Book Title: Heart in a shell

Author:  Osasucyy111

Review:

1. Cover- I did not find any such anomaly in the cover and the color scheme was quite coordinated. The only thing I wanted to point out was that I would recommend that you do not use a face claim for the cover as then it becomes the basis of your story. When we see the most famous books we notice that they use a particular object to signify the whole book. For example, in the book "The Great Gatsby", the author has used various symbols. The eyes on the cover represent J.T. Eckleburg's eyes on the billboard in the valley of ashes. The irises of the eyes with nude women lounging in them represent Jay Gatsby's views about and future with Daisy. They also represent the wealthy, since this book strips away their outer shell and shows their true nature. The eyes and lips also represent Daisy. The green tear represents the green light. And lastly, the blinding lights and signs represent the "roaring" 20's and Jay Gatsby's huge parties, just a big charade to get Daisy to love him again.

So, using a mere face to represent the whole story might not be such a good idea. I believe you must add some other objects as well. Something indirectly related to the mystery you mentioned in the summary.

2. Summary-

"HE was looking for himself but found HER instead..." (1) Rachel Morgan had always believed her mum's excuse for moving the family every single year was because of work. However, an unexpected discovery makes her suddenly suspicious, and she feels it's somehow connected to their frequent relocations and her constant nightmares. Richard Davis always thought there was a void in his life, a missing piece of a puzzle that would make him whole again. Feeling a huge, essential part of his life was missing, he looked to alcohol for the answers. Unexpectedly, Richard stumbles upon the missing piece of his life: the reason for all his troubles! Now(2) these two lost souls meet in Hampstead, London and (3) are shocked (4) to see that their lives were connected (5) in more ways than one. They form an unusual friendship, deciding to find out the truth for themselves. But then they realise (6) that just maybe this truth was more than they bargained for. Especially when these secrets are linked (7) to imminent danger. Nothing is ever as it seems with High school drama, panic attacks, secret phone calls, stalkers, life threatening (8) notes and (9) more. Follow their journey in this young adult novel filled with mystery that will always keep you at the end of your seat, as these two open up (10) deep family secrets while fighting for their lives and maybe, also battling growing feelings towards each other.

For (1), I understand that you intend to focus on the words 'he' and 'her' but making the text bold in a disorderly manner is not a good idea. If you want to press on these 2 words try italics form or underline it.

For (2), It appears you are missing a punctuation mark after the interjection 'now'. I suggest you add a comma.

For (3) and (9), It seems that these sentences contain a series of three or more words, phrases, or clauses. Add a comma to separate different elements.

For (4), (5), (7), Active voice makes it clear who is doing what. In an active sentence, the person that is acting is the subject. Passive sentences obscure or omit the sentence subject.

One must use passive voice when the sentence object is more important than the subject and active voice otherwise. So, I suggest that you revise this sentence and decide with which category you should go with.

Example (subject, object)

Before: Our results will be discussed.

After: We will discuss our results.

For (6), Realise and realize are different spellings of the same word, and they can be used interchangeably. I'd suggest you use 'realize' since it's preferred in American English and most computers or devices follow American English only.

For (10), Where possible you should use a simple word over a complex word. Simple words are easier to read and let your readers focus on your ideas. So, you must replace open up with open.

For (8), It's missing a hyphen. So, use "life-threatening" instead.

Other than these grammatical errors, I'd also like to suggest that you try to reduce the length of your summary to make it short and catchy.

3. Character Building- I loved Rachel's character. You managed to break off all the new girl cliches, and her personality was cool. Her emotions were explained in great detail and so I automatically fell in love with everything about her. The only character I wish to talk about is the villains. I hope you have a strong background story for Harry relating him to everything and how exactly he became the way he is. I can't wait to discover the next startling thing about his character. You did jump to the cliche of football groups in high school and so I hope the background story is captivating enough to help you out of that big hole. Next about Charlotte, is she going to remain as a side role only? Please tell me you have something planned out for her, I usually find myself directed towards side characters like her, I hope she has some significant part in the story later.

4. Grammar- There were some small mistakes but they did not affect the plot much. Here I am focusing on the starting of the prologue only, but if you need help in editing then I could recommend some writers to you.

Focusing on the first sentence instead of writing, "Everywhere was pitch black." You can use, "Everywhere was black."Or "Everything was black." You should avoid redundant expressions when possible. A redundant expression has extra words that add no new meaning to the phrase. By eliminating redundant expressions you will make your writing more clear and concise.

Next in the sentence, "The scent of wood filtered its way into my nostrils but something else overpowered it." Use a strong verb for scent. A hidden verb (aka nominalization) is a verb made into a noun. They often need extra words to make sense. Strong verbs are easier to read and useless words. Try to revise 'The scent of' with 'smell' or 'emit an odor'. For example;

'Bonuses are based on the performance of the company.' (Before)

'Bonuses are based on how the company performs.' (After)

In the sentence, "I wasn't sure how but I knew that scent belonged to a female." There is some anomaly. If you put a single 'that' here then the sentence feels a bit tacky, my suggestion is that you use this, "I wasn't sure how but I knew that that scent belonged to a female."

Similarly, there were some other mistakes as well I hope that you would go through the text again and edit accordingly.

5. Plot- I've got no words. Nothing. This shit was simply mindblowing! I was so absorbed in the story that I ended up reading it all at once. The plot was very well structured and you managed to cover the emotional aspect very well as well. The maintenance of mystery and clues had such a great balance that I couldn't help my mind from wondering about various scenarios. I was very much impressed with the writing style and the flow. The best thing was that you explained the emotions part very well, that is the thing which kept me hooked. Your explanation of nightmares was just wonderful. I simply can't wait for the next update! Well done!

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~theloner