Book Title: A world with its true colors shining

Author: 

Review:

1. Cover:

(A)Positive Aspects-

-The background coding idea was great

-The character face claim is wonderful (Though I'll forever know her as Annabeth Chase, Lol.)

-Basic requirements for the cover completed (Title, username, etc).

(B)Parts requiring improvement-

-The main story title gets lost in the coding, color combination is poor.

-The little badges in the corner destroy the purpose of the cover, which is to attract the readers.

-The font style does not go with the background image.

(C)Suggestions- You should try different font styles for different headings, like one for the title and one for username, etc. The heading's color must be changed it seems to fade into the background, you should try using contrasting colors. The little badges in the corners need to be removed, you can put them in a separate chapter in the story itself. If you (absolutely) need to use them then put only 1 badge with the highest achievement. The face-claim too can be improvised, for further details on awesome face-claims you can try the WeHeartIt app.

2. Title: I'd be very honest with you, the title is a throw-off. I get that you wish to adjust the whole theme of the story in a couple of words but it's just not the way to go. The title ends up covering the whole cover, not leaving enough space for the graphic to make its effect.

Also, the problem with the on-going/on-hold/completed stuff is that if you add it to the title then the title stops being just that and becomes descriptive as well, believe me, you do not want that. suggest one-worded titles, if that's not possible then try something with a maximum of 3 words.

Like, "The color of revenge" or something along those lines.

3. Summary: The description is pretty basic & though it highlights all the major themes of the story, it needs to be refined. First of all, while introducing the character, the trick is to explain enough but not too much. You must reduce the number of adjectives used since the 'typical teenager' part pretty much explains how she's like. The sentence length in summaries must always be limited. Like instead of;

But, as well as living the normal teenage life Alyx has a massive secret to keep, with fatal consequences if it were to be told."

You can use; "While having a normal teenage life, Alyx has a secret, a secret big enough to destroy everything she stands for."

Since your theme is Revenge, you must stress the word, try to get its essence, and depict it in the summary.

4. Character Building: No one knows the character better than the author. While this is true, the fact that the reader knows nothing about the character is also true. You need to treat the readers like children, spoon-feed them with all there is to the story. The main issue was that you introduced far too many charters all at once. There wasn't enough description to limit the effect of these introductions, so as a reader, One might feel overwhelmed with all the characters. There were too many to keep you with, you must try to flesh out there character traits as well, try to introduce a maximum of 4 characters only (per 3 chapters). I suggest that you slow down the pace of your story and break it up for the reader. Don't introduce them all at once, let their chance come as they feature in the story itself. The main character, Alyx looks like a serious bad-ass (which is the category of characters I love) so I would like if you explained the cyborg part of her personality at a later time in the story, first ease the readers into the whole high school experience, and then make the twist. It would both provide your story with a different angle and sudden interest. Also when you introduced Ryker something was missing and I know this is going to sound cliche, but there were no sparks. Since I am not good at writing romance myself my suggestion on this is totally from the readers' point of view, some people hate the redundancy but at the end of the day, you need those freaking sunshine and rainbows to enjoy a good romance. I get that it's not the main theme, but I think if you stress just a little bit on it then when the secret comes out, you can make a wonderfully dramatic scene. I love Alyx's mother! Like seriously, being excited about hosting a party, with the whole teenage shebang, for a mother was a total twist. Sincerely no one expects the parent character to be fun in this way, kudos on that.

5. Grammar: To be honest the grammar wasn't that bad, you managed to make sure that you skip spelling errors, and as such I couldn't find many punctuation mistakes either. The grammar needs very little editing, you could either find out an editor or try using Grammarly site (The site can do wonders to your writing style, trust me). There are only minor mistakes, but due to the presence of plot-holes, they seem quite big. I could suggest some editors if you wish, comment on the inline space reserved for the author whose book is being reviewed and I'd be sure to help you out. So I believe you deserve an above-average score on this part of the story.

6. Plot: Finally the thing which I wanted to talk about! The basic plot or the actual gist of the story was brilliant, I don't know how you managed to create such a twisted version of reality. But, when I read the actual story there were quite some points that require focus.

(A) First of all, whenever you write a story in the first person, you must never, and I mean never try to do the introduction part through the character, most readers find it both cliche and childish. You could of course try to do it with the help of another character, but beginning a story with, "Hi, I am so and so, and I have these qualities," is a big no-no. I would suggest a non-cliche starting, something unusual like perhaps the middle of a conversation, a fight, a flashback, a kiss for god's sake, literally anything which you don't read often in most storybooks is an immediate go-to. Don't do the alarm clock thing, it is usually a red sign for some readers (believe me I suffered the other end of this part).

(B) The drug part where she wakes up at the hospital is a bit sudden too, again I would suggest that you slow the pace of your story. If you don't know how to fill in the blanks between these major things, then I have only one thing to suggest, Read. You must read as many novels as you can, based on the same themes as yours, once you understand the semantics, you'd easily be able to fill in the gaps.

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~theloner