DISCLAIMER!

DISCLAIMER!

THIS IS NOT CANON.

(Characters' personalities based on HoA (2012) and STBK (2013).)

Have fun reading!

"Ciao! HeadphonesAndLuck here and we're back at it again with the actors of the rubbish I write for fun! For today's episode, we have, doodeedoodoo, the Coronado Chronicles!"

(audience applause)

"First we have the youngest member! Noir Brown, a.k.a. Mistletoe!"

(nothing happens)

"Oh-kay. Maybe he didn't hear me. NOOOIIIRRR BROOOOOWN A.K.A. MISTLETOOOOOEEEEEE!"

Excalibur: (peeks from the backstage) Yeah he's shy, sasabay na lang daw po s'ya kay Joyeuse.

"But Joyeuse's not here."

Excalibur: Kung pwede raw bang tawagin si Joyeuse at papuntahin sa audience for moral support.

(somebody throws Mistletoe from backstage to the couch in front of the host)

"Well hello there."

Mistletoe: (panics and covers his face)

"I better give you company quick. Next we have Macey Velasquez also known as Macey, Mace, Macerooni, or simply Macey!"

Macey: (smiles and waves at the audience) (sits beside Mistletoe)

Mistletoe: (hides behind Macey)

Macey: Si Harry po ang nagbato kay Mistletoe, share ko lang.

"We figured. Next is our power couple-"

("What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction plays)

"Nope, nope, it's not his turn. Our power couple, Travis Peralta a.k.a. Excalibur and Snorri Viernes a.k.a. Clarent!"

Clarent: (drags Excalibur from the backstage)

Excalibur: (is trying to finish his burger)

"Yaaaaayyy, there they are! Travis, me boy! Clarent! Oi oi!"

Excalibur: (sits on the couch and drinks water)

Clarent: (is much friendlier) (smiles and waves) Hi! Thank you for inviting us. We're not really a couple because Travis is taking forever to ask me out.

"Oh, if he chickens out, will you marry me?"

Clarent: Nope.

"Worth the shot. Next we have the wickedly organised Associate Editor, Cian Gomez a.k.a. Mommy Val a.k.a. Ichaival!"

Ichaival: (nods his head down politely) (smiles charmingly at the audience)

"There we go! Nice one Narreh! Woohoo! Also can we get some water for that audience who fainted over there-"

Excalibur: (offers his water bottle to the girl)

"And last but not the least! Our one and only Editor-in-Chief, Harold Coronado! He's best known for his curly hair, deep dimples, and crazy shenanigans! Zweihändeeeeeer!"

("What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction plays)

Zweihänder: (runs and shakes some audience's hands) (bows in front of them before sitting beside Ichaival)

"We have quite the celebrity here, eh?"

Zweihänder: Sorry, I was just glad to be here.

Ichaival: (clutches Zweihänder's sleeve)

"Good, good! So you're all actors for the series Seven-Minute Semblance, and we're now in uhh, book 4! Do you have anything to say to the readers?"

Zweihänder: (gives microphone to Excalibur)

Excalibur: Uhhh, it's good! It's good! Ano bang ginawa ko no'ng book 2 at book 3...

Clarent: Nagbitbit ng statwa sa bahay nila Sir Arthur.

Excalibur: OHHHHH si Harry nag-ala-Venus!

Zweihänder: Right, hindi na pwedeng magsalita si Travis sa buong interview na 'to. (gives mic to Mistletoe)

Mistletoe: (stares at the microphone) (instantly turns red)

Zweihänder: Thank you for your wonderful answer. (gives mic to Macey) Macey! Anong masasabi mo sa mga achievements ng iyong leading man na si Edward?

Macey: (laughs) Ang cute na leading man si Edward para s'yang si Aang sa Avatar kasi ang bata n'ya tapos ang dami na n'yang nagagawa, tapos ano, ayon, ano... Ano ulit mga achievements n'ya?

Zweihänder: Spoiler.

Macey: Ikaw ang nagtanong?!

"May I ask why Mistletoe was asking for Joyeuse earlier?"

Excalibur: Ang talagang ka-bonding nitong si Noir ay sina Joyeuse at Futhark, 'yong dalawa kasi ang nagbitbit sa kanya sa school at sa set.

Clarent: Sobrang mahiyain n'ya, hindi talaga s'ya nagsasalita hangga't hindi sinasabi ni Joyeuse. (twirls her finger around Mistletoe's curls) Ain't that right, Noir?

Mistletoe: (nods)

"But I'm your author-I mean, I'm the host for today, can't I ask for an answer?"

Excalibur: Yeah I wouldn't.

"Oh-kay. Ichaivaaaal! Narreeeehhhh! How does it feel being Zweihänder's slave?"

Ichaival: (sparkles whilst talking) (talks in a soft, sleepy voice) It's the best! I get to be with Harry all the time!

Zweihänder: Face the corner. Just do it, come on.

Ichaival: ???

Zweihänder: (grins and sticks his tongue out at Ichaival)

Clarent: Iisipin mong nagsasawa na si Val sa pagmumukha nitong si Zwei pero ang totoo ay hindi mo maihihiwalay si Val sa Harreh n'ya.

Zweihänder: (pats Ichaival's back) That's because he's the best vice chance-ah, best Assoc, right?

Ichaival: Yup!

Zweihänder: (laughs) I need a vacation from everyone.

Excalibur: Tinali ni Edward at Nicholas 'yong sintas ng sapatos ni Harry sa paa ng lamesa n'ya.

Clarent: Plakda si Harry sa sahig eh.

Macey: Binasa nilang dalawa si Harry sa set tapos kinasabwat si Joyeuse sa pagbebenta ng "wet look" kuno na photocards.

Ichaival: Pinagsabihan ko na 'yong dalawa na 'wag bully-hin si Harry, turns out may photocards sila ng lahat ng tao sa set.

Macey: Inutusan namin si Excal na bantayan 'yong dalawa, hindi namin alam kung paano s'ya nauutakan every single time.

Excalibur: Hindi ko rin talaga alam mga repapits.

Zweihänder: So alam n'yo na, hindi talaga ako ang pinakabaliw sa set.

Clarent: Si Harry pasimuno at leader ng mga kalokohan.

Excalibur: May sports fest dati sa school namin-

"Shhh, shhh. That's for another chapter, sweetheart."

Zweihänder: (squints eyes)

"Ahem! So all of you are from one school?"

Macey: (raises hand and giggles) Except for me! I'm studying sweets and pastries in Paris.

"Wow!"

Macey: Paris, Malate. Duuun sa Maynila.

Zweihänder: Kami ni Ichaival ang magkaklase, tapos si Excal at Clarent, kaklase talaga ang SMS.

Clarent: Kaso kinulang sila sa maturity points kaya sa series, second year lang sila.

Excalibur: Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ako nakapasa ng first year at second year, tapos naalala kong, "Ay acting nga lang pala 'to."

"What about Mistletoe? What can you say about your role as Edward's best friend?"

Mistletoe: (internal panic) (calls Joyeuse)

"Oh he's making a call."

Joyeuse: (from Mistletoe's phone) Just answer everyone's question, Noir. You're doing good.

Futhark: (from Mistletoe's phone) (voice is a bit muffled) Is that Noir? He's doing the actor au interview? (voice gets clearer) EEEEYYYY Noir! Say hi to Clarent for me!

Joyeuse: Get away from my phone, you fucktard!

Futhark: (realises the power he holds)

Futhark: Oh my gosh, Joyeuse, why are you taking your shirt off?!

Zweihänder: Put that phone down, Noir.

Futhark: Joyeuse my gods! Put your pants back on-ACK!

Joyeuse: Sorry for the interruption. Don't be shy, Noir, you're doing good. Bye.

(phone call ends)

Zweihänder: He killed Futhark.

Macey: Bakit magkasama na naman ang dalawang 'yon?

Excalibur: Magkasama sila sa apartment.

Clarent: Silang dalawa rin ang magkasama noon sa dorm sa school, hindi ba sila nagsasawa sa mukha ng isa't isa?

Excalibur: Tapos lagi pa silang nag-aaway.

Zweihänder: Isa pa 'yang dalawang 'yan, pinapasakit ang ulo ko. Ilang beses akong napatawag sa office ni Heimdall dahil nakasira 'yang dalawang 'yan dahil sa away nila.

Macey: Magkaaway na nga sa series, magkaaway pa sa totoong buhay.

Ichaival: I don't think they're enemies? Kapag nawawala si Futhark todo hanap si Joyeuse.

Clarent: Malamang, kasi kapag tahimik at wala si Futhark, ibig sabihin ay may ginagawa 'yong kalokohan.

Ichaival: Noong nabully si Joyeuse n'ong kaklase nila, si Futhark ang talagang nakipagsapakan.

Excalibur: Si Harry at Ichaival ang sumugod naman sa dorm n'ong nang-away. Natawa ako kasi para silang nanay at tatay.

Clarent: (proudly) Kami ni Travis bumugbog.

Zweihänder: 'Di ba 'yan din 'yong naglagay ng gagamba sa scarf ni Lae no'ng natutulog s'ya? Kaso wa-epek kay Lae dahil natakot 'yong gagamba tapos umalis kaagad. May nagsabing nag-sorry pa raw 'yong gagamba kay Lae.

Excalibur: S'ya rin 'yong naglagay ng bubblegum sa buhok ko.

Clarent: Oh? Pa'no mo natanggal?

Excalibur: Si Futhark nagtanggal habang nakikipagdaldalan sa 'min ni Andrew at Ruhmfried.

Zweihänder: Ah oo teka nga lang. 'Yan 'yong nagbato ng frisbee sa mukha ko?

Macey: 'Yang batang 'yan hindi ko pa nakikita e hindi ko na gusto ha.

Excalibur: (snaps his fingers and points at Zweihänder) Oo! Binato n'ya ng frisbee si Harry sa mukha kaya s'ya sinugod ng buong Norden Dorm at kaya s'ya nahatulan ni Forseti!

Ichaival: Si Forseti ba humatol sa kanya? Akala ko si Lae, nagpanggap na si Forseti?

Excalibur: Kung mahahalata mo, Val, wala akong masyadong alam sa paligid ko.

(host takes a tea break and lets the actors gossip and talk on their own)

Zweihänder: Pero ang totoong magkasama sa kwarto ay si Travis at Joyeuse, hindi ba?

Excalibur: Yeah! Second sem ng second year, lumipat ako sa Tripartite Chamber kasama ni Lae at Ruhmfried. Tapos si Futhark na ang naging roommate ni Joyeuse.

Macey: And they lived happily ever after.

Clarent: Kawawa naman pala si Joyeuse, gusto lang mag-aral n'ong bata, kung sino-sinong magulo ang nagiging roommate.

Excalibur: Nah, he deserved it. Mukha lang s'yang mabait na nerd pero si Joyeuse ang nuknukan ng sama sa 'ming lahat. Demonyo 'yon, e.

Mistletoe: (bites Excalibur's arm)

Macey: Lagot ka, 'wag mo raw sisiraan ang Master Joyeuse n'ya.

Clarent: Ingat ka Macey, baka magselos 'yong isa pang maka-Joyeuse dito.

Zweihänder: Ako? Tahimik nga lang ako rito kahit na kanina n'yo pa sinisiraan si Joyeuse ko.

Macey: Luh bhie

Excalibur: Unang pasok ko talaga noon sa dorm, naalala ko, binalaan pa ako na 'wag aawayin si Joyeuse dahil paborito s'ya ni Harry.

Clarent: (hits Zweihänder's shoulder) Bakit mo nga ba paborito si Jo, oy? Hahaha.

Zweihänder: (quietly) Meow meow.

Ichaival: Binilin ng mama n'ya kay Harry hahaha.

Excalibur: Tapos kaunting hampas ko lang kay Joyeuse papagalitan agad ako ni Harry.

Ichaival: 'Yang "kaunting hampas" mo kay Joyeuse, 'di ba nadala s'ya sa clinic no'n?

Excalibur: Kaunting hampas lang naman ng martilyo, grabe naman Val. Si Harry nga 'yong sumigaw sa 'kin, akala mo kung sinong manok na tumitilaok.

Macey: Naku Harry nilalaglag ka na ng mga boarder mo.

Zweihänder: Ganyan 'yang sila, lagi akong tinatraydor.

Ichaival: I will never betray you, Harreh!

Zweihänder: Ah oo, itong si Val, loyal sa 'kin 'to. Nagkanda-wala-wala 'to noon sa Makati kahahanap sa 'kin.

Ichaival: (nods)

Zweihänder: Napadpad pa s'ya sa bahay ni Lae, ewan ko ba kung anong ginagawa n'ya.

(host looks at the time)

(host decides to go home)

Macey: Edi grabeng shift pala 'yong character mo sa series, ano?

Zweihänder: Nasasaktan talaga s'ya kapag salbahe s'ya sa 'kin. (pets Ichaival's head)

Ichaival: At least sa series, magkapatid kami kahit ampon lang ako.

Zweihänder: Yeah. Kaso pinsan mo si Futhark.

Ichaival: (sighs heavily)

Macey: (laughs) Oh my God, ayaw n'yo talaga kay Futhark?

Excalibur: Hindi naman sa ayaw, may mga kaklase ka lang talaga na minsan gusto mong itapon sa basurahan.

Clarent: Tapos 'yong basurahan itatapon mo sa Pacific Ocean.

Zweihänder: Oi mabait si Futhark minsan. Nauutusan mo naman 'yon.

Ichaival: Pinakiusapan ko s'ya noon na ihatid kay Heimdall 'yong project ng lahat ng 3rd year.

Ichaival: Hanggang ngayon hinahanap pa rin namin 'yong mga papel namin.

Zweihänder: So what if minsan hindi mo s'ya maaasahan, mabait pa rin naman si Futhark as a student.

Excalibur: Naparusahan s'ya ni Heim dati dahil sinunog n'ya 'yong front gate.

Zweihänder: I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here, Excal, cooperate.

Clarent: Siguro ang tanging gusto ko lang kay Futhark ay 'yong roommate n'ya.

Mistletoe: (nods in agreement)

Zweihänder: LOL ako rin.

Macey: What about Lae? Hindi kami masyadong nag-iinteract tapos nakakatakot pa s'ya.

Excalibur: Dapat kang matakot sa kanya.

Zweihänder: Muntik na n'ya akong magilitan noon dahil ginising ko s'ya para sa take n'ya.

Excalibur: Kapag maingay kami nambabato na 'yon ng kutsilyo.

Ichaival: Bakit kasi kayo nag-iingay?

Excalibur: Dahil nagshu-shooting kami!

Macey: E di ba roommate kayo ni Lae?

Excalibur: Si Ruhmfried ang aming middleman. 'Pag nandon si Ruhmfried biglang bait, e.

(host comes back)

"Hey, um, I don't mean to interrupt but we're kind of closing the studio? You're also kind of spoiling stuff about a new character so..."

Zweihänder: Oh, sorry! Tara guys, sa KFC na lang tayo! Libre ni Mistletoe.

"Okay, love you byeeee~!"