*pardon me for grammatical errors*

|Lang Qing

Looking at the very familiar river,memories floaded into my mind with a nostalgic feeling. The very place I abandoned Igarashi. Maybe it wasn't best choice but I didn't have any better choice either.

I looked at the dagger in my hand. The dagger I used to stab her. The guilt I couldn't let go. I held onto this dagger every day,punishing myself for the sin I committed. I don't deserve her. Neither do I want her now. I am...not her mother anymore.

"Heard she got seriously ill this time"

I didn't look at the person who approached me. Dayun.

"Yeah",I mumbled.

She scoffed. "Are you sad?"

I looked at the river with a small smile. "Why would I? A person like me doesn't have the rights to be sad over her"

She rolled her eyes with an annoyed look. "You lie every day. Just go! Go away! You love your daughter right?!Why pretend? You are awful!"

I looked at her annoyed face. She was gritting her teeth with that familiar terrible emotion. "Why do you hate her so much?"

She looked away biting her lip. Her expressions were dark. She really hates Igarashi. I could only smile sadly. "Are you jealous?because she has everything?"

She looked at me straight into my eyes. "Yes. I hate it. She got everything. She has everything to be happy while I am rotting in this hell. Why is it so unfair? She has a family. She has a lover. She has money. I hate everything"

She is a girl who lost almost everything. Her parents abandoned her when she was little. She lost her brother who took care of her. She lost her lover. She was 17 when I found her on a street. She was dying in the cold winter without a water drop to drink.

I adopted her. I didn't know why but I did. Maybe because she reminded me of Igarashi? Maybe to run away from the guilt? I don't know. But now I had already become her guardian. I will not do the same mistake.

Igarashi is already far away and we can never be a mother and a daughter. So,I decided to only be Doyun's mother.

I threw away the dagger to the same river where I threw away my daughter.

"I will not abandon you. I'm chosing you over her"

She looked at me with her wide eyes. She was always scared. Scared that I would throw her away once Igarashi came to my life again.

I took her to my embrace. "But you need to know something. Igarashi might have everything but she once had lost everything too. She is suffering too. We all are suffering. Every single person is going through their own war of life. Life is never fair to anyone. We just,....need to keep fighting. If we fight,we win and if we don't,we die",...."So,don't hate her. Forget everything. We will live. I will live. For you. As a mother"

I could feel her heaving a sigh. Are you relieved now? I hope you are relaxed now Doyun.

Igarashi, I'm sorry. I can't chose you now. I hope you'll be free from this hell one day. You deserve better. Please be happy.

••••

Boys were sitting on the couches till Dongwook come back. They couldn't try to reach their sister. She wasn't taken to the hospital but to the hidden fortress inside the forest.

Dongwook entered inside with a defeated look.

"Could you go inside?",Jin was the first one to talk.

Dongwook sighed shaking his head. "Since I'm not a part of the organisation anymore, I wasn't allowed to enter. I couldn't even contact Qin Xiu"

Hoseok,"Tell me,has she always been in pain? Or is it a sudden thing?"

Dongwook plopped himself on a single couch,having a big headache. He caressed his forehead with his fingers. "She has been in pain all this time. I always made sure that she drinks her medicine. But after she left, I didn't know if she even took good care of her health "

"And she didn't even care to tell me?",It was Yibo. He was utterly disappointed and sad at the same time. "I am her husband yet I feel so useless now"

Taehyung who was beside him stroked Yibo's back in comfort.

Namjoon, "is there anyway to save her?"

Dongwook was hesitated at first. But he slowly nodded. "Heart transplantation. She needs a heart"

Everyone fell onto cold sweat. It was serious to the point she literally needs a heart to cure herself.

Yibo stood up immediately. "Then use mine! I will give my heart!"

"I'm ready to give my heart too",Jimin raised his hand.

Jungkook, "Me too"

"Me too"

"Me too"

"Shut up!",Dongwook had enough. "This is why she didn't tell you. She didn't want you all to sacrifice yourself to her neither she wanted anyone's heart. She chose to live with the pain. She chose to die when the time comes. It was her decision"

Yibo kicked the closest vas before dashing towards his room. He wasn't buying any shit Dongwook was saying.

"Yibo!",Dongwook screamed but he continued to walk to his room.

••••

The Emperor stood beside the medical bed staring at her unconscious figure. She was paler than usual like an ice cube. Her red lips were dry with a slight rosy and white colour and her breathing seemed to be calm yet deep throug the oxygen mask.

"Her time is coming. I don't think she would be able to make it this time",Mr.Lee,Dongwook's father spoke next to him. "She had completely stopped taking her medication and her heart is in a really bad condition. She might....",..."die any time soon"

"Is there a person who is a match to her blood type?Find someone. Anyone. I need their heart",he is not ready to let her go. He couldn't.

Mr.Lee looked at Igarashi with sympathy. "She isn't willing to live"

"No,she is just challenging me",Emperor mumbled. But then he remembered the things he told her the night she barged in to question him. He said some horrible things which broke her into pieces. He is the person who put her into this state. "Or maybe she really isn't willing to live",he whispered the last part to himself.

Flashback

Igarashi was panting heavily after the horrifying fight they had. Her dress was torn and wounds were all over her face. Busted lips,bruised cheeks she was completely a defeated mess. She sat on the floor with her palms touching the floor while the Emperor stood as a fine man even though he had few cuts on his face.

"Why?"

Wu Yifan chuckled darkly. His red eyes shone like a crystal. But those shiny eyes held some kind of hidden emotion. Wrath?pain?sadness?happiness? Igarashi couldn't read him. She could never read him. He is a mystery himself.

He could see the betrayed and disappointed look in her face. She was grieving in sorrow.

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

Igarashi didn't look up. But she recalled the memory.

"No my doll. Not when you fell onto the water....we had met even before that"

And that's when she looked up with furrowed eyebrows. She wasn't sure.

Wu Yifan only smiled. "When you were just 10. I met you. I met you at my most vulnerable moment",he walked towards the giant window which showed the glamorous waterfall outside with massive trees.

"I was ambushed by my enemies but somehow I managed to escape and survive that day. I hid myself in an abandoned small hut in somewhere out the city. I was thirsty and hungry. And heavily wounded. But I couldn't go out with my enemies roaming around",......."Then out of nowhere, a small girl sneaked inside",he chuckled recalling the memory.

Igarashi couldn't really remember. But somehow she had blurred visions.

"I was truly meaning to kill her. I couldn't afford to risk my life but when she looked up at me,I couldn't pull my trigger to kill her. You know why?",He looked back slightly with a smirk. "I saw me in her"

Igarashi just stared at him without uttering a word.

"Born with crimson eyes,she was a demon. She stared at my eyes directly without backing away. The gun didn't scare her. My wounds didn't scare her. She smirked. What a little devil. And I asked why did she smirk. Can you remember what you said?"

Igarashi tried to remember but she couldn't. A lot had happened in her life that she couldn't keep all the memories with her.

"Pathetic",he answered his own question solving Igarashi's confusion. "How dare you Igarashi? You called me Pathetic. We were both born with the same red eyes and I was sure that you were going through the same hell I went through when I was little. Yet,you called me Pathetic?",He didn't sound mad. He seemed amused. "You had a back pack. Pulling out a water bottle and a lunch box,you placed them infront of me and said 'survive' and left"

"No one really could ever hurt my pride and heart. But your mere word 'Pathetic' hit me so hard. I couldn't remove you from my mind. You were a kid who destroyed my whole pride. How did you do it? You were just a child. No I was wrong. You were a devil hid inside a child's body who had the power to break me down into my last bit of sense. Day after day I couldn't spend a day without remembering her. And that's where my obsession began"

There was a tree branch which could come inside through the window. Emperor picked up a white flower and examined it.

"I wanted to teach you a lesson. I wanted to punish you. I wanted to crush you like this",he crushed the small flower destroying its petals and let it fall down."But then,I was in need of a heir to pass down my bloody crown which hold millions of sins I committed. This crown should only hold a demon who shouldn't be second to me. I needed to create that demon. So guess what,I had already met the perfect heir. A demon queen to bear my crown"

Igarashi's body was already shaking. She realised it. She was created. The white mask's cruelty was created by someone. She became him.

"You know when I was little,I was bullied because of my eyes. They called me a monster. A curse. And my father abandoned me and mother. Just like yours. And she had to go through the same hell as your mom did. She went into a depression. Then she took me to a river side. Guess what happened ",he looked her.

Her eyes widened. No,she couldn't believe it.

"She stabbed me to death and pushed me to the river"

"And you made my mother do the same thing t–to me?",her whisper held the agonising pain.

He smiled wickedly. "Yes. And I was found by a gang leader. He raised me like a dog. Torturing me to hell,he destroyed me. He used me. I was not only a gang member but his personal toy too. He used me for his sexual desires. Think about a teen boy who was tortured like this? And that's me"

Igarashi stared at him without blinking with wide eyes.

"And I killed him when I got the chance. I gauged his eyes out and tortured him till he died. My wrath was not only for him. I went after my family who threw me into that hell",his eyes darkned with every passing second. He was insane. He was crazy and mental. "I killed my mother first. Then I found my old man who started everything. He already had a family with children. I destroyed every single member without leaving a small infant. I was hungry for their blood",his gaze shifted to Igarashi.

"I gave you the same hell but weren't you too lucky my doll? I treated you well unlike the person who saved me. I became your father and never laid a finger on you with any inappropriate thoughts. Aren't you glad doll?"

Igarashi felt like she couldn't gulp. It was becoming too hard for her to breath. Yes,he treated her well. And that's what pains her. She always looked upto him. She idolised him. Her trust was shattered like a broken mirror which can never be mended.

"I gave you so many tests. I brought your 3 brothers to your feet to see what you will do. I was watching you closely. But what did you do? ",He chuckled shaking his head. "You let them go. But I let it pass thinking you were not matured enough that time. And I again tried to harm them but you were always there saving their little asses. You failed again and again. And when you decided to go to Korea,I thought you will atleast kill your mother. But no. You again failed. You showed mercy to your father and grandfather who were the sole reason why you became like this. You failed Igarashi. Why? Why did you save them? JUST WHY?!!!",He screamed the last part at the top of his lungs.

"I —",Igarashi wondered. Why? Why couldn't she kill them? Just why? She had the intention of killing them. She was waiting to kill them.

And suddenly, she knew the reason when she got a flashback of the first time she saw her brothers inside the cold cell. It's because of them. She loved them. They changed her. They did it. Her seven brothers. Her gems. She couldn't let them see her monstrous side. She couldn't afford to see the hatred in their eyes for her.

She became soft hearted.

"I don't want to. My brothers are important than any other thing to me. I'm not like you. I never was. I have a home",she mumbled like she was talking to herself.

Home. She has a home.

"Home? What a fucking joke. You lost everything!Your mother abandoned you! Your father abandoned you! Those little shits are your shitty father's children! And you still want to protect them?!!"

Igarashi clenched her fists and screamed having enough. "What did they even do?! They were already born! Was it their fault to be born to my father?! No! Why would I hate my brothers when they did nothing wrong?! My wrath and hatred will never be pointed at them!",she stood up and held his collar. "You are –You are Pathetic! ",she screamed looking directly into his eyes. "You got no home. You got no one. You are lonely. Finally, you are -guilty",she whispered the last part taking the Emperor off guard.

He stared wide eyed at her.

"W –What?"

She clenched her fists tightening her grip on his collar. Her eyes were blood shot red.

"You are guilty. You killed your family. You killed those innocent lives. Your siblings, they were innocent. You are guilty at what you did. Aren't you?",her breathing was ragged.

His face was blank.

"You tried to prove yourself that you did right. You were trying to console yourself looking at me. Weren't you? Trying to make me kill my innocent brothers,my mother and my father,you were just trying to prove yourself that you did right"

For a moment, they stared at each other intensively. The tension was rising up with each passing second. The darkness was surrounding them like a thick mist.

Wu Yifan started laughing. Gradually, his laughter increased and laughed so loudly.

"You think you won?",He asked with an evil smirk. "No you didn't. Did you forget Igarashi? You are responsible for so many deaths already. You might not have killed your brothers,your mother and father but what about the rest?"

Her grip on his collar loosened feeling cold bead of sweat forming on her forehead.

"Should I remind you?",He went closer to her ear with that devious smile. "Your dearest friend. Krista Johnson. You killed her"

Igarashi stumbled back with a trembling body. It was a nightmare for her. Her stomach did weird painful flips making her feel sick. She was in a terrible turmoil.

Igarashi, please save me

I –I don't want to die

Please

M -My sister needs me

In the next second, she heard Dongwook's voice.

NO!DON'T KILL HER!

LANG IGARASHI!DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!

PLEASE I BEG YOU!!

NO!!!!!

"N –No, I -",she looked at the Emperor in a turmoil. Her eyes teared up having the flashbacks of that night where she had to kill her friend.

"Not only that Igarashi. Do you know how your brothers' mother died?",He smiled like he was having the pure satisfaction seeing her helplessly swaying here and there.

"Huh?",she looked at him in confusion.

"You killed her "

She went numb. It was like the floor underneath her vanished to the thin air. It was the end. For her. The spining world instantly had a sudden stop throwing a nightmare onto her face.

Her will to live disappeared.

Tears were uncontrollable now. No more bravery. No more courage to fight. No more strength to live.

She

Gave

Up

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Hey guys

I'm sorry for late updates. My semester started so I had again become busy. But I'll try to update whenever I can.

Hope you enjoyed

See ya soon

Vote and comment