Julia's POV:

~Question~

~

"It was Jung Wooyoung", I said feeling a wave of memories wash over me.

But it honestly felt so good to talk about everything.

Mia's jaw dropped: "Wait, so you wanna tell us that Wooyoung is your cousin??"
I just nodded, emotionlessly staring at the floor.

"You okay?", Hayley asked worried.

"Maybe.... It's just that I miss the times where him and I used to play in the forest or where I hid him under my bed because he had to go back to Korea."

"Isn't Stray Kids friends with Ateez?", Mia asked.
I nodded again.

"You could tell Chan-"

"Chan doesn't need to know that", I cut Hayley off, "I don't want to make him mad at Wooyoung for something I don't complete know about."

"Let's change the topic", Mia almost shouted and jumped up.

"Guys, I will take some time for myself to think. I don't want to make your mood down and I'm kinda tired. Make yourself feel at home please", I said faking a bright smile while standing up.

"Okay, try to rest a bit", Mia gave me a caring smile. I didn't really have the energy to keep that smile up for too long, just as I closed my room door, I teared up again.

I cuddled myself up in some blankets and hugged my pillow tight while I just let the memories roll over me.

But why should I continue being sad over something like that? Why not just remember the good times...

So I thought why not do something productive?

I got my laptop and headphones and started working on a really old song.

It was a song I wrote with Wooyoung back then, but we never finished it. As I read the first few lines of the lyrics we've written I had to laugh.

We tried to write a love song, which didn't really work out since it was too cringe for the both of us.

So it then turned out to be a song about Friendship.

The more lines I wrote, the more I remembered all those silly things we did and how his brothers always decided to stay in korea, because we were both too weird for them.

I felt so down at the moment, but I didn't want to text Chan since we just talked an hour ago.

But then, as if Chan knew it, my phone started to vibrate:

Snapchat:

christiano.bangnaldo is calling 🎥...

Accept/ Decline

"Hey, my beautiful flower", Chan wavedat me and giving me a heart melting smile. He looked so adorable with his grape hair and the black hoodie, but then at the same time he somehow seemed a little nervous.

My heart skipped a beat and for a short second my negative feeling seemed to be gone.

Just because he smiled at me.
This man really has a strong effect on me...

But his expression slowly changed as he noticed my not so happy face.

"What's wrong?", he asked caring.

I chuckled: "I just feel a little down right now."

"Do you want a hug to feel better?"

I just nodded in respond and he brought his phone up to his chest.

"A big, warm, comfy hug for my perfect flower", he mumbled and shortly after that he sat back onto his bed.

"You should be sleeping Chan, it's almost 1 am at yours"

"That's correct, but I.....ummm couldn't sleep? Haha. Yeah....so I wanted to call you. And I some sort of felt that you aren't feeling so great and I was right!", he proudly said, holding his hand up to his chest.

I gave him a soft smile.

"Do you want to tell me, why you feel so down?", he hesitantly asked.

"I shouldn't tell you yet-"

"That's fine. I don't want to push you. Just remember, that I am here if you need to talk to someone. I'll give you as much advice as I can. Just please promise me you will talk to me. Don't hurt yourself anymore please", he begged.

I couldn't help, but to cry at his words.
"I don't deserve you", I sobbed crying my eyes out.

"No, no, no, no, no, no don't cry! Don't cry please", he panicked, not knowing how to calm me down over the phone.

(️⚠️TW: sensitive topic (suicide) she just begs him to never go that far and leave her in that way⚠️)

"My life is so messed up", I cried and tried to breathe.
My heart was beating faster and hot tears streamed down my face.

It felt like the wall I had built up for years, just broke down. The wall I pushed my negative emotions and bad memories behind.

Thoughts were running me over like a truck. I remembered so many pictures and videos, to a point were I just started to talk without thinking.

"Please do never leave me, Chan", I sobbed hard.

"I won't, why would I?", he asked with tears in his eyes. It seemed to be painful for him as well.

"I mean don't leave leave me. Don't end your life, that's what I meant", I cried out.

"Why would I, if I have you? I could never do that to you nor to Stray kids and Stays"

"Sometimes the thought of death seems sweet if you go through a lot of pain. A-And the fandom got so toxic over the past few months...I'm just scared they would hurt you and damage you"

"Hey hey shhhhh, please stop crying. I can't stand seeing such a pretty girl cry. I won't do anything bad okay. I won't leave you. I promise that I will talk to you if it ever gets worse", he comforted me.

(⚠️End of the TW I guess)

I slowly started to get a clear mind now and tried to stop crying, while I wiped my tears away and ran my hands through my hair.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to find my inner peace again.

"I wish I could pull you into my arms and never let you go. I want to make you feel safe", he sighed and looked down.

"But Corona makes it impossible. I'm not allowed to go anywhere, not even Australia. And I can't expect you to come here"

"I'm so sorry, Chan", I apologized, feeling some sort of guilty.

"It's not your fault. I-I actually called you because I wanted to ask you something.....I planned this for months and wanted to do that face to face, but that's not possible....", he suddenly got a little nervous again.

I suddenly got goosebumps everywhere, causing warmth and a mixture of nervousness and excitment building up inside of me, because I kind of knew what he was about to ask....

~☆~