Connie: I respect this chart completely. The problem is the fact that the cover photo's making me have cheek boners. It's not healthy, trust me.

Sasha: I know. Hey, Hange, when can we change this?

Hange: the picture is not the problem. This is a list of awkward things happening here in the scouting legion. From 10-1.

Jean: I'm there aren't I?

Hange: take a wild guess, horsy. Anyways, number ten. Petra Ral.

Petra: yeah, what about me?

Hange: you never hang out with the other Levi squad members anymore and always put soy sauce on your toast.

Petra: okay. First of all, they've been really weird these days. Second, the soy sauce thing...Idek.

Hange: ... Number 9. Armin Arlert.

Armin: whyyy

Hange: you go at the girls' book club and have a schedule to cut your hair 0.01 inches shorter every 6 weeks and 3 days.

Armin: guys have stupid book clubs. And i don't want my hair any longer.

Eren: Hey, our book club is awesome.

Armin: ... Reading dead people's diaries is creepy, Eren. Very...very creepy.

Hange: 7. Mikasa Ackerman. You spend your precious time sitting on your bed listening to Beyonce's 7/11 song while meditating about hairy gophers.

Mikasa: ...

Don't judge me, woman.

Hange: Number 6. Erwin Smith.

Erwin: ... Damn

Hange: you wear fake rainbow beards during lunch break at your office while watching Titanic.

Isabel: what's wrong with that?

Hange: on mute.

Isabel: Oh...Erwin, you got some real problems.

Erwin: my ways are not to be judged. Now, number five.

Hange: Jean Kirstein. He bangs his head on the laptop keyboard while reading Marco jokes with L.A love playing on your MP3 player.

Eren: wha...

Jean: NUMBER FOUR...EREN YEAGER...

Hange: you've been busting into people's business. Like literally, you play Talk Dirty on your iPod while busting into people's rooms.

Eren: ... Hehe...

Hange: three. Sasha, Connie and Isabel. You guys are really dangerous prankers. Everyone knows what you do since...well you pranked everyone.

Sasha, Connie and Isabel: ... *runs away

Hange: number two, Reiner Braun. You act really gossipy, braggy ass-ish to everyone in the regiment.

Reiner: that's cause I'm awesome.

Petra: you can't even lift a 1 pound weigh. Even Krista can do it.

Reiner: ... It was a heavy dust day.

Hange: number one and a half...Levi Ackerman...

Everyone: *stares at Levi suspiciously

Levi: ... Hange don't chu date explain it. Everyone, if you wanna see my awkward problem, look this up on YouTube. I'm an asshole.

Hange: number one. It's time...children

Everyone: *suspense

Hange: *opens file* oh crap...

Krista: what is it? Or who is it?

Hange: it's me...

Levi: she's been recording everything that's happening and converting it into a retarted Uptown Funk parody called "Recon ****". And reads fifty shades of grey while editing.

Everyone: ...

Hange: ... Don't judge me *runs away