Chapter 5: Byrne, 1976

"As with most other aspects of human behavior, the study of sexuality is largely a product of the present century. Unlike most other behaviors, however, matters having to do with sex are burdened with taboos, anxieties, legal restrictions, and the prevailing notion that such investigations are somehow not quite respectable."

Byrne, D. (1976). Social Psychology and the Study of Sexual Behavior. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 3(1), 3–30. doi: 10.1177/014616727600300102

***

LAYLA

Thursday, the day after the UPSA research mixer, I show up to Dr. Hall's class with a ball of strange excitement coiled in my gut.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't replay our conversation from yesterday evening over several times in my head since it happened.

Of course, somehow my motor competencies failed me and I knocked his coffee over like the world's biggest klutz. Thankfully, he wasn't too pissed about it.

I shouldn't have flirted with him like that.

And he really shouldn't have flirted back.

Is it the sex part that interests you, or the development part?

A thrill rushes down my spine at the memory of it.

I get to class a few minutes early and take my seat near the front. It was a long morning of lit review for my thesis and I have scientific papers coming out of my ears. Thank God for on-campus Starbucks and afternoon caffeine.

Dr. Hall strides in at around 1:53, and as he walks towards the instructor's podium, he glances in my direction and we catch each other's gazes and he gives me a small, crooked grin of acknowledgment that I swear makes the hair at the back of my neck stand up.

According to the syllabus and the notes he posted, today's lecture is about research methods to study human sexual behaviour. Normally I find the methodology behind experimentation to be the driest part of psychology but somehow I imagine that this is going to be... interesting.

I was going to email to clarify whether or not our discussion groups are pre-set but... wouldn't it just be easier to ask him in person?

So before Hailey gets here I walk up to the front of the desk. He flits his gaze up from his computer screen, raises an eyebrow, looks pointedly at the cup in my hand and quips, "Five foot splash zone when you're carrying hot beverages, Mitchell."

Ha. Ha. "That's a shame."

Something dark flashes across the rich amber brown of his eyes before he asks, "So what's up?"

"Just wondering if our discussion groups are pre-set, or if we get to choose who we work with."

"You can pick your own group as long as you stick with it for the term."

"Okay, thanks."

He fiddles with the computer and I'm about to turn around to head back to my seat when he says, "Try to pay attention in class today, Layla. Instead of... visualizing." His voice is dry and low with just the vaguest hint of mischief lurking behind it.

Maybe if you looked less yummy I wouldn't spend half the class imagining you on top of me.

"I assure you that whatever I'm busy thinking about relates to the subject material, Dr. Hall."

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

His lips tilt up at the corners and his eyes travel the length of my face and the darkness in them makes it hard to breathe. "Nothing too vanilla then, okay?"

Oh, he has no shame. I bite my lip to fight a telling smirk and feel a hot clenching in my lower abdomen. "Yes, Dr. Hall."

That's so wildly inappropriate and I should care but shit, I don't.

When I get back to my spot, Hailey is pulling out her chair and plopping down beside me, unzipping her bag and reaching for her laptop. "Hey, Layla. Did you ask him about the groups?"

"Yeah, he said we can pick our own." He also told me to make sure my sexual fantasies about him are wild enough.

I take a second to let my eyes wander across the lean planes of his chest covered in a dark-grey t-shirt. The golden muscle of his arms is defined but subtle, with the dark, swirling jet-black ink of his tattoo stretching over his left bicep, mostly hidden by his sleeve. Black, perfectly fitting Diesel jeans and today a pair of tan Timberlands that all serve to make him look so... dangerous and rogue.

When my lazy gaze makes its way to his face, his eyes catch mine and he quirks an eyebrow and shit he just caught me checking him out. I blush but I hold the intensity of his stare and the mix of amusement and laughter twitching at the corner of his bristled jaw is so damn sexy. He shakes his head ever so subtly at me, rolls his eyes. Tsk tsk.

I give him a faint, unapologetic shrug before returning my attention back to my laptop, back to whatever Hailey is saying.

I don't know what game we're playing but it's definitely more fun than it should be.

He clicks a button on the control panel by the computer and his note slides load up onto the screens at the front of the room.

"Alright, you guys, let's get started. Today we're going to talk about approaches to research on human sexual behaviour. Can anyone propose a couple challenges they could foresee researchers would encounter while attempting to study this particular subject?"

I don't know why I feel so puckish today but I can't help but toss out, after some empty silence, "Erectile dysfunction."

The room bursts into laughter and Dr. Hall's raspy, low chuckle vibrates over the speaker. "Funny but no. Anyone else?"

Someone behind me contributes, "The inability to observe the behaviour in a naturalistic setting?"

Dr. Hall nods. "Yes, absolutely. Generally, most people aren't too happy with the idea of someone putting cameras in their bedroom to gain data from which to make inferences about their sexual behaviour. And even then, observation affects the normalcy of the behaviour." A small grin. "And observing sexual behaviour without the subject knowing is called voyeurism, which is of course illegal."

More quiet laughter.

"Along those same lines," he continues, "Classic experimentation is quite limited. One can hardly, for example, assign participants to an experimental group where they engage in certain sexual behaviours while the results are compared to a control group. Sexual behaviour is extremely personal and private and most people are, understandably, reluctant to share the details of it with others.

"So, we mostly rely on self-report measures to get a better picture of different aspects of these behaviours. Of course, as I'm sure you've learned in many other courses by now, this method has its own disadvantages in terms of how reliable and accurate people's own reports are, and because of the bias that can be introduced into the data."

He goes on to give specific examples of different landmark studies of sexual behaviour and to describe the methods they used to collect their data and come to their conclusions, and then reviews the statistical tests that were used to analyze the results.

Stats is so, so dry. Ugh. As he's answering someone's question about ANOVA or something, my mind starts wandering.

The syllabus says we'll be covering different specific types of deviant behaviour and learn more about what the research has to say about the motivations and cognitions behind them. Voyeurism, pedophilia, sadism, masochism, exhibitionism, fetishism, bestiality.

But I'm more interested right now in what Dr. Hall was saying yesterday, about exploring the normal side of deviant behaviour. Things that are still deviant but not necessarily dysfunctional. I guess technically that would be considered BDSM.

I can't pretend that my sex life has been anything adventurous before. My ex, Theo, and I were pretty vanilla. I didn't have enough time to dedicate to our relationship and whatever I could give him wasn't enough for him, so we split near the end of the last school year. Is it evil of me to say I was kinda relieved?

I'd give the sex a B average. Sometimes B+.

He was... nice.

But looking at the sinful, dark, enigmatic presence that is Dr. Hall, nice seems so awfully boring.

Nothing too vanilla.

I wonder what he'd be like in bed. What if he's like, a total freak? Like some Fifty Shades of Grey shit?

Although, the idea of a blindfold, of cold, supple leather dragging tauntingly over pebbled skin... Maybe my arms trussed over my head while he does things to my body I've never even imagined before...

I can imagine a hot, wet tongue between soft, pillowy lips dragging a teasing, sensuous path up my calf, to my inner thigh, before burying itself between my legs, flicking over my opening, enveloping my clit and bringing me to the edge of insanity.

I bet he has a dirty mouth. He'd whisper into my ear in that husky, mischievous voice all the things he'd do to me, all the ways he wants me, tell me I've been a bad student and a naughty girl, that I deserve to be punished.

Not that I've ever really done anything bad or naughty in my life.

I'm in so much trouble. I can't sleep with the guy who's grading my papers and exams and in-class participation and who decides what grade I get in this class.

At least, not until the end of the semester.

Who says he wants to sleep with you anyway, Layla?

Plus, I'm the president of the UPSA. Sleeping with a faculty member is unprofessional and I'm supposed to set an example for my fellow students.

Definitely doesn't mean I have to stop imagining it.

I think it's time to purchase that vibrator I've been thinking about. My fingers are becoming... abysmal.

I wonder how big he is.

Well, I'm sure no matter the size, he definitely knows how to use it.

***

A/N:

Dr. Hall is such a bad boy. Looks like he brings out the bad in Layla too.

A couple clarifications/definitions:

— "Abnormal" in psychology refers in particular to things that are dysfunctional, disordered, or pathological, so if you hear "abnormal psychology" think "clinical"

— ANOVA: one of those dumb boring stupid confusing statistics things that scientists use to analyze their research

— In science, hypotheses are never "proven" or "accepted". Rather, your experiment will force you to either reject your hypothesis (throw it in the garbage and try again) or support it with the evidence (meaning it lives to see another day).

XOXO Ami