Sophie...her name is Sophie and she's just invited me over for a cup of tea. I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I wet my hair a little and comb it back. I also put on a bit of cologne. Luckily I was not yet in my pajamas, I wouldn't want Sophie to see me like that. I'm wearing grey trousers, a white shirt and a blue sweater. I practice some gestures in front of the mirror.

- Sophie, would you like to hear a joke?

No no no. Not like that.

- Do you like jokes, Sophie?...

No, neither. Ah, I know.

- Sophie...knock knock...

Ah, I don't know. I'm too nervous. Relax, Arthur, you'll do just fine.

I knock on the door of apartment 8B.

- Come in. It's open!- says Sophie.

I carefully push the door open. Her apartment is just the same as mine but it has a feminine touch. It's surely much better arranged than mine.

- Thought you weren't coming anymore...

- Ah, I'm sorry, I was helping mom.

- That's ok, have a seat, Arthur. I'll get some tea.

Sophie stands next to the kitchen and prepares two mugs. I sit down on the couch next to the small living room table.

- Your apartment is very nice.- I tell her.

- Hahahahah, Gigi is right, you really are funny! It's a goddamn shack!

- Oh! I use the exact same words to describe mine!

Sophie laughs. How nice she is.

- Is Gigi already asleep?- I ask.

- Oh no, she's staying over at my mom's tonight.

Sophie sits on a chair next to mine and sets both mugs down on the table. Her knees can nearly touch mine.

- Gigi says you're a clown...

- Yes, I'm a clown. And you?

- I'm not.

- HAHAHHAHAHA

I laugh a bit too loud and Sophie looks at me somewhat surprised. I cover my mouth.

- I'm sorry. It's just that...you have a good sense of humor. Ehm, what is it that you do?

- I work for an awful bank.

Sophie points her fingers to her head, as if she was shooting herself.

- HAHAHHAHA

Ah, no, I don't intend to laugh like that but Sophie is really funny. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. My hands shake nervously. I've never been on a date, least of all with such a beautiful woman. Sophie looks at me attentively, waiting for me to speak. But I don't know how to continue. I pick the mug up with one hand but it's so sweaty that the mug slips away and falls, crushing on the floor and splashing the tea all over the place.

- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

This time it's not because of something funny, it's a nervous breakdown from having done everything wrong and it triggers my laughter. I don't want this, please not. Not here and not now. But I can't control it. I try to drown my laughter by covering my mouth with my elbow but it doesn't help. This time Sophie looks scared.

- I'm s-sorry...HAHAHAHAHAH. S-sorry!! I don't want to... HAHAHHAHAHA laugh...

She looks at me unable to understand anything. I desperately search my pocket until I find my card and hand it to her. Sophie reads it and glances at me with an expression I'm unable to decipher.

- I'm really s-sorry HAHA...She puts the card back in my pocket. I wait until I get some air back in my lungs.

- I didn't mean to be rude, I'm sorry. I'm sick. Sorry...it's best if I go. Just let me clean this up and I'll leave.

I'm used to rejection. I see it coming. I get up but Sophie stops me, putting a hand on my arm.

- It's alright. Don't worry...everything's fine.

- I didn't mean to make such a mess...forgive me.

- Don't worry, I have more mugs...please stay.

Stay? She really wants to spend time with me? Despite my...condition?Sophie tries to smile and comfort me but there is something else on her face, something that is also on Gigi's face when she looks at me. Empathy.

Together we pick up the rests of porcelain and Sophie mops the floor. I sit down again. I try to control my trembling legs. I feel awful. Sophie returns with a new cup of tea. She softly blows the surface to cool down the tea. She sits down and hands me the mug.

- Hold it with both hands.- she says when she sees that I'm shaking.

She places the mug between my hands and puts her own hands over mine.

- Relax...nothing happened.

Her warm and soft hands give me peace and she doesn't let go until I stop shaking. What little physical contact I know are the punches I get from the hands of strangers on the streets. And the words I hear the most are insults and screams. But Sophie's hands are gentle and her words sweet. She has something that no one else in this world has. Patience.

- Do you feel better?

I nod.

- Yes...thank you.

Our eyes meet for a second, Sophie smiles at me and I feel my cheeks flush.

- Do you mind if I smoke?- she asks all of the sudden.

- Oh no, not at all! Actually...

I take a pack of cigarettes from my pocket and offer her one.

- Oh, wow! They're the same I always smoke. Thanks!

Sophie takes one and I light it for her.

- You said you live with your mom, right?- she asks after a while.

- Yes...she needs help. Her health is very fragile.

- I see.

- Mom took good care of me when I was little and now it's my turn to take care of her. But I do it happily, I take good care of her.

Sophie watches me in silence while she exhales smoke.

- You're a good man, Arthur.

I don't know how to reply to that. I just smile sheepishly.

- There's something I wanted to show you.

Sophie gets up and returns with a sheet of green paper in her hand.

- At Gigi's school they asked the kids to speak about someone special in their lives. Someone of their choice. They're of course too young to write, so they shared their thoughts with the teacher so she could write them down. This is what Gigi said. I thought you'd like to read it.

Sophie hands me the folded paper. I carefully open it and read it in silence.

Arthur

Arthur is a clown. He has a red nose and a green wig. He is my friend. He gave me a blue balloon and I made a drawing for him. He likes to laugh and he is very funny. But he is also sad. That is why I bring him cookies. I love him very much.

Gigi

My eyes get wet. This is so beautiful.

- Gigi is very kind...- I say - ...just like you...-

I give her back the paper.

- Keep it. - says Sophie - It's for you.-

I fold the paper and put it in my pocket.

- Thank you.

We drink tea in silence for a while.

- How did you become a clown?- Sophie asks after a moment.

- Well, mom always said that my purpose in life is to bring joy and laughter to the world.

- That sounds very good.

- I like to make people laugh.

- Gigi says you're very funny.

- Oh, well...hahaha kids are easier to please. Adults...they don't have so much sense of humor...

- That's true.

- But I'm not just a clown. I'm also a comedian. Well...at least I'm trying to be. Would you like to hear a joke?

- Yeah! Sure.

- Ok, here it goes: What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler?

- Mmm, I don't know...

- Just the Rottweiler!

- Hahahahahha

Sophie laughs. She really thinks I'm funny? I laugh as well. Not with that horrible laughter that is no laughter, but with a true one.She is beautiful, she is kind, she enjoys smoking and she laughs at my jokes! I think she's wonderful!

- Thank you for the tea, Sophie.- I say and hand her back the empty mug.

- Thanks for coming over, Arthur.

We both get up and she opens the door for me.

- Sophie...

- Yes?

- Ehm...not sure if you like stand up comedy, but if you do, you could come see me sometime. The palce is called Pogo's, on seventh avenue. I'll be there on Thursday...

- Maybe I will...

- Good night, Sophie.

- Good night, Arthur.