Getting from the Hogsmeade station to Hogwarts Castle required sitting in a carriage with three other people. In a carriage that wasn't pulled by anything.

Drew and Wilby rode with Cyndee and Millicent.

The very moment Cyndee spotted the carts, she jerked to a stop and shrieked, staring in terror at something in front of it.

"What is it, freak?" Millicent asked, irked.

Cyndee blinked at her, then at the empty air, and then to the carriage. "Nothing..."

They piled inside, and Millicent pulled the door closed. Cyndee was peering up at the sky and out the windows from time to time, and Drew looked at her mildly concerned.

The ride was a bumpy one.

Once they'd all gotten off and arrived at the Great Hall, the river of students flooded into their seats.

She noticed that Harry and Ron were nowhere to be found. In their place were the strangest rumours. Something about a rabid salamander, a flying car, and a fluffy pink bathrobe.

On top of Harry Potter getting even more attention, Drew was angered to find out that Eliza and Isabell had become best friends. Not only that, but they were sitting not too far from her.

They giggled and smirked at various people in the Hall, with Isabell loudly calling the Sorting Hat a gnarly and dense old hat for everyone to hear.

Isabell was the reason Eliza got landed in the Hospital Wing, and they had had a huge argument when Eliza was changing rooms. How could they even become friends?

Drew scowled and clenched her fists until Wilby leaned over and told her Eliza looked like she had barf on the edge of her sleeve.

She had probably laughed a little too hard at that. Anyway, Eliza stared at her with half-rage and half-confusion, up until Drew pointed at her sleeve. That was when it turned into half-embarrassment and half-denial.

While Skull angrily hissed that the substance on her sleeve was definitely not puke but "something else," the Sorting Hat began its yearly song:

"You might call me a gnarly dense old hat
but my years of knowledge rebel against that

I'm centuries old and have yet to be wrong
so lend some trust to the thinking cap!

Welcome to those I saw just arrive
come learn how I pick the place you'll thrive

just put me on and I'll do the rest
I've only done this a hundred lives

Perhaps you'll be in Ravenclaw,
where wisdom's not a flaw

oh there'll never be a puzzle
their minds won't quickly solve

Enter Gryffindor if it's for you
and you're plucky through and through

no obstacle proves too frightening
for the house of fearless youths

Perhaps in Slytherin you'll find your own
those wily souls use crafty tones

with naught but desire to reach their goals
they're the best leaders the world will know

Or join quiet and patient Hufflepuff
the diamonds in the rough

be careful not to mess with one

they're loyal and they're tough

So come on up and do not fret!
put me on and we'll have a chat!"

The Great Hall rang with applause as the Hat finished its song. Isabell was pink with embarrassment from being called out at the beginning.

"Different song," Drew noticed as she clapped.

"It never sings the same one," Pansy Parkinson told her. She was an okay person. Despite having thoughtlessly teased numerous people, she didn't seem to hate blood traitors or Gryffindors that much. At least, she only did mean things when Draco Malfoy was around.

The Sorting was quite boring. There was one boy, Colin Creeper or something, who was so excited he fell off his chair when the Hat declared him Gryffindor. He'd gotten up unfazed, and proceeded to wave at Harry Potter like they were two miles away.

Luna Lovegood politely complimented the Hat before she put it on. Once she was Sorted into Ravenclaw, she patted it and glided to her seat, pulling out a magazine.

Ginny Weasley was the last (Gryffindor, like the rest of the Weasley carrots), and Professor Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement.

"Good evening to you all!" he declared. "To the new, welcome! And to the old, welcome back! I'd like to first introduce Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, who will be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

Everyone clapped to welcome this horrible man, and a large number of girls were sighing and missing their hands while they clapped.

Drew looked to see how Wilby was taking this. He wasn't disgusted at all and was just clapping politely and smiling like he always did. He turned, saw her looking, and went pink for some reason.

Turning back, she saw Lockhart give Hermione a wink and point at his right hand, implying the unheard words of Thanks but I didn't need your help.

Granger blushed and hid her face in her robes.

The feast finally began with the Headmaster's words, "Bedfordshire! Clanger! Masala!"

* ° * ° *

Unsurprisingly, Defence Against the Dark Arts started out terribly. Drew could feel the atmosphere change to one fitting of an arrogant snob the second she walked through the door.

Lockhart passed out a quiz that had the most ridiculous questions about him. She looked around the room and saw that practically everyone was stunned.

Except most of the girls, and this one random Lockhart fanboy. They were speeding through them like obsessive lovesick cheetahs.

Harry Potter was looking especially annoyed, and he made no move towards his quill.

Malfoy was flat-out revolted, and he tore his paper in half.

This was how Drew answered some of them:

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?

Stupidity, because he wears it often. It's all around him, really

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

To have his single brain cell multiply.

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

What achievements?

8. What does Gilderoy Lockhart's hair smell like?

I don't know about hair, but the poor squirrel on his head reeks of strawberry poison.

13. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's morning routine?

First, he puts on his ugliest clothes to hide his flab. Then he bleaches his teeth. Then he plucks his 6-inch nose hairs. Then he feeds the squirrel on his head.

21. What did Gilderoy Lockhart do to heroically get rid of a cursed mummy?

Sing.

35. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's most famous catchphrase?

"My mum dropped me on purpose."

48. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite way to travel?

The old fashioned Lockhart way, which is to take his broom and ▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉

Drew scooted over and glanced over at Wilby's paper. It was totally empty, and his expression was equally blank. He was just staring at the parchment with wide eyes and chewing his quill.

"Dimwad," she teased, "I remember everything." She threw him her paper. He looked at it for a minute and let out a weird shriek that was an obvious attempt of laughing and then trying to stop himself midway through.

The idiotic Lockhart mistook this for a scream of delight and worship, and smiled warmly at him. Then he began collecting papers, and Wilby quickly passed hers back.

"Tut-tut," the pesky professor chided, rifling through them. "Hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti..."

He continued flipping through the papers and telling everyone the answers. Drew could easily tell when he reached hers, because his fingers froze and he glanced up at her in an anxious manner. He quickly went on to the next person's, "...Miss Eliza Skull missed just one question...but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care products — good girl! In fact, full marks!"

Drew found herself hating Granger for liking such a narcissist.

"And so—to business," he lifted a large heavy cage onto his desk. It was covered but looked quite promising. "Now be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind!"

He went on ceaselessly, praising the danger of the creature in the cage, and assuring them all of his expertise and their safety. Drew already knew he must be a great wizard; she'd heard a lot about him from hallway chatter. But really, there was no real need to go on for ages about how skilled you were.

Finally, Lockhart gripped the cover. He said in a slow and deep voice, "I must ask you not to scream...it might provoke them."

The entire class held its breath, and he whipped off the sheet.

"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."

Drew's snort was drowned out by the burst of laughter that left Seamus Finnigan's mouth, and even Lockhart couldn't mistake that for a scream of terror. Seamus choked and managed, "Well they're not—they're not very—dangerous, are they?"

It was true. The cage contained small pixies about eight inches high and electric blue. Their voices were so shrill it was like listening to one of Jinx's yowling whenever she threw a fit for attention.

Lockhart waggled an irritating finger at Seamus, "Don't be so sure! Devilish little blighters they can be. Let's see what you make of them!"

He opened the cage with absolutely no words about what they were supposed to do.

It was utter chaos. They shot in every direction like bright blue missiles, and several launched themselves straight through the windows, showering the back row with broken glass.

"Agh!" Drew stood up and shook off the sharp glass. The pixies were everywhere. Stealing belongings, tearing books, showering people with ink, throwing quills like darts, and hurling things out the broken window. Neville had been carried up to swing from the iron chandelier.

"Why is it always me?" he wailed.

Eliza, Isabell, and Parvati Patil were the first to retreat out of the classroom in a panic. The rest cowered under the desks.

"Come on now!" the slow-acting teacher cried desperately. "They're only pixies! Peskipiski Pesternomi!"

The spell had absolutely no effect whatsoever. A pixie snatched up his wand and tossed that through the window, too.

Drew picked up her things, "Come on Wilby, this class is the culmination of idiocy."

They raced out the door, dodging a rogue wastebasket. Pretty soon Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the only ones left inside.

"What a joke," Isabell scowled. Pansy nodded, and Drew for once agreed with de Montmorency.

Malfoy cursed to his friends while Lockhart raced down the hallway screaming. "Can you believe this man? I'll have him fired! My father will hear about this..."

"Your father hears about everything, it seems," Drew commented, "but have you heard from him?"

Malfoy gave her a dirty look that she ignored.

Glass was still in her hair, and Wilby tried to brush them off without cutting her scalp. To their surprise, Cyndee came over to help. Maybe she was embarrassed and wanted to make up for her meltdown on the train.

"Thanks," Drew said, warming her tone. Cyndee flashed a tiny smile.

And the three of them went down to the Slytherin Dungeons to wait for the next hopefully-less-pointless class.

Omg the song took an hour for me to write

Hope you liked it though ^_^