❝cause i remember the rush
when forever was us, before all of the winds
of regret and mistrust.❞

❘❘

EVERYTHING IS BLURRY.

It feels like swimming, thrashing against a riptide in slow-motion, choking on murky water, sinking, sinking, sinking. Drowning.

Everything is fucking blurry.

No puedo encontrarlo.

"Julian!" I stumble into the park on shaky legs, eyes tracing edges of iron glinting under dim lights and lines across a shadowy basketball court and nameless faces of strangers, desperate to find him, find him, find him.

Warn him.

"Julian, ¡viene, está viniendo!" It rips free like a sob; el mundo spirals around me, catching the sliver of guilt in the crisp breeze. "He's coming for you!"

All eyes turn on me, soft murmurs, hushed voices, too many confused stares burning into me. It's hot, too hot, but it's cold, and I can't feel anything.

"Neva?"

That raspy voice—as if he's got smoke in his lungs and gravel in his veins.

My heart claws up my throat. "Julian."

A hand wraps around my arm, twists me, and then we're crashing together with the force of a million fucking mistakes. It's a brutal blow to my chest, an impact that leaves me heartbroken... breathless.

Julian takes my breath away. Julian Rivera steals my breath.

I think he always has.

Because Julian is cold and fucking beautiful, a lawless lost ladrón, something so raw that he numbs away a lifetime of bad choices, impulsive decisions, all the beautifully tragic memories.

Together, Julian and I are ice—invincible and fucking infinite.

Fearless.

We're a million fucking things, messy and hopeless, ensnared in some fucking self-destructive nature, like snowstorms and heatwaves, like everything in a broken world that will always be untouchable and uncontrollable. Wild.

Julian catches me before I fall. Siempre.

"Neva," he sighs, cupping my cheeks. "You're okay. You're okay."

I shiver. "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay."

Dark, glassy eyes meet mine, cast into a soft, sensual shadow of worry. "You're okay."

"I am," I whisper, mustering up a weak smile. "I'm okay, Jules."

And then Julian kisses me, and I'm warm.

It's a bruising stroke of desperation, something savage, yet sweet, something I've never felt before, something that fucking hurts, and as our lips move, teeth clashing, tongues twisting, we're still that intimately infinite moment. We're only a moment, but in that fractured fucking moment, I know. I know.

Julian Rivera loves me, and I'll never love him back.

A gust of cold air hits, attacks, rushes, trying to pull us apart, but Julian clings to me, murmuring something tender into the kiss. We soften, slow, still, and I press a palm to his neck with a wistful sigh.

Julian is warm.

"Julian, we..." As I pull back, hot breath fans across my cheeks, fighting off the snow, the ice, the cold. "We have to get out of here, Jules."

"I love you," he breathes, the words ghosting through the night like a promise, a fucking endless promise. "I love you, Neva."

"I— I know. I know you do."

A bittersweet smile tugs at his lips. Julian tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Vámanos, mami. Your car is parked around the corner."

"Okay." Nodding frantically, I reach for his back pocket to steal the keys, but my fingers fumble, escaping denim and grazing metal.

A gun tucked into his waistband.

The memory hits me hard, that white-hot explosion of pain throbbing in my forehead, hidden behind tangled locks of dark hair, pulsing like a distant reminder of betrayal. Half is coming for him. Half is... is...

I dig for the keys hastily, wrenching out of his arms with a hiss. "Okay, I'll drive. I'll drive. You just..."

"You can drive. We'll get out of the city, princesita." Julian nods, a small smile toying at his lips. "I've got you, Neva. You'll be okay."

Estaré bien. Siempre estaré bien.

Julian laces our hands together.

I blink in surprise, peering up at him through wet lashes. Why am I fucking crying?

Because Julian is staring at me with those glassy eyes and that lazy fucking smile? Because I can taste betrayal on my tongue, bitter and bloody, and somehow, Julian Rivera can only gaze down at me with nothing but love?

Squeezing his hand, I flash him a quick smile. "Vamos a estar bien, Jules."

Everything will be okay.

En ese momento de silencio, we're still together, stealing kisses and wasting nights on lines of snow, alive, as beautifully wild as we can be, stripped to imperfect perfection, living on dreams of forever.

And then a soft breeze sweeps across my cheeks, lifts my hair around my shoulders like fluttering butterflies, and I see it.

His gaze drifts up and stills. "Did someone hit you?"

My breath hitches, but I tug at his hand impatiently, whirling around to tear through the thin crowd on the basketball court, to wrench him out of the park, to yank him onto the sidewalk and out of this fucking city.

"Neva," he hissed, skidding to a stop. "Neva, ¿qué está pasando?"

"Julian." I squeeze his hand again, twist, pin him with something fierce. "Please."

"Please wh—"

—and the squeal of tires rips through the air, a frantic screech, close, close, close, and it's quick, too fucking quick, flickering headlights washing over him, so quick that we don't have time to look, we don't have time to run, we don't have time to breathe—

It's just there.

It exists.

Gunshots tear into the city, ripping into the veins of streets that were meant to be home, slashing the space between us with a broken cry, and for half a heartbeat, one surreal second, as the traffic light changes, Julian Rivera is eternal, ink and skin bathed in a hazy glow, red, red, red—

And then my hand is empty.

Cold.

It showers over me, a spatter of warmth.

Blood.

Julian falls, and I can't fucking catch him.

I hear a ringing, an echoing ripple of whimpering, crying, sobbing, and I'm dropping to cold concrete, shrieking in panic. Blood pours from his chest, thick, dark, warm, spilling between my fingers as I fumble frantically to make it stop stop stop stop stop—

"Jules!"

Everything is blurry.

The world spirals into something watery, something messy, something bloody. Fluttering lashes and parted lips, pale skin, so fucking pale, Julian coughs, and nothing is right, nothing is fucking right because there's only blood.

"Julian, no, no, no!"

"Fuck, Neva, Neva, Neva," he sputters, reaching for me, clasping my wrist, and all the color in his eyes seems to fade, those relentlessly dark eyes dimming into a hazy brown.

Soft and loving.

Julian was never fucking cold. Julian was warm.

"Neva, fuck... I— I love you, I love you."

"I know, I know, I know," I cry, the words tumbling out too quick, too sharp, too fucking quiet. "I know. I..."

Icy fingertips caress my cheek. "You're so beautiful."

"Julian, stop." Everything is blurry. "Stop, stop, stop."

But nothing ever stops. Nothing is forever.

A sob shakes my shoulders as I dive closer, delicately tracing my fingertips up his chest, his collarbone, his throat. Icy fucking skin. "Tienes frío. You're cold, Jules."

"It's cold," he snickers halfheartedly. "You love the cold."

I think I laugh. Through tears, through pain, through all the fucking bullshit, I laugh. "Not this kind of cold. Not like this."

Julian laughs weakly. "I know. You'll never love me."

I know he needs it. In a moment of desperation, clinging to something, anything, Julian needs me to say it, and I just... can't.

Nuzzling my cheek into his palm, I smile sadly. "I'm sorry, Jules."

"It doesn't matter," he rasps, a watery veil of tears shimmering in his eyes, glinting with an absolute kind of sadness. Defeat. "Todavía te amo."

Silent tears stream down my cheeks. Gently, I tug his hand away from my cheek, finding those inked knuckles that somehow stole my fucking heart.

An anchor.

As my lips graze that tiny tattoo, a tender kiss sealing a wasted forever, I close my eyes to do what I do best.

"Te amo también," I lie. "I love you too, Jules. I love you, okay?"

Nada es para siempre.

"Está bien," he says softly, so fucking softly. "It's okay, Neva. It's okay."

"I know."

Everything is okay.

❘❘

**Those of you who have read my other works know that it's not a real story until someone gets shot. 😅😅

WE MOVING INTO THE LAST PART NOW. Let's hope Neva survives. ❄️