WARNING: Very tiny details of past abuse, some foul language( I don't even know if I should put warnings for such small things but I'm putting it up, just in case.)

⟨Juŋkøøkˈs pøʋ⟩

It's funny how one week had already passed by. There was no sign of Jihun. No posters of a missing person.

Sure Jihun is an evil, wicked lady.

Jimin brought up the topic of therapy that day and how he suggests that I should go for it since I need to 'let go' of my past. I think it's all humbug. No therapist can live what I have lived through. How can they help me? I can't put into words what I have experienced.

I agreed to go though. What could I do anyways? I'm sitting idle all day. Maybe I could just vent to someone. Unlike all those people in movies and stories, I am not the kind of person who is afraid to speak about my own share of trauma. It's not a big deal for me. I can tell the therapist about how Jihun beats the living hell out of me, and then the therapist would want to report Jihun which in turn would end up involving her in the matter. At the end of the story, I would still end up with Jihun, with her beating me every day till I actually end up dead.

I would have the same fate either way.

I got to stay in the attic meanwhile. It was apparently lucky of me that Jimin's dad is not home very often. And I also found out that Jimin is older than me, but only by two years though. I may have eavesdropped on their conversation that day when I went downstairs again to fetch myself a bottle of water. He gives me his clothes to wear and they are a little small for me, but I'm grateful enough to him.

Today is the first day of my therapy session. It's supposed to help me. I don't know how. But it doesn't hurt to give it a try. Jimin says he'll be with me the entire time and tells me not to worry. It's ironic because I'm not worried at all. It's rather him who's worried.

He does enter the therapist's room with me and we sit down in front of her on a couch. The therapist was a girl, merely young but of course, older than me. She introduces herself as Yeonmi.

"What's your name?"

She asks me in an awkwardly sweet tone. Her focus is only on me and that doesn't make me feel any better.

"Jungkook."

"Okay, Jungkook. How are you feeling?"

Now, I don't know anything about how therapy sessions work, but I feel extremely annoyed at such questions. Well, I almost get beaten to death every day, of course, I feel amazing!

"I'm fine."

I'm pretty sure she hears the irritation in my voice because even Jimin glares at me.

"Alright. You should be okay for the next question then. Do you remember how you got those wounds?"

She asks again, pointing at my bandaged wounds. I feel like I am running the same marathon. I don't think this therapy session is going to be of any use.

"My mother did these to me."

I say. I don't see any surprise in her eyes, as if she expected this kind of reply.

"Well, do you know when it first started?"

I definitely know when it first started but I'm not sure if I remember it correctly. It just forms a blurry image in my memory.

"I'm not sure. It started in my early childhood."

She looks at me with pity, then turns to Jimin. She writes something down on the paper attached to a clipboard and proceeds to ask me more questions.

"Okay. Do you know why you get such beatings?"

I did absolutely nothing to deserve it. One of my earliest memories of it was when I was seven maybe?

"I was about seven."

I remember it being quite a cloudy day. I was out, playing with a friend in my neighbourhood. I was not supposed to, but I was just a kid. As we played, I kind of forgot that Jihun did not know about my absence. While I was giggling loudly and chasing my friend, Jihun grabbed me from behind and dragged me away without a word.

I remember screaming, thrashing, sobbing but she would not stop. The hits came quickly, getting faster each time. And I kept getting hit till everything went black.

"She hit me for sneaking out and playing with a friend."

I tell and she hums, writing down some more things on the page.

"Can you elaborate on it a bit more? Like-Give us more details of the experience?"

I close my eyes and just blurt out whatever was just on my mind. I feel Jimin's grip on my hands tighten on me.

"Why do you think you got hit?"

About that, I'm not sure either. I have no idea why I got hit. All I wanted to do was have some time for myself. I always did the groceries, the dishes, the laundry. Heck, I never even went to school. What was I punished for?

"I don't know. Maybe because I was not supposed to...go out and play?"

"Okay."

She nods and waits for some time, almost as if she's thinking hard.

"Imagine you are a seven-year-old boy."

I'm confused. What is this game? I wanted to ask but Jimin whispered to me, telling me to just follow her. So I did. Seven-year-old me. There's nothing special about it. I used to wear dirty, torn, clothes that were too small for me, just like I did till I took shelter under Jimin's house.

"You have a loving mom who gently wakes you up every morning, feeds you breakfast by her own hands-"

"She never did."

I hear Jimin hiss at me when I said that, so I closed my eyes and silently pretended that Jihun woke me up and fed me for god sake.

"She takes you to school every morning and brings you back home. She cooks your favourite food and takes you to the movies, amusement park and toy store."

In some parts of my mind, I can draw up a picture of Jihun enjoying my company. Growing up, I always dreamt that Jihun's personality will change and she'll become like the moms I always look at and envied.

"Suddenly, one day, she comes home from work, exhausted. Seven-year-old you were in your own world, playing with your toys. Without a word, she grabs you and drags you across the room."

I can definitely imagine that, except the only toy that I had was made out of an old rug. She had dragged me around a lot of times for no good reason and that shit still hurts to imagine.

"She starts beating you with her hands. And as if that's not enough, she turns to the belt. She keeps hitting you, ignoring your pleas for help."

There were memories, still fresh from my childhood where these things had happened. Jihun had hit me with a belt plenty of times. She threw hot water at me, drew cuts on me, tried to choke me and chained me up. For some reason, I feel tears sting my eyes even though I've experienced that plenty of times. It still hurts like a bitch.

I feel a tear trickle down. Jimin seems perked up. He asks Yeonmi if this is how it's supposed to be. I open my eyes, slightly dabbing at them, feeling embarrassed to cry just because of a memory.

"Do you think it's right?"

No. Of course, it's not. How can being abused for nothing be right?

"No."

I say simply and she nods, almost as if she cracked a mystery.

"Exactly. So how do you say you're fine?"

There, she catches me. Gosh, I'm so bad at lying. She is a therapist for god sake. Of course, she knows if I'm lying or not.

"Jungkook, you're here for a reason. You're not here because you're fine. But you're here because you want to be fine. Deep inside, you know you deserve better and that's what the new people around you want to give you."

I have never heard someone say that to me. Nobody wants me to be fine. Despite that, I had to keep going, do their work and yet listen to crap.

"Are Jimin and his mother nice enough to you?"

There's such seriousness in her voice that I feel that she thinks Jimin and his mother are like my mother too, which in no way, is true.

"The nicest."

I say.

"How are they compared to your mother?"

I hate it when people call Jihun my mother. I don't want to look related to her in any way. And how can she compare that lady to them?

"Jimin and his mother are like my guardian angel while my mother..."

I can't put into words how much she had tortured me. I don't think any therapy could help me forget it.

"It's okay. You don't have to say it. But I guess somewhere inside your head, you just can't picture them to the same level, especially after what she has done to you."

She's right. She's heard everything from me, yet she asks me what I think about her. I don't know what I've got myself into anymore.

"These scars that you have are not just any scars. They show the battles you have fought and won. You have made your way through the challenges and obstacles and found your guardian angel. They show how strong you are."

Am I though? I never thought of them to be something I need to be proud of. The scars disgust me. They bring reminders of Jihun.

"You may hate the scars now, but as we talk about these more, you'll understand what they really mean."

She really knows what she's doing, doesn't she?

"I think we will stop here today. We won't go too far in the first session itself. Let's meet again next week. Can you wait outside for a few minutes while I talk to Jimin?"

I nod and make my way outside. I don't know if I can forget about everything that happened to me, but I do feel lighter. Like as if a huge burden has come off of my chest. I liked her. She's nice.

Jimin comes out of the room after a few minutes and smiles widely at me.

"Let's get some ice cream!"

He says, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the car. It's the first time I'm walking out of the place with a lighter heart. And I think I do deserve some ice cream.

(A/N)
What do you think so far?