Once Armin got up off of the ground, I walked him back to my cabin. Eren was walking down the steps past us. "I, um, I was just leaving," he stuttered nervously. I stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, I'm not in control of Armin so if he wants to talk to you he can. As much as I don't want that for him, it's not my place to say he can't. You were his best friend and he cared about you a lot, so I can understand why he'd want to see any redeemable qualities in you, though, I feel there aren't any. That being said, I hate you. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you've done, but if you want to have at least some kind of salvageable relationship with him, if that's what he wants, then you better work your ass off for it because you sure as hell don't deserve it," I told him. Armin looked surprised. "I know. I'm grateful for your forgiveness, Armin. I don't deserve it. I'll try my hardest to earn our friendship back," Eren said. Armin avoided looking at him. 

"I'll be keeping a close eye on you, from now on. Armin may have forgiven you but I haven't. I don't trust you, not even one bit. Call me overprotective, I don't care, but I'm going to make sure you never hurt him again," I threatened, "and I expect that if you genuinely want your friendship back with him, you'll be at his defense too. I expect that you'll ensure that Jean stays the hell away from him and that you'll give Armin as much time and space as he needs before he plans on repairing his relationship with you." "Of course, take all the time you need, Armin," he said sheepishly. I nodded and continued the rest of the way up the porch, to the door. Armin ran in and Eren shyly waved goodbye. I closed the door.

"I'm glad Eren and I are at least on talking terms. I'm really glad I forgave him," Armin blurted, out of the blue. "You really forgave him?" I asked. "Of course, he was my best friend and he deserves another chance. I owe him, he put up with me for years," Armin explained. "Don't call it putting up with you. He was your friend Armin, he enjoyed being with you," I demanded. The room became quiet. I hated it when he put himself down. I hoped he would grow out of doing that so much.

A month had passed. The weather was weird for November, considering it was raining pretty hard. The Commander thought it'd be fun watching all of us suffer. We were running behind him on his horse, through the slick mud, fog, rain, and to top it off, we had some heavy packs strapped to our backs. Lovely.

I was at the front of the group, ensuring I was going at a fast pace. Armin, on the other hand, was falling behind. Eren was with Armin before Armin began to slow down. I had begun to soften around Eren. No, I didn't forgive him. I didn't plan on ever forgiving him, but he was proving himself to me. Thus far, he'd definitely shown reason to believe his apologies, so I figured I'd give him more space with Armin. I still never let them have any alone time, which he agreed to. I didn't trust him enough to be alone with Armin, and even Armin didn't trust him that much. Eren was trying though, and it was noticeable. He wanted his friend back. I wasn't sure if that could ever happen, though, Armin was still pretty traumatized by the events. His night terrors had been horrendous for the past month. They even started to become about his experiences with Eren and Jean, rather than with his parents. It was sad. I had no clue how long recovery would take for him if he ever could fully recover. 

Jean was still in the red. Jean had no intention of apologizing and acted as if the incident had never occurred. It was insulting. We stayed clear of him, which thankfully didn't end up being too difficult to do. I was glad that Armin was at least on tolerable terms with Eren, though. It was better that way. If Armin had fully lost all chances at a relationship with Eren, his world would be destroyed. I don't think that even I could have brought him back from a place like that. 

"Get moving maggots, we're at the end of our trail! If you don't pass me before the end you're doing another two laps!" the Commander yelled back at everyone. We could barely hear him, due to the sound of the rain pouring down on us. All of the cadets' paces increased. People began passing me. I noticed everyone going by, except for Armin. I stopped and looked back. Armin was tiredly running a few meters back. I jogged over beside him and kept at his pace. "Come on, we're almost there," I encouraged him. "Y-Y/N... I'm seriously dying here..." he panted raggedly. I patted his shoulder.

"You got this, Armin. You're doing great."

I smiled pitifully and grabbed his hand, pulling him forward by a few strides. When we finally reached the end of the path, the Armin collapsed. I sat down beside him not minding that I was dirtying my white pants. They were soaked anyway, so I didn't care about the mud. "We're done, you did great," I told him. "I feel dead..." he muttered. "You should take a cold bath, that might help. Then you won't be sore tomorrow," I suggested. Armin hyperventilated, nodding. I grabbed his hands and pulled him back up onto his feet. He thanked me. Armin and I walked back to my cabin and went inside. "My body's on fire. I'm so hot," Armin complained. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. 

"How about we go to my house and take a nice, cold shower? We can hang out there, after. I have some heat pads that feel amazing on sore muscles."

He replied, "that sounds incredible, let's go." I grabbed Armin's hand and drew a portal with the other. We walked through, entering my kitchen. I forgot how dirty we were. As I went to take a step, I noticed I was trailing mud. "Wait for me to get a towel we can put our boots on," I said as I unzipped and took off my boots. I ran upstairs to the master bedroom and found some towels in the cupboard under the sink. I took 3 and ran back downstairs. I wiped up the muddy mess I'd created and put my boots on top of a towel. Armin took off his boots and put them on the towel, as well. We walked downstairs to my bathroom and I showed him how to use the shower. 

"I'll wait out here while you shower. Let me know when your done so I can take mine. I'll leave a towel for you on the toilet, okay?" 

"Oh, I thought we were going to shower together..." he sighed. I was surprised. We hadn't showered or bathed together in ages. I'd stopped showing as much skin around him, changing around him, and being intimate in any way with him, after the Jean and Eren incident. I was trying to be careful because I didn't want to trigger any bad memories for him. 

"I mean sure, if that's okay with you. I've been holding off on anything involving nudity or revealing myself in any way because I've been trying to be sensitive towards you, especially after what happened. I just don't want to remind you of it in any way. I would absolutely love to go back to bathing with you, but only if it's something you want."

He responded, "yes, it is, and I've really appreciated you doing that for me. Things have been harder for me than I've lead on, but I'm trying really hard to make progress with myself. Every bit of me was screaming no when I forgave Eren, but I feel like it was for the best. I've been terrified of intimacy of any sort for a long time now, even now it scares me, but I'm trying to open myself up to it again. A huge part of me misses that part of our relationship. I've missed your touch, the way your skin feels against mine. That's something I've wanted back badly, so I'm trying to push myself out of my comfort zone so I can get there. I can say with certainty that I don't think I'll be able to be intimate in a sexual way for a very long time, but I'm hoping one day I can."

I gave him a hug and told him I was proud of him. He hadn't talked to me about his feelings very much, so it was relieving to hear what was going on inside of his head, for once. I turned on the shower and closed the bathroom door. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and asked, "are you sure you're okay with this?" Armin told me he was. Both of us stripped and got into the shower. I hadn't seen him naked in ages. He hadn't seen me naked in a long time, either. We took turns standing under the showerhead. The cool water trickled down my skin. It felt incredible. Armin and I hadn't touched each other for the duration of the shower. We were careful to avoid contact. I stood under the showerhead with my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, Armin and I made eye contact. He was such a pretty boy. Even drenched and in his most vulnerable state, he was perfect. Suddenly, he grabbed my cheeks. This was the first time we'd touched, in the shower. Armin kissed me, passionately. I kissed him back. We hadn't kissed in a month, for obvious reasons. I missed it so much I felt like crying. Armin hugged me, after releasing the kiss. 

"I love you so much, Y/N," he whispered. 

"I love you too."