I stretch across the long blades of grass as I stare at the clouded sky

I abandon the snap dragons I had clutched in my hands next to me

The breeze slightly ruffles my shirt, probably revealing my boxers

I sigh but make no effort to fix it

It's not like anyone will see me anyways

Except

Except maybe him

I close my eyes and breathe in deeply

I learned a long time ago that he wasn't going to show up anymore

I open my eyes and breathe out

The clouds cover the sun

I sit up and grab his jumper, shrugging it on

After all this time it still smells like him

I inhale the fabric and ball the ends of the sleeves into my hands

He told me he loved it when I do that

I try to block the thoughts of him out, focusing on the day

Like it's any other day

I feel a tear escape down my cheek

I haven't been here in a long time

A slip of paper flutters out of one of the jumper's pockets

I unfold it to reveal a note

"Hey... it's been a while, yeah? I know you might have forgotten about me by the time you see this not. If you see this note. I figured if anyone would get my sweater it would be you. You said it was your favorite.
I'm sorry if you're hurting.
But I couldn't take it.
I promise it had nothing to do with you. You are everything. You are light and you are hope and you are happiness.
You're the most lovely thing I've ever witnessed.
I don't want to imagine your frown when you see this. I don't want to imagine the tears.
And, god, I don't want to explain to you why.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Please don't be too sad. Please move on, and never blame yourself. Please move on. And lastly please keep being the lovely person I looked forward to seeing everyday. The lovely person who brightened my life in brilliant hues.
I'm so sorry."

I should be over this by now

But tears are streaming down my face

He didn't answer anything

I still don't know where he is

Or if he's even alive

I stare at the clouds

Why

I breathe in

I slowly move into a standing position

I breathe out

I grasp at the flowers I had brought with me

And then I let them go.