-Arthur!!

Somebody yells my name. I don't know who it is. I can't see anything. Where am I?

- Where's my boy??!!

Everything is dark around me and it's so, so cold. I'm scared.

- ARTHUR!!!

The same voice screams my name. It's a man's voice. Suddenly a door opens and the light blinds me.

- Why are you hiding?!

I can't see his face, I just feel that someone grabs me by the wrists and pulls me violently.

- Come here, BOY!!

I wake up. My heart beats so loud I can almost hear it. My body is drenched in sweat. The darkness around me fades a little and I recognize my sorroundings. I'm on the couch, I'm home. Ah, it was just a dream...just a dream. It's not the first time I have a nightmare like this. They're actually quite frequent, although not always as real as now. I glance at the clock, it's only 2:00am. But I'm scared of going back to sleep. I fear another nightmare. I get up. My legs feel weak and shaky. I open the bedroom door.

- Mom?- I ask softly.

But she's fast asleep. I walk over to the bed.

- Mom...can I sleep here tonight?

She always takes some pills that help her sleep and I really don't want to bother her. I try to make as little noise as possible as I lay myself down and curl up next to her.

- Mom...I'm scared...

There are dreams so real that you can't possibly forget them after waking up. They don't always make sense but they leave a feeling behind that remains with you throughout the day. I'm starting to fear that without my pills, these nightmares and hallucinations will become more frequent and more real.

The next morning before I head out to work, I remove the gun from my bag and decide to save it in my pants. The subway can be a frightening place. There's not only drunks, but all sorts of criminals. It's not a place where I'd want to stand out and for some reason I feel safer carrying the gun close to me. I feel protected.

Tonight Pogo's is packed. There's a great atmosphere. I'm nervous. My hands hold firmly to my notebook. I don't want to risk forgetting what I have to say. This is my only chance. I want to get it right.

- Please, let's all welcome...ARTHUR FLECK!!

I climb the three steps that lead to the stage. The lights blind me, people clap in anticipation. I walk up to the host who's standing in front of the microphone and he steps down. I look around. This is amazing! It's what I've always dreamed of. And now I'm here and people see me. I'm no longer invisible! I stand in front of the microphone , all eyes are on me, but I can't see the faces. The lights are too bright. I breathe in and open my notebook.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

No...

Some laughter can be heard. I try again.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I can't...

Nothing can be heard anymore. The room has gone completely quiet. The only thing that cuts through the silence is this thunderous laughter that breaks my throat and robs my lungs of air. It hurts. People watch me drown. They don't understand what's happening.

At last, a bit of air...I try one more time.

- I hated school...HAHAHAHA...I ha-hated school as a kid...HAHAHAHHA.

I can't stop laughing. I feel sweat running down my forehead. My sight blurs. When I look up again, I manage to see the tables in the first row. People look at me confused, impatient, irritated. They don't know if they should laugh or not. They point their fingers at me and whisper. I want to disappear...

Wait!! There's...her!! Sophie?? It's Sophie!! Right there, at a table to my right. She came!! She came to see me!! She looks me in the eyes and smiles sweetly, encouraging me to go on.

I take a deep breath and start over once again.

- I ha-hated school as a kid. But my mom would say: Arthur, one day you'll have to work for living.

I glance over to Sophie again.

- Go on!- her lips say.

Another deep breath.

- And I'd say: No mom, I'm going to be a comedian! And when I said I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me...well, no one's laughing now!!

I open my arms, waiting for the people's reaction. I made it!! My eyes turn to Sophie. She stands up, smiles and claps. I have no eyes or ears for the rest of the room. I can't hear if they laugh, I can't hear if they clap. I just know that Sophie does, excitedly.

I get down from the stage and walk straight up to her.

- You came!!

- I wouldn't have missed it for anything!

I feel like hugging her with all my strength. But that might be weird. I just clamp the notebook with my hands and smile with my heart racing in my chest.

- Did I do well?

- I think you did great!!

I can't do anything but look at her with love. The rest of the room and the rest of the world no longer exist, only she does.

- Sophie...can I buy you a coffee?

She nods.

- Ok.

A few blocks away is a fairly decent place to take a woman out on a date. It's not fancy at all but smoking is allowed and that's important. We sit across each other and a waitress comes over to our table.

- What can I get you?

- Sophie, have anything you like.- I say.

- I'll have a coffee, please.- she says.

- Me, too. Ah, but don't you want anything else? Do you like chocolate cake? They have a very good one here!

- Hmmm alright.

- Then that's two coffees and two pieces of cake?- the waitress asks.

- No, no. Just one piece...- I say - I'm not so much into chocolate...thanks!-

I can't afford two pieces, but I don't mind. I just want Sophie to have what she desires.

- Thank you for coming to see me...

- I loved to!

- You really liked it?

I remember Randall's words and feel insecure. But Sophie takes my hand, squeezing it softly and looks me in the eyes.

- Of curse I did, Arthur!!

Her face is sincere. She speaks from her heart. I smile sheepishly, unable to say a word.

- I didn't really enjoy those who came out before you...their jokes were more...ordinary. Others were quite offensive. You're different. You like to play with words and their meaning...you've got more style, I like that!

Sophie is so kind. I don't know what to say.

- You look very beautiful today...

- You're looking very elegant yourself.

My cheeks blush. I've never gotten so much attention and compliments from anyone, least of all from a woman.

The waitress returns with our things. I watch as Sophie sweetens her coffee. All her movements are gentle and she always makes eye contact. It's strange...when she looks at me, I feel like she can see right through me, as if I was made of glass.

She takes the mug in her hands and guides it to her lips. She enjoys every sip of coffee. Today she's wearing a blue strip around her hair. The white shirt highlights her dark skin. What right do I have to eye her like this?

- Arthur...your coffee is running cold...

- Oh, yes...

I didn't even realize how lost I got. I pour two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee and stir. Sophie chuckles.

- Arthur, you had already sweetened that!

- Oh no...

It's true. The coffee is way too sweet. I'm so distracted. It doesn't matter though. I drink it anyways.

- Is all that notebook full of jokes?- asks Sophie.

I forgot I left it on the table. I wouldn't want anyone to see its content, least of all Sophie.

- Well it has jokes but it's also a sort of diary...a little bit of everything...- I explain and put it back in my bag.

- Writing things down...it helps me...to feel better.

I feel ashamed talking about my condition.

- I think it does us all good to unload our thoughts somewhere...- she says.

Sophie is understanding when no one else is. Where everybody sees a freak, she sees a man.

Again I become aware that I've completely lost myself in her eyes. There's something about her that seems like a dream to me.

Sophie takes her fork and cuts a piece of cake.

- Mmmm this is so good!!

She cuts another piece.

- Eat, Arthur!

- Oh no, its's for you, Sophie!

But Sophie insists and guides the fork to my mouth.

- Open up!

I give in. It's truly good. One bite for her, one bite for me. And so we finish the cake together.

- You have some chocolate.- says Sophie laughing as she points to the corner of her own lips.

I lift my hand to wipe my face. Sophie laughs again.

- The other side, Arthur...haha. Come, let me help you.

She holds my chin with one hand and it feels like a soft caress on my skin. Her other hand grabs a napkin and ever so gently she wipes the corner of my lips.

- There you go...

- Thanks- I say, slightly blushing.

We walk back home in silence, with our hands in our pockets. Today the stairs seem short. We reach the top too soon. I'd like this night to last forever. The wind doesn't seem cold anymore, the building no longer seems awful and I curse the elevator for getting to the eigth floor so fast. Here our ways part.

- Hold on...- I say before she leaves - There's something I want to give you.-

From my pocket I take out the paper flower I had made the other day and hand it to her.

- I made it for you...

Sophie is surprised. She takes the flower, eyes it with a smile and twirls it in her fingers.

- I wanted to give you a real one but it seems that flowers no longer grow in this awful city...

- Thank you Arthur, it's beautiful! It's actually much more beautiful than a real one...since you made it. Thanks for a lovely evening...

- Thank you for coming...

- Bye Arthur. Sleep well...

- Bye Sophie...