4. Astrid's cooking is too terrifying even for Halloween

"No."

"But I've really got the recipe down pat this time."

"No."

"I've already tried it on Hiccup-haven't I, Babe?"

"Uhm..."

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock-you can sleep on the balcony if you don't back me up..."

"Yes, Milady..."

"Hiccup Haddock-missing a leg...and a spine!" Snotlout scoffed.

"I cannot believe that such rudeness is warranted," Mala Veurr said. Statuesque, strawberry blond and serious, she was the antithesis of the manic Dagur but there was no doubt that they loved each other. She tended to be rather reticent and self-possessed but despite that, she was being welcomed by Heather, Dagur's sister and Astrid, Heather's best friend. Having moved recently to Berk from the remote Island of Caldera Cay, she was rather isolated except for her partner and his sister. So Heather and Astrid had included her in their activities. And of course, that brought her into contact with the rest of the gang. Hiccup, unsurprisingly, was more than welcoming, chatting easily with Mala about the unique dragons on Caldera Cay and Mala's work as Director of the Berk Dragon Sanctuary while Fishlegs, who volunteered, had done his best to make her feel welcome as well.

"Well, Astrid does have something of a track record of rather...unique...culinary results..." the husky dragon rider explained.

"She's a one woman chemical weapon," Snotlout added unkindly.

"She exploded several ovens..." Tuffnut added.

"Burnt down their apartment..." Ruffnut put in, grinning.

"And she's poisoned me several times," Snotlout whined.

"I'll axe you in a minute to put you out of your misery!" Astrid snapped, her eyes glinting fiercely. Hiccup stood behind her and gently rubbed his hands up and down her upper arms.

"Easy, Milady," he reassured her gently. "We all know Snotlout is an idiot. You've been doing so much better and those baking classes you've been attending with Heather have been so successful..."

"Hey...I am not an idiot!" Snotlout whined.

"I call for a vote!" Tuffnut shouted. "Hands up everyone who thinks Snottlout is an idiot!"

"Put your hand up, Mala," Heather muttered from the side of her mouth. Frowning, the tall woman complied.

"That's seven for and one against," Hiccup announced, trying not to grin too much.

"What Baking Classes?" Fishlegs asked interestedly. Any class that could enable Astrid to produce food that was edible...well, not actually lethal...was worth investigating. Surprisingly, the beautiful blonde blushed scarlet and her azure eyes inspected the counter.

"Berk Library Preschool Baking Adventures," she mumbled.

Predictably the twins fell about laughing and Snotlout actually overbalanced and landed on his head. But no one felt sorry for him.

"Excellent," Hiccup said, kicking his cousin. "So what's on the menu?"

"Pumpkin muffins!" Astrid said. "And I've learned how to make black marzipan bats to put on top..."

"That sounds...awesome!" Hiccup said, sounding a mite too enthusiastic. Heather cast him a warning look and then he ushered the others to the kitchen table and he and Fishlegs engaged them in a highly competitive game of Monopoly while Astrid baked, assisted by Mala and Heather.

"GO TO JAIL!" Tuffnut read and collapsed laughing. "I already knew that Snotlout was a jailbird."

"And you land on the Great Hall...that's 500 crowns to me!" Fishlegs crowed.

"Okay, Hiccy-you have won second place in a beauty contest," Ruffnut read and then burst out laughing. "Oh my Thor! Was there only one other entrant?"

"That's mean!" Astrid growled from the kitchen, mixing a little too enthusiastically and glaring at the female twin. "If you were one of only two entrants, you'd still come THIRD!"

"Someone's snarky!"

"Someone is insulting my boyfriend!" Astrid snapped, pouring a rather larger dollop of baking powder into her muffins than expected. She huffed and grabbed another container from her cupboard. "I'll just even it out..."

Heather frowned but placed purple muffin papers into the tin and watched her friend mix urgently.

"Oven's ready," she said as Astrid dolloped variable amounts of mixture into the muffin cases and glared challengingly at the others.

"Pumpkin muffins with spices and chocolate chips," she said smugly and put them into the oven. Then she clicked the kettle on for coffee and walked confidently over to join the others at the table, "How's it going, Babe?"

"I'm bankrupt and may have to sell Toothless," he said wryly. "Unless you mind putting up a penniless one-legged dragon-riding engineer?" She wrapped her arms around him.

"I'll always have room for you, Babe," she smiled. Then there was a clang. And another clang. Then a thud. Then a bang.

Everyone turned very slowly and stared at the oven.

"The pumpkin mixture appears to have dissolved through the work surface," Mala noted with a frown.

"But...that's granite..." Fishlegs said aghast. "One inch thick granite. Stone. Rock even..." Heather peered into the sink.

"The bowl has dissolved," she reported. "And the sink. And the drain has gone..." Astrid marched to the oven and peered inside.

"Where are my muffins?" she asked and ripped the door open.

There were a few scraps of metal left over from where the muffin tin had collapsed but the oven shelves had gone as had the floor of the oven...and the floor of the kitchen. Heather peered over Astrid's shoulder and waved at Mrs Gudjonson from the apartment below, who was wondering why there was a large hole in her roof...and floor...

"I think we may not be having pumpkin muffins," Heather announced, carefully closing the door of the oven. "They may have dissolved their way down to the basement by now."

"What?" Snotlout choked. "Really?"

"CALLED IT!" the twins yelled in unison. Fishlegs was sniggering and even Hiccup was looking agonised because he was trying not to laugh.

"Thank the Gods no one licked the spoon..." he managed as Mala raised a finger slowly.

"I did," she said in a concerned voice.

Suddenly, everyone was on their feet.

"AMBULANCE!"

"NO, that's too slow. TOOTHLESS?"

The croon of the Night Fury sounded as the dragon poked his head through the balcony doors.

"Bud-we need to go to the hospital. Right now! Mala-with me!" the auburn-haired dragon rider said urgently as he grabbed her hand and hauled her to the dragon. Astrid sagged into his chair.

"It's not fair...I was fine at the Library..." she muttered.

"You do know the Library collapsed two days ago?" Ruff announced with a wicked grin. "Something about the foundations giving out. Some sort of undermining..."

"I told you!" Snotlout insisted. "I told you Astrid's baking was too terrifying even for Halloween!"