It's been thirteen days since my attack and I've been healing well. Sodapop and I discussed everything about Sandy and I'm just not sure how I feel. I love Sodapop and I can't say that enough. But it's to the point where when I'm with him I feel off. I know we need to talk about it but I'm not entirely sure how to. As if on cue Sodapop walked in.

"Hey," He said and I missed the way he used to follow that word with baby.

"Hey," I replied. We needed to talk about this. "Soda we need to talk." He sighed knowing where this was going. He sat down next to me.

"Do you love her?" I asked. He looked me in the eyes and I could tell he was hurting.

I knew this was hard. Last week, Ponyboy told me about her. He said they dated for three years. They got together when they were only twelve. That's pretty incredible. Pony said she was actually great to him and the whole gang. A real quiet and sweet girl. Then one night her friend Lexi took her to Bucks and Sandy got drunk and cheated on Soda. Ponyboy said it seemed like she cried for more than three hours in Sodas room when she told him. It broke Soda's heart. I can't imagine what he was going through and as much as it hurt him, it didn't change the fact that it hurt me too.

"Yes." He replied. He was honest and the answer shouldn't have hurt me since I already knew. Still, hearing it hurt.

"Do you love me?" I asked while trying to hold back tears.

"Yes." He replied again. I stood up and threw my hands in my head. This was a nightmare.

"What do you want?" He stood up and walked over and put both of his hands on my face. "Answer the question Sodapop." A tear slipped from my eye and he tried to wipe it away.

"Stop!" I screamed and threw his hands off of me. "You can't do this to me! Who do you want!"

"I don't know," he started to tear up as well. I couldn't do this. Not to him and not to me.

"Well you have to figure it out. And until you do I can't be your girlfriend Sodapop." My Head felt like it was about to explode and my stomach twisted itself into a knot. "I love you. But I can't do this." Finally I let the tears just go and so did he.

I wanted to hug him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hold him and promise him that we would be okay. But I don't think we would be. At least not for a while. I turned around and took off. I ran as fast as I could and I'm not even sure where I was going. Just far away.