Armin and I ate some breakfast before leaving. We made sure to wear warm clothes because we knew it'd be colder out on the lake. I drove us downtown and parked in a lot overlooking the lake. Renting a canoe wasn't super cheap, being around $40/hour. I used my parents' credit card. I figured since they hadn't bought me anything in months, they could at least cover the cost of my day trip. Sorry, Mom and Dad. 

Armin helped me carry the canoe out onto the beach. We were both barefoot so that we wouldn't get our shoes and socks wet or sandy. I loved the sensation of sand between my toes. It reminded me of when I used to hang out at the beach with my friends, during my high school summers. I missed those days, as well as those people, but I was grateful to be back again with someone else I cared deeply about. But, anyways, we each held one end of the canoe, Armin at the stern and me at the bow. We lifted the canoe into the water, then threw all of our belongings inside. Armin and I washed the sand off of our feet in the cool lake water, before entering the boat. "Ready?" I asked. Armin replied with a smile and a nod. 

We paddled out into the lake, admiring the scenery. There were some larger cottage properties and marinas lining the edge of the lake. Armin and I would point out our favorite houses to each other. I felt really fortunate to live in such close proximity to a beautiful place like that. 

Armin and I spent several hours just canoeing and talking, before deciding on a place to camp out for the remainder of the day. We docked at a forested island meant for campers, bringing our canoe ashore so it wouldn't drift away. Armin walked around, examining the area. "This reminds me a lot of home," he told me. "How so?" I asked. 

"Well, I mean, it's kind of obvious, I think. Not that you're stupid or anything. It's just very natural and foresty here. Most of what I've seen in your world is very urbanized and futuristic. There isn't a whole lot of nature, at least compared to what I'm used to. This is a lot more similar to what I know. It makes me feel nostalgic."

That made sense. After all, I had only shown him around my city and we hadn't gone anywhere remotely natural. I wanted to show him around some more. I wanted to show him the world, someday. 

We stayed on the island for a couple of hours, just talking about our relationship and personal aspirations, before we decided to leave. "I had a really fun time today, Y/N," Armin said softly. I gave him a hug and whispered, "I'm so glad." It was beginning to get cold. Even though I was bundled up in layers of clothes, I could feel goosebumps forming on my skin. Armin told me he was cold too. It was around 5:00 pm, so the sun was setting. I hoped we could make it back to the rental shop before it got dark. We hopped aboard our boat and swiftly paddled back to where we initially came from. 

Around 20 minutes later, we thankfully arrived at our final destination. We pulled the boat back on land and carried it back to the rental shop, on the beach. I thanked the shop's owner, then left for the car. It was about a 10-minute drive home. We exited the car and went inside my house, immediately heading for the living room couches. Armin slumped down on the couch and sighed. 

"I'm exhausted. My arms are going to be so sore tomorrow."

I giggled, "Yeah, same here," laying down beside him. Armin leveled his face with mine and kissed me passionately. By now, his lips molded with mine so perfectly you'd think they were custom made for each other. I could feel the sexual tension building up between us. I'd been so long since Armin had been intimate with someone, at least in a consensual way. He told me he needed a significant amount of time to recover from his trauma before being able to be sexual in any way again, and I wanted to respect that. Physically, yes, I would have absolutely have loved to give in to the moment. Sure, I'd touched Armin, but he'd barely touched me before. I longed to be touched back, to savor the feeling of sexuality. It wasn't about me, though. I absolutely had to respect Armin's boundaries regardless of any temptation I experienced. 

Armin's tongue entered my mouth, exploring and colliding with mine. I was surprised by how forward he was being, especially considering we hadn't made out in months. Armin knew what he wanted and wasn't being as hesitant as he usually was. I could feel his fingers running up and down my back. Was it really going to happen? Was Armin really at a point where he was ready to be intimate with someone again? I figured I'd refrain from making any moves and see where he was going with things. I could feel his hard-on pressing up against my waist. Armin held onto my hips, pulling them over top of his. I was now on top of his lap. As I kissed him I began unintentionally rolling my hips, rubbing my groin against his. I didn't even notice the gyrating motion because I was too mentally invested in the lust I felt towards him. He remained holding onto my hips, aiding in my rolling motion.

I could hear his faint moans through the kiss. It turned me on even more. Armin suddenly, and surprisingly, took a hand off of my hip and shakily placed it over my breast. I was utterly shocked by his sudden bravery. I never thought I'd see the day where Armin Arlert made a bold breast-grabbing move on me. Not to say I wasn't completely attracted by it, though. I liked it when he did what he wanted and when he gave in to his desires. I could feel his hand trembling. He didn't really grab by breast or do anything with his hand, he just had it placed against me. 

After another two to three minutes of dry foreplay, Armin broke the kiss. He looked away, refusing to make eye contact with me. Suddenly, he covered his face with his hands, seeming upset. 

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have started something with you that I can't finish. It was wrong of me, I know. I-I thought I was ready to be like that with you but I can't bring myself to do it now. I don't know what's wrong with me," Armin cried. I got off of his hips and sat down beside his head. I ran my hands through his hair and purred, "Hey, it's okay. That's totally valid and I'm good with it. I really appreciate you telling me when we began to go too far. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if we ended up going further and you regretted it. I don't want to traumatize you any more than you already are. I shouldn't have started moving things along so quickly." 

"No, I don't believe you did anything to move things along, Y/N. I thought you were being really respectful of my wishes, holding back and all. I know that if I was ready to do those things you probably wouldn't have held back on me so much, not to mean that in a bad way. You did all the right things. I just got ahead of myself. Inside I'm dying for intimacy, especially with you. We've been together for a long time now and I feel like if things weren't so messed up in my head, now would be the right time to be starting that part of our relationship. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I have to feel so scared and remember things I shouldn't, especially during a time like this," he whimpered as he removed his hands from his face, looking up at me. I rubbed his cheek and asked him what he meant by the last thing he said. 

"I know it's terrible but a huge part of me is absolutely terrified of being touched, after what happened. It's pathetic. I feel so dirty, beyond what my own words could ever explain. I feel scared about being touched inappropriately because I'm scared of feeling like I'm being defiled again. Not only that, but I'm even more scared of defiling someone else with my body. I was violated and that left a mark on me. I would never want to rub that off on someone else. I know it doesn't physically work like that but mentally, to me, it feels like it does. I feel like I'm damaged goods and I don't deserve to be intimate with someone like you. I feel that way even more now that I've tried to move towards that and couldn't because I'm a coward. I let my memories of the past get the best of me. I feel like this is dragging me down and I'll never mentally be able to get out of that cabin with Jean and Eren."

I leaned down and hugged him. He was so brave and he always knew how to articulate his words so well. I appreciated his full honesty. I told him, "I have a few things to say. Firstly, I'm really grateful you trust me enough to tell me all of that. I can't imagine how hard that must be. It's completely understandable why intimate touch makes you feel that way, but it's unfortunate that it does. Please never think that you're damaged goods and that you're not worth it. Your body could never defile mine, regardless of what it's been through. There's not a single person on this Earth I'd rather be with, in that way, other than you. That being said, I don't plan on moving forward when it comes to our sex life until you're ready. As I've said before, please, take all the time you need. If there's anything I can do to help then please let me know because I want to. I'll be here with you, taking things at your pace. When you're ready, I'm ready."

Armin thanked me, hugging me back. I felt terrible for him. Clearly, he'd been putting on a facade all day. He wasn't moving on as quickly as I thought he was. That was okay, though. Armin was drugged and raped by two of his friends. He already felt like a burden to everyone so of course, he didn't want to let everything out. I hoped, so badly, that his mind could heal. He deserved mental peace more than anyone else. Armin deserved so much more, in life.