EPILOGUE

Ressler

"So you're the husband," the doctor said, giving me a warm smile.

"Y-Yes, Doc. Can you tell me what happened? She was pale. She had bruises. She . . ."

"Calm down, Mr. Morris. I'm going to explain to you everything, so please, just listen. Alright?"

I nodded as I prepared myself from what I'm going to hear.

"Your wife has leukemia"—she paused and sighed—"and it has the worst prognosis," she continued.

I felt the heavy weight in my chest after hearing those words.

She has cancer.

She's dying, while all I've done to her was hate her and give her a hard time.

"It's been two years since she was diagnosed with cancer. I'm sorry, Mr. Morris. Her friend, Zild, we encouraged her a lot of times to tell you about her cancer but she didn't want to tell you. As her doctor, I understand where she's coming from. I'm also a woman, with a husband. And I would also do the same if I was brave enough like her. She's brave, Mr. Morris. She fought for her life without you, but she did it all for you. I'm really sorry kung umabot pa sa ganito."

* * *

I was waiting for her to wake up.

I closed my eyes for a moment. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that has happened.

As I opened my eyes, I saw her fingers moved.

I let out a sigh of relief. She's awake.

She began to panic. She tried to get up, but she was struggling to move. There she met my eyes, I was sitting on the corner of the room.

My heart was aching. Tuwing naaalala ko lahat ng mga nangyari, naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil napakawalang kwenta ko palang tao.

I stood up from the couch and sat at the edge of her bed.

I wanted to say something but no words came out from my mouth. I avoided her eyes and stared at the ceiling.

After a moment of silence, I finally found my voice to speak up.

"Why haven't you tol . . ." I trailed off, trying to hold back my tears. "Why did you hide it from me?" I asked, my voice was shaking.

As soon as those words came out from my mouth, I could see it in her eyes that she couldn't do anything but hate herself from getting caught.

She didn't want me to know.

She didn't want me to know that the day I married her has also been the same day she was diagnosed with cancer.

How did she handle all of that? I should've been by her side but I've done nothing for her.

She wanted to explain to me, but she's too weak to wipe her tears off her eyes and cheek.

I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

I remember saying that vow on our wedding day, but the same day she was diagnosed with cancer, she decided to break it to protect me.

* * *

Pagmulat ko ng mga mata ko, halos masilaw ako sa sobrang liwanag. Or is it because I was sleeping for so long?

"Oh my God. Zild! Ressler opened his eyes! I told you! I wasn't hallucinating! His fingers moved a while ago!" I heard a familiar voice yelling nonstop.

Jezra . . .

Nang luminaw ang paningin ko ay nakita ko sila Jezra at Zild na nasa harapan ko.

I heard him letting out a sigh of relief. "Hey, thank you for coming back," Zild said, flashing me a relieved smile.

"Finally! Oh my God. We've been waiting for you for so long!" Jezra yelled, crying her heart out as she hugged my cousin.

I saw Zild calling my family and friends on the phone, telling them the good news, but I couldn't smile because she's not here the moment I woke up.

She was the first person I've been wanting to see, but she's not here.

I tried to get up, but I was struggling to move.

"Ress, 'wag mo munang piliting bumangon," pigil sa 'kin ni Jezra pero hindi ako nakinig.

"Where's Tam?" I asked, scanning the whole room but she's really not here.

I began to panic.

"It's been eight months, Ress. You were in a coma for eight months. Now that you've finally opened your eyes again, can you at least try to be happy for yourself? Please," pakiusap ni Jezra kaya mas sumikip ang dibdib ko.

Eight months?

F*ck.

She was dying! And all I did was f*cking lay in a coma for eight f*cking months!

"Tell her I want to see her. Tell her she needs to come here. Tell her, please. Please call her," pakiusap ko sa kanila pero umiling lang si Zild at sunod-sunod na pumatak ang luha ni Jezra.

I know it's impossible for them to give me what I've been asking, but I can't help it. I can't lose hope. Not now.

"She's gone, Ressler," Zild said in a wistful voice.

My heart sank the moment I heard what he just said.

I closed my eyes and opened them again slowly because I wanted someone to tell me that this is just a bad dream.

But this is the reality.

"I'm sorry, Ressler," Zild said as he closed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears.

I could hold the heartbreak no longer and I fell to the floor in a disheveled heap as my grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

* * *

"Ready?" my father asked, leaning on the door while watching me pack my things.

"Yeah. Take care of Ram, Dad. Alright?"

"Of course, anak. Sino maghahatid sa 'yo sa airport? Okay na ba presentation mo? Kumpleto na rin ba mga plano?" tanong niya sa 'kin kaya agad akong tumango.

"I asked Zild to pick me up," sagot ko.

"Alright. Good luck, Ress. This is your dream. Galingan mo," nakangiting sabi niya saka niya tinapik ang balikat ko.

"Thanks, Dad."

Pagkahatid sa 'kin ni Zild sa airport, niyakap niya ako kaya napataas ang kilay ko. "Anong kailangan mo?"

Humalakhak siya at umiling. "Kailan ba balik mo dito?"

"One month ako do'n. Bakit?"

"Make sure you'd be here next month," banta niya sa 'kin kaya mas lalong tumaas ang kilay ko.

"Ano'ng meron?" tanong ko pagkababa ko ng maleta ko mula sa compartment.

"I'm getting married," he said, flashing me a wide smile.

The moment I heard what he just said, my eyes widened and I softly hit his shoulder.

"Congrats!" masayang sabi ko. "Buti napa-oo mo na si Jezra?" natatawang sabi ko. He shrugged nonchalantly and raised his brow at me.

"Ako lang 'to," pagyayabang niya kaya humalakhak ako.

"Galingan mo. Kapag na-approve 'yang project mo, gawin kitang flower girl sa kasal ko," pang-aasar niya kaya agad akong natawa.

I'm going to Los Angeles, California for the proposal of my design. I'm representing Morris Architectural Firm, and it makes me really nervous and excited at the same time.

It was my dream for my design to go international, and now I've got the opportunity to make it real.

It's been four years since Tam passed away. I did my best to get up and be a good father to my son. I tried to move on the best way I could but every night, I always fail to do so.

I loved her, and I will always love her. No matter how selfish she was, no matter how much I've hated her for so many reasons, it wouldn't change the fact that I love her so much.

I remembered crying but the tears did not accord to my emotions. For a long time, I felt detached from my feelings. My emotions appeared to be bottled up and were hard to release.

I remembered pacing up down my bedroom, feeling very alone and helpless.

I believed that I only accepted the loss much later when I found that I could not share with her that I have been accepted to propose for International Architecture. I desperately needed her comments and praises, but I know it's impossible to hear it from her because she's gone.

I really miss her . . .

When she died, a part of me has also died with her, because I knew I would never see her again. Ever since that day, my life had never been the same.

As I arrived at Los Angeles, I booked at Luxe Sunset Boulevard Hotel dahil do'n rin naman ang venue ng event.

Sa Thursday pa naman 'yong presentation ko kaya may five days pa ako para pumasyal dito sa LA.

I rented a car from the hotel and drove around Los Angeles.

Because it's my first time here, I was astonished at all the things Los Angeles had going on.

I had the chance of going to one of the biggest attractions in Los Angeles, The Taste of Soul Festival, a community event held on the famous Crenshaw Boulevard where the people of Los Angeles unite. People from other states also came here to enjoy this event.

May mga kumakanta, sumasayaw, may mga competitions and activities rin na talagang nag-enjoy ako kahit wala akong kakilala dito.

People are all nice and friendly. You can talk to them like you've known them already. They're fun to be with.

The festival included live bands. Marami ring vendors na nag-participate sa event na 'to, nagtitinda sila ng hotdogs, sausages, fish, crabs, chicken, cotton candy and ice cream.

Pagsapit ng Wednesday, I decided to visit one of my dream places, the Santa Monica Pier. I've seen it a lot of times in movies and sobrang sarap lang talaga sa pakiramdam kapag napuntahan mo mismo 'yong isa sa mga lugar na pinapangarap mong puntahan.

The Santa Monica pier was far from boring. From the bright lights to the awesome rides and great food places, the pier had become an attraction for most people visiting the area of California.

I bought a beer and sat on the ground. The views of Malibu and the South Bay are pretty outstanding.

It must have been nicer if she's here with me.

Gusto kong makita ulit 'yong mga ngiti niya.

Gusto kong marinig ulit 'yong mga tawa niya.

Gusto kong makita ulit kung gaano siya kasigla.

Kailangan ko sana lahat 'yon para hindi ako kabahan sa presentation ko dahil kinakabahan na talaga ako para sa proposal ng design ko. It's a one-time opportunity kaya hindi ko talaga dapat sayangin.

I sticked around past sunset and luckily, I just caught a live music performance of Malibu Nights by LANY, matching the sound of the nearby waves.

There's no reason, there's no rhyme
I found myself blindsided by
A feeling that I've never known
I'm dealing with it on my own
Phone is quiet, walls are bare
I drink myself to sleep, who cares?
No one even has to know
I'm dealing with it on my own . . .

Hearing this song made me want to cry. The people around me were getting emotional too because of the song.

I got way too much time to be this hurt
Somebody help, it's getting worse
What do you do with a broken heart?
Once the light fades, everything is dark
Way too much whiskey in my blood
I feel my body giving up
Can I hold on for another night?
What do I do with all this time?

I stared at the night sky, wishing to bring back the time.

I want to be with her. I want to hold her close. I want to kiss her.

Kung alam ko lang na magiging madamot sa 'kin ang mundo, sana no'ng una pa lang sinabi ko na sa kanya 'yong nararamdaman ko.

Sana noon pa lang, niligawan ko na siya.

Sana noon pa lang, pinaramdam ko na sa kanya na mahal ko siya.

Every thought's when it gets late
Put me in a fragile state
I wish I wasn't going home
Dealing with it on my own
I'm praying but it's not enough
I'm done, I don't believe in love
Learning how to let it go
Dealing with it on my own . . .

I just can't forget her.

How could I even forget that one person I loved the most? It's like trying to pull my heart out of my chest and continue living without it.

Tipid akong ngumiti. Maybe I should go back to the hotel. Anong oras na rin kasi.

Aalis na sana ako pero pagkalingon ko sa likuran ko ay natigilan ako. Kusa kong nabitawan ang beer na hawak ko.

I closed my eyes and opened them again to see if it's just a dream, but she's still there.

She's standing in front of me.

"Tam . . ." My voice tightened.

She flashed me a genuine smile as she stepped closer to me. That smile . . . I haven't seen that smile for so long.

"Hi, Ressler," she said, tears escaping from her eyes.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and stared at her eyes, cupping her face to see if it's real.

"You found me," she muttered. Her eyes were directly aimed on me.

Her hair was black and it crashed over her shoulders.

She's wearing a brown shirt paired with white jeans.

I couldn't believe what I'm seeing right now.

She grew her hair, she's perfect in shape and her skin wasn't pale anymore.

Now it all makes sense.

She left, but she's still alive.

Marami akong gustong itanong sa kanya, sa kanila, but before I could even say anything, she said the words I've been wanting to hear for years.

"I survived cancer," she said, flashing me a genuine smile as tears continued to roll down her cheek.

"Now you can smile for me, Ressler . . ."

The end.

Please read the next parts for Special Chapters, Facts about SFMR, Character Aesthetics, and story recommendations from my works!