Book Title: Divine hearts among the sky

Author:  ihazel_

Review:

1. Cover- No words except two, Fucking Mindblowing! : ) (virtual know tows)

2. Summary- First of all, I liked your description. It perfectly summed up the entire story, and so I had to dig a little deeper to discover the faults. Let's look at this line;

"Because I think it's my duty to keep you safe, right now"

The phrase "It's my duty to" maybe unnecessarily wordy. Consider replacing the phrase with a simpler alternative. Wordy phrases such as "has an ability to" or "has an obligation to" may weigh down your writing and can make it hard to understand. You can often replace these phrases with simple and concise words like 'can' or 'must'. Here, I suggest the usage of "I must" or "I have to".

Also, the "right" in 'right now' acts as a redundant expression. You should avoid such expressions when possible as they have extra words that add no new meaning to the phrase. You can use the term "now" to explain it clearly and concisely.

You mention something about an eerie look, but I would like to state that the word eerie is used to represent something strange or frightening, so it's not the correct word choice here. I suggest the usage of, uneasily, rattled, etc.; to describe an anxious or unsettled response.

3. Grammar- I would be focusing on the first paragraph of the 1st chapter here. But I would like to point out a mistake which you made quite often, the usage of onomatopoeia was often incorrect in various places. Onomatopoeia means "to make a name (or sound)." That is to say that the word means nothing more than the sound it makes. The word boing, for example, is simply a sound effect, but one that is very useful in making writing or storytelling more expressive and vivid.

Many onomatopoeic words can be verbs as well as nouns. Slap, for instance, is not only the sound that is made by skin hitting skin but also the action of hitting someone (usually on the face) with an open hand. Rustle is the sound of something dry, like paper, brushing together, but it can also indicate the action of someone moving papers around and causing them to brush together, thus making this noise. For example, some words related to water sounds include-

bloop

splash

sprinkle

squirt

dribble...

Now, moving on with the in-depth discussion,

" Walking and crying is not a good idea. (1) I realized after walking on the empty, deserted(2) road. The empty road was surrounded(3) by dense trees, the crickets were chirping, and I could hear the sound of my feet shuffling(4)."

(1) Here, this phrase must be in italics to signify that this is going on inside the character's mind. Writers here tend to use this to differentiate between thoughts that are being spoken and those that are in the mind, this can also be a way to express that the character is talking to themselves.

(2) Here, the words empty and deserted are being used to define the same things even though their meanings are different. What I mean to say is, usage of both these words creates a redundancy, so use either of them or use a different set of words altogether.

(3) Revise "was surrounded" with an active voice. An active voice makes it clear who is doing what. In an active sentence, the person that is acting is the subject. Passive sentences obscure or omit the sentence subject. You can use passive voice when the sentence object is more important than the subject.

(4) Shuffling of feet is again a wrong usage of onomatopoeia, shuffling is associated with sliding (the feet) along the floor or ground while walking or to move with short sliding steps, without or barely lifting the feet. However, in this case, a more appropriate word choice would be "I could hear the sound of my footfalls" or "I could hear the leaves crunching beneath my feet." (I think that the second option will add more imagery to your empty road vibe)

4. Character Building- Bella's character was what you'd call a typical damsel in distress, at least that's what I gathered from the first few chapters, I hope you'd try to change that fact to make the character a bit more interesting. Next, her trusting level surprised me a lot. I honestly admired the fact that she was able to trust Isaac so quickly to allow close contact and even shared some of her fears with him. But, this trust might be confused by naivety by some readers, they may think that the amount of trust shown by her was not in sync with the character's past. Due to this, I suggest that you must increase the time in between she learns to believe in Isaac. The next major flaw I found was in Kayla, the fact that she readily told Bella about her sister's death was a bit shocking. From what I understand, wolves are generally pack-animals and have the instinct to trust only those who are in their pack, you might argue with the fact that Bella was the Luna and so also was a pack member. But, despite this, we cannot ignore the fact that the truth came ut pretty quickly if Kayla would have left it at, "I lost someone close to me," Then it would have been understandable. Also, one teenie weeny request, could you maybe add some alpha related attributes in Isaac, so far he gives a lot of totally sweet best friend vibes.

5. Plot- I have only 2 words to describe your plot, fast-paced. A lot of things happened in a short period, Bella went to a stranger's home, became his cook, and got quite close to his family all the while found comfort in Isaac's words and actions. All of this if placed correctly and put in an efficient order will ensure more interest in your story. What you can do is add small moments in chapters to increase their bulk size, like after entering his house, add in a royal description of its setting or add a nightmare or two when she's sleeping or initiate a conversation between the earlier temporary cook and Bella or add more to the ride back to Isaac's home in the 1st chapter, etc. All these things will allow the reader to adjust to the constant emotional swings thrown in the 1st three chapters and also help them develop a deeper understanding of Bella's character.

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~theloner