<<Come on!>>repeats Bunce, grabbing my shoulder and shaking me. Does she really think that this will convince me to do what she wants? Well, if she does, she's wrong.

<<For Simon>>she adds, staring at me. <<Don't you want to do it for Simon?>>

I glance at Simon through the door. He's lying on the couch, a can of Coke in his hand and eyes pointed on the TV.

I sigh. <<If it doesn't help him, I'll kill you Bunce>>I threaten. She nodds, way more happy than a person who has just been threatened  should be.

She steps into the living room.

<<Simon!>> He doesn't raise his eyes from the TV when she calls his name. <<We're going on vacation!>>Bounce announces, and finally Snow decides to look at us.

<<What?>>

<<We're going on vacation>>I repeat, because I'm the one that he's staring at. Even if he's looking at me as if I'm crazy, I don't mind. It's been ages since the last time he actually looked at me. Centuries since the last time he really talked to me.

I bite my lips.

<<We're living tomorrow morning>>Bounce explains. <<Pack your swimsuit, I rented a beach house.>>

<<How did you rent a beach house?>>Snow asks, before I can.

Penelope shrugs her shoulders. <<A magician never reveals his secret.>>

<<You know that's also a spell, right?>>

<<Yes, but it's not like I was casting it.>>

I look at Simon, but he's not paying attention to us anymore. I shouldn't have mention spells.

<<Do you want to crush here?>>

I keep looking at Simon. He doesn't say anything, so I shake my head.

<<Don't be late, we're leaving at eight.>>

~

When Penelope said it, I didn't realize that this was really going to happen.

I guess I just didn't think about it. So now Penny is calling me from downstairs and I'm still staring at my closet hoping that clothes will magically fly into my suitcase.

Someone knocks. 

<<Snow?>> It's Baz. It's been a while since the last time he's been up here.

<<Can I come in?>>

I look at the clothes once again.

<<Sure>>I say, because it's not like I can pack in three minutes. That's when we're going to leave, three minutes.

Baz steps in. He looks at the room as he never saw it. Maybe he's thinking about the last time he was here. I'm thinking about it. It was when we still talked, when we still kissed. How much time it's passed since the last time we kissed?

<<You still didn't pack? Bounce is gonna kill you.>> He takes his wand, then he looks at me as to ask for permission. I wave my hand to say that it's okay.

He casts a spell I never heard and my clothes finally fly into my suitcase.

<<Okay, brush your teeth and come downstairs>>Baz orders, taking my luggage. <<I'll bring this.>>

I nod and open the door to go to the bathroom. I look at Baz walking down the stairs, I guess I miss him. I guess I miss us.

~

Simon has been moody all morning, probably because, as he repeated at least a thousand times, he didn't have breakfast. Baz has not said a word since we left, but sometimes I saw him tighten the wheel a little stronger, as if he's trying not to talk.

<<Stop here>>I order, point to a Waffle House on the side of the street. Simon smiles. <<Finally!>>

<<Be fast, we still have at least two hours of driving ahead of us>> Baz says.

Simon doesn't seem to hear him. He gets out of the car and starts walking to the Waffle House, me following him.

At a certain point, he turns his head to the car. <<Are you not coming?>>

Baz shakes his head.

I hope these two will talk once we're going to arrive at our destination, otherwise I don't know what else I could do.

~

The house is huge. I turn my head to Penelope. <<Are we expecting someone else?>>

She shakes her head. <<Just us, but I wanted to be comfortable.>>

<<I think it's even bigger than your house>>I say, looking at Baz.

<<Nah, my house is definitely bigger.>>

When was the last time I was there?

Penelope steps ahead and opens the door.

We follow her inside the hallway. Is this marble? Really? How much did she spend on this?

<<Kitchen is there>>she says, pointing to her right. <<Living room is over there, bedrooms and bathrooms are upstairs.>>

Baz starts walking upstairs, so we follow him.

He stops as soon as he reaches the last steps and I almost fall over him. Penny grabs my hand just in time.

<<There are four bedrooms, but only two are fronting the sea>>Penelope explains.

<<Well, we can sleep together, right?>>

Baz looks at me. It was just a quick glance, but I noticed it and now I don't know what I should say.

Penny's playing with her hair.

<<Actually, I thought the two of you wanted to sleep together>>she whispers.

<<Oh.>> I'm not sure why I said "oh".

<<I think it's better if I sleep alone>>I decide. <<My wings take a lot of space.>>

Baz nodes and just gets into one of the bedrooms.

Penelope crosses her arms. <<Why?>>she asks, with a harsh tone.

<<As I said, my wings...>>

<<No>>she interrupts me. <<I mean why you two are still together if you obviously do not like him anymore.>>

I stare at her, not knowing what to say.

Is it true? I do not like Baz?

No, it's not true. Actually, I like him so much I don't even know how to express it. Crowley, I'm in love with him. But he...he is not. Or maybe he was, he is, but he shouldn't be. He should find someone better, a magician, someone able to say how much he loves him. Even if I know this, even if I repeat this to myself every single day, I still don't have the courage to break up with him. I don't want to.

For a while I hoped that he would do it, but then I realized that he feels too sorry for me to do it.

<<I...>> Penny keeps staring at me, waiting for an answer. <<I do like him>>I say. <<And you're right...I should break up with him...>>I add, lowering my voice. <<I just...>>

<<You shouldn't>>she says. <<You should just talk to him. The two of you needed to get out of that flat in London and spend some time together. This is what the holiday was about. You have to promise me that you'll try, otherwise I will be the one breaking you two apart.>>

<<Okay>>I just say, before entering my room.

~

I freaking hate to be a vampire. I always hate it, but today I hate it even more, because if I wasn't a vampire I probably wouldn't have heard Snow saying that he wants to dump me. It's not like I wasn't expecting it, I was, but hearing it coming out of his mouth it's an all other thing.

I don't know if I'm ready for this.

Or better, I know I'm not, because I love Simon Snow so much I would die for him, but I have to be.

We were never meant to be.

One of us should have killed the other in the end. I always thought it would be him. Then I thought that we could live a normal life, but now I realize I was wrong. Looks like Simon will actually kill me in the end.

~

<<GUYS!>>I shout, looking up to their rooms. <<The beach is going to be crowded when we arrive if you don't hurry!>>

<<Relax, Bunce>>Baz tells me, finally coming downstairs. <<We literally Just have to cross the street.>>

I roll my eyes. <<I know, but I want to get out of here. Would you please go call Simon?>>

He curles his lips. He opens his mouth, then he closes it. I raise my eyebrow.

<<What's wrong with you?>>

<<Bathroom>>he mutters, walking away.

<<Which is upstairs>>I remind him, but he doesn't listen to me.

Looks like I will have to talk some sense into him too.

~

Penny made my wings and my tail disappear, so I can hang out at the beach without having to worry. But I'm worried anyway. Not about my wings, about Baz.

I almost forgot that he's a vampire.

Laying down under the sun probably isn't the best activity for him.

He's wearing big sunglasses that I've never seen before and a baseball cap.

He's the only one here wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt.

<<Do you have a spell for this?>>Penny asks him, pointing at the sea umbrella we just bought. <<I've got no idea about how it's meant to stand up.>>

<<Me neither>>Baz answers.

<<I think I do.>>

They both look at me, but I ignore them and just start digging.

As soon as the umbrella is settled, Baz sits under it.

<<We will just stay for a few hours>>Penelope assures, watching him. <<And if the sun burns too much or you two are bored you can go back to the house, I would not be offended. Actually, I could use some time alone.>>

Baz doesn't answer.

I quickly undress and then I put down my beach towel next to Penelope's.

I lay and close my eyes.

<<This is actually good>>I admit. 

Even if I can't see her, I know she's smiling.

I open an eye to look at Baz. He took a book and started reading it, but he's clearly uncomfortable because of the sun.

I feel sorry for him. I think about what Penelope said to me. 

Maybe I can propose to him to go back to the house. But that would mean that we would be alone. Just the two of us.

It's been ages since the last time I spent time with him alone.

I close my eyes again.

~

As I said, I hate being a vampire.

And I hate it even more on vacation.

The sun it's burning me even if I'm hiding the best I can in the shadow of the umbrella.

I look at Simon. At least he seems happy.

We're doing this for him, I recall. If he's happy, I can endure a bit of sun.

We're doing this for him, so he can break up with me.

I bite my lips and I turn my eyes to the book. After all, I really just want him to be happy.

~

These two idiots really need to talk.

I stand up. <<I'm going to feel the water>>I say.

<<I want to come too!>>

I shake my head. <<I want to be alone for a moment, Simon.>>

He frowns his forehead, so I point at Baz.

<<Talk to him>>I mouth. Then I just run away, directed to the water.

~

Talk to him, she said! Like it's easy.

What am I supposed to say?

He isn't even looking at me.

I walk near him, pretending to want a sip of water. He passes me the bottle and I sit next to him. 

He keeps his eyes fixed on the book.

<<Uhm...>> A great start, Simon. <<What are you reading?>>

<<Just a book I bought while Bunce was looking for the umbrella, it's about dolphins.>>

I giggle and he finally looks at me.

<<Dolphins?>>

He shrugs. <<They didn't have much. It's interesting, actually.>>

I watch my reflection in his glasses. I'm glad he's wearing them, because it makes it easier to look at him without being embarrassed.

<<Do you think there are dolphins here? I would love to see them.>>

<<The book says no, but it also lists a lot of places where it is possible to see them. Maybe we could...>>

He stops talking and looks away.

We could do what? Go there together?

He knows we can't. We're not even able to get a conversation going.

I sigh and start playing with the sand around me. Then, suddenly, I feel an arm on my shoulder and Baz pulls me near him. Without even thinking about it, I rest my head on his lap. He begins caressing my arm.

I look up at him, but he's staring at the sea.

It's actually easy to stay like this.

I feel fine like I haven't in ages.

I wish we could always be like this.

I hear his heart beating, it makes me believe that we could really always be like this.

<<Faggots>>a woman hisses, walking past us.

I immediately sit up. Baz is staring at the woman with a strange expression, like if he's going to yell at her or something.

Then he simply takes his book and starts reading again.

I stand up and reach Penny.

~

Snow is upstairs, probably sleeping.

We didn't talk after what happened at the beach. Crowley, he didn't even look at me.

<<Lunch!>> exclaimes Bunce, placing a paper bag in front of me.

<<Go wake up Simon>>she orders.

I need an excuse. I'm not ready to talk to him yet, I'm not ready to be dumped. I wonder if I will ever be. Can you be ready for something like this?

I guess I'll never know, because Penelope's telling me to hurry up and I can't come up with any excuse.

Maybe I'll just wake him up real quick and come back downstairs before he can have the chance to speak.

I think I'll go with this. Because I'm a coward.

<<Hurry! Mexican tastes like trash if it's cold.>>

Why can't she do it? Why me?

Because I'm his boyfriend, probably.

Not for long, anyway.

Before she can add anything else, I do as I'm told.

I sigh before knocking on Simon's door.

He doesn't answer.

I bite my lips before pulling down the handle. He's sleeping with his face pressed against the pillow.

He's been up here since we got back from the beach. 

What should I do? Call him? Touch him?

Maybe turn on the light?

I want to touch his curls. I want to hug him.

<<Snow? Lunch is ready.>>

He still doesn't answer. I get near him and whisper once again that it is lunch time.

He moans something and then turns his head the other way.

I sit on the bed and I shake him slightly.

<<Simon?>>

He turns to me, finally opening his eyes.

I stand up immediately.

<<Lunch>>I just say, before going to the door. I'm almost out when he calls me back. I could pretend I didn't hear him and just go back downstairs.

Or I could stop being a coward and just afford this.

I turn to him. He's sitting, his curls are all messy and his cheeks are red. He looks way younger than he is. He's cute.

<<What?>> I ask, because he's not saying anything.

<<Sun was bad? You okay?>>

Is this really all he wanted to say?

Perhaps he wants to be kind before breaking my heart.

<<I'm fine.>>

He nodes and starts playing with his blanket.

<<I guess beach time is not the best activity for vampires.>>

I smile. <<I guess so.>>

<<We...>>he hesitates. <<We could do something different tomorrow. Or this afternoon.>>

Does he mean just the two of us? Is he trying to find the best occasion to tell me that we should split up?

I want to spend time with him. Crowley, I want it so bad. But not if it's just a chance for him to dump me.

<<Sure...we'll see. Come on, Bunce is going to kill us if food gets cold.>

~

Of course he doesn't want to go out with me, I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm not even sure that I can afford being alone with him, anyway.

<<Here.>> Penny places a burrito wrapped in a napkin in front of me.

I thank her and start eating.

Baz's sitting at the other side of the table. He always eats slowly, trying to cover his mouth because he doesn't want us to see his fangs.

<<Do you guys have plans for the afternoon?>>

Luckly, I just put a gigantic piece of burrito in my mouth, so she's not expecting an answer from me.

Baz looks at me, then he shakes his head.

<<No plans>>he says. 

Well, we didn't make plans, but he said "we'll see" so I thought we would at least talk about it. It's better that we didn't, though. I'm not ready to hang out with him like we used to. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I should just break up with him and put an end to all of this. Except that I don't want to.

<<What about a movie? I saw a movie theater on the way here.>>

<<Why not>>I say, after swallowing the last bite of my burrito. 

<<Whatever>>it's the only thing Baz says, before standing up and going out of the kitchen.

<<What's wrong with him? What did you do?>>

I don't answer. Actually, I don't know how to.

She shakes her head and leaves me alone.

~

<<You sit next to him>>I tell Baz, passing him the popcorn I just bought.

He doesn't answer. Simon is ahead of us, with a huge pack of chips in his hand. He's excited like a child who has never been to a movie theater.

<<Hurry up, I don't want to miss the beginning.>>

Baz says something about advertising.

<<Come on!>> I smile back at Simon and follow him.

When we reach our seats I wait for Baz to pass over me. He doesn't.

<<Just do it>> I whisper. <<Please.>>

He takes the seat next to Simon, I sit near him.

<<No talking during the movie>>Baz says.

~

Baz said no talking, but I can't help to comment about how cool this movie is.

And Penny can't stop to complain about how magic is all wrong.

<<How can it not bother you?>>she asks Baz.

He shrugs. <<It's just a movie.>>

<<I know, but it's absurd. You can't bring people back to life. You really got nothing to say?>>

<<Uhm...the actor is hot.>>

I turn to him, Penny giggles.

<<I thought you had a thing for blonde guys>>she says. I thought so too.

Baz laughs. <<I do, but this doesn't mean that I can't find dark haired guys attractive. Come on, he's handsome.>>

Someone behind us tells us to shut up.

<<I guess he is>>Penny says, lowering her voice.

I watch the actor on the screen.

<<He kinda looks like you>>I mutter.

Baz smiles.

~

He just said that I'm hot, didn't he?

I wonder if he's aware of how beautiful he is. 

Penelope's smiling and so am I.

I look at Simon one more time, before returning my attention to the screen.

~

<<Your phone is buzzing>>Simon says, pointing at Baz's phone. We're hanging out in the kitchen, just back from the movie.

<<That's Baz's.>>

He takes the phone and looks at the screen. He frowns his head and puts the phone back on the table.

<<Who's Karl?>>he asks.

<<That guy from his football team. The red haired one.>>

~

I don't remember Baz talking about a Karl.

<<He talks about him all the time, how can you not know who he is?>>

Baz talks about him all the time?

<<I guess he just doesn't do it when I'm around.>>

Penny giggles.

<<What?>>

<<You're jealous>>she realizes.

<<I'm not.>>

<<Yes, you are.>>

I shake my head. <<I...I'm not Penny, shut up.>>

She keeps giggling but doesn't say anything.

After a bit of silence she turns at me again: <<what did he write him?>>

<<I didn't read the text.>>

She makes a face that clearly says "I don't believe you".

<<I know you did, and you should know that it is a very wrong thing to do. But you did it, so now I want to know what was in the text that left you with that sad face.>>

I sigh. <<He asked him to hang out. Looks like he saw us at the beach today, he has a house in this area.>>

I hear Baz's steps on the stairs.

<<You're not gonna tell him that I read the text, right?>>

<<Of course not>> Penny assures.

Baz enters the kitchen as soon as she stops talking. I hope he didn't hear us.

<<I'm gonna take a shower>>I say. 

<<Okay, but don't be late for dinner.>>

Sometimes Penny sounds like a mother.

I guess. I never had a mother.

~

<<It's been an hour>>Bunce says, looking at the clock on the wall. <<Do you think we should check that he's not dead?>>

I scroll my head. <<He's probably amazed by how big that shower is.>>

<<Well, I'm hungry. Let's eat.>>

<<Shouldn't we wait for him?>>

She shrugs. <<We'll keep him company while he eats.>>

I remain silent for a bit.

<<I...> I hesitate. <<I can't.>>

She raises an eyebrow. <<You can't?>>

<<I'm going out tonight>>I say, really quick. <<Karl's here and he asked me to hang out. Is that a problem?>>

<<It's not a problem for me.>> 

But it is for Simon. Or it could be.

<<I need to spend some time alone.>>

<<Alone with Karl.>>

I sigh. <<You're judging me.>>

She shakes her head. <<I'm not, I just don't want Simon to be hurt.>>

<<I don't want that either.>>

She bites her lips. <<Baz...>>she stops, like if she needs to find the right words. <<I thought this vacation was a good idea to bring you two close again. But now I'm realizing that maybe...maybe you shouldn't be. Perhaps you should just break up and try to be happy on your own.>>

Is she telling me this because Simon still didn't have the guts to do it?

<<See you later>>it's the only thing I say, before going to the door and shouting it behind me.

~

Simon comes downstairs a few moments later Baz went out.

<<Where's Baz?>>he asks, starting to fill his plate.

I guess I should just tell him the truth.

After all, it's not like he's cheating on him, he's just hanging out with a friend. The only problem is that Simon will probably read too much into it.

<<He's out.>>

He frowns his head. <<What do you mean “out”? Out where? With who...oh>>

He stops eating. <<He's with that guy, isn't him?>>

I nod. <<He's just spending some time with a friend.>>

Simon doesn't seem to hear me.

<<Penny, make me invisible>>he demands.

<<What?>>

<<Just do it, please.>>

<<It's not a good idea.>>

<<I don't care.>> He takes a deep breath. <<Please, Penny.>>

~

Penny did it. I can't see my body anymore, none can.

I open my wings. This neighborhood is small, finding him shouldn't be too much trouble.

~

I can't stop thinking about Simon.

I just can't. What if he thinks I'm cheating on him? I hope he knows I would never do it. But how can he be sure if I hadn't talked to him in ages? I wouldn't be sure.

<<Are you upset?>>

I look up at Karl, then shake my head.

<<You seem upset. Here.>> He hands me a drink.

<<I don't drink>>I say, and it's true.

<<Come on, just try it.>>

I look at the glass for a bit, then I slowly take a sip.

<<Good, right?>>

I nod. <<Not bad, I must say.>>

Karl seems satisfied.

~

I can't find Baz anywhere.

Or maybe...That's definitely him.

He's coming out from a bar with a guy, I suppose that's Karl.

I follow them flying on their heads.

They reach the pier and sit with their legs crossed. I land behind them and sit too.

I don't get too close because I know Baz can recognize my smell.

Anyway, he probably wouldn't even notice it at this moment.

He's laughing with Karl. They seem so happy. I don't think he's ever been so happy with me. Not lately, at least.

Maybe I should just leave and let him be happy with Karl. He's pretty, with those ginger hair and those green eyes.

<<We should do this more often>>he says, smiling at Baz.

He doesn't answer.

<<I think it's time to go>>he mutters, after a while. Karl puts a hand on his thigh. <<Wait>>he whispers, getting closer to his face.

Does he want to kiss him? Is Baz going to let him do it? Probably yes. Probably I should let him do it, but I can't.

I stand up, ready to interrupt them. Before I could do anything, Baz moves his head and pulls him away.

I stop.

<<What's wrong? I thought you were having fun.>>

<<I...I was, but I have a boyfriend.>>

Karl seems surprised. <<You never mentioned a boyfriend.>>

Sure he didn't.

<<I didn't understand there was the need to do it...I thought we were just hanging out like friends.>>

Karl sighs. <<So this...boyfriend...>>

<<Simon.>>

<<This Simon>>Karl repeats <<you two are in a good place? Because you really don't seem happy, you know.>>

<<We're complicated, but I would never cheat on him.>>

<<Okay, I'm sorry I tried to kiss you, then.>>

You better be.

<<It's fine, you didn't know.>>

<<So, why are you two "complicated"?>>

Baz does some sort of a smile. <<You wanna talk about my boyfriend?>>

It's cute to hear him referring to me as his boyfriend.

<<We don't talk much>>Baz says, his voice is so low I have to get closer to hear him well.

<<I think...I don't think he's happy with me. I know that he wants to break up with me. He's probably right, you know, we don't work together anymore...>>

He's right. We don't. But why does he think I want to break up with him? I mean, I tought about it, but I never told him anything...He thinks we should break up too.

<<So he doesn't talk to you, he wants to dump you, but still you won't cheat on him. Why?>>

<<'Cause I'm a decent person?>>

Karl smiles and Baz goes on talking.

<<The truth is...I'm in love with him.>>

My heart stops for a moment, then starts pounding so hard against my chest that I'm worried it could get out.

I hear his voice in my mind, saying "I love him"over and over.

Baz loves me. He just said it out loud.

I never have been able to say it, not even to myself.

<<I'm in love with him since...I don't even remember since when.>> Baz looks at the sky. He actually loves me. 

<<He's all my life>>he whispers, and I almost start crying.

I want to scream, make him aware that I'm here. At the same time, I want to run away and never have to look him in the eyes again.

They stay silent for a couple of minutes, then they both stand up. They shake hands, say bye and then take different directions. I take a deep breath before following Baz.

I fly over him, his words still echoing in my mind. He's not going home, I realize.

He's heading to the trees behind the street. He probably needs to drink.

I follow him since he casts the spell to get his prey, then I go home.

<<What happened?>>Penny asks me, as soon as she makes me visible again.

<<Don't want to talk about it now, sorry.>>

She squeezes my arm, then she leaves a kiss on my cheek and lets me go upstairs.

I'm about to enter my room when I hear the door open.

<<Crowley, what happened to you?>> I hear Penny exclaim.

<<SIMON!>>she shouts, and I run downstairs as fast as I can.

Baz is on the doorstep, his shirt soaking in blood.

<<It...it's not mine>>he manages to say, with a trembling voice, pointing at the blood. 

Penny helps him get inside. He's staggering.

<<Are you drunk?>>

Is he?

I don't understand his answer.

I reach him and Penny and we try to bring him upstairs.

<<You don't drink>>I say. At least not when he's with me.

<<I had a few drinks>>he mumbles. <<My head spinning.>>

I catch him just in time. Another second and he would probably fall down the stairs and break his neck.

I'm out of breath when we finally manage to bring him upstairs.

<<Here>> I say, opening the door of my room. It's the closest.

We walk him to the bed and help him laying down. He keeps muttering something that we don't understand.

<<You need to change that shirt>>Penny says. <<Simon, go get his pajama.>>

I do as I'm told. 

<<Now help me.>> She's unbuttoning Baz's shirt. He's so wasted he doesn't even move. 

I try to lift him a bit, so Penny can help him put on the pajamas.

<<Maybe alcohol and blood aren't the best match>>he says, rolling on the other side of the bed.

<<What should we do?>>

<<I don't know. Maybe we should just let him sleep. Let's go.>>

I'm about to follow her when Baz sits.

I go back next to him.

<<What is wrong?>>

<<I think I'm gonna throw up>>he mumbles.

<<Penny help me.>>

We bring him to the bathroom and he falls on his knees. I try to lift him but he shakes his head. Then he gets closer to the wc and starts throwing up.

I hold his head and pull his hair back from his face.

Penny hands me a towel and I pass it to Baz. He cleans his mouth.

<<I'm sorry>>he says. <<I'm disgusting, please don't look at me.>>

<<I saw things way worse>>I assure, patting his head.

<Let's put you to sleep.>>

I help him to stand up and walk him back to the bed.

<<Call me if you need anything, okay?>>

He doesn't answer.

Penny takes my hand and we walk out of the room.

<<I think that it's just the fact that he's not used to drinking>>she says.

<<And the blood.>>

<<Yes, that too. They probably don't work well together. Nothing to worry about, he's going to be fine. Goodnight.>>

She enters her room, leaving me alone.

I can't sleep in Baz's room, so I open the only other empty bedroom.

I change into my PJs that I got from my room and get into bed.

Baz loves me.

I love him too, I know I do.

<<I...>> Nothing. I just can't say it.

I close my eyes and try to sleep.

Then I hear a noise coming from my room and I immediately stand up.

<<Baz?>> I call, opening the door.

He's halfway to the bathroom, but he looks like he's about to fall.

I help him reach the bathroom. He throws up again.

<<Do you want some water?>>

He shakes his head. I keep petting his hair. 

<<I...>> I try to say, but he throws up again.

When he's finished, I put him back to bed.

<<Don't leave me>>he whispers, holding my hand tight.

I look at his face. His eyes are closed.

<<Okay, I won't>>I say. He lets go of my hand.

The bed is big enough for the both of us.

I could lie next to him and hug him until he falls asleep. Or I could lie on the couch on the other side of the room.

This is what I do. 

~

When I open my eyes my head hurts so bad I worry it could explode.

I'm in Simon's room, I realize. He's sleeping on the couch, with his mouth half open. 

I decide to let him sleep. I get up as silently as I can and go downstairs.

<<Basilton>>Bounce calls me as soon as I enter the kitchen. 

<<Call me Baz>>I groan, pouring a glass of water. 

<<How are you?>>

<<Not bad>>I say, even if my head still hurts.

<<Do you want an aspirin?>>

<<Please.>> She goes upstairs, probably to get her bag.

<<Hey.>> I look up and meet Simon's eyes.

<<'Morning>>he says, sitting at the table.

<<Would you pass me those cereals?>>

I hand him the box and he starts eating directly from it.

<<Why didn't you wake me up?>>

<<I thought you deserved to rest a bit.>>

He keeps eating. Where's Penelope with that aspirin?

<<I'm sorry>>I say, avoiding his glance.

<<You okay?>>

I nod. <<Then it's all fine>>he assures.

<<I must have been awful to look at.>>

<<Not more than the usual>>Penny says, handing me the aspiring.

Simon laughs. I pour myself another glass of water and swallow the aspirin.

<<You don't usually drink>>Snow suddenly says, putting away the cereal box. <<At least not when you're with me.>>

He's right, I don't. I open my mouth to reply but he's already talking : <<maybe you only do it when you're with Karl.>>

I sigh. Penelope quickly gets out of the kitchen. I wish I could do the same.

Simon is now standing in front of me.

<<I was just hanging out with a friend>>I explain. There's no need for him to know that Karl thought it was a date. There's absolutely no need for him to know that we almost kissed.

<<I need to tell you something.>>

I close my eyes. This is the moment, then.

My heart is about to be broken in a thousand pieces.

<<I followed you yesterday.>>

I open my eyes. <<You what?>>

<<Er...I...I follow you last night, when you were out with your friend.>>

Simon followed me. Thousands of thoughts hit my mind all together. Does he trust me so little that he needs to tail me? Did he see what happened between me and Karl? Well, it's not like something really happened... Did he hear me?

<<I want to be alone>>I say, stepping out of the kitchen.

~

<<I ONLY SAID THE TRUTH!>>Simon snaps, all of a sudden. <<They say that telling the truth it's always the best move, well they're wrong!>>

<<Who says that?>>I ask, confused.

<<I don't know...people. It's just one of those things people say, like "be yourself", "be kind", "always tell the truth"...>>

I sigh. <<Sure, people say so. But you have to realize that you can't just face your boyfriend and tell him you followed him last night. Now he'll think that you don't trust him.>>

Simon sighs too. <<They almost kissed>>he reveals.

I'm gonna kill Basilton Pitch. I'm gonna hang him on the highest tower I can find. I'm here taking his side and he almost cheated on Simon?

<<I mean, Karl tried to, Baz pulled away.>>

Oh, this makes sense.

<<You should have led with that, you know. What happened next?>>

Simon touches his hair, curling them around his finger.

<<He told him that he has a boyfriend.>>

<<Well...that's good, isn't it?>>

I really don't get why Simon seems so nervous, and so sad.

<<Yeah I...I guess. He told him he loves me.>>

I nod. <<Obviously.>>

He frowns at me. <<Simon, come on. You must know that he's crazily in love with you.>>

<<I didn't...I didn't know.>>

I roll my eyes. <<Men>>I whisper, and I sound a lot like Agatha.

<<What's wrong, then? You don't love him?>>

He's curling his hair again, not meeting my glance.

<<He thinks I want to break up with him>>he says, ignoring my question.

It's my time to frown.

<<And is that true?>>

Simon nods. <<Yes...I mean, no. It's not that I want to, I just think we should, you know?>> He seems desperate. <<I'm miserable, Penny. I make him miserable. He could be so much happier with literally anyone else.>>

I shake my head, like I always do when he starts talking nonsense.

<<I'm pretty sure he would disagree. You should talk to him, Simon. Try to solve this together.>>

He sighs. And then he sighs again. In the end, when I think he will just stay silent, he nods. <<Root for me>>he asks. <<I don't really do.>>

<<Always>>I reply, showing him a thumb up.

He smiles in my direction and then go up the stairs.

~

I knock. Baz doesn't answer, so I knock again. I let my forehead rest against the wood of the door, sighing.

Then I decide to open it. I mean, I killed so many things, I can handle a conversation with my vampire boyfriend, right?

I rest my hand on the handle for a couple of seconds, then I pull the door.

Baz is standing near the window.

He must have just finished showering because his hair is still wet and he's buttoning up his shirt.

It's a white, long-sleeved shirt, with blue and pink roses. None should be allowed to look this good with a floral shirt.

He doesn't turn to face me.

<<Baz>>I say, and my voice is trembling. I clear my throat and try again, firmer. <<Baz, can we talk? Please.>>

He glances at me but doesn't answer. He starts parting his hair, looking at himself in the mirror.

I close the door behind me.

<<I'm sorry I followed you>>I spit out. He's still ignoring me. <<I want you to know that I trust you. I trust you, okay?>>

He finally faces me. He crosses his arms and stares at me-he looks angry, sad.

<<Why did you do it, then?>>

I shake my head and my hair falls on my eyes. I set them back. <<I don't know.>>

<<You don't know>>he repeats, calm.

If I didn't know him so well, I'd be terrified. But he's Baz, and it's not like I've ever been scared of him.

<<Did you follow me all night?>>

I look at the floor, then back at him.

<<Since when you left the bar. I lost you when you separated from your friend at the pier.>>

<<Were you close? At the pier.>>

He seems a bit insecure now.

<<Close enough>>I say, but it's more like a whisper.

He nods, looking at the wall behind me like it's the most interesting thing he has ever seen.

<<Well, we talked and I'm still not feeling really well so it's better if you go>>he says after a while, still not meeting my eyes.

He motions towards the bed and I follow him, taking him by the wrist.

<<Baz>>I call, and he finally looks at me.

<<I thought you wanted to break up with me.>>

He raises an eyebrow. <<And why, for Crowley's sake, did you think so?>>

<<'Cause I'm pathetic>>I almost cry. <<And miserable. And because it would be the right thing to do, free you from my burden. I just...I haven't been brave enough to do it. But it would have been the right thing...it's the right thing to do. You can go be happy with literally anyone else.>>

<<I don't want anyone else>>he objects, and he's holding my hand now.

There are tears rolling on my cheeks, I wipe them away with my sleeve.

<<Don't cry>>Baz whispers, and it sounds almost like a spell. <<Don't cry>>he says again, but now it looks like he's crying too.

I wipe out my tears again, then take a long breath.

<<I love you>>I say, resting my forehead on his. Our noses touch. Baz cups my face with his hands.

<<Really?>> He looks so unsure, uncertain.

<<Of course>> I say, and it's so easy. I look at him and it's just so easy. <<I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier. I love you.>>

He strokes my hair.

<<I love you too. I would never break up with you, and I would never, never, cheat on you. Is that clear?>>

I nod, and our lips almost meet. Baz puts his arms around me, and I can feel him breathing against my stomach.

And then I kiss him.

And I kiss him again.

And again.

<<I can't believe I spent all this time without kissing you>>I confess, between kisses. <<It's like I held my breath for so long and now I'm breathing again, you know what I mean?>>

He smiles in my mouth. <<Yeah, I know what you mean.>>

~

Simon pulls away from me. He's breathing hard. He looks like he just remembered something.

<<You said you weren't feeling well...or was that just an excuse?>>

I shrug. <<I used it as an excuse but I'm not at my best. I didn't know blood and alcohol mixed together could reduce me like that. I can't believe you and Bunce saw me like that.>>

He smiles. <<I never thought I would have seen you wasted. Anyway, you should get some rest.>>

<<I think I'll get a nap>>I agree, but I don't move. I don't want him to leave.

He's rocking on his feet.

<<Can I stay?>>he asks, and immediately bites his lip.

<<I don't have a couch>> I remind him.

He looks disappointed. Great, we just made up and now he's sad again.

<<Actually I was thinking about napping with you...on the bed, you know.>>

I open my mouth in surprise, then realize I must look really stupid and close it.

<<I thought...you always say that your wings...>>

<<I'll keep them behind me and do my best not to impale you. If you want.>>

If I want? Is he serious?

<<Of course I want to. I thought you didn't want to. I used to think you're afraid I could bite you.>>

His eyes go wide. <<That's crazy>>he states, coming back near me. <<You really think that?>>

<<I mean...>> I look at the floor. <<I'd understand...I do understand.>>

He takes me by the shoulders.

<<Look at me.>> I do as I'm told. <<I'm not afraid of you. I know you'd never bite me.>>

<<I wouldn't>>I confirm.

He nods. <<I know, and even if you'd do it, I wouldn't mind.>>

<<I wouldn't>>I say again. <<Never.>>

<<I know. I'm sorry I made you believe I was afraid of you.>>

Now he's hugging me. I rest my head on his beautiful curls.

He leaves a kiss on my neck.

<<Can you forgive me?>>he asks, so low that I could have imagined it.

I tight my arms around him.

<<I've already did.>>

He kisses me again, right where my neck meets my jaw.

<<Let's go to bed>>I murmur, because my head's still aching.

He nods against my shoulder but hugs me for another couple of seconds.

When we drift apart he gets on his knees to untie his shoes and I go lay down.

After a minute, he slowly does the same.

<<Come here>> I say, because we are ridiculously far from each other.

He tries to get closer to me, but his wings get in the way.

He laughs and turns on his side, his wings behind him.

<<You come here>>he orders, and I roll near him.

He kisses me, a quick kiss.

<<I can't believe you really thought I could ever be afraid of you. We shared a room for eight years.>>

<<There was the anthem back then>>I remind him. <<And you didn't know I was...>>

<<I always knew>>he interrupts me. Then he kisses me again, slowly this time. <<Get some rest>>he whispers in my ear.

I turn on my other side, my back against his stomach, and he pulls an arm around me and holds me tight.

I smile at the touch of his mouth on the back of my neck before I close my eyes.