The next day in 372A...

Lance: (sitting at the head of the dining table) Right, so today we're going to do our Christmas shopping and I'm expecting the six of you to be on your best behaviour.

Henry: Six? Kasama ako? Mas matanda ako sa 'yo Heim!

Lance: Yes or no: you joined Siegfried in hunting for beetles at my tomato garden.

Henry: (quietly) I'll be on my best behaviour.

Arthur: (raises hand) I'm always on my best behaviour.

Lance: Great, then choose one of the boys to babysit.

Arthur: (looks at SMS)

Arthur: I choose Lance to babysit me.

Lance: (pats Arthur's head) Behave, baby.

Arthur: (bites Lance's hand)

Joyeuse: Put your bloody dog on a leash, Lance.

Edward: (sticks his tongue out in disgust)

Laevateinn: (gives the two a look of disdain)

Futhark: Maghihiwa-hiwalay po ba tayo? Magkikita-kita po ba tayo for lunch o kanya-kanya na rin po?

Lance: Kanya-kanya na rin para hindi masilip ni Jule ang mga bibilhin ko para sa kanya.

Joyeuse: Every year you buy me something I don't need.

Lance: And every year I receive a thank you card. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?

Edward: Ako po, Sir Dad? Bibilhan mo ng regalo?

Lance: How rich again are you, Edward?

Edward: :(

Lance: (has no intentions of telling Edward he bought gifts for him) I don't need to buy you a gift, you can buy anything you want.

Laevateinn: (whispers to Edward) Go and solicit gifts from Santa. He's required to give you gifts or else he lose believers.

Edward: Great.

Laevateinn: You can also send letters to The Gifter.  

Edward: (takes notes) Okay. Kanino pa?

Laevateinn: I heard you can ask gifts from your godly parent.

Edward: Wala akong kilalang ninong at ninang. Next?

Laevateinn: You can ask Odin for blessings.

Edward: Not gifts?

Laevateinn: The Odin I know is poor.

Futhark: Solo-solo po ba o may buddy system po tayo?

Lance: I was thinking that each one of us adult will accompany one kid.

Joyeuse: I'm nineteen, I don't need a babysitter.

Edward: I don't need one either, I can do my own shopping.

Futhark: Mas gusto ko rin pong mag-isa na lang, para po surprise, hehe.

Laevateinn: I don't wanna go, malls don't allow Fenrir inside.

Henry: Gusto ko pa namang sumama kay Edward kasi s'ya ang Bangko Sentral ng Coronado.

Lance: Yeah I wanted to tag alongside Futhark because he's the thoughtful one who can think of the perfect gift.

Arthur: I kind of wanted to come with Uresonderry so we'd just hunt for chairs or hang around Starbucks.

SMS: ...

Edward: Kami ba talaga ang nangangailangan ng kasamang matanda o kayo ang may kailangang kasamang bata?

Hemlock & Henry: ...

Lance: I'll pay for anything you buy.

Henry & Futhark: (raises hand) Sasamahan po kita, Sir Lance!

Lance: (hits Henry's head)

Arthur: (sighs) I'll pay for your coffee, Jule...

Joyeuse: Hmm.

Arthur: And a croissant with strawberry jam.

Joyeuse: (narrows eyes) Hmm...

Arthur: Take it or leave it.

Joyeuse: I'll take it.

Edward: Wala kayong balak mamili?

Arthur: Lance and I are married, anything he gives to anyone is also from me.

Joyeuse: I don't understand gift-giving and you guys don't need anything, so why bother?

Futhark: Ibigay mo sa 'kin ang wallet mo, ako na ang mamimili para sa 'yo.

Henry: That doesn't count, dapat mula sa puso ni Joyeuse!

Edward: Invalid Sir, walang puso 'yan.

Joyeuse: Arthur and I will brainstorm at Starbucks, so calm down. (phone rings)

Lance: You were talking to someone last night, who was it?

Henry: Probably another lonely guy he's scamming.

Joyeuse: You can't get over Hannah Grace, can you?

Henry: Hannah Mae! Hindi mo man lang maalala ang pangalan?!

Lance: Are you catfishing another lonely man last night, Jule?

Joyeuse: No, I was texting Clarent.

Everyone: (suspicious stare)

Futhark: Jo, may boyfriend si Clarent, ha...?

Edward: Ipapaalala ko lang din na si Excalibur ang boyfriend n'ya. Kayang-kaya kang bugbugin at ibato pabalik sa Ireland n'on.

Joyeuse: I know that. I wasn't wooing her anyway. I was asking for advice.

Lance: Advice?

Joyeuse: Yes. Can we talk about something else?

Everyone: (suspicious stare)

Lance: Well then finish eating and we'll head out.

The happy family goes the mall with their uncle. And so...

[Team Henry and Edward:]

Edward: Anong bibilhin natin para sa kanila, Sir?

Henry: Sandali, punta muna tayo sa pet shop, bibili ako ng pagkain ng mga aso ko.

Edward: (stares at Henry)

[Team Lance and Futhark:]

Futhark: Sinu-sino po ang bibilhan n'yo ng regalo, Sir?

Lance: The boys, Henry, Forseti, Njal, and I guess if I had time, I'd buy some for my brothers and sisters.

Futhark: Oh, naibili n'yo na po si Sir Arthur ng regalo?

Lance: Yeah the gift I'm giving him can't be bought here.

Futhark: Nice! Ano pong balak n'yong iregalo sa kanya?

Lance: ... Yeeeaaahhh I can't say that out loud.

Futhark: Alam n'yo po Sir, hindi na po ako magtatanong ng kahit anong may kinalaman kay Sir Arthur.

[Team Laevateinn and Fenrir:]

[372A High Street:]

Laevateinn: Now we have the whole house for ourselves, men.

Fenrir: (chilling on the couch)

Ferdinand: (chilling on top of Edward's laptop)

(More chickens enter the house, chilling in the living room)

(Ravens perch on the couch)

(Stray dogs and stray cats lay on the carpet)

Laevateinn: (turns on telly and plays Shaun the Sheep) (puts feet up the coffee table and sips apple juice) Let's get this party started, men.

[Team Arthur and Joyeuse:]

[Starbucks:]

Arthur: (quietly sips the sweetest coffee he could order)

Joyeuse: (quietly sips the bitterest coffee he could order)

Arthur: You're asking Clarent for advice. It's because you like someone, isn't it?

Joyeuse: Did I become too predictable and easy to read?

Arthur: You ask Edward Dace for help when you're doing mischief. Niall when you require strength. Futhark when it's serious or it's total nonsense. Lance when you have something you don't know. You ask Clarent when it's something only a girl can answer so I'm guessing you have someone you like and it's a boy, otherwise you would've asked Excalibur, the other half of the only successful couple you know.

Arthur: So.

Arthur: Why do you like Futhark?

Joyeuse: (spits coffee) Oh for God's sake.

Joyeuse: Why Futhark?

Arthur: I see the way you look at him.

Joyeuse: With disgust?

Arthur: You look at him the same way you look at casefiles and mystery books. With so much interest and excitement that makes you too eager to solve him, yet with enough patience to savour each moment you have.

Joyeuse: You've had too much sugar, Arthur, I'm returning you to Lance now.

Arthur: You don't have to deny or suppress those feelings. I see the way Futhark looks at you.

Joyeuse: Really? How?

Arthur: ... With the loving eyes of a mother.

Joyeuse: That's it, I'm returning you to Lance.

Arthur: What did Clarent say?

Joyeuse: She asked me to observe my feelings for Futhark today.

Arthur: And what are you feeling?

Joyeuse: Hungry, because you ordered a croissant and forgot it was mine until you ate all of it.

Arthur: That doesn't look good for Futhark, does it?

Joyeuse: Arthur I'm hungry.

Arthur: You sure you just don't have butterflies in your stomach because we're talking about Futhark?

Joyeuse: Well those butterflies better be digestible because I'm still hungry and you're too lazy to buy me another croissant.

Arthur: I will buy you two croissants.

[Spoiler: Arthur bought two bagels and ate them on the way to their table.]

[Team Lance and Futhark:]

Lance: You think Jule will like this?

Futhark: Hello Kitty na mug? Wala po bang ibang design?

Lance: (shows Futhark a Barbie mug)

Futhark: Sir, hindi po mahilig sa pink si Joyeuse.

Lance: Ah, you're right. (grabs a purple Barbie mug)

Futhark: Sir libro na lang po kaya ang iregalo n'yo kay Jo?

Lance: You sure? This one lights up so he can see his coffee even in the dark.

Futhark: Mas maa-appreciate po n'ya ang libro.

Lance: He'll go through that in 30 minutes. He can use a mug every day.

Futhark: Indoor slippers po! Para hindi 'yung akin ang ginagamit n'ya.

Lance: Right. Is he the same size as you?

Futhark: Mas maliit po 'yung sa kanya, pero ilang centimetres lang naman po.

Lance: Huh, so you measured.

Futhark: 

Lance:

Futhark: Tsinelas po ang usapan natin Sir.

Lance: Tsinelas nga hijo. Saan ka ba napunta?

Futhark: 

Futhark: Sir gusto mong magsolo?

[Team Edward and Henry:]

Edward: Sir Henreeeehhhh ilang aso pa po ba ang kakamustahin n'yo?!

Henry: (on the floor, covered by dogs) Isa na lang!

Edward: Wala pa tayong napapamiling regalong pantao, puro gamit ng aso 'tong binili natin!

Henry: They're for Fenrir too!

Edward: Astang tao lang po si Fenrir pero aso pa rin 'yon!

[Team Laevateinn and Fenrir:]

Laevateinn & Fenrir: (wears matching sunglasses) (chilling outside at the garden)

[Team Arthur and Joyeuse:]

Arthur: I forgot your croissant, Jule. Let me buy you some again. This time I'll make it three.

Joyeuse: You know what I hate about you? You have an eidetic memory. You don't forget things. You're eating them on purpose.

Arthur: You caught me.

Joyeuse: I'm calling Lance.

Arthur: You wanna switch partners?

Joyeuse: Oh I see what you're doing now. 

Arthur: No you don't.

Joyeuse: You keep on eating my food-

Arthur: No I don't.

Joyeuse: I saw you eat the croissant!

Arthur: Oh really?

Joyeuse: Oh yes!

Arthur: Then why didn't you stop me?

Joyeuse: You looked at the croissant the same way you look at Lance and I felt like nothing could come between the two of you.

Arthur: Are you saying Lance looks like a croissant?

Joyeuse: How are you two married?!

[Team Edward and Henry:]

Edward: (sitting on the floor with dogs wagging their tails beside him, waiting for him to notice them) Sir Henreeeeehhhhh anong oras na?

Henry: (might be dying because of dogs)

[Team Lance and Futhark:]

Lance: Anong tingin mo sa tshirt na 'to, Futhark?

Futhark: (is too tired of Lance's bullshit) Okay po sir. Maganda po.

Lance: Really? You think Jule will love this Captain America shirt?

Futhark: (nods tiredly)

Lance: Alright. Now, you think Edward will like this Ironman shirt?

Futhark: (nods)

Lance: You didn't even look.

Futhark: (wants to switch partners)

Futhark: Sir, kain po muna tayo.

Lance: Oh, sure. Let's call Arthur and Jule. Jule messaged me and said Arthur kept on eating his food.

Futhark: ...

Futhark: Sir ikaw po yata ang gustong kasama ni Sir Arthur.

Lance: He said he wanted to sit with Jule.

Futhark: Na-bore na po s'ya kay Joyeuse, Sir, nami-miss ka na po n'ya.

Lance: It can't be helped, let's ask them to join us.

Futhark: Ooor, kami na lang po ni Joyeuse ang magsasama. Palit po tayo ng partner.

Lance: (squints eyes)

Lance: Are you dating my son?

Futhark: Napakaraming mali sa isang sentence na 'yan, Sir.

[Team Arthur and Joyeuse:]

Arthur: If you wanna date Futhark, you can ask him right away.

Joyeuse: And if he says, "Let's stay as friends."?

Arthur: Then you got a best friend forever. Ain't that great. Much better if you reply with, "No backsies."

Joyeuse: He said he's loyal to Alice.

Arthur: And I said I'll bring you two doughnuts. People are liars, Jule.

Joyeuse: Are you saying that he's lying to me when he said he likes Alice?

Arthur: (has already had too much sweet) Yes. He's lying because he needs a beard.

Joyeuse: Then, are you saying I have a chance?

Arthur: No, because you're an asshole, regardless of Futhark's preferences and future prospects.

Arthur: Plus you're not even sure of your feelings.

Joyeuse: How do I identify feelings? What do you feel when you're with Lance?

Arthur: My heart feels like it's being squeezed.

Joyeuse: That's a serious heart condition, you should get that checked.

Arthur: Everything is cotton candy.

Joyeuse: What?

Arthur: Lance smells sweet and I munch.

Joyeuse: You're like this when you have too much sweets?

Arthur: Monch monch.

Joyeuse: (takes phone out and calls Lance) Hey. Pick your husband up, he's drunk. I wanna switch partners.

Arthur: (sly smirk)

[Team Laevateinn and the entire animal population of San Lorenzo:]

Laevateinn: (walks the street of San Lorenzo wearing shades and a red cape)

Fenrir: (struts beside Laevateinn, wearing shades and a cool hat)

(cool animals walking coolly behind them)

[Team Edward and Henry:]

Edward: (is lying on the floor with a dog sitting on his chest and four more dogs surrounding him) Sir Henry?

Henry: (is buried in dogs) (muffled) Yes?

Edward: Ano pong grade ko sa Martial Arts?

Henry: Uno, bakit?

Edward: Kung isasama ko po 'to as extra-curricular, tingin mo magne-negatibo ang grade ko?

Henry: Bakit negatibo?

Edward: Mas mataas sa uno.

Henry: Corny mo 'nak.

[Team Hemlock and FuJo:]

[McDonald's:]

Joyeuse: Here's your bloody husband. (shoves Arthur towards Lance)

Lance: That's your stepmother. Treat him with respect.

Joyeuse: (respectfully kicks Arthur's shoe)

Futhark: Dito na po tayo maghiwalay! Bye sir!

Lance: Really? Hindi kayo rito kakain?

Futhark: Sa iba po gustong kumain ni Joyeuse, Sir, bye! (grabs Joyeuse's wrist and drags him with him)

Lance: See you later then. (drags Arthur with him)

Joyeuse: (to Futhark) Why are you in such a hurry?

Futhark: Nakaka-drain ng energy kasama si Sir Lance!

Joyeuse: And Arthur has too much energy. The man drank coffee with twenty packets of sugar.

Futhark: Tingin ko sinadya nilang manggulo para mainis tayo at pilitin nating makipagpalit ng partners.

Joyeuse: No I think Arthur has a sugar problem even before.

Futhark: Alam naman nating mahilig sa matamis si Sir Arthur.

Joyeuse: Speaking of sweets. How do I smell, Futhark?

Futhark: Hmm? (sniffs Joyeuse) Matamis. Parang cotton candy. Anong ginamit mong pabango?

Joyeuse: ... (is not wearing any cologne) I-I borrowed Lance's.

Futhark: Magkaiba kayo ng amoy ni Sir Lance. Matapang ang pabango n'ya. 'Yong sa 'yo sakto lang at masarap sa ilong.

Joyeuse: Lance has other colognes.

Futhark: Oh. Okay.

Futhark: Ano nga palang pinag-usapan n'yo ni Clarent?

Joyeuse: Excalibur's involvement with the police.

Futhark: Anong nangyari kay Excal?

Joyeuse: H-He was uhh, involved with the police.

Futhark: Anong nangyayari sa 'yo?

Joyeuse: I think I'm having acid reflux because I haven't eaten anything yet. Something's squeezing my chest.

Futhark: Hala! Gusto mong pumunta sa clinic o gusto mong kumain?!

Joyeuse: I-

Joyeuse: What the bloody hell are those questions, Futhark.

Futhark: Hinihika ka ba? Nahihirapang huminga?

Joyeuse: What-

Joyeuse: (panics) 

Futhark: Kumalma ka hoy, halika humanap muna tayo ng mauupuan.

Joyeuse: If I died today please tell Edward Dace I was the one who installed a virus in the family computer.

[Hemlock:]

Lance: So. Did you figure out who Jule likes?

Arthur: The one you said.

Lance: I knew it. You owe me dinner.

Arthur: They're young. They might change their minds.

Lance: No I knew you were the one when I was 27, I just didn't realise it until I was 34.

Arthur: 

Arthur: (bites Lance's arm)

Lance: (phone rings) (answers call without removing Arthur from his arm) Hello, Futhark? What do you mean asthma attack? Calm down, son, I can't understand you. Why are you buying handkerchiefs if he's having an asthma attack? Give him the phone, I'll talk to him.

Arthur: It's amazing how you take your eyes off these kids for a moment and then the next minute they're doing something stupid.

Lance: (talks to Jule for a while)

Arthur: (quietly waits for Lance to finish, playing with Lance's hair)

Lance: (ends call) (sighs)

Arthur: What happened to your idiot son?

Lance: Our wee robot found a heart but doesn't know how to use it. We better explain everything to him before he short-circuits. (scratches head) You're kinda like Jule. How did you handle your feelings?

Arthur: Every time I thought of you, I did one sit up.

Lance: So that's how you got abs, huh.

Arthur: Yes, but we can't ask Jule to do a sit up.

Lance: Hmm...

Arthur: What about a push-up?

Lance: That might work : D

[Team FuJo:]

Futhark: Ano bang problema mo? Bakit nand'yan ka sa kabilang dulo?!

Joyeuse: (hiding behind a shelf of books) I need to stay at least three metres away from you. You trigger my asthma.

Futhark: D-Dahil ba sa buhok ko?! Kailangan ko bang magpagupit dahil naiipon ang alikabok sa buhok ko?

Joyeuse: Probably, yes.

Futhark: (gasps) Sorry! B-Bumili kaya muna ako ng bonnet?

Joyeuse: (nods)

[King Laevateinn:]

Laevateinn: (is reigning San Lorenzo, his followers and subjects consisting of animals, a number of plants and one homeless, crazy guy)

Laevateinn: This is the best day ever.

[Team Edward and Henry:]

Edward: (on the floor, buried in dogs) This day is shit.

Enjoy all these FuJo contents while they last!