotone.

"Could you at least put me down," I begged. I slid down his front as he set me down. I wrapped my arms round his chest. "Don't leave." I felt like a small child, my head on his chest - his heart racing in my ear.

"Zoe..."

"Please... Please don't. I..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was now or never. "I love you and it scares me so I did the only thing I know how - I pushed you away. I'm scared that me caring about you will get you hurt and I don't want to drag you down with me. I don't want HYDRA to get to you again because I could never forgive myself for it, for having the chance to save you from them, from myself and I never did. It would be selfish if I didn't push you away, save you."

There was thump as the suitcase fell to the floor. I gripped him tighter. He would not leave me. I gripped him by the shoulders, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.

Bucky stared back at me. His mouth hung slightly open as if he wanted to say something but he never did.

"Becky and Sharon think I'm not scared of anything. That's not true. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of loving, of losing." I took a deep breath. "I don't want to get hurt, get people hurt. I push people away because I'm scared of getting them hurt." Something wet slid down my cheek. Silence. "Say something, please." I pulled at the fabric of his shirt.

"How do I know you that you won't push me away again?" Bucky's blue eyes bore into mine as I looked into them - expression unreadable. "That you will take it into your own hands and decide for me whether I get to be in your life or not. I've only known you a week, but I think we both know we've met before, been there for each other before - me more than you. You left last time, how do I know you won't leave again?" Last time, there was a last time?

I let out a sigh. "Because I'm sticking around, and I give you my word, there's nothing I can say about the last time because I don't remember the last time," I answered, my gaze unwavering. "I promise I won't run when Becky... When she's g-gone. I'll stay... For you. I don't remember last time, I had no idea there was a last time, James - but if I could take turn back time I wouldn't leave you. I would stay even in the pits of hell to be by your side." Those last words... They felt familiar, like I'd said them before...

"How do I know that though, doll?" Bucky pushed his hair off of his forehead.

"Kiss me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, more words that I'd said before. Another stabbing shard of a memory I didn't know I had.

"No," Bucky said, stepping back from me.

"Please Bucky, kiss me."

"No." And then he smiled. A small one unlike his other smirks. "You kiss me, doll."

I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him towards me. And I kissed him. A kiss which was desparate and passionate and gentle all at once. I needed him, more than I liked to admit. He was vulnerability someone like me shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it.

"I love you, Bucky," I whispered, pulling away.

"I thought you'd never say it, doll," Bucky whispered. "I love you. I'm so glad you found me again."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I whispered.

"I wanted to be sure it was you first, let you remember yourself but you weren't... So I thought I'd kick start your memory, of us. You said you'd come back to me." Bucky pulled me closer. "And you did."

I looked at his lips. He looked at mine. "I'm so sorry, Bucky." I reached up, kissing him.

Bucky's smirk widened underneath my lips. Bucky lightly pushed me to the wall, careful to avoid the suitcase on the floor. I let my hands wander to the back of his neck. Bucky lightly bit my lip, asking for entrance. I laughed against his lips, tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck. I wouldn't let him in, yet. Bucky's hand slowly wandered down to my waist, electricity and heat following his hand. I yelped as he pinched my arse. He took advantage of it, his tongue now exploring my mouth. I pulled his hair as our tongues danced, deepening the kiss. Man, it had been ages since I'd kissed a guy who was this good. My back touched the wall as I wrapped my right leg around his waist.

"You're not supposed to be able to that," he muttered against my lips.

"And?" I replied reaching for his shirt buttons. A cold hand slipped under my shirt, tracing circles on my back.

"Mr Barnes and Miss Frost you are wanted in the living room." Friday. Damn it.

I slowly slid my leg back down, my cheeks flushed. "Well this going to be awkward," I laughed as I started doing his shirt buttons back up, the five buttons easily slipping through their loops.

"I do believe you're leading me astray, doll," Bucky laughed, stepping back and getting my crutches.

"I do believe I am," I said, taking the crutches. "Apparently I did before..."

"Ladies first." Bucky smiled, holding open the door.

I swung out. Silence. The entire building was static. Why was it so quiet? I swung faster to the living room.

Becky was out of her wheelchair. On the ground. Bruce knelt over her. My heart plummeted to the floor. I ditched the crutches, running over to her. I knelt on the other side of her. No. No. No.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking her hand. It was freezing, like ice in my hand.

Bruce continued working as he spoke. "She's-"

"I'm dying, a few minutes left I think," Becky whispered as Bruce injected her with something. "Turns out I lied, I don't have a week."

"No," my voice croaked as my throat tightened. "No, Becky, no."

Becky nodded flinching. She was in pain. "Love you, Zoe."

"I forgive you - not that you needed forgiving the first place, you were never in the wrong." I brought her hand to my chest. "I love you, Becky, don't leave me."

Becky didn't move, her grey eyes focused on the ceiling. She didn't blink, her breathing shallow.

"Say something," I whispered. "Keep talking to me." I gripped her hand tighter. "Say something..."

"I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you." Becky quoted, her laugh strained. Really, right now?

"Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up-" my voice broke as I fought against the tears.

"You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye," Becky's eyes fluttered open. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid, Zo."

"I won't," I whispered, voice raw. "I promise."

"See you later alligator," Becky smiled, eyelids falling closed. Her grey eyes disappeared, gone forever.

"In a while crocodile." I gripped her hand. Her now limp hand. Her chest was still. So very still. "Say something," I whispered. Nothing happened. No movement. No breath. No life. My sister was gone. "Becky?" I cried, the tears cascading down my face. "Rebecca?"

"Zoe, she's gone. I couldn't do anything I'm so sorry." Bruce couldn't look at me as he spoke.

Everyone in the room was silent.

I nodded, whispering "I know." My hair stuck to the tears on my face as I put my cheek against hand.

A gentle hand was on my shoulder. I gently set Becky's hand on her ribcage, looking to see sapphire eyes.

"I'm here." Bucky outstretched his hand.

I took it, shakily standing up and burying my face in his chest. "She's gone," I half mumbled and half sobbed.

"Come on," Bucky soothed, hugging me close.

I don't know how, but I was being carried to a room. I didn't care, all I felt was empty and hollow. My big sister was gone. Bucky lay down as he set me by his side. I hugged his chest as I rested my cheek on his side. His right arm wrapped around me. I just cried. Becky was gone.

"Say something," Bucky whispered. "I'm worried about you, doll."

What was I supposed to say? "Don't leave me... Please."

"I won't doll, ever." A light pressure on my head. A kiss.

"Good," I mumbled, my cheeks cold from the tears, my eyes sticky. I shut my eyes as Bucky's rhythmic heartbeat sent me to sleep. Though I'm pretty sure the tears never stopped. It had been little more than a week and so much had happened...

***

My hands were entwined with the winter soldier's as we lay in a cell. The floor was covered in grime and the windows were cracked and filthy.

"They're shipping me out tomorrow - to America, Pierce wants me there for a mission." The winter soldier's voice was by my ear, my back against his chest. This was one of our rare moments of solace where HYDRA would let us lie together before our next mission. We'd met six months ago - trained together, slept together. When we were supposed to be training we'd slip away from the other super soldiers and sit in the cell. HYDRA hadn't found us yet, discovered out recluse. Both of us were just as confused as the other. No name. No identity to cling to. Just each other. He'd call me doll and I'd call him soldier - a laugh for the both of us. The only laughter in the entire base.

"Do you know what for?" I lifted up our left hands, admiring the way they fit together - his metal hand in mine.

"To take out a few targets, they're wiping me first though - are they not shipping you out?" The soldier sat up, breath against my neck.

I now sat in his lap, bringing our hands onto my thighs and staring down at them. A single strand of my hair hung in my eyes. "They're wiping me and putting me into storage until they have use of me. We won't remember any of this." I gripped his hands tighter.

"Nothing..." The soldier mumbled, lips pressing against my neck.

I twisted in his lap to face him, blue eyes meeting mine, my hands on his shoulders. "If this is the last time I see you then I need you to know I love you, soldier. I may not know who you are, I don't know who I am but that's the one thing I do know in whatever this is."

The soldier placed his hands on my hips, smiling. "I love you too, doll."

Boots thudded against the floor.

"They're coming. They've found us." We both sprang up. We'd been caught.

I turned to the soldier, putting my hand on the back of his neck. "I would stay even in the pits of hell to be by your side, soldier."

"Come back to me..." The winter soldier's lips brushed mine as he spoke.

"Kiss me." I pulled him closer, our bodies flush against each other.

His lips were on mine - strong and powerful. And then they were gone. The soldier was being dragged away. HYDRA soldiers held me back and others dragged the winter soldier away.

"I'll come back to you, I promise," I called after him before pain laced down my spine. They were wiping me now. I fell to my knees. A scream sounded from the room next door. They were wiping him too...