9:30, was not working.

Sure, in theory, getting to sleep early equaled more sleep, assuming you got up at the same time. You can still wake up at the same time, and mathematically, there were more hours of sleep. Math, that made sense, right?

But unfortunately for Etho, those hours were filled with dry eyes, tossing and turning, and a whole lot more awake-ness than sleep is supposed to provide. Doc's idea was supposed to help him feel more rested, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. In short, he could not sleep.

He passed out eventually, but it was dreamless and stiff, and didn't do much to help his eyebags or the growing pain in his joints.

"I had just gotten better!" He argued with his mind as his alarm reminded him more of the time (it didn't do much to wake him up really). "Why can't I sleep now? It wasn't so hard before!"

Succumbing to the sunlight, he begrudgingly got out of bed without more than a quiet curse. He did not feel rested what-so-ever. Maybe his caffeine withdrawal was starting to kick in? Doc mentioned buying another bag soon, but Etho was only able to make a small cup before it was gone.

It might be awhile before Doc went to the store to get more, so reasonably, he should probably go to some sort of, I dunno, cafe? To buy coffee?

"If only there was some building nearby that sold coffee!" His mind thought sarcastically. He told it to shut up.

Unfortunately, there was just the one (That he knew of. He didn't really get out much), and stepping foot there again before Bdubs -as Doc had put it- cooled off was a no-go.

He stepped into the living room, and Doc spoke loud enough so he could hear, but didn't actually look up from his phone.

"Etho. Just got another text from Xisuma."

"Hmm?"

"The first time, the dead battery made it take an extra day. Now, the cable fell out, it turned off, and reset."

Etho looked at Doc's eyes, dread growing as he saw the genuine expression Doc had.

"It'll be finished this afternoon."

It wasn't good news, but it also wasn't as bad as he had been expecting. He sighed, both in frustration and relief.

"Thanks for telling me. I'll uh- am I allowed to pick it up?"

"You up for it?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll tell X."

"Doesn't he hate me?"

"You apologized to Keralis. That was what he wanted."

Etho nodded, not having the energy or courage to say or ask more.

He got ready for the day, finally with quieted thoughts that let him move more comfortably. Anxiety had been nagging him for days, but even with the idea of his computer again, it was finally silent. Peaceful.

"I'm going to borrow a laptop from the library. See you in class." Etho said, reaching for the doorknob.

"See you, Slab."

And with a slightly more relaxed smile underneath his mask, he pushed forwards.

---

The library. He hadn't been here since the previous year, and scarcely at that.

"Just go in, check out a computer, and get to class." He decided. If he got to class early, he would have extra time to start the assignment from scratch and save it to his account instead of his computer so he could continue it whenever. That would've been smarter to do from the start.

So much smarter.

Like, save this drama, his relationships, and self worth- sort of smarter.

So so so much-

"Nope!" He whispered under his breath. "Just going in and out and not thinking more."

Etho walked up to the counter and shuffled around awkwardly, not really sure what he was supposed to do. Knock on the counter? Ring a bell? Yell? Probably not, this was a library after all.

Before he could do any of those, or think of something else equally as stupid, a person came to the counter.

"Hey son, what are ya lookin' for?" They asked, looking slightly upwards at Etho. It was an older man, with graying hair and a full beard. Even with his age, he wore a normal black tee shirt, TFC written on it.

"Oh uh, I need to borrow a computer, if that's ok?"

"Of course! Are you a late new student? Most kiddos borrow one on the first day of school if they need to, not really weeks into it." The man chuckled.

"Heh, little problem with mine currently. I hope I'll only be borrowing it for the day." Etho mumbled.

"Well if you ever need to use it again you're welcome to." He said, and looked at Etho with a sympathetic smile. "And if you ever need to talk either kiddo."

Etho glanced to the side. He looked like a mess, and the statement only emphasized that, even if it was nice. "Yeah I just, I just screwed up big time. My computer was sort of a casualty."

"We all make mistakes in life. The most you can do sometimes is pick yourself up, apologize, and keep going. You can fill in the details yourself."

"I think I had friends to pick me up. I- I wasn't strong enough to." He shifted inwards on himself and looked at the counter below.

"Hey, having a lookout isn't a bad thing. Just make sure you're there for 'em as well when they need it, and all is equal." The librarian said, scooping up a computer and placing it in front of Etho.

"I will. Uh, thanks." Etho said. He wasn't talking about the borrowed laptop. "Uhm-"

"TinFoilChef. You can call me TFC, Tin, Chef, whatever. I answer to practically anything at this point." Tin said with a dusty chuckle. "Kids these days keep comin' up with new nicknames."

"Thanks TFC."

"No problem. ID and name for this ol' thing?"

Etho relaxed a little, starting his name and ID and showing his card. He was going to be ok. Why? Because a fortune telling old man at the college library said so.

---

It took a little while to get used to the borrowed computer in class. Buttons weren't exactly where he expected them to be, and so he had to look at his keyboard more than not, and go slower in general. It was a little aggravating, but it was better than wasting another class doing nothing. He was making progress on the assignment, at the very least.

Etho remembered a good portion of it, and he was pretty good at making up stuff as he went, even if they had a bit of a cheat sheet if they needed it.

Doc kept shooting him looks, he could tell, but Etho didn't look to the side to meet his stare. Afterall, he had a whole assignment to redo, and that took some focus.

Funny enough, it helped keep his mind off other topics he was purposely avoiding, and the most he was getting frustrated at was the keyboard, still.

Line after line, code after code, he was making good time. And this time through, he was not going to work himself to exhaustion again. He was at least somewhat sure of that. 

And before he knew it, the class was over, the laptop was returned to the library, and he was walking to X's place.

---

The door was already unlocked, and opened really easily when Etho pushed at it lightly.

"I've been expecting you." A person in a swivel chair turned around smoothly, head tilted downwards.

"Wha- X? Is that a new color on you? And you dyed your hair?"

"Dammit you're not Hels!"

"And you're not X then?" Etho realized, feeling a little silly.

"Oh you're here for that derp then." The person deadpanned.

Etho nodded stiffly.

"ZOOMA! Some guy is here for you!" The guy said.

"One second!" A faraway voice yelled.

"I'm X's sibling. And you are?"

"Oh- I didn't know X had a sibling." Etho raised an eyebrow.

"Not many do. I'm not a social guy." They shrugged.

"Me neither."

"Who are you?" They asked again.

"Oh right. Etho."

"Oh." They said, "I've heard stuff about you."

"Not good I'm presuming?"

"Depends on who you ask."

"Have you asked Bdubs?"

"No, why?"

"I feel like his perception would be uh- not good."

"Oh I know that." They rolled their eyes slightly.

"Right."

The silence was an awkward one, and even though X's sibling was still sitting there, slightly turning around on the swivel chair that had failed the dramatic opening, they clearly had the confidence in the room between the two.

Xisuma's voice cut through the silence as he stepped into the room.

"Ah Etho! Pleasure to see you my friend."

"Hey X." Etho said, a little more softey than he intended.

"I think it's time we talked." Xisuma said kindly.

"Yeah." Etho admitted with a slight chuckle.

"This sounds like it's going to be sappy and heartfelt," Ex started, standing up from the swivel chair, and slightly kicking it to the side. "So I'm heading to Hels's place."

"Get back before dark." Xisuma added quickly. 

"Yeah yeah whatever, mom."

Xisuma sighed, but it was fond, as he watched his sibling leave. He turned to Etho, standing there awkwardly and avoiding eye contact.

Putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, he led Etho to the couch.

It was a pretty normal conversation. If Ex walked back in or Hels came rushing forwards looking for them, either could assume that the two were talking about taxes or the weather. Sad taxes maybe, with Etho's hazed over gaze and shrunken pose, but if they were really only rushing in for a second, they wouldn't care enough to notice.

There were some harsh truths and strict promises made to do better, but neither broke out in sobs or had held back tears. The elephant in the room was looming over Etho like a haunting shadow, but he managed to stay present in the conversation.

"If you ever need to talk, please come to me or any of your other friends, Etho." Xisuma said kindly. "You may not realize it, but you have plenty of them, and they'd all be willing to lend an ear when you need them. It's not healthy to bottle up emotions, no matter how much we're all subject to doing it at some time in our lives."

Etho thought back to Tin's talk, something like realization flooding through his chest. He had friends, who cared about him. And they were family. Well, he had already had the realization, so maybe it was more like hope? Comfort that someone he knew was reassuring him? Peace?

Whatever it was, it was nice. 

Etho nodded.

"Yeah, I know. And I'll be there for them all too, if they ever need it."

"I'm sure you will." Xisuma said, standing up. "We all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we can't learn and grow from them."

He walked over to another room and Etho sat there still, only realizing he should stand up too when Xisuma came back, holding something silvery in both hands carefully.

"And one of those things to learn, could be backing up your laptop more often." Xisuma said, holding out the laptop for Etho to take.

---

Etho barely looked at it. He thought he would be staring, crumpling at the sight and embarrassingly sobbing in front of X, but he was so glad it didn't come to that. He really had embarrassed himself enough recently.

Barely thinking twice, he had slid it into his bag, refusing to let the idea of tripping and dropping it on the sidewalk cross his mind twice.

And now here he was, back at his apartment. Everything was silent, and the only thing he thought of as he opened the door was that he should probably start using his headphones again. Not at the cafe again. Ever. But it might help drown out some of the silence of the world.

"Hey Etho." He heard immediately.

"Hey,... Beefers?"

"Yeah buddy. I'm here."

"I haven't uh- I haven't yet. Only put it in my bag. "

"I know. It's okay."

Etho took a shaky step forwards, his grip loosening on the bag with the computer- his computer in it. He felt like his grip should've tightened, knuckles turning white in grief and sadness, but they were too tired to.

"We're here for you." Doc said slowly in a low voice.

Etho put his bag on the counter and slid the laptop out carefully. It didn't really look like his. It was cold and the scrubbed case didn't have any of the stickers anymore. They would be coffee stained if they were there, and that probably would have hurt more, but seeing it as blank slate again stung too.

"Thanks."

He sat down. He knew he couldn't stand like this for much longer.

Beef and Doc huddled close. Much closer than they would have normally, because normally, Etho wasn't a touchy guy, and they respected that. This was prefered, for today at least.

It booted up, too slowly. The only noise was the shuffling of Beef and Doc moving their weight from foot to foot, and the melodic hum of their combined breathing. Etho was frozen in place.

'Welcome Ethos_Lab to your homepage!' The computer beeped happily. 'Click enter to view your plans to destroy the world!'

"Oh right," Etho chuckled hollowly. "I forgot I had that set."

"Well what was the plan huh Etho?"

"Confuse everyone to chaos, if I remember right. Iskall was confused at least when they found it in our dorm."

"It worked then." Doc said with a small shrug.

"A little."

"The backup's not that old right? End of the summer?" Beef asked hopefully.

"Start of it." Etho said.

"That's- that's not horrible."

"I know, but the summer..." Etho sighed. "Even with how much I spent inside, there were still some good times. I uploaded everything from my phone onto this to save storage on it, and now,-" His voice caught in his throat.

He clicked through a few things, skipping past the old downloads of songs and random files he had saved, and found the photos. He was going to miss those the most.

"We'll have to make new good times then. Get Scar in on that action." Doc said, lightening the mood a little.

"Yeah," Etho chuckled, his eyes crinkling closed. They hurt from looking at the screen for so long. And maybe also the horrible sleep. Tears pricked at his eyes, and were emphasized by him closing them. "Yeah we will!"

He laughed more, and more tears streamed down his cheeks. A hand was on his shoulder, warm and present with him. An arm was hugging his side, however awkward of a position that must've been to hold.

"And you guys gotta make sure I backup this hunk of metal every month, k?" Etho laughed, grinning under his mask while he cried.

"Will do Etho."

"Yeah of course."

"Oh man!" Etho opened his eyes a little, but he could only see a glow of colors from the screen because his eyes were blurry with tears. "I'm gonna have to redo that whole coding assignment!" He breathed in a little shakily, and it was hard to tell if it was because he was laughing or because he was crying. "I'm going to need so much caffeine, and jeez my personal standards are going to have to drop so low just to get it in on time. Cleo will make fun of me for that."

"We know she couldn't do better!" Beef added, chuckling too. The situation called for a little laughter.

"She can't do electronics, but she could beat our asses at illustration." Doc chuckled. "Man, the last time I tried to draw a tree? She made fun of me for a week. A week, man!"

"Hey, if someone else tried to criticize it though she'd defend you to the underworld and back." Beef added.

"That's true. If anyones making fun of our work, she'll make sure she's the only one." Doc said.

"Hey that's not true." Etho said. He could see a little better now. "Iskall made fun of me if they even glanced at a mistake. Last year when we dormed together, they would see my code before I edited it. One whole line of code done wrong and I never heard the end of it." He laughed.

"Yeah but they looked up to your skills so much. We didn't talk much, but once they made me check their work before showing it to you to impress you." Doc said. "Made me swear I wouldn't tell, but creeper's out of the bag now huh?"

"Oh that slime themed game?" Etho said, sorta of remembering it. He started to scroll through the photos, quickly landing on the one with them playing the demo of the slime jump game.

"Yeah that's the one."

It didn't take long to find it, because it was close to one of the last of the photos he uploaded before the backup. It was some of the last of the stuff saved safely. They looked happy, with eyebags, messy blankets and discarded chips strewn across the room, a dark room with only the glow of the computer, controllers held up in the photo, crumpled clothes and frizzy hair.

Another stream of tears ran down his face he didn't bother to wipe away.

Beef went in for another hug and Doc leaned down as well. Etho pulled down his mask, a half smile wavering on his face like not even it knew what he was feeling. He turned around them to face them more clearly and wrapped them both in as big of a hug as he could give. With the chair in between them, the different angles and the struggle of trying to hug them both at once, it was very uncomfortable. Doc and Beef hugged back.

No one wanted to move.

---------

(2941 words!)

Merci for reading! Giving y'all this chapter early because I finished my AP bio test! I literally stopped writing the second the monitor said to close the booklets, which was nerve racking to say the least, but i did it!

if you liked it, maybe comment, vote, or share with someone? It means a lot to me and really motivates me to keep writing, which also gets chapters out faster!

Fun facts:

-Originally, I was going to have Etho crying so much he couldn't talk, but as I wrote it, it kinda worked better for him to be uncharastically laughing as he sorta cried too. Like, he's sad, but nothing can be done about it. It hurts and helps in a way. He's also happy, because it could've been worse, and at least he has this much, and looking at the old photos is kinda just hitting him in a way he didn't plan for. He expected it to be hard, but he didn't expect it to be funny too. It's both.

- I actually wrote most of this chapter backwards! Each section I mean, because words backwards would be insanely impressive and insanely not worth it.

-Bdubs is stealing the show for the next chapter!