Book title: Leonardo

Author: Yummychocochick

Review:

1. Cover-

(A) Positive Aspects:

-Clear representation of the story's main theme

-Characters introduced (face reveal)

-Basic requirements of cover completed (Title, username, etc)

(B) Parts requiring improvement:

-The girl at back doesn't look quite fit into the cover background.

-The clothes worn by the characters don't go well with the background color.

-The werewolf head is a bit unappeasable to the eye, a faded version would be better.

-The moon shouldn't be at the back of the guy's head, it gives a halo kind of effect (if that's what you were going for then it's fine)

(C) Suggestions: The character outfit should either be bright to contrast or dark to fit in with the background. The werewolf out of the moon is a great concept, but it would look better if the wolf was a bit faded. You can try the WeHeartIt app for better face-claims and try new sorts of fonts in the cover.

2. Title: I liked the title of your story. It's quite ominous and suites well with your descriptive summary. I like titles describing the characters' traits as an individual, but Leonardo is just as good. One-word titles are overall better than long ones so good job on that.

3. Summary: The description was pretty great with all the necessities duly mentioned. But, there are some small things which can be changed. Like instead of;

"The cycle of struggle for untangling the tangles is bound to complete."

You can use;

"The cycle of struggle goes on and soon the shackles of slavery are bound to untangle." Or something like that.

Also while introducing Amanda you should try to describe at least one of her character traits, The fact that she's human doesn't tell the readers anything about how she's as a person. The fact that you put questions at the end of your summary, makes it a bit mysterious and leaves the reader yearning for more. But, here too the said 'promise' in the second question is quite vague and so turns out to be confusing. You must try to change the wording of the sentence.

4. Character Building: The first thing I noticed about your characters was that they were a bit realistic ( focusing on the 'bit' part). Although I liked the way you tried to show Bella as a bit robotic/ monotonous while with her family, her character has something missing. I am not saying that the character is in any way incomplete, but the fact that she had cracked ribs and was able to go on hugging people while resisting the urge to wince is a bit unrealistic. Her traits were however great, absolutely loved the fact that she wasn't a scared human as shown in most books of the same category. Here too I would like to mention, a person who experiences that much abuse tends not to be trusted in any way, so the fact that she opened up to Natasha and Xanthos (even if it's just a little bit) and accepted friendship was not quite right.

Moving on to Xanthos, I have to admit I was unable to find any problem in this character. But, when in the second chapter his wolf came out when Bella bowed to him, (I assumed it did) it wasn't that clear that it was his wolf. You must try to add on some lines and look into that. Her (Bella) brother's character is confusing though. The fact that he somewhat saved her when his mother tried to kill her during the car ride was a major twist in his character trait. Usually, a person capable of doing violence doesn't just stop doing it or prevents someone else from doing it. Other than that the characters were great.

5. Grammar: The grammar was okay. There weren't enough errors to completely interfere with the story, but there are some issues that need fixing. There were times where your tenses went a bit haywire. The usage of past and present tense at numerous places was incorrect.

You also need to go through the punctuation with dialogues. If the dialogue is followed by a verbal tag (Like, 'he told', 'he exclaimed'- or anything which refers to how the dialogue is being expressed by the character), there should be a comma before the closing of the inverted commas. Also if there isn't any verbal tag present, use a full stop. This rule doesn't include exclamations and questions, they must end with an exclamation mark and a question mark, respectively.

There were some spelling errors as well, but they can simply be edited by a spellchecker so look into that. But otherwise, you did a pretty good job with grammar. I hope this helps you to polish your grammatical errors.

6. Writing Style: Kindly pat yourself on the back because your descriptions were wonderful. You did an excellent job while trying to describe the emotions of the characters. And, since I love to talk about emotions a lot, you surpassed my expectations.

Most writers end up changing the character at such a fast pace that they forget to focus on how the character is supposed to feel given their past and the situations they face. Even though I would have liked it better if Bella showed some signs of depression/anxiety of something like that to blend in with her past, it didn't much affect the story plot. Since your story depicts some heavy themes like abuse (both mental and physical) I think you should try to fit healing time in between too. Other than that your style is quite fluent.

7. Plot: I've read quite a few werewolf stories, and I have to admit I haven't read about reincarnation anywhere except Chinese historical fiction, so this was new. Your plot progressed at a steady rate, the fact that you didn't waste any time in describing the daily things (bathing, brushing teeth, getting ready, choosing an outfit, etc) was great. Unlike some authors, you managed to stick to the important details so kudos on that. Though the alpha and human mate concepts were a bit redundant, you managed to twist it quite well so the result was wonderful. The overall plot hardly had any plot-holes, so good job on that.

8. Special Request: (Interest) I would be completely honest, when I started reading the story I completely forgot that I was supposed to be reviewing and ended up reading 10 chapters at one go. So yeah, the story was very interesting, I might just end up reading the whole if I get time. Good job, I loved your story.

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~theloner