The last bell for the day rang but that didn't mean I was free to go home. I had football practice, Vivian wouldn't let go of me and today was Pizza Thursday. Pizza Thursday was when the whole gang got together at pizza hut for a pizza party. Having not been with the gang for three months now, I almost forgot if Vivian hadn't reminded me.

     Since I was benched and Mark was up on the field, I used that time to find Vivian on the blenchers talking with Prim and the others. She seemed to notice my stare and she looked right at me, making me gesture for her to come and join me.

Vivian gave a lame salute to her friends then came to sit beside me on the bench where a cooler filled with water sat by my feet. We sat in silence, watching the practice before she spoke, "So, you are into bondage play now."

"It does sound nice but I wouldn't say I'm into it though."

She looked at me with an arched brow. "Then why were you-"

"I have a big secret and I do not want anyone to know about it until I want them to. Can you keep it?" I met her gaze and her expression relaxed.

"Wow, you are serious about this person. Let me guess, it's Mark."

"How did you know?"

She gave me a smug smile. "How would I not? Mark had always held your utmost importance and everyone else was 'yeah, they important at some point'."

I chuckled, looking back at the field and watching Mark run about on it. "I didn't know you knew me like that."

She scoffed. "Don't feel special. I know everyone I sleep with."

Ah yeah. Vivian used to be my friend with benefit. It was way before I had feeling for Mark and she was really good. Good times. Good times.

"Yeah, whatever. So yes, it is about Mark. The thing is, I like him but he had issues and is going through this 'I hate myself' period. My question is, how do I make him love himself more so he'll know how to love me back."

Vivian blinked. "Wow, you are serious."

"Yes I am. Now tell me how because my patience is thinning and I cannot calmly wait around when I know he's just a few steps away from me."

Vivian blinked again then cocked her head at me. "Hold up, I just realized something. You just said you liked Mark. When you said 'like' did you mean like like or I'm just the one getting it wrong."

I turned completely to her on the bench and cupped her face in my hands. "Vivian, I love Mark. It is way passed 'like like'."

The girl's jaw dropped and I let go of her so she could react to the news properly, like she always did; hyperventilating. She took in sharp breaths and I waited for her to calm down before she shocked me by grabbing my shoulders. "Ian, what the fuck happened in three months? And with Mark? That homophobe?"

"Actually, Mark's gay."

She froze. "What? I'm sorry, I just heard Mark and gay in the same sentence and there wasn't hate in the middle. What the fuck?"

Taking her hand off my shoulder, I turned back to the field to see Mark looking my way. Raising my hands, I started to wave but he quickly looked away and the hurt hit me like a fucking arrow. What was that?

"Viv, you aren't to say a word about this to anyone. Not even Prim." I told the girl beside me, suddenly feeling cold.

"Like I would tell Prim shit. Her big mouth is not of this world."

Coach shouted, making Keith and one of the other players turned to me. "Ian, you come in. Mark, Keith and Zac, go take a seat."

"I guess that is my cue." I turned to Vivian. "I'll talk to you over pizza. Give me a good reply by then or I'll kill you."

Standing, I started to leave when I heard her say. "There's really nothing you can do Ian. It's up to them to find it in themselves to love. The best way for them to realize how to do that, is to have someone love them. I guess that is where you come in, Ian."

It made sense. How would Mark love himself when he didn't know what love was. He did like Tom but that was because Tom was the first other friend except me he had. It was possible he misinterpreted his feelings. Or I'm just assuming such because I'm jealous. Whatever.

I blew Vivian a kiss before joining up on the field to practice. Giving the boys a high five as I passed them, I was surprised when Mark ignored my hand and brushed past me as if I was scum. I stopped at my spot to glare at his back and would have walked up to him to demand answers but Coach called and I owed the man a lot of practice.

Jeez, what was wrong with him?

          "And then Zac actually squealed like a girl. I mean what's the point of watching a horror movie with a girl if you are a scaredy-cat." Ciara teased, poking Zac's cheeks until he playfully smacked her hand away.

"I wasn't scared." He defended.

"You don't have to lie; everyone already knows." Tom bumped his shoulder with his friend's and Zac groaned, burying his face in Ciara's neck.

I loved how Zac and Ciara's relationship came and slapped us in the face. I hadn't seen it coming. Ciara was Tom's ex-girlfriend's best friend and it was probably how she got to know Zac. The guy was a chill dude, he hated to take sides except when the situation was very serious. He was Tom's right hand and best friend. And it was how Mark's circle of friends grew.

Tom had started talking to him all by himself then Zac came into the picture. After convincing him to join their football team, Mark started talking more, made more friends then started ignoring me. The guy even became Tom's left hand before he became captain and drew away from Mark. I didn't know that kind of shit was happening so I forced my way back to being Mark's bro. He had grown then; taller than me, had more body than me. I looked like a lackey when I was around him and that was how he treated me until he walked out on Tom.

From then he was just an angry fellow. When he wasn't angry, he was depressed. Right now, my boy was angry and I had no idea why that was. I had tried to talk to him on our way to Pizza hut but his one answer replies pissed me off to the point I hadn't said a word to him since we arrived.

    Vivian was right beside me on our booth and she was laughing along with the rest of them. Two large peperoni and a medium veggie pizza laid on the table and I angrily fed myself with the peperoni. It was by my third one I realized Mark wasn't eating and was scrapping his nail on the table. It was one of the painful shit he did when he wanted to punch someone.

At first, I thought he was mad at Yale since he was all touchy-feely with Tom but that didn't feel like the case. Taking a sip from my drink, I swallowed before placing a hand on his shoulder and he instantly stopped and looked at me.

"Hey, is something wrong?"

His brows bumped into a scowl and he got his hands off the table. "I don't want to be here. Let's go."

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten any pizza. What's the point of a Pizza Thursday if you don't eat pizza?"

His expression still didn't change. "Let's go."

"Oh. Well then, one minute. I want to talk to Vivian."

"No!"

I barely heard him since I had already stood up but when I turned to ask him what he said, he had plugged in his earphones. Something was definitely wrong with Mark.

Quickly, I called to Vivian. "Viv, with me, now!"

She pulled a confused face before awkwardly standing and following behind me. Tom suddenly said just when we were out of the table, "Wow, where are both of you going? I hope it isn't shacking up?"

"None of your business, Tom." Mark snapped, looking up at him and Tom frowned. "Now eat your food."

"Whoa Mark, calm down." I told him but he just looked away from Tom at his phone.

Before I could say something else, Vivian took my hand and pulled me out of the restaurant. "Why was he angry?" She asked, moving us away from the door so other costumers could easily get to it.

"He was, right? I mean lately he's been depressed but now he's angry."

"Do you know why?" she looked at me expectedly.

"Uh, no. I feel like there's a space between us since I told him he needed to love himself. We're supposed to head over to his place today. I wanted to ask those questions you saw on my phone."

Vivian nodded quietly before she said, "Maybe he wants to get you alone but can't. You have been avoiding him, right?  I mean, you hung out with me throughout today."

"That's because you knew about my situation. I need a girl's insight on this." I shrugged, fatigue and frustration dawning on me and I sighed.

"And your mama ain't enough?"

"I haven't talked to my ma for a while. My life's been between Mark's house and school. My dad's on a deadline so he's up early and mum works all day at the hospital. Little Tony's got a helper and I don't like her so I'm never really home."

     The temperature had dropped considerably low and it was a relief to the heat we had been experiencing for the past few days. Now, it took a lot longer before it got dark but that didn't make me change my routine. Once it got just the slightest bit dark, I was either at home or at Mark's. Except there was a party. Honestly, I just couldn't wait for classes to end. It was just in two weeks.

"You should go home before Mark decides to punch someone." Vivian touched my shoulder gently then gave it a squeeze. "And relax, you are too tense." Letting go of me, she slipped his hands into the pocket of her playsuit and added, "If you want my advice on that BDSM shit, I would say don't do it. Treat Mark like you would treat a normal person in a relationship. Maybe bondage is what he likes during sex but right now, it's not about sex. It's the relationship building up to the sex. Have you guys even gone on a date?"

And this was why I fancied Vivian. She knew how to put me on the right track. Normally, I don't tell people my problems but Vivian was such a good listener and her advices were always well thought out. I was absolutely glad to have her as my friend... but I wasn't gonna tell her that.

"No. Thanks Viv. I kinda lost my priority back there." I was tempted to give her a hug but I stuck with a thankful smile before she tapped my shoulder and let me back into the restaurant first.

Getting to our table, I let her in before retrieving my items then getting Mark's attention. "Come on, we are leaving."

Mark didn't say anything and I sighed as I paid my part to Tom. The boy apologized for what he had said and I shrugged. If I didn't like Mark, it was probably what I was going to do anyway.

     As we left, I checked the text I got from my ma and I almost smiled. Mark and I stopped by the bus stop, waiting, when I said, "Do you want to come over to my place?"

"Why?" He gave me a tired look.

"When was the last time you saw little Tony?"

My best friend scratched his head. "Two... Three months ago?"

I tsked. "Yeah, you are sleeping over at my house."