July 22, 2018

A week went by, and I tried my best to fix everything that had gone wrong. Aunt Holly, Uncle Chad, Chase, Scott, and Julianna left the day after the first race of the regatta, and I spent most of Monday afternoon saying my goodbyes to them, knowing that I probably wouldn't see them again until next year. It was a shame that I didn't get to see my cousins more often, but to me, it was a small price to pay to be able to live in Clearwater Lake. As much as I sometimes complained about losing races and irritating people in the yacht club, I couldn't imagine living anywhere other than Clearwater Lake.

After they left, I tried to spend more time with Eden. That week, I spent several afternoons in Eden's living room, watching movies with her and telling her all about my relationship with Véro. It wasn't enough to make up for the month and a half that I had ignored her, and our relationship still felt a little distant, but it was a start. At least Eden was talking to me again.

However, I spent most of my time that week sailing with Véro. We had only placed second in the last race, and if we wanted to win, we had to do better in the second race. We practiced everyday, and it seemed like our sailing skills were better than ever. We could sail in perfect harmony, and by the end of the week, I felt like no matter what the race threw at us, we could take it on.

On Sunday, I woke up early and met Véro at the pier to set up our boat. As we got ready to sail, Véro told me about how her father had thrown a World Cup party the day before. "I don't understand it," Véro said. "France won the World Cup a week ago. He should have invited all of his friends over then."

I looked back at the shore and saw both of Véro's parents sitting on the porch, watching us sail. "Maybe you shouldn't criticize your parents so much," I said. "They seem like nice people."

"They're nice, but that doesn't mean that I can't criticize them," Véro said.

Véro and I set sail, and as we headed away from shore, Mr. Arkoun shouted, "Good luck!"

"Thank you, Papa!" Véro shouted back. We sailed toward the starting line, and on our way there, Véro said, "There is something that I want to talk to you about, Sylvie."

"What is it?" I asked.

"You told Julianna last week that I was your friend," Véro said.

"Isn't that true?" I responded. "We are friends. Maybe we're also a little bit more than friends, but we're still friends."

"Are you ashamed of me, Sylvie?" Véro asked.

"Of course not!" I exclaimed.

"It seems like you are," Véro said. "You can't even admit that we're together."

"Yes I can," I said.

"Then why couldn't you tell Julianna that I was your girlfriend?" Véro said.

I paused, considering what to tell Véro. "It's complicated," I finally answered.

"I'm just not good enough for you, Sylvie," Véro said, on the brink of tears. "You can't tell your cousin about me because she will think that you can find someone better. Just tell me the truth, Sylvie. Tell me that you'd rather have some pretty American girl."

"Véro, none of that is true," I said.

"Then tell me the truth," Véro said. "Why can't you recognize that we're together?"

I couldn't answer that in a way that had any chance of satisfying Véro. I didn't want to tell her about my homophobic grandfather - both of us had far too much to worry about without thinking about Grandpa. I didn't want to hide anything from her either, especially considering how badly that had gone with Eden. There was no easy answer to Véro's question, so I simply said, "Let's just focus on sailing," as we approached the starting line.

"You're avoiding the question," Véro said.

"I just don't want to talk about this right now," I said.

"So you are ashamed of me," Véro said.

"I promise you that I'm not," I said. "I have my reasons for not wanting to tell people about our relationship."

I felt bad for not telling Véro the whole truth, but this wasn't a conversation that I wanted to have immediately before a race. Already, thinking about how I would tell my family about Véro was stressing me out. Véro grumbled something to herself as she pulled on the sheetline, and I moved the tiller so that we wouldn't cross the starting line too early, but we weren't quite in sync. I wished that I could ease Véro's anger, but the race was about to start. I didn't have time to make Véro feel better.

The race began, but several other boats crossed the starting line before we did. "Sylvie, what are you doing?" Véro shouted after we finally crossed it. "There's a faster way to reach the first buoy."

"I'm pretty sure this way is faster," I said. "Besides, we might have been able to get across the starting line faster if you had pulled the sail in more."

"We would have tipped over if I had pulled the sail in any more than I did," Véro insisted.

I ignored Véro's suggestion and continued on the route that I had planned. The wind picked up, and although we were now going faster, it was apparent that Véro was right. I had taken the slow route to the first buoy, and by the time we approached it, there were six or seven boats ahead of us, including Eden and Brooke's boat.

"I told you so," Véro said as I continued to steer the boat toward the buoy.

I rolled my eyes and did my best to keep the boat on track. It was partially my fault that Véro was so mad at me, but I had to focus on sailing. I could deal with her later.

All of a sudden, a gust of wind hit our boat, and despite our best efforts to stay afloat, the boat tipped over. Véro screamed as she fell into the water, and as she yelled and cursed and shouted something about how she had lost her glasses, I remained calm and told her exactly what to do. The two of us managed to get the boat upright again, but when we climbed back on board, we were in dead last.

"It was your fault, Sylvie," Véro argued. "You steered us straight into the wind."

"I wouldn't have needed to do that if you were on the right side of the boat," I said.

"You turned too quickly for me to switch sides," Véro said.

"The boat from Dragonfly Lake would have passed us if I didn't turn," I said.

"Who cares?!" Véro shouted. "We're in last place!"

"Don't remind me," I said. I sailed the boat around the first buoy and headed toward the second one, hoping to pass at least one or two boats. There was no chance of winning now, but I couldn't accept being in last place. Véro and I were better sailors than that. We had worked too hard to place in last.

About halfway through the second leg of the race, Véro and I passed two other boats, but we were still sailing badly. We weren't going as fast as we normally did, and at times, it felt like we had stopped altogether. "Véro, you have to focus," I said after she let the sail out a little bit too far.

"I'm trying my best," Véro said.

By the time we rounded the second buoy, we were no longer in last, but I wanted to do better. Getting ahead in the race was all that mattered to me. I didn't care about winning any more - even placing in third would have been more than enough for me at that point. As I looked ahead, I saw that the second leg had been hard on Eden and Brooke - they were in eleventh place now. I steered the boat ahead, and before long, we were able to pass them.

Véro and I were in sync again as we headed toward the finish line. Our boat was moving at full speed, and we passed several more boats and then raced until we finished at last. Grandma cheered when we finally crossed the finish line, but we were in fourth - a disappointing finish considering that we had placed in second the week before.

I was heartbroken as I sailed back home. Véro and I hardly spoke at all - there was nothing to say after that race. We both felt as if we had failed. I sailed the boat slowly and carefully as we headed toward home, while Véro looked down at the water, feeling the sun beating down on the boat and watching the waves go by.

When we finally arrived at home, we both put away the boat, and then Véro got into her hammock and promptly fell asleep. I didn't bother to wake her. Véro needed her beauty rest, and after all of that excitement, a part of me wanted to take a nap too. I opened the door to my house and went inside, where Mom was waiting for me.

"Congratulations, Sylvie," she said, grinning as if I had actually won the race.

"I failed, Mom," I said. "I placed in fourth."

"That's not failing," Mom said. "Besides, you were in last place for a while, and you finished in fourth. I'd say that's a pretty good comeback."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Véro and I should have done better. I thought that I was a good sailor, but good sailors don't tip over like that."

"You're being too hard on yourself, Sylvie," Mom said. "You still have a chance at winning."

"How?" I asked. "I sailed so badly today."

"No other boat placed in the top five in both races," Mom pointed out. "If you do well next week, you might be able to win the regatta."

Mom had a point, but it didn't make me feel all that much better. I was still furious that I had sailed so badly. There were so many points where I had done something wrong, and I wanted to go back in time and fix everything. I knew that was impossible, but it didn't stop me from dreaming. I wanted to win, I needed to win, and I had to find a way to make that happen.

Mom and Dad made me lunch, but corn on the cob couldn't ease my pain. After lunch, I went back to my bedroom and plotted out how I might be able to win the final regatta race. My phone couldn't tell me how strong the wind would be next week, or what direction it would come from, so I played out every possible situation in my head. I also promised to practice even more than I already was. There was always room for improvement, as this particular race had proven.

There was another problem, however. Véro was still mad at me, and I had to fix that before the next race. We couldn't win if we didn't cooperate, but more importantly, I didn't want to fight with my girlfriend. I cared deeply about Véro, and I couldn't stand arguing with her. We had to repair our relationship, but I didn't know how to do that. I didn't want to have to choose between my family and Véro.

It seemed as if all of my relationships were falling apart. First, it was Eden, and now, it was Véro. I had to fix my relationship with both of them and focus on winning the last race of the regatta at the same time, but that seemed impossible. I had too much to worry about and not enough time. Slowly but surely, my life was falling apart.