You've Been Promoted

by VintageVulpes

"I don't believe this shit," the man mumbled to his computer monitor. He took a sip of his extra-large Watty and grimaced in disgust. Picked a stray orange pube from his tongue. "They didn't even read my fuckin' story! The fuck is this comment supposed to mean, anyway!? 'Loved the way Pixy Dust rode Unicron LOL!' There wasn't any Pixy Dust or Unicron in my fucking story, nor was there anything remotely funny in it! What the hell are you LOLing at, you dumbass!?"

He rubbed his temples, leaving orange Cheetos dust behind. His head killed right now. Had been hurting a lot lately, but this took the cake. Nobody understood his beautiful writing. Their comments were irrelevant. It made him sick. Made him want to teach them all a lesson.

A grin worked its way across his pale face.

Yeah. Teach 'em all. A lesson.

The man brought up the profile of the latest imbecile to comment on his riveting story. Got a good look. Memorized the name and the face.

He went to his gun rack. Grabbed his finest and most powerful weapon. Locked it and loaded it.

The hunt was on.

"Judy, where're last weeks..."

Judy could hear him shouting from his office into the small kitchenette where she stirred milk into her coffee. As she tapped the spoon on the side of the mug she flapped her lips in a mocking of his droning voice as he continued to make demands.

"Judy, are you listenin' to me?" his Scottish accent came from right behind her and she jumped slightly, the coffee sloshing over the sides. She hissed in surprise and turned to face him, his chest nearly touching hers as he looked down at her.

"Yes, Mr. Cath," she replied softly, her eyes barely able to meet his for longer than a second at a time.

His lips thinned and eyes narrowed before he nodded, "good, I expect it on my desk in an hour."

She glanced at the clock it was 8:50 PM, she was supposed to be off in less than ten minutes. The asshat knew it would take at least forty-five minutes to pull the fiscal reports and he expected her to stay. Judy rolled her eyes, threw the spoon into the sink forcibly then walked back to her desk that faced his office door. As she typed angrily, each finger smashing into each key, she glared angrily at her boss, her lip twitching every few seconds.

Thankfully, he was oblivious as he smirked a shit-eating grin as he typed at his own computer. When Cath typed he would lip the words as he spelled them out and rolled her eyes again when she recognized some of them such as; "wattpad", "story", "stupid", "LOL", etc.

With pursed lips and a roll of her eyes, she went back to work: highlighting important rows, tagging notes, and printing off specific reports. The printer started to hum as it began its process and she stood from her chair but the doorbell jingled and kept her from claiming it. Without glancing back she said, "did you forget something, Neil?" When he didn't reply she turned and looked behind her and saw a rugged man standing there, his brow beaded with sweat and his parted lips nearly frothing at the corners of his mouth in his obvious rage.

"Where is he!?" The man barked, holding his preposterously massive gun in his hands in front of him.

Judy stared at him with large eyes, dark clothes only lightened by a worn, brown leather jacket, his unshaved face was contorted in hatred and rage, his dark eyes gave her chills. She only furrowed her brow slightly when her gaze caught on orange, powdery smudges at the sides of his temples.

Her eyes were then drawn to the gun in his hands and Judy could barely keep her jaw off the ground. Not only was the size enormous but had attachments she could hardly see the benefit of having. It was the size of the man's chest and had glowing power cells lining the side. The gun handle had wires wrapped around it that stuck out and attached to various parts of the barrel like one would see the rings of Saturn. It looked similar to a revolver but had .50 caliber bullets cascading down the side like a heavy machine gun.

"Lady, where the hell is he?!"

"Judy, who's out there? What's all the ruckus?!" Mr. Cath called from inside his office. Irritated only at the interruption, her boss didn't bother to look up from his computer screen.

Unconsciously, she raised her hand and pointed into the office without so much as a glance at her boss.

The man, Mike unbeknownst to Judy, grinned a grin so bitter she got goosebumps but she couldn't look away. Her eyes followed him as he stormed into the office, his leather jacket flapping in the wind created by his own speed.

"Who the hell are you?! What the hell are you doing in here? What the hell is that thing!?" Cath shouted a series of questions but didn't dare rise from his seat.

"You know damn well who I am, asshole!"

Cath raised his hands and started to blubber pathetically, his nose covered in snot that mixed with his tears, "no I don't I swe-he-he-haairrr!"

"Oh really?" Mike pointed to the computer screen and Judy could only assume it had a window of Wattpad, particularly the comment section, pulled up. As Cath was glancing at the screen, witness to his own incriminating evidence, Mike pulled out a crinkled piece of paper, "...'loved the way Pixy Dust rode Unicron, LOL!' Neither of those things are in my story and It's not even a fucking comedy. You're worse than the assholes who follow bait you and expect you to follow them back- and I fucking hate those guys! You're a fucking monster!"

"P-please don't k-kill me!" Cath blubbered, "I-I'll give you a permanent follow!"

"No, I'm going to kill you and then delete your account so no one ever has to see your bullshit ever again."

"Pl-hee-hease!"

Judy looked between the two men, then at the phone on her desk, then back at them. Cath was a mess and Mike had stricken her to her core. She hated Cath just as much as anyone else but how far would she let this go?

The gun made a clicking sound as Mike pulled the hammer back and Judy straightened up, her eyes wide as she couldn't bring herself to move or say anything, she didn't want to be next. Her fingers had brushed the phone handle but now her hands were by her sides.

"I have to teach you a lesson," Mike said and aimed the gun directly at Cath's nose.

Cath stumbled over his words, "but I won't learn anything if I'm dead! I'll just be dead."

"You'll be a warning to the rest of the Wattpader's out there like you, don't fuck with people- especially Mad fucking Mike. So, as I was saying goo-"

Cath's mouth opened wide in what Judy expected to be a scream but instead it kept opening. A line split from the corners of his mouth and opened wide like a snake but it kept going- until it seemed the bottom half of his skull was half of his mouth. Sharp teeth, like shark's teeth, descended from places they shouldn't in Cath's head and before Mike could react, he was swallowed whole.

Judy screamed and quickly covered in mouth. She wanted to run... wanted to hide... but her feet were frozen to the carpet, her hands stuck like tape over her mouth, and her eyes wider than thought possible as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Cath closed its gaping mouth that once appeared to take up its entire head and it looked across its desk to meet her gaze. It slowly, in pleasure, wiped a finger across its normalized lips and smirked at her, "Judy, would you come in here please?"

She couldn't move.

"Judy, now," he snarled.

It frightened her into movement, she didn't want to make it mad. She stepped lightly, her pace slow, stalling her inevitable fate. She stood in the doorway, her toes barely crossing the threshold into its office.

"Now," it started, "what are we going to do abou-" his passive aggressive statement cut short as it exploded from within. Cath's blood and gut sprayed all over her front, into her mouth, up her nose, and strung up in her long hair.

She watched in a mix of horror and astonishment as Mike stepped out of what remained of the bloody, eviserated corpse, his gun in hand and covered in just as much red and guts as she. He smiled a devilish grin and finished his sentence from before, "-dbye," and kicked the bloody remains of Cath as he did.

She stood in front of him, her chest heaving, eyes unblinking, her entire body shaking. Her breathing shuddered through her nose, her mouth still agape- too afraid to so much and spit the blood out.

As Mike walked up to her, he kissed the side of his gun then stopped at her side and laid a gruesome hand on her shoulder. "You've been promoted."

Judy nodded numbly and listened to his departing footsteps, when she heard the bell jingle his exit she screamed; "what the hell just happened?! What. Happened!?"