- Arthur?

- S-Sophie...

When did she get here? 

- Arthur, what are you doing there?

Sophie drops her umbrella and the bag of groceries she´s carrying and crouches down to look at me.  

- You´re soaked. What happened? Why aren´t you at home?

I try to think of an excuse, any at all. 

- I...forgot my keys... and mom takes some sleeping pills. It´s impossible to wake her...

I´m so ashamed of having to admit what happened today.

- You can´t stay here like this. Come with me. 

Sophie reaches a hand out to me. Only now do I dare to look up at her. She seems worried. I don´t want to bother, I know we barely know each other. And at the same time I have nowhere else to go. 

- Come on, Arthur, you´ll get sick. Let me help you.

I hesitate for a moment, but I realize that Sophie isn´t leaving without me. I take her hand and she helps me up. Without a word, I follow her to her apartment. 

- Gigi!! I´m home!!

Gigi comes running to greet her mother and is surprised when she sees me there as well. 

- Arthur!

- Hello, Gigi.

- Gigi, get me a towel. Quick!!- says Sophie and guides me over to the couch. 

Gigi hurries back with a towel and Sophie puts it around my shoulders, helping me to dry my hair. 

- You need some dry clothes. Let me see what I can find.

- No need. I...got my work clothes right here, I think they didn´t get wet.  

I open the bag and make sure that my things are in fact dry. 

- Great. Come, Gigi. Let´s give Arthur some space so he can change.

They leave me alone for a while. It´s such a relief to take the wet clothes off my body. I´m so embarrassed that Sophie will see me in my clown trousers, short, wide and patched everywhere. When I´m working and become Carnival, the clown, I don´t mind it. The outfit is supposed to be somewhat ridiculous. But I don´t want to be Carnival in front of Sophie. Still, I have no other choice. I remove my shoes and put on the trousers. I have to stay barefoot because I have no other pair of socks. I take the clown shirt which has little red and green dots and pull the sleeves up my arms. As I´m doing this, Sophie returns.  

- Arthur, do you need a pair of-

She´s frozen on the spot when she sees me and she covers her mouth with one hand. 

- Arthur what happened to you?!

For a second I´m clueless. And then I realize she´s looking at my still exposed chest, her eyes fixed on the green and purple marks that cover my skin, on the small wounds that still haven´t healed and on my protruding ribs and sunken stomach. As I see her horrified face, I cover my body with my arms, trying to hide it from her view and I look down. I didn´t want her to see me like this. Shame mortifies me. How could someone want to see something so awful? How could such a beautiful woman want to come anyway near such a mishandled man? 

But Sophie walks over to me…and puts a hand on my shoulder. 

- Let me see you.

Her voice is soft, barely a whisper. Her hands carefully take my wrists and pull my arms away from my body, making it visible again. 

- Oh my God...who did this to you??

I can´t look her in the eyes and I decide to look at my feet. 

- No one...- I say in a voice that can barely be heard.  

- Everyone...- I add. 

Sophie remains silent. She doesn´t ask any questions and I´m grateful for that. I look up for a split second to see her face and I notice the tears in her eyes. She doesn´t allow them to run, she contains them.  

And then her fingers begin to button my shirt, starting from the bottom and all the way up to my neck. She runs her hand over my arm softly and it´s such an unexpected feeling, so unusual to me. I pull away instinctively, it´s a reflex. Sophie withdraws her hand and waits for a few seconds before touching me again. 

- Don´t worry, I´m not going to hurt you.

Her touch is soft and gentle, so careful, as if she was touching a fragile crystal figure. And I, who don´t know anything else but the punches and kicks on my mistreated body, I feel like an angel came to heal my pain.. 

Sophie guides her hand to my face and lifts my chin, establishing eye contact. Even if I wanted, I couldn´t look away. Her dark eyes stare at me with compassion and I feel completely naked, not in my body but in my soul. I feel like she can see all the suffering in my eyes and read all the scars on my heart.

- You´ll sleep here tonight. I´ll set up the couch for you, ok? 

- I really don´t want to bother...

- I wasn´t asking, Arthur. 

I just nod. 

- Ok. But you have to eat something first.

- Oh, don´t worry. Really, I´m not hungry.- I assure her. 

That she´s letting me stay here for the night is already too much. I can´t accept more tan that, it wouldn´t be right. But Sophie insists.

- Do you like mac and cheese? They´re Gigi´s favorite. 

I can´t help it. Just from imagining a hot meal right now I feel hungry and my stomach roars, begging me to accept the offer. 

- Ok...- I say. - Only if it´s not a big deal...-

- Of course not. We´ll love to have you as a guest. 

My lips open in a bright smile. Sophie smiles back. 

- Put these on, the floor is cold.- she adds, handing me a pair of socks. - Ok. I´ll make dinner now.- 

- Can I help?- I ask.

I know Sophie works hard and she must be tired. 

- None of that. Today you´re my guest. And you´re here to warm yourself up, eat and rest. 

Sophie hums a song while she cooks. I watch her in silence until Gigi shows up again. She sits at my side and I let her play with my wig, my clown nose and some toys I usually take to the children´s hospital. We laugh and play for a while until Sophie calls us over to the table. 

I don´t know if it´s the hot meal that I haven´t eaten in such a long time or if it´s the warm atmosphere that spreads as we all sit here together, but I feel very well.

- This is delicious, Sophie. You´re a great cook...

- Hahahah, it´s just noodles from a box, Arthur. You just add water. I don´t know how to cook.  

We laugh together.

- Mom, I want some more!!- says Gigi.

- Give me your plate.

Sophie serves more for her daughter. I yearn for more food and I don´t dare to ask. But Sophie seems to read my thoughts. Or perhaps it´s the sound coming from my starving stomach.

- Arthur, do you want some more?

She doesn´t even wait for a reply. She just takes my plate and refills it. 

- Thanks...

After dinner I help her clean up the table. It´s already late. Sophie looks for a blanket and arranges the couch for me. 

- I´ll get you a pillow, wait here.- she says. 

Gigi comes back in her pajamas, carrying her teddy bear. 

- Look, Arthur, this is my bear. You like him?

- He´s very nice!

- Do you have one, too?

- No...but as a matter of fact, when I was a kid like you, I had a toy. But it wasn´t a bear. It was a rag clown. He had green hair and a red suit. 

My thoughts travel back to that toy I loved so much, the only toy I ever had. I had completely forgotten about it. I can´t even remember what happened to it. There´s so many things about my childhood that I don´t recall. 

- Do you still have it?- Gigi asks.

- I´m afraid I lost it…

- Gigi, time for bed!!- says Sophie as she hands me a pillow.

- Yes, mom!...Good night, Arthur.

- Good night, Gigi. Sleep well.

Gigi hugs her mom and wishes her good night, too. Sophie wraps her in her arms tenderly, hugs her to her chest and gives her a kiss.  

- Do you need anything else, Arthur?

Yes…there´s something I have needed all my life, and seeing it in front of me, I feel the longing for it so desperately. But I´d never dare to ask for it. How could I? I close my eyes, I imagine Sophie hugs me, too, just like she hugs Gigi and that her warm embrace puts my broken pieces back together. A sigh escapes from my chest and I open my eyes. She looks at me, waiting for me to reply. 

- Oh, no. Nothing, Sophie. I´m fine.- I assure her.

- Ok. Sleep well. 

- Good night.

- Good night, Arthur.

Sophie turns out the lights and retreats to her bedroom. I lay down and close my eyes. There´s a very special scent in the pillow, in the blanket…I breathe it in, trying to burn it into my memory and keep it there forever. The rain continues to hit the windows and from time to time the room is lit by a bolt of lightning. I replay Sophie´s hum in my head, as if her song was lulling me to sleep.

The soft sound of barefoot steps wakes me up after a while. But my eyelids are too heavy, I can barely open my eyes. In the dark I make out Sophie´s silhouette. She walks over to me and I feel a second blanket being placed over my body. I keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. I feel her hand brushing softly against my forehead and stroking my hair. It´s such a subtle touch, so delicate and at the same time so intense. I must be dreaming. 

- Sophie?- I mumble, slightly opening my eyes. 

- Sorry Arthur, I didn´t mean to wake you. I just figured you might be cold.  

Sophie adjusts the blanket around my body.  

- It´s ok. Go back to sleep.- she says.

Trying to make no sound at all, she walks back to her room.

- Sophie?

- Yes?- she says, turning around. 

- ... Thank you...

She smiles.

- Sleep well, Arthur. 

I close my eyes again. Even when there´s still a storm outside, inside me there´s peace, at least for one night. And I repeat to myself:

Don´t worry, Arthur. The die is cast.