A few days ago, we trekked back down the mountain and went back to our base camp. Overall, they said the expedition practice was a success, excluding the part where I fell to what we thought would be my death. I got an honorable mention from the Commander in his speech, saying that I could be considered the troops' good luck charm since it was a miracle I survived. Lately, I'd been hanging around Eren as much as I could. He'd calmed down a bit because Armin and I had sort of made up. He told me that he only hung out with me to try and get my memories back and he made if very clear that it was not to steal his best friend's lover. Every so often, he'd remind me of something Armin and I did.

I'd pretend to brush it off but I did take the words to heart. I really did want to remember. I felt terrible for becoming such a nuisance in these peoples' lives. They were babysitting me, at this point, and it felt wrong. I felt like I at least owed them something, so I was working really hard on trying to get my memories back to do just that. The way Armin would describe our relationship from before made me feel so sad. I was sad that I forgot about my feelings for him. He must have been in so much pain because of me, but there was nothing I could do but listen to what he had to say and wait. I felt bad for Armin, so sometimes I'd let him hang out with Eren and I. By hanging out, I meant sitting in my room during free time. He told me that it was something we'd do every day, so I figured keeping that tradition would not only make him feel better, but it could help me regain some memories of us. 

One day, Eren and I spent some alone time together. I felt like I was finally growing on him. I'd be trying to subtly flirt with him for a while, so I was thinking he was starting to like me back. He was laying on my bed, daydreaming in his own little world. I wanted to do something, so I got up off of the couch I was sitting on and walked over to the bed. I crawled on, beside him. He kept his gaze focused on the roof of the bunk, which frustrated me. I just wanted to get his attention. We'd been sitting in silence for half an hour and I was so bored. I crawled directly over top of him. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I didn't know.

I purposely wore a cleavage-revealing top that day, as I'd been planning on making a move on him for ages. I pressed my chest against him and he looked away. He really was just a boy. I could tell how flustered he was. "I'm bored," I whined. I could literally feel the sexual tension building up around us. I brought my face closer to his and gave him a warm, passionate kiss on the lips. He didn't let go of it, thank God. He propped himself up with an elbow under him and wrapped his other arm around my back. His warm, slimy tongue explored my mouth. It felt so good to be intimate with another human again. It felt like it'd been forever. 

Once we let go to take a breather, he looked at me. I could tell he was lustful in the way that he looked at me. He finally wanted me as much as I wanted him. He sat up and I got on his lap wrapping my legs around his back. He passionately kissed me hard as I began grinding on his lap. Every time I'd roll my hips down, he'd moan with pleasure. He eventually sat up with me still on his lower half. He got up off of the bed and walked us over to the wall. He pulled off my shirt and pinned my back to the wall. All of a sudden, the dinner bell interrupted us. Eren looked me in the eyes and let me down off of his waist. I was frustrated. I could tell he'd felt guilty and out of place. 

"Um, I'm gonna go meet Armin in the mess hall. I'll see you when you get there," he told me, without making eye contact. He walked out of the cabin, letting the door close behind him. I was upset that the bell had ruined our moment. All of a sudden, I got a flash, and this time it was an actual memory. It was of when I met Armin. I told him that he could come to my cabin whenever he needed some silence. It was all a quick flash but I snapped out of it, standing at the wall in shock. How could I have forgotten about that? The feeling of guilt I had that day came back. I felt as if being with Eren made me a cheater, even though I wasn't with Armin. 

I grabbed my shirt off of the floor, dusted it off, and put it back on. I threw my coat and boots on then ran to the mess hall. While I ran down the hill you thought about how I remembered walking down the hill, down that exact same path with Armin. We split pathways, right there, and I told him what cabin I was in. But what happened after that? I stopped in my tracks and stood there for a minute. Some snow fell onto my shoulder and I swept it off with my hand. Armin did that, but with a leaf. He'd gently sweep it off. I wished I could look at him the way I did before, but I just didn't know how to.