"Ian, what are you doing?"

     The sound of Mark's confused voice had my heart galloping in its place. My mind was in a haze as I stepped away from the door and looked at my best friend, almost tripping on a shoe on the hallway.

Mark quickly ran to hold me and my breath got caught in my throat at his nearness. His hands caught my waist and he pushed against my chest to straighten me up. All I could think about at that time was the feel of his hands. I wanted them on me. I wanted my shirt off and I wanted him to touch me.

"Ian, are you okay? You look drunk."

"I am." I admitted when my legs wobbled and I almost fell if not for Mark's arm around my waist. "I need water."

"Got it."

     Taking me down the stairs, I let him pull my sluggish body to the kitchen counter and I leaned on it, letting him rush to the fridge to get a bottle of water. I almost expected him to hand me the bottle but he actually fed it to me. And no, not the mouth to mouth kind of feed, he forced my mouth open and poured the water in. Lame, right? I chocked on it.

Mark cleaned me off with a napkin then stared at me, rather intensely and I felt my stomach do a flip.

Vomit!

I was gonna vomit.

     Pushing him aside, I staggered toward the guest toilet then threw up everything I drank before I even made it to the seat. Keisha was going to kill me if she found out so I quickly washed my mouth- thank you Keisha, for your mouth wash- then left the washroom only to bump into Mark who was standing right outside.

"Jesus Christ! You are everywhere." I slurred, leaning on him when my body felt too heavy for me to carry.

"Let's go home."

"Miiine or yoursss?"

"Mine. I talked with Keith. He'll take us home."

I was glad when Mark didn't suggest going to my home. If he did, there would be a lot of questions he wouldn't be able to answer and I did tell my folks I would be at his place. Besides that, I was glad to be able to go to Mark's room again. Ever since the incident, I hadn't seen it and I missed being forced to watch shit I didn't like anime and horror. Then I could cuddle with him when he slept because hell, that was his most adorable moment. He would look like the little innocent kid he was when he used to come over to my place, when his family wasn't dysfunctional, when his dad hadn't left.

But when he woke up, it was gone and he was just a sad, angry boy forced to face reality every single day.

     A moan slipped past my lips at the smell of Mark's pillow and I pressed my boner against his soft comforter. I wanted to touch myself right there and then but someone came into the room and my eyes slid open.

I watched Mark rummage through his dresser with nothing on but a towel and I bit my lip to hold back a gasp when his towel fell to the ground.

"Shit." He cursed but didn't bother picking it up.

Mentally thanking him, I gapped at it, loving how perfect it was and how badly I wanted to take him. How badly I wanted to stand up from this bed, walk up to him and stick my tongue in there like I had seen Rengar do to Tyson. I wanted him so bad.

     Wearing his PJ bottom, I decided then was the best time to let him know I was awake. I turned completely to him after he was done and smiled when he looked at me. He cocked his head at me before coming closer to touch my forehead.

"How do you feel?" he asked, stroking my it softly.

"Terrible." ...and horny. But I wasn't going to tell him that.

Mark's brows knitted to a scowl for a moment but his eyes suddenly softened and I sat up when I saw the tears leave his eyes. He tried to stop, wiping the tears but he kept wailing and weird part of me felt oddly satisfied.

"I-I am so sorry, Ian. I hit you, I hit you so bad. Marcie made me clean the blood stains off the floor and that was when I realized how terrible of a friend I am. You shouldn't be friends with me. You shouldn't even like me. I wanted you to hate me, that's why I didn't visit you in the hospital but then Marcie made me talk to you. A-and you told me you hate me. I wanted to be satisfied, I wanted to be happy but I was scared. I didn't want to be left alone. I didn't want you to leave me. That's why I'm so sorry. I sent you to the hospital. I'm just like my mother."

     Seeing Mark bawl like this was like someone playing around with my heart and then he used the 'mother' word. That word just ripped my heart straight out of my chest and I pulled Mark closer so I could hold him. Fuck it, I didn't care anymore. Fuck my feelings, Mark was more important.

"You are not like your mother, okay?" I stared right into those eyes of his as I said that. "I met your mother and you are nothing, I repeat, nothing like her."

Mark sniffed and what was left of my heart dropped to my stomach when I saw how puffy his eyes were. "And my dad left-"

"I'm still here." I reminded him then pulled him for a tight hug. "I'm not ever going to leave you."

I didn't know much about Mark's dad but after his dad and mum divorced, the man left. The only time he had come back was when Mark's mum was sent away. He stayed around so the CPS wouldn't take his kids and that was as far as I knew before he upped and disappeared again. The only way they knew he wasn't dead was the money he kept sending them. I never bothered to ask where or why he left. Mark was already angry enough.

"I'm never gonna leave you."

       Class the next day was a blur thanks to my hangover. I managed to ignore Mr. Tevin when he came looking and I didn't skip football practice making my muscles ache when I fell on Mark's couch. Mark ignored my whining, like usual, and went upstairs, leaving me alone with my pain. Would love to make a fuss about it but, he was letting me use his shampoo. I can forgive him for that.

"You guys are back already? That's early." Marcie walked into the living room with a bag of chips then rolled her eyes when I sighed with annoyance.

"Jeez. When are you leaving? I miss when I had the house all to myself and Mark," I said, holding a throw pillow to my chest.

She snickered. "So what? You both can be gay as hell together forever?" When she noticed my widened eyes, she shrugged. "What? I heard you both last night. Been a while since I heard my baby boo cry."

"I don't like you much, you know that? It's because of you I ended up in that hospital."

     The living room fell quiet that only the sound of the shower running could be heard and I turned to look at Marcie. She had dropped the chips on the table and she held her right wrist tightly. Feeling the tension in the air, I sat up and stared at her.

"Hey, I'm sorry-"

"No." she cut me off. "Yeah, it is my fault, but I didn't plan on Mark hearing. I am sorry I lied about who hurt you. I didn't want to cause trouble for my dad and I didn't want the CPS to take Mark away. You know all about my mum and what she did to us. How she destroyed our lives. How she made Mark so angry at everything and how she made me do this to myself." She pulled up the sleeves of her shirt and I felt a pang of pain at the gashes that lined her fore arms.

I wanted to stand to get a closer look but something kept me in place and I swallowed when she moved her fingers along them.

"It started a couple weeks after they took her, after Mark and I started therapy. I didn't do it because it made the pain I felt go away, I did it because I couldn't live without the pain. It was only recently I understood why I felt like that and I came out."

"You're a lesbian?" I asked, confused where this was going.

"No," She smiled, covering up her scars. "I'm not a lesbian. I'm just living a different kind of lifestyle and if things do work out with your relationship, come to me for advice."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You haven't told me the kind of lifestyle you are living."

Marcie picked up her chips and popped one in her mouth. "BDSM. But mine is slightly more Sadism/Masochism."

I tried not to look surprised but I failed hopelessly. Marcie? A Masochist? How?

"Wait, is Mark into that?"

She heaved her shoulders. "Most likely but he never really had the same reaction to my mother like I did. He was just lost for a while before you found him."

Rubbing the nape of my neck, I said, "Funny how my family is just dandy and you guys are here going through shit. I feel terrible."

"Don't." Marcie shook her head at me. "I like my life. I have someone that wants to stay with me. Even with my issues. I want you to help Mark love his life."

I smiled. "Even if I love him, it won't heal his anger issues."

"Nope. But it would show him something different. All he's ever known is anger and hate. I tried to show him but what he developed was different. He wouldn't have friends if you'd never showed up."

"Yeah. But you're missing the fact that he hates gays or that kind of love."

Marcie cocked her head at me, reminding me of how Mark looked at me when he was confused. "Hates gays? Didn't I tell you what happened with our dad? He's engaged with a man and it was all because Mark made our dad face his fears and ask him." She sat up in her seat and her eyes widened as if she just realized something, "Don't tell me you didn't know?"

My ears rang from her words and my heart raced faster in my chest. Didn't know? Mark was okay with gays? Then why did he hate Tom? Why did he make me hit Yale? Why was he angry?

Then suddenly, everything made sense.

I was going to kill Mark.

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Marcie at Top because why not.
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