Being late to my own podcast would be very illogical. Ben thought to himself, rushing to his studio. He knew this would be his greatest episode as he would own the libs twice as hard as usual. His mind was focused on remembering all about cancel culture when all of a sudden, he realized his foot was not on solid ground as he fell into a hole. He did not scream as doing so would waste energy and show his soyness.
He realized he had fallen on a pile of leaves.
He tried to observe his surroundings, but there was a light fog covering everything. His vision slowly cleared and he was met with a bright yellow flower.
"Howdy! I'm Flowey!"
"I didn't ask for your name. Where is Dennis? Dennis of Prager University." Ben responded coldly, frustrated by this piece of garbage interrupting his tight schedule.
Flowey was so taken aback by this SIGMA MALE's behavior that he couldn't even respond.
The confused flower decided to skip niceties and attack the Cool Kids Philosopher himself by surrounding him in a ring of tiny white pellets.
Ben was not afraid of course, as he knew he could not show a sign of weakness.
Suddenly, an oversized goat woman flicked Flowey in the forehead, sending him flying.
"It's okay, my child! You're safe now."
Ben Shapiro's eyes darted everywhere in an angry manner, so triggered that this WOMAN was towering over him and snapped. "I was fine on my own, thank you very much."
Toriel wasn't used to this type of behavior and stepped back a little. "Oh...um...okay...please follow me."
"Okay, fine. Whatever. Make it quick. I have places to be and libs to own."
Toriel led him through the ruins, after solving some VERY EASY AND TERRIBLY MADE puzzles that even an SJW could solve. The pair arrived at a liberal looking home and the smell of butterscotch pie filled the air.
It was too sweet for Ben. "Y'know, I don't want whatever that is. I've been trying to cut out carbs."
"I-I've been trying to keep you safe...I even made you a pie...I...I'm sorry...I don't...please leave." Toriel ran into her room crying.
"Good riddance, another liberal owned with facts and logic." Ben made his way down the basement's stairs with the exaggerated swagger of a conservative speaker.
Mr. Shapiro walked smoothly through the snowy path (nothing is too cold for him), when he heard eerie footsteps following him.
"I'm not scared of you! Reveal yourself, liberal! Men are men and women are women!" Ben shouted, his voice echoing throughout the forest.
He made his way to a bridge where the footsteps got closer. He stopped in his tracks and turned around, only to be greeted by a skeleton that had a similar stature to him.
The skeleton extended his arm, as if expecting him to shake his hand. Silly liberal, Ben was no simpleton. He recognized the balloon on his hand designed to mimic flatulence when squeezed.
"I'm not falling for that, go back to your safe space."
"Oh well, I tried," he replied, "You're a human, right? I'm actually supposed to be hunting humans, but I don't mind. My brother Papyrus is a human hunting fanatic, though. My name's Sans by the way." He led Ben down the path.
"Quick, hide behind that Ben Shapiro shaped lamp."
Despite being a free thinker, Ben Shapiro individually analyzed the situation and came to the same conclusion, hiding behind the Ben Shapiro shaped lamp would protect him 99.87% of the time.
From behind the lamp, Ben overheard Sans and Papyrus' conversation.
"Sans! I need to catch a human to join the royal guard! Nyeh! Have you seen one?"
"No bro, not yet. I swear I haven't, probably."
"Well that's great Sans! Anyway, I thoroughly support gay marriage and am actually a part of the LGBTQ+ community!"
Ben was outraged at this illogical fallacy. He leapt out from his lamp hiding spot and stated, "You libtard, marriage is between a man and a woman according to my religious beliefs," but as he was owning this liberal, his heart stopped and he felt as if he couldn't breathe.
He was completely awestruck by Papyrus' athletic frame and raw swagger. His shiny red gloves, his chiseled jaw, flowing scarf, and most importantly, his flat ass.
Am I really thinking these thoughts about a man right now? Ben thought to himself. Well, he's not really a man...he's a skeleton, so it doesn't even matter! But what about my wife who is a doctor? What about my adorable younger sister Abby Shapiro? What about my daughter who will become just like me? What will they all think about this? No one else will be in the room where it happens, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm still clean and pure. I...I need to make a move. I can't just miss an opportunity like this! I haven't felt this way since I first laid my eyes on Steven Crowder! Papyrus, I'm coming for you! I'm not gay, though. I would never be gay. I hate gay people. I just think that Papyrus is the most attractive person alive and want to impregnate him so badly.
"Well uh," Ben stuttered, "maybe skeletons are an exception haha."
Papyrus looked down and he shouted. "SANS! YOU LIED TO ME! THIS IS A HUMAN! A very...fine human at that. Wow." Papyrus slowly trailed off and fully checked out Ben Shapiro. Papyrus was in love with Ben's low height disposition.
Papyrus took a deep breath and said. "Hey um...what's your name?"
Ben Shapiro coughed and looked up at his daddy. "Benjamin Aaron Shapiro...and I know you're Papyrus. Papyrus the great, might I add."
"W-Wow! Nyeh! No one's ever called me that before! I..." Papyrus' face emitted an orange glow (similar to a blush) and decided to make a move. "Would you like to stop by my house to hang out...kind of...like...a-a...date?"
Ben blushed deeply. "O-Of course I do! What time?"
"Right now...?" Papyrus responded sheepishly.
Ben Shapiro squealed like a schoolgirl and nodded excitedly, extending his hand. "What if we... theoretically... held hands?"
Papyrus tightly grasped Ben's hand and they walked off into the "sunset", leaving Sans to contemplate what he just witnessed
Papyrus and Ben frolicked through the snowy fields and arrived at Papyrus and Sans' home. Papyrus unlocked the door, oblivious to the fun they would have in the later hours

ඞඞඞඞඞ

As Ben entered the skeletons' abode, he noticed the TV was on and the Ben Shapiro show was playing. Ben sat down and watched as he destroyed the abortion argument and MURDERED a college student with a MACHETE.
"Wow Ben! You are so utterly wrong in this episode, but I love it because it's you..." Papyrus stared lovingly into Ben's eyes.
Ben knew he was dealing with an illogical... dare he say... liberal! But the way he looked blinded him. He couldn't allow himself to leave. "Well I guess perhaps you're correct..." Ben replied.
Of course, he is a through and through conservative and would never concede this on the inside, but he knew Papyrus would not accept his true self.
"Thank you, Ben!" Papyrus exclaimed, grinning from nonexistent ear to nonexistent ear, "Would you like to go in my room and...do whatever people do when they date?"
Ben Shapiro felt his tiny sausage waking up and nodded excitedly. "Yes please!" He thought about calling Papyrus daddy again, but decided he would be coming off too strong.

ඞඞඞඞඞ

As they entered Papyrus' room, Ben was hit with the stench of rotting spaghetti and cum. Ben gagged a little, but tried to conceal it because he didn't want to be rude (heaven forbid).
Papyrus beamed at Ben and shouted excitedly, "Welcome to my room!"
Ben put on his observing glasses and noticed that Papyrus had a sexy race car bed. Ben felt his hot dog become even more erect! Papyrus noticed, but decided to not say anything. He led Ben over to his computer and realized that he wasn't wearing his Date Outfit. "One moment, my love!" Papyrus said as he went back to the living room to find his Date Outfit.
Ben's curiosity took over and he turned on Papyrus' computer. His first obstacle was the password...but there was none. Ben's ears got a little bigger (to hear Papyrus' footsteps) and he opened Joojle Chrom. He began to look through the search history... "Sans the Skeleton No Jacket, Undyne Flexing Busty Fish Girl, MTT Uncensored, Underlust Sans x Reader, Frisk 18+" As Ben continued reading, he heard Papyrus' footsteps coming closer, but he couldn't exit Joojle fast enough. Papyrus happily skipped into the room with his Cool Dude shirt and basketball shoulder pads.
But the damage was already done, Papyrus saw what Ben was looking at and his smile faltered. "Ben...why are you snooping through my stuff?"
"Well, why are you looking at weird pictures of your brother?! Though he is admittedly hot..." Ben could hear Sans from the room adjacent shout, "Thanks!"
Ben decided to ignore it and waited for Papyrus' response, only to be met with shame in his eyes. "Listen Ben, I'm sorry that I'm into incestual relationships. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine. I understand. I'll just date Sans instead."
"No, Papyrus. I shouldn't have shamed you like that...I've been attracted to my little sister for the longest time, so I've been in the same boat as you! It's okay." Ben put a comforting hand on Papyrus' shoulder with a small smile. Papyrus let out a sigh of relief and leaned in to kiss Ben. Ben gladly accepted and automatically slid his tongue into Papyrus' skeleton mouth (he likes to break some of the rules). Papyrus let out a loud grunt, similar to the ones of an elephant. Papyrus felt an elephant trunk emerging from his nose hole, and punched it back. That's for another time.
Ben and Papyrus got more passionate and Ben shoved Papyrus onto his swanky race car bed. Due to his vertically challenged stature and Papyrus being built like a giant, it was a little awkward, but they made it work.
Papyrus stroked Ben's coarse greasy hair with his skeletal fingers, sending chills down Ben's curved spine. "A-Ah! Papyrus! What are you doing to me?"
"It's what my family calls, a little rendezvous." Papyrus ripped a large chunk of Ben's hair out and munched on it slowly. "God...one of my biggest fantasies was to eat a human's hair, thank you so much my shota."
Ben blushed profusely. "I-I'm glad I can do that for you...may I...?" Ben looked down at Papyrus' bulge with an orange glow emitting from it.
Papyrus slapped Ben in the face hard, causing Ben to gasp loudly (from pain and pleasure).
"Pappy daddy! Why did you do that?!"
"I'm sorry. You just have a slappable face. Come on, suck my cock baby girl."
Ben ripped off Papyrus pants and began sucking, only to realize that Papyrus had too large of a penis. Ben decided the only way to get himself out of his conundrum was to cut half of it off. He got out the butter knife he always keeps on hand and slowly cut off half of Papyrus' genitalia.
"Oh! Nyeh heh heh! I've...wow! Oh...OKAY OW THAT'S ENOUGH."
Ben looked up at his lover, then back down at the mutilated genitalia. "Yeah...maybe it is. Can it be my turn now?" Ben said impatiently in his nasally voice.
Papyrus smirked (in a way) and brought Ben close. Papyrus whispered in Ben's waxy ear. "I have magic...do you wanna see what I can do?"
"Of course! Please. I need to experience your special attack."
Papyrus threw Ben up against the wall, bending Ben's spine even more. Ben whimpered slightly and saw Papyrus grow a pair of tentacles from the sides of his head.
Papyrus laid on his side (causing one of the tentacles to scream) and levitated Ben onto the other side. Ben's butthole was completely filled by Papyrus' orange tentacle. Semen began to squirt out of all Ben's orifices and Papyrus opened his mouth wide to taste every last drop. After Ben looked like he was all tuckered out, Papyrus brought him back onto the bed and kissed Ben on the cheek, leaving slobber all over his face.
Mr. Shapiro looked up at Papyrus with big doe eyes and Papyrus winked at Ben. "See how wonderful gay sex is?"
"I...I feel enlightened. Thank you Daddy Pappy."
"Of course Baby Benny." Papyrus brought Ben close to his chest and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. Papyrus had to turn away out of disgust because Ben uses three in one shampoo, but still enjoyed this moment. They dozed off in each other's arms, completely content.

ඞඞඞඞඞ

When Benjamin awoke, thoughts started swirling in his head. Not only did he have sex outside of marriage, but it was with a liberal. Was he... he couldn't be. He felt an urge. A craving. He got up, searching for none other than soy milk. He bought some at the store and didn't wait to get home before drinking it. He decided not to tell Papyrus for fear of what he would think of his less and less conservative demeanor.
As Ben entered the skeleton home, he saw Papyrus chillaxing on the couch.
"Hey baby! Wait...what's that smell?" Papyrus took a few deep whiffs. "Is...is that soy milk?"
"No! No! No! I would never! Fuck soy milk!"
"Baby come here...sit on my lap."
Mr. Shapiro makes his way over to Papyrus and does as told. Papyrus wrapped his arms around Ben's waist and said reassuringly. "Don't worry. I'll turn you into a better person."

[ One Year Later ]

Ben woke up on his racecar bed. He noticed Papyrus still asleep, so he got up to cook breakfast. He prepared some imitation bacon along with tofu scramble.
He looked outside and saw a monster with a gun.
"Hey, get that dangerous firearm out of our liberal country!" He shouted, as he is now no longer pro gun.
After breakfast, he combed his hair in the mirror, glancing at his bright blue hair.
Ben Shapiro fans around the world were dismayed when he cancelled his show 9 months ago, but he knew it was the right decision. In those 3 months, he went from logical and masculine to emotional and feminine.
But he gazed off into the distance wondering what he had become.