I ran after Becky across the bridge. The sun was bright streaming through the trees above us. "Come on Zo!"

"Coming!" I smiled. I was young, unaware, innocent and free. Untainted by the world. My Doc Martens hit the pavement harder as I ran after my sister.

She stopped suddenly and pointed at a struggling swan. The water in the river had risen and rushed passed the creature. "Look." Becky pointed at a struggling swan. It's white feathers were muddy as it thrashed it's wings.

I lifted myself over the railings of the bridge. It was slippery but if I was careful I would be okay. "I'll save it."

"Be careful." Becky touched my shoulder.

"Always am," I muttered, reaching down to help the swan. Pressure appeared on my ankles. Becky was holding me. The swan stopped thrashing looking up at me, it was trapped in some netting.

"It's okay," I whispered, gently freeing it. The swan flapped its wings before swimming away.

"Zo, come on!" Becky cried, her grip tighter on my ankles.

"I'm com-"

Her hands slipped.

Cold water stung my skin. A wave went over my head. I was being dragged down stream. I fought desperately to keep my head above water.

"Becky!" I cried, helpless. Water splashed over my head again. "Help!" I thrashed, trying to keep my head above water.

"Here!" I looked up to see a hand. I took it. They pulled me out of the water. I coughed and spluttered.

"It's okay." Someone hugged me.

I looked up into the eyes of an ageing lady, her brown waves turning to grey. "My friend's best friend was a gentlemen he would have helped you," she sighed. "James Buchanan Barnes, or sergeant I should say." She smiled at me ruffling my hair. "Always with the ladies."

"T-thank you," I whispered, shivering despite the warmth of the sunlight on my skin.

"No, thank you," she whispered, standing. "Be careful..."

"Zoe," I answered.

"Be careful Zoe." She patted my head before walking off. "Steve..."

***

"You betrayed us!" Pierce screamed at me. His tie had gone and his glasses lay smashed on the floor. The buttons at the top of his shirt were missing and red decorated his cheeks. Anger warped his features into a grotesque mask.

"You betrayed us!" I snapped from inside the glass cage I was in. "You lied to me! I'm remembering things, not enough to know who I am but enough to know that what I'm doing is wrong!"

"S.H.I.E.L.D was part of HYDRA all along!" He yelled back. "You rang your sister and told her about you, about HYDRA!"

"Bastard!" I screamed, hitting the glass with my fists. I was so confused, so lost. So many questions ran through my mind: Why? How? When?

"You will pay for your sins after this," he glowered, leaving the room.

My feet suddenly felt very wet. Water. They were trying to drown me. Shit. I pounded on the glass. Nothing. Again. Nothing. The water was at my hips. It was filling too fast. I would not drown. I would not drown. I kicked the glass with my right leg. Nothing. Water soaked my t-shirt. I would not die. I hit the glass again. I was... I was scared for once. I was now floating in the water. No! I tilted my head to breath. Come on, come on! What did Tris do? What the hell! I'm not divergent or part of a book! Whoa, a book? Why did I remember that?

I kicked the glass one last time, my leg slow with the water. Nothing. I was submerged now. My lungs were already burning. "Breath!" Was being screamed in my head. I opened my mouth to breath...

The glass broke and Pierce stood over me. Splinters of glass dug into my skin. Red mixed with the water. "We'll have to kill your sister she knows too much." He stepped away from me. "You'll kill your sister."

"Wait." I grabbed Pierce's leg. "I'll do anything please, just don't touch her."

"Such as?" Pierce looked down at me - his eyes held no pity, empty or sympathy - they were cold and harsh.

"Insert the shocker, do anything just please don't hurt her." I scrambled to my knees, keeping Pierce's gaze.  "I don't remember who she is but I know I can't let you hurt her."

"It's done, prep the soldier for surgery," Pierce barked, nodding at two guards. "You won't remember anything ever again, and if you do, it will be gone before you know it."

The guards picked me up, dragging me into the room next door and strapping me down. Surgical tools lay next to me, gleaming in the light. A cloth was shoved into my mouth. Whatever they were going to do it was going to make me scream. The memories were like shards coming back in painful bursts at certain moments, mainly in sleep. Parts of me which drifted back and dangled in front of me before disappearing before I could fully grasp them.

Pierce stood at the door, watching me. "Longing." No, not those words.  They hadn't used this method in years.

"Pain."

A surgeon entered the room, picking up a scalpel and pushing my head back. I bit the cloth, none of the surgeon's actions were gentle.

"Ninety-six."

The scalpel touched the skin of my neck and then dug in. I screamed into the cloth. I had to this, for Becky. My sister. I didn't even know I had a sister. I counted the memories, reciting them over and over again in my head. I had to cling to whatever shred of identity I had.

"Daybreak."

The word pounded inside my head as the doctor let go of me, taking a metal device from his pocket. The shocker. It had been thirty minutes now of agony.

"Ice."

Grey eyes. Becky. That was my sister's name! I wasn't alone in the world, I had a sister. The surgeon inserted something into my neck, linking wires.

"Nine."

I closed my eyes, trying desperately to remember more of my sister. Her eyes slipped away from me - kind and warm. They slipped from my memory, it was being wiped clean. What was her name again? I reached for another memory, a desperate attempt. Nothing.

"Cold."

Stitches. They were inserted harshly into my neck, pulling at my skin. I couldn't focus on the pain, I had to remember. I searched the darkness, there had to be something. Nothing. There was nothing at all.

"Homecoming."

I screamed again, trying to block out the words. This wasn't me. I had been someone. I was someone. But who? My name... It had begun with Z.

"One."

Another stitch. She was gone, whoever she was. I couldn't remember. Where was I? Who was I?

"War."

The pain stopped. I stopped searching. There was nothing. I was no one. No more questions. Cold antiseptic touched my skin. I hissed from the sting of it. The surgeons touch was gone.

"Soldier?"

I let my eyes flutter open. I couldn't move, my neck stiff and throbbing. I was ready. "Ready to comply," I muttered before darkness consumed me.

I woke up startled, coughing and spluttering. I was on the floor. Damn, I'd fallen out of bed. I touched the back of my neck. There was no scar. This was a new memory. HYDRA had put something in my neck...

"I'm glad you're awake," Becky sat in her wheelchair at the end of my bed. "We're having sword fighting lessons!"

"What?" I asked standing up, pulling my vest top down. I was on high alert right now. I had to check out my neck. What was there? What as a shocker? It most definitely had a tracking device. Everyone here was in danger. HYDRA knew where I was.

"Now." Becky was practically bouncing. "Come on! Come on!" She chucked me some trousers and a top. "Be out in ten minutes or I'll send Bucky and Sam in." She smirked at me, wheeling away. She was in danger. I'd fought to protect her, gotten the device so she would be safe.

I stuck my tongue out at her as she left. It didn't take long to get changed. I looked at my neck in the mirror. There was no mark, I couldn't feel anything under my skin. I quickly headed to the living room, trying to leave the uneasy feeling in my stomach in my room.

"Brace your arm for impact," the instructor told Becky as I entered the room. No Bucky in sight. Not that it mattered. I scanned the room for cameras, there were three.

"Wrong," I muttered, picking up a pancake and taking a large bite.

"Excuse me?" The instructor raised an eyebrow at me, looking displeased. He wore a shirt emblazoned with his company name and a pair of loose fitting trousers.

I kept the pancake in my mouth as I swung over. I picked up a sword dropping my right crutch. I waved the sword in the air, performing a block. My bicep tightened, my arms were very toned even underneath the long sleeves of my top. I put the sword between my legs, eating the rest of my pancake.

"And you are?" The instructor held his sword tighter, glaring at me.

"Zoe, you?" I shrugged. I wasn't in a good mood. All I could think of was the device in my neck, what was it?

The instructor straightened, pushing back his hair from his shirt. "Harold Dean the third."

I laughed, choking. "Nice name."

"How dare you insult me!" He stamped his foot.

I laughed again, watching his actions. "Or what?"

"I challenge you to a fight." He flipped his sword in the air, catching it. So he could catch a sword, no biggie.

"Okay." I took the sword from my legs, weighing it in my hand. "Excuse me dear sister, I have a quarrel I must solve." I was a master of martial arts before the serum, after the serum I was lethal.

"Zo!" Becky rolled back.

I stepped in front of her, swirling my sword. "The world champion of back alley sword fighting must sort this man out."

"Oh." The instructor's face paled, shuffling his feet. "I did not know. Can we not consort?" Harold stepped back, his sword shaking. "They say that you are lethal." Man was this guy funny, he was worse than Thor.

Everyone watched me, especially Fury. His hand hovered to his holster, twitching.

"Consort? What, dost thou make us minstrels? If thou makes us minstrels, look to hear nothing but discords. Here's my fiddlestick." I slashed my sword through the air quoting Mercutio. Man I love you Shakespeare.

Laughs erupted around the room as Harold drove his sword forward.

I blocked, looking to Becky. "Like this Becca."

"Zoe will you look what you're doing!" Becky's knuckles had gone white gripping her chair wheels.

I looked back to see Harold slashing. I brought my sword up, disarming him. The room filled with a metal clatter as his sword hit the floor. His eyes fell to the floor and then back up at me.

I pointed my sword at his throat. "In back alley we rarely get survivors who aren't winners." I traced his collar bones with the sword, my pressure not enough to draw blood. "In a real fight, you win or you die, there is no losing." The cold inside of me was surging forward, replacing kindness with hostility and sympathy with harshness.

His eyes widened, the stupid English stereotype was scared. "I am sorry."

"Zoe," Becky's voice was only a whisper but it was enough.

I shook my head. "Good job we're not in a back alley." I lowered my sword. The cold lingered in my limbs but it didn't come back.

"Thank you, dear-"

I raised the sword again. "No Harold, just no."

"I shall leave now." He picked up his sword and ran to the lift, leaving his two other weapons in the room. Oops.

"Zoe Frost what the hell are you doing?" Becky nudged me with her chair. It was a hard ram, she was royally pissed.

"Do you bite your thumb at me dear sir?" I asked innocently.

"You're an idiot. I can't believe you did that, you're not in a back alley anymore he doesn't mean any harm." Becky rolled her eyes, poking my leg with her sword. "You're stupid."

"Yes, Sam is isn't he." I smirked, twisting the sword in my hand.

Becky glared up at me before continuing "How am I supposed to learn how to fight now?"

I stroked the swords edge. Red. It bled slowly from my finger. Damn, I'd cut myself. I sucked my wound. "Me."

"But you fight dirty." Becky crossed her arms, officially pissed.

"But you fight dirty." I stuck my bottom lip out, the cold was back again. "In the real world everyone fights dirty, suck it up sister." It was better to push her away, knowing HYDRA might still have control of me.

"And you'd know that how?" Becky shouted, grey eyes flashing with anger.

"How? I went to war, I saw your husband die before my eyes. I was tortured for information about S.H.I.E.L.D, but guess what I didn't tell," I sighed. "HYDRA forced me into being an assassin. I know the world fights dirty, I've experienced it first hand and in order to survive you have to fight just as dirty back."

Silence settled around us. No one looked at me. I looked at my finger, it had stopped bleeding for now.

"Sorry but you were being a slight bitch." Becky tapped my arm.

"Stop being mean to Sam," I muttered, looking out of the window and not at my sister.

"Don't bring me into this gal, you're going down by yourself," Sam laughed from the sofa. That I was.

I took the sword in two hands. "More strength."

I forced my right leg to bend. "Better stance means you're less likely to fall over and more strength for your blows."

I slashed, the sword moving with ease through the air. "Chest."

I slashed higher. "Decapitation, my favourite. But you have to drive it, or it'll hit the neck bone and get stuck."

"Zoe!" Becky hit me again. "At least let me watch a fight then."

"Anyone?" I scanned the room, the sword hanging by my side. All eyes averted my gaze. "Anyone?"

"I will." Bucky appeared, hair sticking up. He wore a loose red shirt and jeans.

Becky nudged me again, taking my crutch from me. "Have fun, frosty."

"Shut up," I snapped. I swung the sword in a figure of eight. "Alright."

Bucky took Becky's sword, a crooked smile on his face. "I'll go easy on you, doll."

"I won't." I stepped back, slashing close to his face, inches from his cheek.

Bucky didn't flinch, instead his smirk grew wider.

"How are you gonna win?" Fury asked. His hand was no longer near his holster. No risk of casualties now.

I shrugged, blocking a hit from Bucky. And another. "I can't move, so... I'll just block."

A hard hit, our faces inches apart. Black expanded making blue disappear. "So, are we-"

I spun round, hitting his toe with my crutch.

Swords touched again, blue eyes inches from mine. "Together?" He whispered.

"No." I pushed his sword away. I had to push him away, I had to protect him from HYDRA.

"The kiss meant nothing then." Bucky slashed again, it was harder this time.

I parried. "Nothing at all." I slashed. He blocked. "Just adrenaline."

"Alright doll," he whispered.  He didn't believe me I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I'd lost my edge in the lying game.

"Shut up snowflake." I slashed his chest. A thin line of flesh showed.

"Wow, undressing me now?" Bucky swapped hands, using his left hand to drive his sword forward. My right cheek stung.

I leapt forward. Red appeared on his right hand. His sword clattered to the floor. I pressed the tip to his throat. Please say that put him off of me.

"No I'm not undressing you, just winning." I smirked, chucking the sword to the floor, limping away with one crutch.

He kept step with me, whispering "Don't forget what I said about pushing."

"Maybe I'm just not interested." Because me kissing you was not me showing interest at all... Well done, Zoe.

I sat down next to Becky. I was fuming. Anger coursed through my veins - that one piece of information in my nightmare this morning and it had made me into even more of a bitch than normal.

"We're going dancing tonight." My sister smiled at me, meeting my gaze.

"Why?" I looked away from her, shaking my head.

"We're going dancing tonight, you love dancing." She was trying, really trying. And here I was being a bitch.

"You are, I'm not. I loved dancing, it's in the past." I stood up, leaving my crutches on the floor and hobbling to my room. I didn't need any help, I didn't need anyone. I had to leave before HYDRA came to collect what they'd lost.

The minute I was out of sight I walked normally, nearly running to my room. I slammed the door shut. But it never clicked into its lock. I turned to see who it was.

"What did you dream about?" Becky sat holding the door open. Her grey eyes weren't angry, they looked sad. "You're in a really bad mood, like worst mood ever, worse than PMS."

I rolled my eyes at her, closing them, I had to remember the purpose of the shocker. "It doesn't matter." I sat on my bed, crossing my legs underneath me.

Her wheels made a little noise on the floor before I felt her hands grasp my right knee, as she looked up at me. "Yes it does."

"Let go," I whispered. Save yourself.

"No, I will not let go." I could feel Becky squeezing my leg.

"Yes."

"Tell me please." Becky took my right hand in hers, squeezing it. Warmth. Comfort. Love. Three things I thought I'd never find again all there in just one motion.

"I remember what they did to me after I rang you." I opened my eyes, looking at Becky, trying to keep it together. To banish the lump in my throat, the burning in my eyes. "I remember the activation words so vividly now. If someone says them then I'll be back to square one. And then they put a shocker in my neck because I told them too. I remember how they did it now."

"Why did you let them put it in you?" Becky asked, keeping a tight hold of my hand.

"I... They were going to kill you, I couldn't remember your name at the time but I knew I had a sister - you - and they said they would kill you so I made a deal with them." I looked away from my sister, shaking my head and standing up. "I hate what they did to me, what they made me into."

"I do too, but at least I have you back now." Becky tipped her wheel chair, hugging my waist.

My left flesh leg gave way. She sprawled on top of me, giggling. She was a petite person but the weight of the wheelchair was a little painful.

"Please get off," I muttered underneath her and the wheel chair. Becky on the other hand was crying with laughter.

"It's not funny." I crossed my arms, unable to move. "I might need my pelvis one day you know. Help!" I yelled, hopefully someone would hear.

"Or very soon," Becky whispered, winking. She looked down at me, a cheeky smile on her face.  "Bucky..."

"Ewwww, no." I shuddered. "Now get off of me."

She rested her head on my chest. "I'm comfy."

"I'm not." I huffed, staring up at the ceiling. Plain white and of no interest.

"Grumpy," she muttered.

"Happy," I mumbled back.

"We're going dancing whether you like it or not," Becky mumbled from below my chin. "I don't care."

"No," I groaned as Sam lifted her up. "Take your bloody time..." I glared up at him, propping myself up on my elbows.

Bucky stood with his right hand outstretched, a thin red line on his skin, my crutches in his other hand.

I sighed, taking his hand. There it was again - warmth. "Thank you."

"S'alright, doll," he whispered, looking down at me. "I'll always be here for you."

"Are you a fan of cheese?" I stepped away, taking my crutches from him.

"I can see why one of your nicknames is frosty," Bucky laughed, shrugging off my comment.

"I'll see you tonight, you better show up." Becky smiled at me before following Sam. "You have to."

I sat back on the bed, watching my sister leave. My chest tightened. I would go to the dance, I couldn't let my sister down like that. She wouldn't be here for much longer.

Bucky still stood in my room, watching me. "Going to leave?"

Bucky shook his head, sitting down next to me. "I know you're hiding something, doll. Underneath all of those layers of ice there's the old you, the you before the war and you're pushing her away. I saw a glimpse of her yesterday."

There was no point denying that I was hiding something. I was. "Yeah well that was all you're going to see. She died a long time ago."

"You should talk about it, if not to me then someone. What HYDRA did to you - you don't have to go it alone," Bucky's voice was soft and soothing.

I shook my head, putting my face in my hands. "Some things are better left unsaid, James."

"It'll eat you away inside until there's nothing left unless you say something. I don't want you to say anything now but you need to know that. Just speak about it and don't suffer alone." A hand touched my right knee. Right now I didn't care if he felt the metal, figured me out. He was right. The lump in my throat simply grew in size.

"Stop trying," I mumbled.

"Trying what?" His hand squeezed my knee.

"Trying to save me, I'm too far gone. Trying to see good in me when there is none. You don't deserve to be tied down by someone like me." I looked at Bucky then, really looked at him. The way purple bags hung under his beautiful, piercing sapphire eyes and his hair had split ends. The way stubble ghosted his face and neck and his lips were a wonderful shade of pink.

"Stop trying to save me then, I'm an adult I can make my own decisions - I get to choose who hurts me and who doesn't. I brought you these -" Bucky leant across me and placed two plums on my bedside table from his pocket. "- you only had a pancake for breakfast, and these are good for your memory." And with that he left. Shoulders a little stooped and hands in his pockets. Well done Zoe, within one morning I'd hurt two people who actually gave a damn about me. At least Sharon wasn't here or I'd have hurt her too. I pulled my knees to my chest and felt cold trails fall down my cheeks. The life of a killer was always destined to be a desolate one.

***

Music blaring from the living room is what woke me up. Not a nightmare for once. I'd slept peacefully for once in what felt like forever. My cheeks were sticky and throat dry. Rebecca needed me and I was going to be there for her - foul mood or not. The mirror showed no remnants of tears as I brushed at my cheeks and took a deep breath. I picked up the plum seeds and chucked them in the bin, grabbing my crutches and swinging into the living room just as the song finished.

Tony stood in the middle of the room with Pepper in his arms. "Friday play heart by heart by Demi Lovato." They looked so happy together, absorbed in each other's gazes.

Sam held Becky's hands as she laughed, grey eyes crinkling at the sides whilst Thor dwarfed Jane in his arms as she smiled up at him. Steve held Sharon, they were both talking, quick exchanges of words that I couldn't catch. Natasha laughed as Clint daddy-danced by himself, well it looked more like he was having a seizure but at least he was trying. And then Vision looked down at Wanda with admiration as she spun around before finding herself back in his arms. Okay, too cute.
Bruce was obviously in his lab, which only left one person... Blue eyes. I frowned, I couldn't find him.

"Can I have this dance, doll?" I turned around. Bucky had his hands outstretched, a small smirk on his face.

"When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for..."

I put my crutches to the side, taking his hands. I couldn't hurt him anymore today.

"When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold don't let go..." The irony.

He led my hands to his shoulders as he started to sway to the music off to the side of everyone else. "You know how to dance, doll?"

"Yes." I turned my head to the side. I couldn't look at him. Not at the way he was looking at me right now - as if I hadn't hurt him hours ago.

His hands rested on my hips, the left hand a lighter pressure than the right. I wouldn't break...

"No, there's no one else's eyes that could see into me..."

"Stand on my toes, doll." Bucky's cool breath raised goose bumps down my neck as it hit my ear. My heart automatically started to race.

I stood on them, suddenly scared. What was I doing? This wasn't a killer's move, this was something that made me vulnerable.

"I won't let you fall, doll." His breath caused more goosebumps yet his voice in my ear just made my breath hitch in my throat. I found myself reminiscing our kiss yesterday, his lips on mine...

"Okay," I mumbled, unable to form anymore words after that.

"Enjoy hurting me, doll?"

"When you're touched by the cloud, that has touched your soul, don't let go. When someone comes into your life, it's like they've been in your life forever..."

"No," I whispered, gripping his shoulders.

"Why do it then?" A single kiss on the cheek. "Why push me away?"

"Because..." Yes Zoe, why?

"Because you're afraid of getting hurt." We swayed some more. "You know when you dance you're supposed to look at your partner, doll."

"I'm good," I muttered. "And you're right." And I don't want to hurt you but I have to.

"Thought so." Bucky spun us around again, his grip on me never faltering.

I went to look at Bucky just as he went to kiss my cheek. My lips touched his. I didn't pull away. Demi Lovato's vocals soared, just like my heart did. Bucky's cologne washed over me again and I found myself losing what little control I had had before he started whispering in my ear.

"No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No one else's arms can lift, lift me up so high. Your love lifts me out of time, and you know my heart by heart..."

Someone wolf whistled.

I just wrapped my arms around Bucky's neck, ignoring whoever it was.  Bucky's grip on my hips got tighter and his tongue was at my bottom lip just like yesterday. I parted my lips, putting my hands in his hair. Our lips moved in perfect synchronisation, his taste of coffee now in my mouth. Everything I'd done was completely forgotten. For now.