The same essence

Felix passed the exam and after that they never saw each other again.

They came back to their usual life. The captain returned to the field with greater determination, adrenaline flowing through his veins, as if his entire body was pervaded by deep electric shocks. He didn't stop. He started going to parties again, going out with girls, taking a different one to bed every night.

While Hyunjin lost his petals like an ignored lily in winter, trying not to wither inside, wrapping himself in a cocoon of melancholy, trying to metabolize that new pain.

Felix played, Hyunjin danced. One in the sun, the other in the darkness of a room. If the first scored a goal, the second beat his fist against a mirror. The wolf hugged his pack, the butterfly hugged herself.

Hyunjin's art became deeper and more dramatic. The colors became darker, but also brighter. Crayons gave way to ropes and chains, and the result was that everyone was overwhelmed. Anyone who looked at Hyunjin.

The theater director asked him to put on the most wonderful show PYJ High School had ever seen, and he agreed. Every day he practiced and practiced again, and the more he met Felix, the more alive the work became. He didn't simply express feelings, he was the feeling.

For his part, Felix was floundering in this infernal circle.

Every time he touched a girl, he remembered that afternoon at the seaside. He transformed into the roughest and most manly he could be, but Hyunjin was always there.

As much as he tried, he couldn't get him out of his mind. Maybe because there hadn't been a real goodbye. Maybe because he missed him.

One afternoon, after training, he decided to go and visit him. He knew he was staying in the theater late, so he took a long shower and stayed in the dressing room longer than the others, with the excuse that he had a headache and would go home more calmly.

He reached the place and remained in a corner, stopping to admire the other, barely illuminated by a bull's eye. He realized that they had both changed, that they had absorbed each other's essence.

Hyunjin didn't notice him until the reflection of the mirror placed on the stage revealed his presence. He almost took a beating.

- What are you doing here?- He asked him.

- Nothing, I was simply passing by.- The other replied with a shrug.

- One doesn't pass here by chance at this hour. What do you want from me? - He collected his things.

- You are very good, I think your show will be success.

- Please! What do you care! Anyway the school is about to close, you better leave.

- Yes, but... but...

- What's up? I don't have time to waste on you!

- I missed you.

Hyunjin seemed to lower his guard.

- I didn't. Now go away.- He contradicted himself by hiding his face from the other's sight.

- That's not true.- Felix touched the sleeve of his white shirt.

The other whirled around. He saw him smile.

- Why are you doing so? You've reiterated this over and over again. We are not friends and we never will be!

- Yes, it's true. I don't take back what I said.

- Then stop tormenting me!

- But it's also true that I don't kiss my friends.

- It was an accident. Probably you had a sunstroke.

- Maybe. But I just can't regret it.

- Is that why you disappeared?

- You didn't even try to call me.

- Oh, so I was the one who should have called you! Do you think I'm like those little geese you fuck every night? I don't run after anyone Felix, much less after someone like you!

- Then you care about me! You're jealous!

- I'm not jealous! I can't stand incoherent people. Like you.

- I admit I acted like an idiot.

- You are an idiot, Felix.

There was a pause.

They looked at each other. They burst out laughing.
- You are right. I am. But I'm honest with you. You know.- Felix confessed.

Hyunjin nodded.

- I would like us to start seeing each other again. Sometimes, if you like.

- Always secretly?

Felix sighed.

- Fine.

Once home, Hyunjin sat down at the PC. His phone memory was full, so he decided to pass some photos onto the device.

Among these he saw one. He remembered taking some of Felix, but he really didn't think he owned this one.

It was the moment before their kiss. Of his first kiss with a boy.

In the past he too had dated girls, and had kissed one of them. But he hadn't felt anything. Until that moment he convinced himself that he was too young to understand love, which is why he didn't like it. Maybe it really was like that. Or maybe no one was as special as Felix.

He adjusted the lights and set the photo as his computer wallpaper.

Then he thought better of it, it wasn't enough, and he started drawing it. He picked all his colors and began.