It took me twenty minutes to muster up the courage to get out of the bronco after I pulled over on the roadside turn-off. Fifteen steps to trek through the snow to the cross Paul set up on the side of the road. And ten minutes till I finally broke down.

One year. It had been one year since my mother's passing, and it was no easier then, than it was now.

I stood knee-deep in the snow after digging out a ring around the cross, staring down at the crash site. Linda offered to accompany me. So did my dad, but I didn't want to be around anyone tonight. I needed space.

Today marked the first year I didn't spend with the Bells. The first year I didn't go out to the cabin.

It didn't feel right to celebrate. Not that I could. It was better for me to stay as far away from booze as possible. It had done nothing but ruin my life.

My breath lingered before my face—the cold creeping into my FXR coat.

I was still on the team, and I wasn't going to fuck that up. Paul had given me a stern talking and the opportunity to start again, and I wouldn't squander it.

I deserved it and took the verbal lashing. I knew he felt terrible about giving it, but Hadley was his little girl, and I knew better.

I listened to the cars pass by on the highway stretch, the tip of my nose cold, but I didn't move because there was nothing waiting for me. Only an empty trailer full of memories I wasn't keen on reliving tonight. Not without my dad.

He was out with his girlfriend Susan—sober, considering they were both recovering alcoholics, Austin and Alyssa were celebrating at the cabin, and the boys were with Hadley.

The strum of loneliness played in my heart. I'd called my little brother and sister earlier, surprised at how excited they were to hear from me.

It was hard, but I owed it to them to try. It had been a year since I'd last seen them, and I promised I'd go out tomorrow. An awkward endeavour, but it was their first year without my mom, and I could tell that her husband was taking it rough.

I didn't know the first thing about being a big brother or kids in general, but I did know snocross, and they had their own sleds. And if truth be told, I was grateful their dad was allowing me to be a part of their lives.

I didn't know how long I stood in the snow as I contemplated the rest of my life. Of everything that changed, of everything that would change. Not as she approached.

The crunch of Hadley's boots drew my ear. She came to my side, snowsuit on and toque covering her hair.

She never said a word, and neither did I. She simply slipped a hand in mine like she had at the funeral. I clung to her warmth, twinning my fingers in hers. "When did you get in?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"An hour ago," she answered, staring down at the cross with deep remorse.

I glanced behind my shoulder, finding Paul's truck parked just in front of mine. Janelle stood outside next to Nate, Luke and Johnny just as they had a year ago. "I thought you'd be at the cabin," I said.

Hadley took a steady inhale. "I think it's time for new traditions."

She turned, slipping arms around my waist.

I held her tight—apologizing.

"I'm sorry too," she said.

Several mournful moments seeped between us before I said, "I'm not okay, Had."

She dipped her chin in the crook of my neck, anchoring me like she always did. "Neither am I," she murmured. I felt her tears slide along my skin and into my coat as she held me tight. Like she was afraid someone might rip me from her at any given moment.

"I don't want to hate you, Baker," she explained, tears streaming down her face when she pulled. "I don't, and I didn't want to leave like—"

"My mom."

Her lip wobbled, her eyes like glass. "I love you so much," she said, straining against the words. "I want to be with you. I want it to be you and me—the two of us. But I'm scared. I'm scared I might set you off. If something happens to you, it'll be my fault, and I can't live with myself if...."

She trailed off, and I wiped her tears with my thumbs. "I get it."

"I can't lose you," she sobbed. "But I can't sit around and watch you destroy yourself either."

"I know," I said. "It wasn't fair of me to dump my shit on you. I know, and I'm so sorry, Hadley. I'm sorry I abandoned you."

I rested my brow on hers, happy she was here, but—"I don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells around me, Hadley. I love you. I love everything about you, including your smart-ass mouth." My thumb grazed her full bottom pout, and she gave me a small smile. "But I can't promise I won't fuck up," I continued. "I want you. All of you. In our home. I just... I need to get right first."

Some days were good, and sobriety felt like an easy win, but other days... "I don't want you to feel obligated to help me."

She leaned into my palm—sad. "I understand."

I kissed her brow before embracing her. I wanted her. But I needed to learn how to deal with my addiction on my own. My dad was right. My fighter fought too many rounds and was just as broken as me. I couldn't rely on her anymore. I needed to step up. I wanted to. For Hadley. For myself. And if that meant letting her go, I'd let her. No matter how painful it might be.

In the closeness of my chest, she murmured, "But I'd like the opportunity to try."

I smiled ruefully against her toque. "It's a lonely road."

She tilted her head, eyes finding mine. "I'm already lonely. I miss having you in my life. Whenever something good happens to me, you're the first person I want to call. You're more than a boyfriend, Baker. You're my best friend. My home. And I can't imagine a life without you in it."

My heart warmed. "Everything will change," I warned. "I can't ask you to revamp your entire life for me."

"Everything's already changed," she assured. "We've been through hell and back and adjusted every time. We got through it—together, and we'll get through this too."

"And if I fuck up?" She was quiet. "I can't promise I won't. I'm still learning how to cope. I'm not saying I wouldn't try if it meant being with you. You're the only one I want. But I won't hurt you again."

For a moment, she was quiet. "What if we took it slow?" she asked. "One day at a time. If you're willing."

I smiled down at her. "It's not going to be easy."

"I don't need easy," she said. "So long as you're willing to try." Her eyes ticked in mine. "You fought for me, Baker. Now it's my turn to fight for you. For us."

I smiled. If Hadley were willing to stand by my side, I would gladly accept.

"You're the only one I want, Baker."

I kissed the tip of her frozen nose. "You're the only one I've ever wanted, Hadley."

"So, is that a yes?"

I kissed her as deeply as I should have when she first came home. "Yes."

A/N: I swear I didn't cry writing this chapter... much 😭😭

We have one more chapter and an epilogue planned, but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read this book. While Hadley and Baker's story is rooted in fiction a large chunk of it has been taken from life's experience and I appreciate you for coming on this journey with me.

I want to say congratulations to the man who inspired Baker's character for being sober for nearly a decade! And to all the Hadley's, Nate's, Luke's, Austin's, mother and father figures who helped him get there!

Once again this story is fiction, and while Baker and Hadley have a happy ending not everyone can be saved. And it's important to know that it is not up to the Hadley's of the world to save them.

If you find yourself struggling I encourage you to please seek out help. Whether it be through Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, therapy, or any other avenue. Addiction is a struggle, for the one suffering and the pillars who offer support. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself.

Again, thank you so much! Without you I wouldn't have had the courage to share this story.

Now on to the final chapter!