A development that isn't in the timeline of any of the official books?

What is the bloody author planning?!

•••

A gentle reminder that none of these events are canon.

•••

One day in 372A High Street, in SMS's Room:

Futhark: Kailangan mo akong kausapin, Jo?

Joyeuse: Yes, and can you lock the door, please?

Futhark: Kakain na, hindi ba pwedeng mamaya na 'yan?

Joyeuse: Relax, Lance and Arthur are still picking up the test papers and Edward's still trying to hack into BoobsAreGreat's account.

Futhark: O...kay? (sits on Edward's bed) What do you need?

Joyeuse: (leans closer) (whispers, cautious of eavesdroppers) So you've read Henry's challenge, right?

Futhark: Alin, ang pumasok ka araw-araw sa mga klase mo at gumalang sa mga prof?

Joyeuse: Yeah that's bullshit, I don't care about that. Henry thinks I'm single because I couldn't get any girl and I want to prove him wrong.

Futhark: Oh.

Futhark: And... bakit mo ako kailangan?

Joyeuse: Because he's right and I don't want to admit it.

Futhark: He's right that you can't get a girl?

Joyeuse: It's been a while since I've talked to a girl, and this pandemic made me hate talking to other people in general. I'm worried my communication skills are going rusty.

Futhark: M-Mahiyain din ako pagdating sa mga babae, mali ka ng pinagtanungan.

Joyeuse: Nah just let me practise talking to you before I talk to a real girl.

Futhark: Kailan ang deadline?

Joyeuse: Tomorrow, so I need to talk to one tonight. Would Alice be willing to at least pretend to be my girlfriend?

Futhark: No she would not.

Joyeuse: Oh bugger. Cassandra is too busy, Calliope is engaged, Keira is in Singapore, Chris is probably rotting somewhere...

Futhark: Mahilig ka sa C or sa may K sounds ano?

Futhark: Wait sino si Chris, ngayon ko lang narinig ang ex na 'yan.

Joyeuse: Maybe I should just go to the mall and pick up a date there.

Futhark: Joyeuse masamang mangidnap ng tao.

Joyeuse: Or maybe I should call Freyja? But she's not into relationships. Would she accept if I told 'er it's to piss Henry off?

Futhark: Why would you even fake a relationship just to prove someone wrong?

Joyeuse:

Joyeuse: Sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.

Futhark: Yeah wala kang puso at tingin mo sa mga relationships ay laro-laro lang.

Joyeuse: There you go.

Futhark: I'm telling you, give up. Mahirap humanap ng girlfriend sa isang araw.

Joyeuse: (phone dings)

Futhark: ?

Joyeuse: (three consecutive notifications from his phone)

Futhark: Ano 'yan? Hindi mo ba titingnan?

Joyeuse: Yeah that's from a dating app I installed earlier. I'm not in the mood to check my messages right now.

Futhark: Not in the mood or too anxious?

Joyeuse: Not in the mood.

Futhark: I think you asked me for help because you need my knowledge in psychology. Otherwise you would've asked Edward for help.

Joyeuse: Just because I ask Edward for help every time I have an evil plan doesn't mean I—

Futhark: Kay Edward ka magpatulong.

Joyeuse: Have you seen him talk to my fake account, Hannah Mae? That boy knows shit about talking to women!

Futhark: Yeah, medyo inosente nga si Ed—wait sinong Hannah Mae?

Joyeuse: Henry's heartbreak.

Futhark: Heartbreak?

Joyeuse: Yes, but it's—(groans and grabs Futhark's shoulders) Listen, I'm gonna give you my phone and you answer to every girl messaging me, alright?

Joyeuse: (four consecutive notifications from his phone)

Futhark: Napakaraming notification naman no'n.

Joyeuse: Of course, I used your face.

Futhark: You used my face?!

Joyeuse: Why, you have a pretty face. Girls dig that.

Futhark: You do realize that you're catfishing, right?

Joyeuse: No I'm not.

Futhark: You're using my face—

Joyeuse: And your name.

Futhark: And my name?!

Joyeuse: And I filled out the profile based on your preferences.

Futhark: Do you even know my preferences? Bakit mo ako ginawan ng account?

Futhark: Sandali nga...

Futhark: Hindi talaga ikaw ang nagpapatulong humanap ng jowa! Alam kong kayang-kaya mong makipag-usap at manloko ng mga babae! Ako na naman ang sinasalang mo para kapag may nangyaring masama, ako ang masisisi!

Joyeuse: Nope.

Futhark: Ang panget mo, bored ka na naman 'no?!

Joyeuse: "Panget"? Wow, if you were Edward Dace I would've received a "fuck you".

Futhark: Alam mong hindi ako nagmumura.

Joyeuse: You swore at me once.

Futhark: And you deserved it.

Futhark: Anyway, hindi kita tutulungan sa balak mo, at 'wag mong gamitin ang mukha at pangalan ko sa panlalandi!

Joyeuse: (takes phone out) Really? Even if there's a hot model who wanted to meet up with you?

Futhark: Hot model?

Joyeuse: (shows picture of a hot model who messaged him)

Futhark: Wow—(shakes his head) No! Turn them all down and delete that app!

Joyeuse: What about this professor who graduated in Stanford?

Futhark: No! Loyal ako kay Alice!

Joyeuse:

Joyeuse: Huh.

Joyeuse: Alright.

Futhark:

Futhark: Ano

Joyeuse:

Futhark:

Futhark: Kailangan mo pa ba ng tulong ko...?

Joyeuse: (stands up and walks towards the door) Nope.

Futhark: Uy—

Joyeuse: You're right, I was bored. I shouldn't play with people's feelings and profiles.

Joyeuse:

Joyeuse: I guess I should also delete that ad on Craigslist.

Futhark: Ad?

Joyeuse: I put 372A High Street for sale.

Futhark: JOYEUSE!

Joyeuse: I'm deleting it, alright? Geez.

Futhark: Ano pa ang kalokohang ginawa mo?!

Joyeuse: None!

Futhark: >->

Joyeuse: (groans) Okay, fine, I'll delete the Kickstarter campaign.

Futhark: For what?!

Joyeuse: Let's just say people are willing to pay a thousand dollars to get a date with you.

Futhark: Akin na 'yang phone mo.

Joyeuse: Deleting everything, see?

Futhark: No. Akin na 'yang phone mo.

Joyeuse: But what if someone messaged me?

Futhark: Sasabihin ko sa 'yo.

Joyeuse: What if it's an emergency?

Futhark: Sasabihin. Ko. Sa 'yo.

Joyeuse: Can you even handle my—

Futhark: Ako na ang bahala sa phone mo at sa lahat ng mga kinakausap mo.

Joyeuse: (gives his phone to Futhark with a smile) Just so you know, my password is my birthday.

Futhark: Got it.

Joyeuse: Right. (suppresses a sly smile) (hugs Futhark) Good luck.

Edward: (outside) Futhaaaark, Drama queeen? (enters room and sees them hugging) Tangina—

Futhark: (shoves Joyeuse away)

Joyeuse: Oh, hello, Edward, I totally didn't hear you walking outside. (wipes his mouth with his finger and smirks) Well, then, I'll be waiting for all of you at the dinner table.

Edward: :O

Futhark: B-Binilin lang sa 'kin ni Joyeuse 'yong phone n'ya!

Edward: Bakit n'ya ibibilin sa 'yo ang phone n'ya?

Futhark: K-Kinuha ko?!

Edward: Bakit mo kukuhanin ang phone n'ya? Bakit n'ya ibibigay sa 'yo?

Futhark: E-Eto 'yong phone, Ed, i-delete mo lahat ng dating app at 'yong binenta n'ya ang 372A, tapos binenta n'ya ako sa Kickstarter something!

Edward: Putangina ano? (takes phone) Anong password nito?

Futhark: 0423.

Edward: Birthday mo? Bakit birthday mo ang password ng phone ni Joyeuse?

Futhark: M-Magka-birthday kami, 'wag kung anu-ano ang iniisip, Ed!

Edward: (suspicious) Okay... (checks phone) Bakit mukha mo ang wallpaper ng phone ni drama queen?!

Futhark: (screams, snatches phone, and runs away)

Edward: Hmmm...

Laevateinn: (appears from under the bed) You don't have to worry about anything.

Edward: Isipin mo kasi Lae, bakit ayaw ni Joyeuse na sagutin ni Fu si Alice?

Laevateinn: Because he's a selfish bastard who wants a slave.

Edward: Bakit mas nag-aalala si Fu para kay Jo kaysa sa 'ting dalawa?

Laevateinn: Because Jule is a problem child.

Edward: What if Joyeuse is acting up like a problem child to grab Futhark's attention?!

Laevateinn: You need to stop reading too much fan fictions and touch some grass.

Edward: Yeah it's impossible. Malandi lang si drama queen, hindi naman s'ya papatulan ni Futhark.

Laevateinn: The drama queen is bored so he's stirring up trouble. Again.

Edward: Okay, but let's watch out.

Laevateinn: There's literally nothing to watch out.

Edward: Bakit pala nand'yan ka sa ilalim ng kama?

Laevateinn:

Laevateinn: I was worried that the drama queen might play with our mother's feelings and break his poor little heart.

Edward: So you're worried too!

Laevateinn: Drama queen is a snake.

Edward: Tapos marupok si Futhark.

Edward: Kailangan nating iligtas si Futhark!

Laevateinn: (nods)

•••

372A High Street at the peak of misunderstanding! Stay tuned.